Brows Furrow. It's Obvious Now That She's Upset. The Emotion Is Written All Over Her Face At John's

                Brows    furrow.    It's    obvious    now    that    she's    upset.    The    emotion    is    written    all    over    her    face    at    John's    words.    If    she    could    fix    it    all,    she    fucking    would.    And,    unlike    him,    she    can't    get    cancer.    So,    Holly    removes    her    hand    from    his    pressence,    taking    a    long    drag    off    the    cigarette.    Still    like    a    balm    to    a    burn    to    her    already    dead    body.    She    holds    it    in.

                "    I'd    rather    be    with    you    in    your    final    moments    than    to    remember    you    like    this    and    you    die    alone.    "    An    exhale.    She    wants    nothing    more    than    to    get    it    through    his    thick,    dumb    head,    throw    the    cigarette,    grasp    at    his    collar,    and    pull    him    down    to    her    level.    To    YELL    at    him,    get    him    to    understand    how    much    she    fucking    wants    this.    But    she's    small.    Weak.    Has    too    many    feelings.    John    and    Nick    know    what's    best,    don't    they    ??

                Holly    shakes    her    head,    staring    at    him.    They    never    really    let    her    make    her    own    major    decision.    She's    sick    and    tired    of    it.

                "    I    hate    you,    John.    "

he leans into her touch a little too quickly, lips twitching upwards at her keeping the smoke, but not reaching for it. now free hand joins the other on her hips, fingers digging into her flesh & keeping her pinned to him. brows furrowing is the only sign that maybe he was actually listening to her. pain in his chest is an afterthought, struggle to breathe simply second nature these days. head tilts just enough to press a kiss to her palm [ tenderness reserved only for her, it was something that tastes bitter on his tongue ].

he wouldn't admit it to himself, but he wasn't ready to die yet. twenty years ago was a different story, but the threat of eternal damnation seemed to kick his survival instinct into gear — fear, worry, anguish at the idea of leaving holly ALONE was a whole other beast that he wouldn't tackle, now or ever. the only thing to soothe that anxiety was the knowledge that she'd have nick, & he'd never let anything happen to her [ a sick turn of events, after how they met ]. his skin crawls at the chain of thoughts, eyes squeezing shut as if to wipe it all from his mind & he finally sighs.

❛ so what's the plan then, sweetheart? we play house for a few months? ❜ there's no venom behind the words, but instead the coldness of a man who has accepted his fate. no treatment in the world could save him from this. ❛ get married? maybe adopt a kid, hm? ❜ clears his throat & he finally pulls his head away from her touch, gaze back on her with a cold resolve. ❛ then you watch me die, slow & painful? that really what you want? ❜

                Didi    should    have    known    what    she    was    getting    herself    into    upon    the    moment    they    made    things    official.    Well,    official    in    the    fact    that    he's    her    fucking    sugar    daddy.    This    man    cannot    stay    in    a    monogamous    relationship    to    save    his    life-    a    sex    addiction    is    a    real    addiction.    Unfortunately    most    people    don't    see    it    as    him    needing    help,    they    see    it    as    him    not    giving    a    fuck.    And    eight    times    out    of    ten,    they'd    be    right.

                His    hand    raises    in    defense    and    in    an    attempt    to    calm    her    down,    though    clearly    it    doesn't    work    when    she's    biting    down    hard    and    breaking    inked    skin    on    his    hand.    The    smell    of    blood    is    pungent,    and    it    wasn't    how    he    was    expecting    Didi    to    react.

                Hand    reaches    for    her    throat,    wrapping    around    and    squeezing    tightly.    Were    he    thinking    right,    this    wouldn't    be    HIS    first    reaction...    but    it's    a    good    thing    he    wasn't,    because    if    not,    she'd    be    on    the    way    to    the    ER.    Drugs    fog    his    head,    however,    saving    her    from    that    fate.

                "    What    the    FUCK    is    your    problem    ??    LET    GO.    "

💔 YOU DIDN'T INVITE HER! | @thehollyverse

"Don't—" He's shoved away, her voice cracking slightly. Didi's been mad before, that was a known fact. On any given day she seemed to drift between blinding rage and satisfaction and hedonism and back again.

But it's been some time since she's been made to feel so low. Didi used people, because she was selfish and horrid, but behind her massive ego she only seemed to have space for one person at a time. Someone to fawn over and toy with. Someone she could con into make her the center of their universe— because it's what she deserved.

