Diesel 10: Alright Listen Up, The Current Round Of Winners Will Continue Going Up Against Each Other,

Diesel 10: Alright listen up, the current round of winners will continue going up against each other, winner fights me.

Diesel: And where does that leave me?

Diesel 10: Your joining the loses.

Emily: Can-

Splatter: Don't say a fucking word or I'll blow your head off.

Rosie: Do that and I'll fucking kill you!

Diesel 10: Brave words for someone without a weapon. *Whips out Rosie's gun *

Rosie: What-

Diesel 10: Ha! Such big words for cowardly engines! Once my plan is over, I'll be the new ruler of SODOR!!!!

Percy: World domination? Such an original idea....

Diesel 10: Splodge. Go and grab him.

Percy: Try to find me first idiots! *Instantly vanishes*

Splatter: Where did he go????

Dodge: Whatever, we gotta find him. Boss will kill us if we don't!

*Splatter and Dodge then start running, trying to find Percy*

Oh fuck, oh fuck. I actually ship this pairing. As a serious ship? HELL NO. But as a crackship? HELL YES. 😎

Two idiots (In their own ways) accidentally fall in love with each other and just do shit together.

Ficlet: The One Where Toby is Shipped With, Oh God, I Can't Even Say It

Some good while ago now, I dared everyone to come up with a Toby pairing that I couldn't write for. And @houseboatisland justly took a shot and punished me for my hubris by prompting Toby/Diesel.

FML.

I've since played around with a long kinda angsty non-Sodor piece, an elaborate plotty rom-com where the coaches (knowing Toby has a terrible romantic weaknesses for Complete Dumbasses) set them up, and even this could in theory be extended to a lengthier exploration of how they bonded.

But honestly, I think this rather silly lil' foot-in-mouth first meeting pretty much nails it. I now claim a discharge of the debt.

Warnings for, well, a ship a lot of people will reckon is a NOTP, for mild swearing, a not-terribly-sweet meet-cute, and also this has not been edited at all. At allll.

(If you're wondering... in this 'verse, Henrietta would be partners with Elsie. Yeah, yeah, Diesel is surprised when he finds out, too.)

May 2014

"Oooh, you're here, you're here! Look everyone, it's him!!"

Diesel had never, in his seventy-odd years of life, been given such an enthusiastic greeting as he was by the Ffarquhar quarry diesel.

The bar wasn't even that high. A long time ago, he had abruptly found himself just too damn tired to play politics and be fake-nice and suck up, and since that fateful day he could count everyone who had ever smiled to see him on his six wheels, with a few left over.

And he had never seen anyone beam at him.

"So I'm in the right place," he rumbled, wary.

"That's right!" the other diesel sang. An 04 shunter with her wheels skirted, a very comely one too. Freshly washed, gleaming black fenders, eyelashes for miles. Really she would have been his type exactly... if he'd ever had any interest that way in female engines. "Driver! Toby! C'mon over, he's here!"

A bell clanged. It took Diesel a moment to realise that the bell was attached to an engine. It now clanged over, the strangest thing Diesel had ever seen on the rails. The smallest of the party, and boxy indeed, with a handsome curve roof, and... made of wood?

And in steam?

Diesel blinked as the apparition chuckled. "You could show some manners, Mavis."

"I am mannerly, you old bossy buffers!" The 04 smirked. "It's not me dawdling and making 'im wait!"

"Get on out of here."

"Oh, don't you worry, I will."

They both laughed.

" 'Thank you,'" prompted the odd little engine named Toby, " 'for coming to cover my work while I'm gallivanting off to the coast.'"

"Yep," said Mavis. " 'Thank you, O Cunning Liar of Legend, good luck, be safe, and I'm OFF, sucker!' D'you have a name yet, by the way?" she queried, abruptly changing tacks before Toby could even finish rolling his eyes.

"Mmm-hmm," thrummed the diesel. "It's 'Diesel'."

The 04 grinned with unbreakable good humor. "Well fine yeh old sad sack, you'll fit right in this pokey hole! Listen to the ol' stove-on-wheels here, he's a lot more bearable if you just pretend he knows everything about everything—mind our mobile crane coz she's a right rotter—and don't even bother fueling up at the shed, use the one down line. Manager insists it's all the same but he ain't the one drinking it, is he? Aaand I think that covers it."

"Thanks." It wasn't that he had come back for the (rumble, rumble)th time unprepared to encounter diesels. He knew the dratted island better than that. But in general the Sodor diesels despised him as much as the steamies, in fact usually they were even more suspicious of him. "Where are you off to?"

"Brendam! They're re-doing that rail overpass, so I'm to be the engine on-site for that project, and after that I'll be able to go down into the clay pits and help with the expansion down there. Just for the summer, of course. But I've never gotten to go so far for so long! Christ, I'm going to make such a hash of things," she finished, still elated.

The boxy steam engine smiled at her. "Probably."

"Oh, shuddup!" she scoffed, but then she caught his eye and her expression softened. "Toby..."

She paused, suddenly overcome with emotion, and Toby rolled his eyes again, this time very gently.

"Don't go thanking me now, Mave, your system couldn't handle it. And we can't have you breaking down on your big day."

"Aw, stuff it up your brakepipe, yeh old sod!"

They laughed together.

Diesel was just... there, he reckoned.

Which was just as well because, his mental faculties apparently not what they had once been, he was still trying to process the sight in front of him. This Toby was... a tram engine, he supposed? He had never seen any up close, but he knew that they were all electric. Except this one. Christ, was this some sort of frivolous new-build vanity project for the Sodor locomotive works, or was this an even-weirder-than-usual ancient curiosity of theirs? He was made of wood. Well-varnished wood, in a thick layer to protect it from the elements and grime, but also, he was a steam engine, he ran on a burning fire, how did that even work?

