I'm Always Funny. You're Just Not Smart Enough To Keep Up. (Teaser!)

I'm Always Funny. You're Just Not Smart Enough To Keep Up. (Teaser!)

Max Verstappen X reader

Danny Ricciardo X reader platonic.

Not sure if anyone here is an F1 fan but I've recently gotten into F1 and I've started writing a small fanfiction of Max Verstappen Fake relationship Au! Please tell me if you like this and want the rest of it! Enjoy~

Max had just broken up with his long time girlfriend Kelly Piquet. 

They had disagreed on their future plans and had decided it would be better to part ways. It was an amicable split and Max still visited Penelope. However, the media wasn’t kind to him, not that it usually was.

Fans were in a roar over the split calling him all sorts of names for the past seven months.

It wasn’t too bad until the sponsors started to look a bit concerned over the state of the media.

Y/N, being a small town girl from Perth Australia, knew Daniel Ricciardo from when she was younger. His sister Michelle would babysit Y/N from time to time and that's how she came to meet the ever enthusiastic personality that was Daniel.

Daniel, alongside Michelle, had been like an older sibling to Y/N. He would always visit her or text her to catch her up on his state of affairs. 

After his ill-fated departure from Mclaren, to which Y/N was still fuming over. He had spent two months back in Australia, lounging around before Y/N and Michelle told him to get back into what he really loved.

Sure enough, Daniel returned to RedBull as a reserve driver alongside his old teammate Max Verstappeh and Sergio “Checo” Perez.

It was at this point Max had been receiving scalding comments and the Public Relations (PR) Manager had decided it would be a good idea for Max to date someone new with good media presence. Someone who the fans were bound to like.