And yet he's fucking other people. Like it was easy too. Like she hadn't made a dent in his psyche at all.

"No, just—" She feels stupid and she can feel rising panic creep up her throat. What's even worse is that she should know better; why was she letting him make her feel anything? Like he was the important one—Her mind runs wild, cruel thoughts piling up to deflect the humility, like hurting him would somehow make her feel better.

The thing is, from past experience she knows it does. It does make her feel good. So fucking good.

His hand is held out, attempting to calm her, console her perhaps—

Her mouth is suddenly a bear trap that refuses to be pried open. Didi's tugging back like a dog with a chew toy, trying to tear off his fingers, putting more and more pressure until she can taste wet metal filling up in her mouth.

She doesn't know if she can stop herself. Or if she even wants to. She'd argue she's never been good with self restraint.

Headcanon #1: Nick disassociates. A lot. He doesn’t understand that this is a thing, and often just thinks he may be losing his mind. He doesn’t feel like his hands are his own, gets confused for no reason other than being confused, and has a random fear of existing forever. Often times he doesn’t feel like anything is real and almost as if he can’t die, so his drug intake is quite high in those times, and that has landed him in the hospital once or twice before.

        He likes to keep himself busy, whether it’s cleaning all of his guns even if he did just hours earlier, cleaning his bathroom, living room, vacuuming, doing something if he’s not having sex, which is also a reason why he’s addicted to that. It feels good, he can forget about everything for an hour or two, and it keeps him busy so he doesn’t get stuck doing nothing. When he is stuck doing nothing, you can often find him sitting on the floor at the edge of his bed just staring into the mirror and drinking alcohol straight from the bottle. When he can finally break from it and come to, he’s angry at himself and the world around him, throwing the bottle at the mirror. He spends quite a bit of money on those.

        Externally, there doesn’t seem to be much wrong with him, he acts normal, works at a normal speed, seems to be happy, but he’s internally struggling with making all attempts to not self destruct. He doesn’t even seem to know that he’s depressed under all of it, he’s just too busy keeping his mind from wandering that he’s often buried between a strangers legs.

        To be honest, the best thing you could get for him is a puzzle. He’ll look at you, and he’ll verbally express its stupidity, but you can find him at 3 am putting it together piece by piece if sleep is not an option for him.

        As far as suicide goes, that is not something he plans on doing ever. If it happens, it’ll be accidental, through drugs, or even due to his job. It wont be done on purpose, but more likely through drug overdose, due to the fact that, as mentioned before, sometimes he can’t tell if something is real and will continue to take a drug until told to stop.

@sociopathichero | cont.

                Arms    fold    over    his    chest.    His    brows    furrow    as    tongue    pushes    against    his    cheek    in    thought.    If    he    had    known    this    kid    would    have    barely    been    able    to    carry    out    his    task,    he    would    have    had    someone    else    do    it.    Not    that    he    cares    too    much    if    the    kid    dies,    unfortunately.    That's    just    how    this    line    of    work    goes.

                "    Uh-huh.    Yeah,    I    hope    he    is    dead,    Danila.    "

@filthystill asked: [CHOKE] from the slime man (jim) @ holly from here

                What    was    it    that    she    said    ??    Holly    doesn't    even    remember    now.    But    clearly    it    was    enough    to    provoke    something    in    the    man.    It's    only    seconds    before    his    hands    are    wrapping    around    her    throat,    fragile    and    small    under    his    grip.    Was    it    the    drugs    or    was    it    anger    ??    Or    something    entirely    different    ??

                Digits    find    purchase    on    his    wrists,    chest    rising    as    jaw    slackens.    Blue    eyes    are    half    lidded,    watching    him.    This    was    threatening,    frightening,    to    have    a    man    on    whatever    fucking    substance    he    was    on    wrap    his    hands    around    your    neck,    and    yet    the    same    drugs    she    was    on    made    her    enjoy    it    that    much    more.

                "    What're    you    doin'    ??    "    She    whispers,    grip    of    her    own    tightening    around    his    wrists    as    she    shifts    her    weight    under    his    touch.    She    shouldn't    like    it.    Shouldn't    get    involved    with    a    man    like    this-    and    don't    get    her    wrong    she    IS    scared...    but    fuck,    Holly    does    not    want    him    to    let    up.