Looking For Feedback/ Constructive Criticism

Looking for feedback/ constructive criticism

Feeling

She makes me feel

Like a room full of sunlight,

Warm tea mixed with honey.

She makes me feel

Like there is a hammer in my chest

Slamming against my ribs

And shattering them

In an attempt to reach her.

She makes me feel

Like flowers are blooming inside of me

Like hope is cradled in my hands.

She makes me feel

Like I am looking through

A fogged up window pane,

Hazy glass difficult to see through.

I can no longer discern my reflection.

I am afraid I’m losing sight of who I am.

(She makes me feel

Like the embodiment of heartbreak

Like I will never stop closing in on myself

Like I will never stop fading.)

She makes me feel

Like I am worthy of love,

Like I am capable of being loved.

Like I can finally learn

What I have been trying to teach myself

For far too long.

She makes me feel

Like I am made of fault lines.

Like there are earthquakes inside

That threaten to rip me apart.

Because even thinking of her

Makes my hands shake

And I don’t know if it’s because of

Anxiety or anticipation.

She makes me feel

Like a campfire burning,

Like art,

Like poetry,

Like s’mores and shooting stars.

If anyone wants to give me any feedback or constructive criticism on this poem I would greatly appreciate it! I hope anyone who reads this has a wonderful day tomorrow! 💛

Sometimes it’s hard for me to write. Not because I have nothing to say, but because I have too much. Thoughts race and chase each other through my head and alongside them ideas and stories. I have to untwist them, measure them until I find one that has substance. That‘s why I find writing a challenge—I have the words and expressions at my disposal, and literary terms I have plenty of, but it is the thoughts themselves that evade me. The plans and plots turning through my cavernous mind, hidden for the most part, emerging only for a second, ten things at once and my brain gets too crowded and I lose the ideas, lose my train of thought, lose any ability I have gained, any knowledge obtained from practice. I forget how to string words together and how to express any emotion. I forget how to write.

Blanketed in the shade from a forest of redwoods,

Their footsteps crunching along the path.

How they’ve missed this place—

Somewhere they once called home.

How they missed each other—

Someone they once called home.

A place and person they once loved

(Still want to love)

Intertwined in the most basic of ways:

Through memory.

They no longer dare to dream

Of changing their pasts.

Which is logical,

But they have also given up

On their present

And on their futures

Which is unadvisable.

They will regret it.

Don’t lose each other.

Don’t lose this place.

Try not to suffer

This painful fate

That belongs to far too many.

Loss is inevitable,

But make an effort anyway.

Please.

They are too small to realize they can stop it

Too small to see us watching

“Love each other”

We want to shout.

The stench of life is in our lungs

Watching this survivor’s tale.

They don’t listen to us.

They won’t.

They never have.

They never will.

But, unlike them,

We won’t give up.

It is too late.

We know.

But we will always try.

A huge thank you to everyone who commented and reblogged this. Your feedback is greatly appreciated!! You’re all wonderful, and I wish you happy New Years!

Feeling

She makes me feel

Like a room full of sunlight,

Warm tea mixed with honey.

She makes me feel

Like there is a hammer in my chest

Slamming against my ribs

And shattering them

In an attempt to reach her.

She makes me feel

Like flowers are blooming inside of me

Like hope is cradled in my hands.

She makes me feel

Like I am looking through

A fogged up window pane

Hazy glass difficult to see through.

Like I am losing sight of myself.

She makes me feel

Like I am worthy of love,

Like I am capable of being loved.

Like I can finally learn

What I have been trying to teach myself

For far too long.

She makes me feel

Like I am made of fault lines.

Like there are earthquakes inside

That threaten to rip me apart.

Because even thinking of her

Makes my hands shake.

In her absence I feel

All of the bad.

But in her presence,

With her words,

She makes me feel

Like a campfire burning,

Like art,

Like poetry,

Like s’mores and shooting stars.

—VK

// Sunday, December 30, 2018

Looking for feedback/ constructive criticism

Feeling

She makes me feel

Like a room full of sunlight,

Warm tea mixed with honey.

She makes me feel

Like there is a hammer in my chest

Slamming against my ribs

And shattering them

In an attempt to reach her.

She makes me feel

Like flowers are blooming inside of me

Like hope is cradled in my hands.

She makes me feel

Like I am looking through

A fogged up window pane,

Hazy glass difficult to see through.

I can no longer discern my reflection.

I am afraid I’m losing sight of who I am.

(She makes me feel

Like the embodiment of heartbreak

Like I will never stop closing in on myself

Like I will never stop fading.)

She makes me feel

Like I am worthy of love,

Like I am capable of being loved.

Like I can finally learn

What I have been trying to teach myself

For far too long.

She makes me feel

Like I am made of fault lines.

Like there are earthquakes inside

That threaten to rip me apart.

Because even thinking of her

Makes my hands shake

And I don’t know if it’s because of

Anxiety or anticipation.

She makes me feel

Like a campfire burning,

Like art,

Like poetry,

Like s’mores and shooting stars.

If anyone wants to give me any feedback or constructive criticism on this poem I would greatly appreciate it! I hope anyone who reads this has a wonderful day tomorrow! 💛

Snippet #2

I've already lost you, more than once.

Hey V! I noticed you hadn't been commenting on Starbound for the past few chapters as you had before, and it looks like you haven't been on Tumblr for a while. Hope everything's alright! I'm not a professional or anything, but if you want to talk about anything, my ask box and messages are always open! Hope to see you soon :)

Thank you so much for checking in! You’re really sweet. I’ve been in a pretty good place mentally, I just needed a break from tumblr and my phone.I was off of tumblr for a while, and I think I realized I was just spending too much time on here, so I’m still not fully back. One thing I really miss is all the amazing writing and art, but I don’t know if I’ll be checking the things I’m tagged in. I love your writing though, and so I’ll try to catch up on everything I’ve missed. All the hugs 💛