That is exactly where Y/N came in. She had been featured on Daniel's social media before and made small cameo’s on RedBull and Mclaren videos, wishing Danny luck in his races or even supporting him in person.  

~~~~~~

Max walked alongside Y/N at a brisk pace. They were wading through the crowd of press just before the paddock and after the car park. Y/N was slightly uncomfortable with the firm grip that Max had on her hand but refrained from speaking up. He, after all, was paying her salary, so to speak. 

“Smile,” Max grunted out. Nodding at the press and giving half smiles in a seemingly out of character style. 

Y/N, who was already smiling hissed through her teeth.

“The hell you think I'm doin’ mate?” She then turned slightly away to wave at the photographers,

“Morning! Hope you’re all well rested! Make sure to drink enough water too!” She called out to the mass of people. Y/N understood that these people had to make a living and if you were nicer to them, they were bound to return the favour, although that was easier said than done.

Verstappen kept a pleasant expression as he continued to walk past people, signing hats along the way. 

“When can we stop this damn circus act?” He hissed into her ear, his voice sounding like the grind of gravel. 

“Whenever your PR Manager lets us.” She replied, her smile unfaltering as she kept walking beside him.

“This is all a stupid waste of money and time.” He grumbled under his breath. “This whole relationship thing and the sponsors.” Y/N cocked her head knowingly and replied,

"You need those sponsors and so does RedBull. Anyways, don’t give me a hard time because of it, yeah? I’m just doing my job to the best of my ability.” It wasn't as if she didn't want the money, however she also did it to help out Danny. Apparently the situation had made Max a little crabby.

Max sighed, “You have no idea who many different people we have to play happy couple for to satisfy the sponsors.” to which Y/N smirked and retorted with.

“I dunno, maybe the whole world, Mr Formula 1 World Champion?” Max rolled his eyes dismissively, effectively losing his facade.

“Do you know how much the sponsors pay me to keep you around? Don’t smart mouth me man.” He spat out, scowling and crossing his arms defensively. He pointed at the camera’s who had now turned back to you at the suddenly escalating conversation as moths were drawn to light.

Luckily they hadn’t heard the conversation, only seen the wild gestures that Max had thrown out in exasperation. 

Y/N, being the quick thinker she was, gently patted his shoulder and stepped closer to him,

“Calm down mate, they’re looking at us. Let’s just get inside the paddock yeah? Then we can argue when we get to the motor home.” She whispered slowly, hoping to ease his stress.

“Whatever, " Verstappen muttered, his voice ever harsh and monotonous.

He led her by the small of her back past the photographers and past the gates and into the paddock. He kept you firmly by his side while remaining silent. It seemed like he wasn’t going to talk until they were both tucked into a private building. Or as private as it would get.

As they briskly walked by, they passed some children who were staring in awe at Max. Y/N smiled at the children and tugged on his short sleeve gently.

“Max, give them an autograph! Look, they're so cute. This one’s wearing a mini version of your race suit!” She exclaimed, clearly taken by the children who were bubbling with energy.

Max, as a result of Y/N’s excitement, stopped walking and looked over at her with his signature grim expression before seeing the children. His eyes shifted and his expression became light hearted and almost charming.

“Yeah, alright I’ll sign a few things for you guys.” He grinned at the kids that had gathered around began thanking him incredulously in adoration as their favourite Formula one driver signed their shirts and caps.

Max suddenly turned to Y/N with a small smile,

“Here,” he said, handing her a sharpie, “You should sign one too. They’ll like it.” Y/N shook her head, shy from the sudden attention. 

“But I’m not famous like you. They don’t know me.” She turned to the children, sheepish, waiting for them to collectively agree. Yet, to her surprise one of the younger girls reached out to hug her and exclaimed,

“I know you! You’re Max’s girlfriend! My older brother says you’re pretty!” The little girl beamed up at her and pointed at an older male of similar facial structure who was blushing.

Y/N laughed in surprise and smiled brightly at the young girl.

“Hey love! Would you like me to sign your shirt?” She kneeled down to face the girl and all the younger kids. The children that were now surrounding you went crazy, screaming “Yes!” and “Please!”

They held out their belongings for her to sign, clearly overjoyed. She laughed in delight while Max looked on, while chatting to other young fans.

Y/N gave each of them a hug before signing their shirts.

“Oh and here!” She took out a large ziplock bag that was filled to the brim with friendship bracelets she had made for the fans.

“Take these! There’s enough for all of you.” She ruffled the closest childs hair. Max watched in amusement as the children who were absolutely beside themselves, trying on their new bracelets.

“You’re good with the fans,” he said, actually sounding genuine and kind for once. Y/N shook her head, smiling and waving at the children still as they walked away.

“Nah, I just love the kids. I want them to have good memories that build into hope and motivation.” She looked at Max and gave him a small smile.

“That’s very kind of you.” Verstappen replied, sounding surprisingly sincere. They both walked towards the motorhouse and as they reached the entrance Max opened the door for Y/N and signalled for her to enter.

Y/N walked through, thanking him on the way and waved hello while passing all the staff and volunteers of the Red Bull team.

The pair made their way, through all the greetings and then into Max’s room where Max closed the door behind them both and then turned to face Y/N.

“Alright, no more fake smiles or pleasantries. He sighed, “Do you know how long we’re stuck with this whole fake relationship thing?” He asked while plopping down onto his bed, unceremoniously to which Y/N shook her head. She herself was unsure.

“Nope. I was hired for a year-long contract but it wasn’t definitive,” She sighed and sat down on his chair and spun to face him.

“I think it wouldn’t be too bad for us to be friends Max.” She sat forward with her elbows on her knees.

“It’s not like we’re attracted to each other. It would make life easier if we got along, no?" Max stared at her, inquisitive.

“Friends.” He said slowly, almost as if tasting the word before he tilted his head to say,

