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assassin’s thneed

by Brendon Burton

neither a good girl nor a good boy but a third secret thing

yall ever get emotional thinking about the rosetta stone

finally got to sit down and read this. as a little treat to me.

it’s the spot on tone, it’s the vibe. kass is such a tricky character to capture bc she’s simultaneously godly, untouchable… &a bleeding fucking heart who would sooner lay down her blade than allow harm to come to you. it’s you knowing EXACTLYhow to speak through her lips for me.

i am living inside ur words - in character and such clear imagery!!!! your kass loves so deeply. i adore the little details you included - the reader feels less like an insert, and more like she was there all along. thank YOU for this

Please, please, please, can we have some Kassandra smut headcanons?

*checks calendar* ahhh! this has been a work in progress for a little over two months. i was never quite happy with where i was headed for the longest time, but i've finally decided to just finish this off and get it over with. i hope you enjoy. ♡

kassandra smut headcanons

18+ // as always, minors/men do NOT interact

✦ i feel like sex with the misthios would be a breathtaking experience (literally)

✦ she loves to be on top, especially when she’s able to hover over you and admire the view… her eyes locking onto yours as her hips relentlessly jut forward and drive the olisbos as deep as she desires, hoping to hear the sweet sounds that are the fuel to her fire

✦ she’s a misthios, so being rough is her forte… and while she does maintain that in bed, she also makes sure to complement her brute force with the occasional gentle stride

✦ expect lots of tender kisses anywhere that she can reach - an act that you’ve grown to love just as much as her taking her pent-up aggression out on your body 

✦ just imagine: you’re on your back as kassandra holds both of your hands above your head. her breathing becomes ragged as she grunts praises to you, all the while rearranging your insides

let’s talk about occasion…

✦ when i say that this woman is always in the mood… she is always in the mood. and it doesn’t help that she is absolutely crazy about you… ✨ passion ✨

✦ one evening, she came back to your place after investigating a lead to a powerful mercenary. as soon as she stepped through the doorway, the sight of you preparing some pastries was enough to make her snap and immediately bend you over a nearby surface (there was flour everywhere)

extra fluff ahead

✦ she can get protective and will absolutely teach you how to defend yourself if you need it… but do not expect it to always be genuine teaching moments. she will find all sorts of excuses to get into your chiton (she has also been known to reward your efforts with her mouth)

✦ sometimes, you can hardly get through actual training without being pinned against a nearby surface as kassandra explores the temple that is your body (either way, you both win)

✦ and the training is not because she thinks you’re incapable of protecting yourself!

✦ she unfortunately knows first-hand how dangerous the world can be and would hate for anything to happen to you

✦ eventually, she became confident enough that you would fare mostly unscathed without her. however, she still preferred that she accompany you on rigorous missions. i mean, how much safer can you get than to be by the side of your deific lover?

✦ going on missions together even led to a tradition that you both honor any chance you get 

✦ one that you would never tell anyone about… (although she might) 

✦ you would clear out an area and notice that smug look (one she happily flashed) appear on her face as she beckoned you closer to her

✦ a misthios has to be prepared for any and all scenarios - anything from winning the favor of a pirate queen to indulging in the occasional impromptu makeout sesh with her lover

✦ and it did not matter where you were and who was around (perhaps she is a little sadist)

✦ one moment, she was spearing her way through enemy defences and then the next, she was spearing you on her olisbos

✦ the weight of the world felt lighter on her shoulders as soon as your fingernails dug into them

✦ it became an obsession - to hear your sweet moans as she hit the right spot inside of you, to drown herself in the divine honey that would seep once she did it well enough, and to allocate her time into ensuring that these cycles remained endless… truly a necessity

✦ worshipping your body is a given; kassandra would take one look at you and swear she was blessed by the gods

✦ her reactions may comprise of taking you in a temple and having you scream her name like a prayer, among other things…

blurb

you unsheathed your daggers as you followed kassandra closely towards the bandit camp. kassandra stopped in her tracks before you got too close and looked up at ikaros, who gave a call of approval to proceed. kassandra grabbed her bow from its position on her back and you both slowly approached the opening between the stakes surrounding the base. she readied her weapon and aimed it towards a far-away enemy. before releasing the arrow, she caught your attention and motioned you towards a scout who was observing the perimeter. carefully, you snuck up behind him and took him out, hiding his body in a nearby bush. you popped out once the immediate coast was clear and kassandra followed swiftly behind. you both proceeded to take out all other enemies in sight with your ranged weapons. once you were sure it was safe, ikaros gave a call to warn of a nearby treasure and you both followed the signal. as you approached the treasure, a rogue bandit attempted to sneak up behind you but ikaros swooped in at the right time and attacked him. you looked around again for good measure and concluded that you and kassandra were alone. you headed towards a large tent that housed the treasure you sought. upon entering the tent, kassandra scanned the room and then turned to you with her famous smug look. you glanced back at her with a puzzled expression and she drew your attention towards a nearby table in the corner of the tent. you felt a blush come across your face as she grabbed your hand and led you towards the table. once you were both in front of it, she turned you around so that your back was against it. she moved her hands to cradle your face and placed a kiss upon your lips. without saying a word, she moved her lips to your neck and began littering kisses all over your exposed skin. she leaned down and hooked her arms underneath your thighs, picking you up and then placing you onto the table. you wrapped your arms around her neck as she returned her lips to yours. your legs wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer to you as you both drank each other’s moans.

…and that’s how a simple retrieval mission can turn sultry. 

god forbid anybody dare question the two of you, insinuating that you don’t value their time or money… kassandra will have none of it. 

