Youre Running, But Youre Not Running Fast Enough. The Left Tackle Is Trailing, Just Back From A One Game

You’re running, but you’re not running fast enough. The left tackle is trailing, just back from a one game suspension for swallowing a rival player at the 10 yard line. Should you really chance it? You’re at 15 now and you look back to see that lion of a man gaining fast, helmet off, practically with his tongue hanging out. Up You could fumble and fulfill the predator’s wishes, but this touchdown decides the game. If you screw this up you could just as easily end up your team captain’s consolation meal. Besides if you fumble your opponent might just decide he’s hungry and eat you anyways. You guess it’s best to go out in a blaze of glory. You had second guessed joining the football team, fearing this, but you were sweet talked into signing for a chance at finishing college debt free. A seemingly great investment for a future you now won’t get. You pass the 5. You’re gonna make it after all! But then you feel yourself trip. As your arms hit the ground your ankles feel wet and you realize you are just meat

Wow that was a close one. The guy in orange was so focused on holding him down he almost went straight up the other guy’s ass. Gotta pay attention. It’s easy to scoff, but both ports of entry can prove lethal

Getting right in there!

I like big guts and I cannot lie

You other brothers can’t deny

When a guy walks in with that look on his face

Like he owns the whole damn place

You get sprung, ‘cause he acts so tough

And you notice that gut is stuffed

Deep in the clothes he’s wearing

I’m hooked and I can’t stop starring

Baby, I wanna get in ya

I can be ya dinner

My homeboys try to warn me

But that bod you’ve got makes me so horny

Hey, alpha frat bro

I heard you’re hungry for a meal

Well eat me, eat me

Take me to that great round belly

I’ve seen you dining

To hell with surviving

Your pot’s, hot

It’s what the other guys haven’t got

I’m tired of magazines

Saying flat abs are the thing

Take the average prey boy and ask him that

He’s gotta pack much fat

So you bro, yes you bro

Take me to your vast beyond

So eat me, eat me and digest until I’m gone

Turn me to fat

Up Man?

What’s Up Man?

Yeah send help. I was filming this underwear commercial and I cracked so many cringy jokes the model swallowed me whole

Jonas Sulzbach

No one will notice one classmate missing, he figures

just the beginning…

You think they’re all looking at you like you’re fresh meat

Ever stop to consider that for them you are

In the military that phrase is far more literal than you’d hope