Random Thought Spawned By TikTok: Successful Multigenerational Parenting Should Take Notes From Star

Random thought spawned by TikTok: Successful multigenerational parenting should take notes from Star Trek.

The captain and first officer are the command team: they decide (within reason) where the ships going, how fast it moves, how it gets there etc. They call the shots and the buck stops with them. They are ultimately responsible for the ship. And they may switch roles as the situation calls for it, with first officer becoming captain as needed, but at the end of the day they operate as a team.

These are the parents.

But if you’ve set up your village correctly, they can be the bridge crew. Experts in their field, ready with advice, options and to provide support. Sometimes the captain shouldn’t make a decision before checking in with one of them for their knowledge or advice. But no matter what advice they get, the command crew should be confident in making their decisions because it’s what they think is best. They’ll have to justify it later if the admiralty have questions, so they need to be sure of their choices regardless of who gave what advice.

And if you’re a member of the bridge crew (looking at you Grandparents) you need to accept that you’re not in the command chair. You might give your expert opinion and advice on a situation, but the captain is likely getting advice from multiple people and their decision probably takes all that advice into consideration. You (the navigation officer) might think the course forward is obvious, but another expert (the communications officer) has more information for the captain which you’re not privy to which informs the command teams decision.

And once the captain has made a decision, you can’t contest it. Like the ref in any sports game, their call is final.

For the ship to sail smoothly, the bridge crew needs to work as one, and support the command teams decision. And yeah, sometimes the captain is going to make a bad call. But then you debrief afterwards and learn where you went wrong. What should the command team do differently next time? How should they weigh or value different peoples expertise or advice?

As the bridge crew, you’re there to support command. Advise and inform yes, but ultimately to aid command so they can make the hard calls.

And giving them honest advice, to the best of your knowledge, and then aiding them once they’ve made a decision? That makes them more likely to turn to you again in the future.

And we can take it a step further - sometimes the command crew will be away from the helm, maybe injury or personal reasons. And they’ll need to appoint someone else (‘Sulu, you have the con’). They’re only going to pass that command to someone they trust can handle the responsibility. If you’re constantly questioning or overriding their decisions, how likely are they to trust you in the captains chair?

The ship works best when the whole bridge crew work as one. Every person is a valued member of the team, and at the end of the day the ship is the priority.

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Don’t know how well I articulated this but the analogy wouldn’t leave my mind…

Those executives at Netflix BETTER be talking to one another ‘cause if the Head of RomCom (or whatever) who oversaw One Day isnt pitching this for another adaption to the Head of Original Kdrama’s….

Like the LONGING. The SLOW BURN. The CLASS DIVIDE.

The women of this show give me life.

Woman? Is that meant to insult me? I would return the slap, if I took you for a man.

Just attended a public lecture on some of the dangers and concerns with OpenAI (ready to be informed!) and the two men on the panel were introduced as First Name- Last Name- Job while the two women were not given the courtesy of a profession, and instead were minimised and miss-introduced.

‘This is Joe Blogs who is a lecturer and teacher’ vs ‘this is Jane, a sociologist’

‘This is John Doe, a reporter who’s written several books’ vs ‘ this is Betty and she is .. a social media… expert?’ I’m a social psychologist’

So if I wanted to follow up afterwards or thought one of them made good points I should Google ‘Jane Sociologist’ and pray the one I want is there?? Nice way to show which people you think we should know more about…

My god, at least give your panelist’s the FACADE of equal consideration and attention.

Loving the complexity of Madeline Ushers character: a woman who declares she doesn’t want to be limited by men, who’s life is defined at every turn by the decisions and actions of her brother.

……

Madeline Usher is doomed by her attachment to her brother, and it is the root of all her eventual pain.

When Verna offers them the deal, it’s Roderick who ‘charges forward, straight at it’ and accepts the terms despite the fact that the only ‘next generation’ they current have are his kids. Madeline agrees afterwards but only once Rodrick makes it know he is already in. I don’t think she’d have gone for it if he had objected, she’s always had a very ‘both of us or neither’ kind of attitude.

And then she is as much these kids parent (from what we have seen) as Roderick is. Granted we see next to nothing of the kids biological mothers so we have to assume they weren’t very involved (either by their choice or other circumstance) with their kids after Rodrick got his claws into them.

That first scene when we meet Perry Madeline and Roderick are equally dismissive of him, but she is the one asking questions and prompts: you’ve had a year to come up with an idea, is this it or is there more? How are you going to make this successful? Why will your pitch be different? She even asks Roderick to jump in ‘anytime now’ to help her handle this train wreck. And Rodrick has just received the news he’s dying but I think it’s telling that Perry is looking at both of them for validation, for support. They are equally intimidating but equally supporting him.

With Camille we don’t get 1-2-1 interactions between her and her father (despite her own obsession with winning his approval) but we do get a scene with Madeline. After Perry’s death Camille lobbies to be given the power to lead the family’s PR response, and Madeline takes her seriously and asks what she would do. When Camille lays out her plan it’s Madeline who gives a proud nod of approval and okays her actions.

Leo unfortunately gets no parental interactions from either senior Usher. Victorine only gets it right at the end just before her monstrous actions are revealed. Otherwise all she gets from Roderick is pressure and the interactions of an investor, not a father.

Tammy gets the most parental interaction from Madeline, which is tragic as she’s trying to show her father that she can be the heir to his empire. But her aunt is the one who shows up to her presentation, who gives her the pep talk, consoles Tammy (in her own way) about the failure of her marriage, who believes Tammy when she is terrified by someone in the crowd.

