The Circumstances Leading To An Elderly Man Being Hospitalized For Injury To His Groin

The circumstances leading to an elderly man being hospitalized for injury to his groin

A dirty old man from Peru

Asked ” Hi there miss, how do you do?”

Then flashed her his balls,

(She was quite appalled)

“Here’s mine; would you show me yours too?”

The Anatomy of Tom Swifty

A little literary history lesson for you all:

According to Wikipedia and Fun-With-Words, the type of pun known as a "Tom Swifty" derives from an adventure book series about a hero named Tom Swift. In 1910, Edward Stratemeyer invented the character and the series was penned by Stratemeyer and/or a series of ghostwriters (the two sources seemed to disagree) under the pen name Victor Appleton. Regardless, the authors had an aversion to repeating the phrase "he said" or "she said" when writing dialogue and often replaced the simple phrase with a more descriptive, and flowery, alternative. Here are some (pared down) examples from Tom Swift and his Airship:

"Oh, I'm not a professor," he said quickly.

"No professor?" cried Miss Perkman indignantly.

"Say something, Tom — I mean Mr. Swift," appealed Mary Nestor, in a whisper, to our hero.

"I — I don't know what to say," stammered Tom.

This style became iconic and it was easy to parody. The result was a sub-group of Wellerisms (a category of puns) called Tom Swifty. The name itself derives from the oft-used adverb ending "ly" (though it was ultimately shortened to "y").

Now to the heart of the matter:

A Tom Swifty is a carefully worded quotation followed by "[said] Tom [potential modifier]" where the words in brackets are replaced with other words that give the quotation double meaning when interpreted literally or sounded out.

They are also much easier to understand by seeing examples.

"I am neither person, place, nor thing," Tom denounced.

"Did I mention I can juggle chainsaws?" Tom said, offhandedly

"I said my garden needs another layer of mulch," Tom repeated.

"Oh no - I dropped the toothpaste!" said Tom, crestfallen.

"Of course I'm wearing my wedding ring," said Tom with abandon.

"Excuse me, could you tell me how to get back to China?" Tom asked, disoriented.

For a more daring challenge, even the name can be changed to modify the pun.

"Who discovered radium?" asked Marie curiously

"Simply put, the doctor said I have split-personality disorder," said Tom, being frank.

These wonderful samples were taken from a Reddit post (a few were altered slightly).

In conclusion, Tom Swiftys are terrible groaner puns which I will occasionally be posting in the future.

“I can’t believe I just saw nine Greek goddesses,” Tom mused.

an explanation

“With a body like that, she could have any man she wanted!” Tom figured.

an explanation

'Hello,' she said in a voice so husky it could pull a dogsled.

beboqueen

I noticed I've been having a bit of a poetic dry-spell for which I have been compensating with excessive reblogging.

I thought I should mention,

I've a sinus infection.

As such things do happen sometimes.

Alas, the congestion

Impaired my attention,

Regarding my writing of rhymes.