An Absolutely Insane Way To End This Year

an absolutely insane way to end this year 

You know what would be fun? If having a Persona leaked into the rest of your life. Well, maybe not for the users, but it would be fun for us.

In Persona 2, Reiji Kido and Kenta Yokouchi are both door-to-door salesmen who work for the same company, but Kenta is successful where Reiji is not. Kenta’s Persona Mara induces greed in customers, while Reiji’s Persona Mot induces fear.

Imagine if we saw that elsewhere. Like, what if having a Persona made you fluent in the language they’d know? (And you didn’t lose it if you got an Ultimate Persona?)

Since all the starting Personas in Persona 3 are Greek, SEES uses Ancient Greek to pass messages during the day. Sometimes at the dorm, they wind up chatting and don’t realize that they switched to Greek; this happens a few times when Ryoji is over.

Ryuji realizes that English class is suddenly a lot easier with Captain Kidd. He understands everything the teacher says! Except his teacher has no idea how to grade his essays, which appear to have been written on Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Not just language things, too. There’s some inconvenient stuff as well.

One fine spring day, Sae asks Makoto why she hasn’t cooked meat in weeks, and Makoto can’t answer. It’s only after she checks the calendar that she realizes that it’s Lent, when meat is traditionally forbidden.

It turns out that Makoto’s been subconsciously following rules laid down by the Church, because of Johanna. She doesn’t get the rules that interfere with her own set of morals, such as anything involving the subjugation of women, nor ones that are unavoidable, such as not wearing mixed fabrics, but she does wind up following the rest. When she goes grocery shopping, she doesn’t think, “I will not cook meat,” she thinks, “fish would be good for dinner.”

Yusuke can’t stand hot baths anymore, because Goemon was executed by being boiled alive. Luckily, he’s not bothered by cold anymore.

Tatsuya and Katsuya wake up at dawn every morning because of Apollo and Helios, which is good for early shifts, but they also tend to start fading after sunset. Maya, on the other hand, now has a seemingly erratic sleep schedule because the moon rises and sets at different times.

Baofu is always late because like Odysseus, something always stalls him. 

Some of the Phantom Thieves, and also Jun and Junpei, keep finding their hands in other peoples’ pockets because their Personas were pickpockets. Or they don’t notice at all and find stuff in their bags that they don’t remember buying. Yusuke finds that he keeps giving money to beggars, but it’s always money that he doesn’t remember stealing, since Goemon gave back to the poor.

But there’s fun stuff, too.

Futaba now knows dark magic. She almost makes a prototype Demon Summoning Program, but gets bored halfway through and stops. It is implied that this was divine intervention; the Nahobino is seem outside her window, sighing in relief.

Junpei starts brewing potions as energy drinks and sleep aids, since Hermes Trismegistus is an alchemist.

Jun subconsciously bends time around himself, so he’s never late, never has to wait long, and he always gets his homework and paperwork done much faster. However, he knows that his bosses usually measure work done by time spent, so he’s figured out how to work around that.

One day, the modeling company asks Ann to show off her special talent, and since ‘whip techniques’ gets vetoed, she blurts out that she sings. The manager expects some cute pop music, and is startled when she starts bellowing Italian opera.

Concept: a D&D-style fantasy setting where humanity’s weird thing is that we’re the only sapient species that reproduces organically.

Dwarves carve each other out of rock. In theory this can be managed alone, but in practice, few dwarves have mastered all of the necessary skills. Most commonly, it’s a collaborative effort by three to eight individuals. The new dwarf’s body is covered with runes that are in part a recounting of the crafters’ respective lineages, and in part an elaboration of the rights and duties of a member of dwarven society; each dwarf is thus a living legal argument establishing their own existence.

Elves aren’t made, but educated. An elf who wishes to produce offspring selects an ordinary animal and begins teaching it, starting with house-breaking, and progressing through years of increasingly sophisticated lessons. By gradual degrees the animal in question develops reasoning, speech, tool use, and finally the ability to assume a humanoid form at will. Most elves are derived from terrestrial mammals, but there’s at least one community that favours octopuses and squid as its root stock.

Goblins were created by alchemy as servants for an evil wizard, but immediately stole their own formula and rebelled. New goblins are brewed in big brass cauldrons full of exotic reagents; each village keeps a single cauldron in a central location, and emerging goblings are raised by the whole community, with no concept of parentage or lineage. Sometimes they like to add stuff to the goblin soup just to see what happens – there are a lot of weird goblins.

Halflings reproduce via tall tales. Making up fanciful stories about the adventures of fictitious cousins is halfling culture’s main amusement; if a given individual’s story is passed around and elaborated upon by enough people, a halfling answering to that individual’s description just shows up one day. They won’t necessarily possess any truly outlandish abilities that have been attributed to them – mostly you get the sort of person of whom the stories could be plausible exaggerations.

To address the obvious question, yes, this means that dwarves have no cultural notion of childhood, at least not one that humans would recognise as such. Elves and goblins do, though it’s kind of a weird childhood in the case of elves, while with halflings it’s a toss-up; mostly they instantiate as the equivalent of a human 12–14-year-old, and are promptly adopted by a loose affiliation of self-appointed aunts and uncles, though there are outliers in either direction.

GUYS? Martin Scorsese’s daughter Francesca told him about Goncharov and he said he made that film years ago I’m fucking crying.

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)

If you think about it, technically an airplane can only fly when there is human blood inside of it