Diesel scarcely noticed that surrounding them was a growing crowd of quarry workers, who had gathered to see Mavis off with much heckling and many warnings that she was to help rebuild a bridge, not to have other engines shoved off it. But at the last moment before she sent down the tramway the jokes turned into well wishes, and Mavis roared off with her engine fighting a chorus of "For she's a jolly good felloooow—!"

Once the racket had died down, the foreman introduced himself to Diesel and Diesel to the men, and gave the engine his orders for the morning.

Diesel hoped his driver, and the Ffarquhar man he was training on his controls, were paying attention. He was not.

After the foreman had left, the steam tram looked over at him. "'Lo," he offered, a little wary, but not unfriendly. "I'm due out, but I'll be here to pick up trucks twice a day. Don't hesitate to ask if you need any advice, engine-to-engine, like... " He frowned a little, puzzled at Diesel's expression. "Well. Any questions, before I go?"

"Yeah." He couldn't help that it flew out of his mouth before he could check it. "Who the hell designed you?"

Toby whooshed heavily.

Then he told him to take a good look at the train Mavis had arranged and to prepare the rest just like it, and clanged away in a huff.

Diesel's driver was doubled over while Toby fussed about backing onto the stone wagons. "Very smooth, mate...!"

"Oh, sod off."

Important stuff for you guys to follow:

The Do’s & Don'ts of interacting w/ content creators, & other people you don’t know well mutually I slapped together for Twitter.

This ended up being more Don'ts than Dos but I feel like people need more help learning what NOT to say once they stray away from simple compliments and questions.

Percy: *Slides to a stop outside a train station* Splodge: Got you now! Percy: You guys think your a match for me? Splatter: *whips out gun*

Percy: Woah! Put the gun down! We can settle this easy.

Dodge: And how? Percy: *pulls out mic* Rap.

Splatter: No we don't rap.

Marklin From the top of the street light: I can.

Percy: How long have you been there?

Marklin: Diesel 10 hired me, so I kept a eye on you. *cocks gun* I don't wanna have to use this, so one rap battle. You win, you go free and I don't work for D10, I win and BLAM THIS PEACEFUL RAP!

Percy: Wait, you can talk?

Marklin Engine: Yeah? The only reason why I didn't was because of Rosie. I used to date her until she broke up with me and went with that Emily instead...

Percy: Dude, get couple counseling. It's not that hard....

Percy: *Looks at me-Wait what?* Listen, you better not use the stupid wheel thing or else everything is going to fall into chaos.

*Dude, of course not! If I did, Diesel 10 would take over this blog*

Percy: Good.

3

2

1

GO! Marklin: You roll the dice, I got you in my sights, I'm cold as ice I'm feeling really nice, yeah! Percy: I'll roll the dice, lives are on the line, we throwing down and soon you'll realize yeah! Marklin: Lets ride my flow is so fly! My bark is as my bite my bars will own the night lets go! Percy: Lets jam a rat-a-tat blam! You think you step to Percy you know who I am come on! Marklin: Let's ride, the moon in the sky, it's cute you just tried but you are losing this fight, lets go!

Percy: I run the line you know I got the beat you ain't good for anything but herding sheep, let's go! Marklin: You're always so dramatic but you flow like asthmatic and my semi automatic is gonna make this night traumatic see? Percy: Feel it in the air throwing raps without care and my raps and claps are gonna make you regret this see!

Marklin: You're always so dramatic but you flow like asthmatic and my semi automatic is gonna make this night traumatic see?

Percy: Same lyrics less effect ain't no one losing yet rocking out now by the roundhouse make you seem like you not loud! Marklin: Sorry to say that you won't make it to the day cause I work while you just play and I'm done with playing nice, yeah!

Percy: Man just move on you know Percy is the bomb put your tail between your legs and beg to be where you belong!

Marklin: You sad crying boy go back to playing with your toys cause when Marklin bring the noise there's a bang then you're destroyed. Percy: I've seen what turns blue, taken shits bigger than you! And your gun fire can't compare to the years I've spent around here!

Marklin: You're always so dramatic but you flow like asthmatic and my semi automatic is gonna make this night traumatic see?

Percy: You're so dramatic but you flow like asthamtic and I just turned your lyrics back on ya see?

Splodge: Who won? You decide!

(Okay. Just to be clear. I am NOT going to use the wheel thing because of the consequences that will happen if Marklin unintentionally wins. I do not want a massive diesel with a mechanic claw taking over my account.)

And with that out of way, the winner of the this rap battle is....

✨🎤PERCY🎤✨

Splatter: What??!?! No fair!!!!

*Oh, and for you, Dodge and Marklin. Meet the block glock*

Dodge: WAIT-

*Splatter, Dodge and Marklin are all removed from the story*

Incorrect Ttte Quotes 281:

Henry: You know what, synonyms are pretty weird. Like, they can change the meaning of a sentence entirely.

Gordon: Henry, please elaborate....

Henry: For example, if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest. That just sounds nice and cozy. But if I invite you to my cabins in the woods, you're gonna die.

Emily: Oh man, I love explaining people the difference between a butt dial and a booty call.

Gordon: Emily my dear, that's called connotations.

James: Well, if you think can't get weirder than that. Try this one for size!

James: "Forgive me sir, I have sinned" vs "Sorry mister, I've been very naughty."

Everybody: ......

Sir Topham Hatt: *Appears behind James* Well, I'm pleased that I have great news for your Mr. Hughes! Language is now banned!

Gordon: James you are diabolical....