Frederik is always focused on his father so Madeline doesn’t get many moments with him, but again Roderick is more of a CEO or boss than a father: focused on how to protect the company, how to secure the future. Little to no concern or support to his son as he mourns his wife’s injuries, as he deals with his siblings deaths, as he takes on more pressure from the world and the family. Roderick only mourns his son (as opposed to his heir) after Fredrick is dead.

Added to this: the security on all the kids? Madeline arranges it. When more kids die? We see Madeline demand it be doubled. She’s the only one still fighting for them, fighting fate itself.

With Lenore we see more interactions with her and Roderick but her interactions with Madeline are just as sweet and show a close, loving relationship. Lenore even calls her Granny Madeline. And Madeline is the one planning to preserve Lenore via AI: this must have been the main reason she begged Roderick to kill himself. Not to save her to but to spare Lenore. What’s the bet that she started working on the AI project in earnest when Morelle announced she was pregnant?

Madeline tracks down the supernatural entity they made a deal with and tries to negotiate a new deal: again (now we know the original terms) this is likely for Lenore’s benefit, not hers. She faces down a power far beyond herself and tries to save or protect what’s left of her family. Not Roderick.

Madeline took steps to preserve and protect her nieces and nephews, and grand niece while her brother did next to nothing. Once you know the nature of their deal with Verna, Roderick’s attitude to his remaining children after they remember who Verna is is just baffling.

Madeline even makes reference to birth control that she took on the off chance the deal was real. She says to Tammy that she didn’t want children with her first husband and hasn’t since, but she has been a mother to Rodericks kids. This lack of biological motherhood hasn’t spared her for the heartbreak of loosing a child. Or a grandchild.

And it’s even the decision of a man (again her brother) which is going to end her family’s legacy in another way. His marriage to Juno, his treatment of her, his denial of her fight to get clean and his horrible reference to himself as Victor Frankenstein and Juno as his monster - this is what pushes her to sign away the company when she inherits it. Madeline speaks about the board choosing her and moving the company away from pharmaceuticals, into the fields of AI and tech. Sure Madeline then died but a lot of the groundwork was likely there, and it could have been a possible path for the company. If Juno didn’t inherit it all and break it apart. Because of Roderick, and the way he treated her. Once again Madeleine’s legacy is destroyed by her brothers actions.

The irony of 1970’s Madeline declaring she doesn’t want to be limited by men’s choices or by a man, taking steps to protect her self and her heart, focussing her work on things outside of medical drugs in the hope that one day that can be what they become known for… then being doomed to more heartbreak and failure by every one of her brothers careless actions is so sadly tragic.

This is for the dirt stained beauty queen sleepers made of resilience and dollar store glitter. ~

~ ….the girls applying eye shadow in the reflections of the storefront windows, unfazed by every person who walks past and dares to roll their eyes. there is something holy about girls so dedicated to melody that they give up their basic needs for it. ~

~…holding hands with one another, screaming the words to a song that saved their life or makes them happy or maybe just reminds them of how beautiful it is to be alive….~

~ … how absolutely wonderful it is to sing in a crowd that knows every key change by heart. the girls that have only ever been a part of something bigger than themselves. ~

~…the girls that wave pride flags and kiss their partners and hand out hair ties like they’re compliments.~

~the girls that trade water with strangers, lips to lips to lips, trusting that everyone here is safe because they are, they have to be, how else would they have gotten through the door?~

~this is for the girls who look discomfort in the face until it backs away in shame.~

- ODE FOR THE GIRLS THAT CAMP OUT FOR CONCERTS. - Caitlin Conlon

Argh the hypocrisy, misogyny and wilful misunderstanding around women as fans is so infuriating!

Matt Rife wants to ‘assure’ people that he doesn’t ‘cater to women’ in his new comedy special. If so that is a fucking *stupid* decision.

Because if you’re an artist then a largely female fan base is a great marker for success.

Some of the most successful global artists right now? Taylor Swift. BTS (and K-pop to a greater extent). Harry Styles. Beyoncé.

The majority of their fanbase? Female.

IMPORTANT: I’m NOT saying men don’t love/support/consume these artists, or that they shouldn’t. Huge numbers of men love and support these artists, and they should continue to do so. I’m stating that the majority of these fanbases are made up of women.

And women show up for you as an artist, on every metric which currently tracks ‘success’. They stream your songs/interviews/skits; they buy your album/record/dvd; they fight over tickets and pay astronomical fees to see you live; they tune into your award shows/guest stars; they watch your movies/documentaries; they post about you and your activities; and they go to bat for you in arenas you aren’t even aware of.

The colleague at work who heard a BTS song on the radio? Oh yeah, it can be intimidating if you don’t know who they are, here let me help you understand more and show you their best attributes and why you might like to learn more.

The family member who doesn’t ‘get’ why this singer is all over their TV? No worries, let me explain their songs and why they resonate, how they connect with their fans and why they’re incredibly talented.

And when ‘real’ artists are brought up to compare them against, not only do they pick an artist who’s peak years were decades ago, they try to rewrite history.

‘Yeah they might be successful but they’re not the Beatles!’ Okay so you see the Beatles as legitimate, successful, global artists with talent. Shall we look at Beatle Mania? A huge part of their success was the women who supported them, who bought their records, showed up to their performances, who funded their financial success and drove their pop culture relevance.

‘Yes they’re a good singer but they’re not Elvis!’. Oh are you referring to ‘The Hips’ who’s gyrating style of dancing ‘drove women wild’? Who’s success in music meant he was *able* to make movies and tour the country. The women who consumed his music, came to his shows, followed his personal life in the news, who watched his movies - they’re the ones who financed his life. Guys wanted to be Elvis, to dress like him, because women loved him.

Why is having a majority female audience seen to delegitimise you as an artist? When they are the ones who got you to where you are now, why are they suddenly not good enough?