“tell me,” she’ll say as she steps closer to them. you make sure to stay close behind should anything go wrong. “if your lover were as divine as mine, wouldn’t you spend all of your free-time pleasing her?” the nervous employer would meet your gaze for a quick second before kassandra closes the gap even further. “it’s only right for me to give my thanks to this goddess as she accompanies me on missions. it’s also a bonus to christen our new bases.”

author’s note: if you’ve made it this far, ilysm. i hope you have a lovely day/afternoon/evening/night. 💗✨

I want a shirt that’s like those y2k blinged out baby ts but it says butch bait in rhinestones

me parting the red sea of cool gifsets to find the cum inflation reader inserts

me in the fandom tag wading through a thousand omegaverse, yandere, cum inflation reader insert fics in order to find a cool gifset i saw 3 years ago

uwuing is not a victimless crime

her when she 😦😐😮

kassandra ✨

i love lesbians. lesbian lesbian lesbian lesbian lesbian lesbian lesbian

💗💕💖 for being kind and lovely, have a kiss on the forehead! pass it on to 10 people 💖💕💗

💖🧡💓💙💖🖤💘💚❣️💜💓❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥💙💗 oh these??? these are my uwus. all for you

sword lesbian this gun bisexual that. what about the axe lesbian

9 people i want to get to know better!!! ft formatting on mobile 😍🙏

(thank u again fellow icarly ASMR enjoyer 💕 @xthescarletbitch)

last song: the entirety of kate bush’s “the dreaming”, specifically pull out the pin

last show: alone on the history channel (i love trees)

currently watching: alone on the history channel but the next season (i love trees)

currently reading: several things due to the untreated adhd!!!! the picture of dorian gray, the way the crow flies, anansi’s boys

current obsession: mainlining abby since 2020 but the recent additions of eivor, kass + sevika have really spiced things up

sorry to tag ppl who have already been tagged. but i really mean it (ง’̀-‘́)ง @twdimagining @retronamic @losingherface @mrsdanirojas @tlouflicksvp @alcinas-darling @misspearly1 @idwtet @bvibrato 🌬💕

Nine People I Want To Get To Know Better~!!

Thank you for the tag darling💗: @gabrielsellesty

Last song: Renegade - Aaryan Shah

Last show: “กรงกรรม” It’s a Thai television series and I am OBSESSED

Currently watching: Not watching any shows at the moment

Currently reading: Last Night At The Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo

Current obsession: How To Train Your Dragon lmao lowkey wanna have a dragon pet + Toothless is adorable

Tagging💗: @chrysanthemumwrld @kingofzaun @thehoundwrites @sevikasmainwhore @sevikasangel @cassifictional @alcinas-darling @sxpphicfxiry @sevikaspillowprincess

thinks about canon she/they eivor

cannot emphasize how much i have been thinking about this for 2 days and 2 nights. oh m god

Author’s Note: Hello all, this has been in the works for quite a while! Like half a year, but I’ve finally figured out where I want to go with it, what the plot is, etc.. This is a 2 part prologue, I like it I feel like it gives a good build up to when we actually see Eivor. It may not be what you were expecting but I like it! Enjoy and let me know what you think!

AO3 link - here

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lesbianism is a gift and a virtue. sapphic love is wonderful. having a deep understanding of women is delightful.

sapphic sexual attraction is amazing, sapphic romantic attraction great, and sapphic alterous attraction is incredible.

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I wish all writers who haven’t been able to write in a long time bc of depression a very I love u and I promise u will write again

diversity win! the viking burning your monastery is a lesbian

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1. Train to Busan (2016) dir. Yeon Sang-ho 2. The 100 1x01 - “Pilot” (2014) dir. Bharat Nalluri 3. Manifest Destiny #5 (2014) written by Chris Dingess, art by Matthew Roberts & Owen Gieni / 4. The Low, Low Woods #1 (2020) written by Carmen Maria Machado, art by Dani 5. Hannibal 1x05 - “Coquilles” (2013) dir. Guillermo Navarro 6. Annihilation (2018) dir. Alex Garland 7. Princess Mononoke (1997) dir. Hayao Miyazaki 8. The Ritual (2017) dir. David Bruckner 9. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt illustration by Marek Madej / 10. Fallout 4 concept art by Ray Lederer 11. Hannibal 3x02 - “Primavera” (2015) dir. Vincenzo Natali 12. Get Out (2017) dir. Jordan Peele [Deleted Scene]

Eivor Photo Dump

I love rivers. all the lore and mythology about rivers is real. they’re all big and powerful and can kill people, and they are very judgmental. but they can also if they want just strip you of all wrongdoing. and that’s where salmon and frogs live

Listen my dudes Ancient Egypt existed for a really fuckass long time. Literally just Pharaonic civilization lasted 3,000 years. That’s not even including predynastic civilization and Roman rule. If you lump that in you’re looking at more like… 5,000 years. Like. If you want a comparison of how long that is: THE YEAR IS CURRENTLY 2018. TWO THOUSAND. TWO-THIRDS OF ANCIENT EGYPTIAN PHARAONIC CIVILIZATION HAVE HAPPENED SINCE THE ‘BIRTH OF JESUS CHRIST’ We comparatively just entered the Third Intermediate Period. The Greeks will not take over for another 700~ years. Cleopatra will not be born until the year 2931.

It’s a really long time guys.

Instead of christmas music stores should play tracks off of kate bush's hit 1985 album "hounds of love"