“Friends don't usually get paid to be with one another.” Max raised his eyebrows.

“But, I guess being friends wouldn't be too bad. It’s not like anything would happen between us anyways.” Y/N nodded and chuckled, 

“I mean, I get paid to pretend to be your girlfriend. We could totally do it from afar y’know?” she shrugged, smiling.

“That sounds like a great idea.” Max said sarcastically. 

“I’ll just yell ‘I love you’ through a megaphone at you from a distance and we’ll keep it going that way.” He smirked mischievously, crossing his arms to which Y/N burst into laughter in sheer surprise. 

“Right! That would get all the fans roaring.” She chuckled loudly, enjoying his dry humour.  She gave him a genuine smile before asking, 

“You’re really funny when you want to be huh?”

Verstappen rolled his eyes with a subtle upturn in lips at your amusement. Y/N had an instinct that he was proud of the reaction he got out of her.

“I’m funny all the time.” He retorted, “You’re just not smart enough to pick up on it.” He said with a cocky smile.

~~

AND THATS THE TEASER! please comment if you'd like the rest!? Thank You for reading!

You are fucking hilarious.

Aha THANKYOU! I'm sorry I've been away for so long but you are TOO KIND. I hope you continue to read my strangely written material! Thank you for your support <3

Legolas: Aren't you a bit too enthusiastic?

Glass: Am I not meant to be?.. None of you tell me I'm funny. You all just complain about line distribution, what are you Kpop stars?

Draco: Y'know I wouldn't mind having more lines with you~

Glass: Pipe down buddy boy. I'm not into school children.

Draco: I'm eighteen?

Glass:.. I'm leaving.

Imagine leaving Imladris (Rivendell) With the Fellowship

Elrond: "The Ring Bearer is setting out on the Quest of Doom.

On you who travel with him, no oath not bond is laid to go further than you will.

Farewell. Hold to your purpose. May the blessings of Elves and Men and all Free Folk go with you."

Gandalf: "The Fellowship awaits the Ring-bearer."

*Frodo walks towards the exit.*

Frodo: "Mordor, Gandalf is it left or right?"

Gandalf: "Left"

*All exit but Aragorn and Y/N*

*Y/N and Arwen quietly while Aragorn waits near the exit.*

Y/N: "No harm will come to him. I swear it. Well, no mortal harm at least."

Arwen: "Pethryn, you yourself carry my worries with you. Be safe dear friend."

Y/N: "Always."

*Y/N holds both Arwen's hands in hers and brings them to her forehead. Y/N then looks at Elrond and they both bow their heads.*

Y/N: "Alright come on lover boy. This is YOUR quest and we are NOT going to be late."

*Y/N drags him by his hood whilst Aragorn looks over at Arwen with longing eyes.*

Y/N: "Come ON"

*Y/N Gives a great tug and Arwen laughs, with teary eyes. Aragorn sees this and his heart is lightened. He presses his hand to his heart before turning to leave*

Aragorn: "Thank you."

Y/N: "I did it for her. You suck, I wanted to come later so I could sleep in."

Aragorn: "You were late again today anyways?"

Y/N: "Bah, semantics."

*Y/N smiles at him before ushering him to join the rest of the group*

Y/N: "Alrighty, on wards! To the deep and the dark!"

Gandalf: "Deep and dark?"

Y/N: "You shall see my dear friend."

------

Imagine breaking the dwarves out of the dungeons of The Woodland Realm.

Ori: "We're never gonna reach the mountain are we?" *He laments*

Bilbo: "Not stuck in here, you're not." *Jingles the keys*

Y/N appears, eating a cake?

Y/N: "Didya know they were having a feast? Bloody good food they have. And the wine! You guys want any? I think I can go-"

Balin: "Bilbo!"

*All erupt into excited chatter*

Y/N: "Wha- What am I? Chopped liver?"

*Munches angrily*

Kili: "It's okay Y/N I'll share with you!"

Fili: "Yeah, come on give us some!"

*Y/N grins and breaks the cake into three pieces.*

Bilbo: "Shh! There are guards nearby!"

*One by one they escape down to the cellar.*

Bofur: "You're suppose to be leading us OUT! Not further in!"

Bilbo: "I know what I'm doing."

Bofur: "Shh!"

Bilbo: "Into the barrels! Quickly now."

Dwalin: "Are you mad? They'll find us."

Bilbo: "No no, they won't I promise you. Please, please you must trust me"

Thorin: "Do as he says."

*They clamber in and Y/N stays out.*

Y/N: "Go Bilbo. into the barrel with Thorin quickly."

Thorin: "Y/N, what are you-"

Y/N: "I will see you at the gate."

Balin: "What gate?"

Y/N: "Hold your breath everyone."

*Y/N pulls the lever and they are all dropped into the river.*

Y/N: "Well, that was fun! Now, let's play some hide and seek shall we?"

*Y/N slips past the guards and out of the palace and up into the light. They spot the dwarves in the river and begins her run towards them*

Legolas: "Shut the gate" (in Sindarin)

Y/N: "No no! Don't do that!"

The guards look at her strangely before beginning to shut the gate.

*Y/N groans and mumbles*

Y/N: "This is gonna hurt like a bitch isn't it. Where's Tauriel when you need her. Stupid world doesn't even have her in it. Stupid movie made me think she was an actual character"

*She huffs while running towards the gate*

Y/N "ORCS! WATCH OUT!"

*A guard is stuck by an arrow.*

Y/N: "Fucks sake."

*The Orcs rampage through the top of the closed gates, persuing fights with the Elven guards.*

Bofur: "Orcs! Watch out!"

Bolg: "Slay them all" (Dark Speech)

*Y/N fires an arrow at him, striking him in the arm*

Y/N: "Take a shower, you STINK."

*Y/N runs towards the fighting dwarves.*

*Kili spots the lever to open the gate.*

Y/N: "NO, STAY PUT. DON'T MOVE KILI."

*Y/N dashes towards him while he gets up to pull the lever.*

Y/N: "NO."

*Bolg pulls out Y/N's arrow from his arm and draws his own, notching it in his bow. He aims it at Kili.*

Y/N: "KILI."

*Y/N lunges towards Kili, pushing him out of the way, the arrow strikes her through the leg. With a gasp she doubles over, clutches onto the lever and pulls it down.*

Y/N: "Ah, fuck."

A/N

For continuance sake, don't read ahead if you want to follow the normal story line. However if you wish to read this as a separate imagine read ahead!

*She gasps and struggles to stand. She bites down on her lip and forces the arrow out, snapping off the feathered end and pulling it out. Kili drags her over the edge of the gate and Y/N slips into a barrel with him below*

Kili: "Y/N! Y/N I'm so sorry I should have listened I-"

Y/N cries out in pain as they tumble down the stream, each knock jolting her wound.

Y/N: "Apologies later. Escape now."

*The company battles the Swarm of Orcs from the stream whilst drifting down the stream, aided by Legolas and his army.*

Thorin: "Anything behind us?"

Nori: "Not that I can see!"

Bofur: "I think we've out run the Orcs."

Thorin: "Not for long. We've lost the current."

Dwalin: "Bombur's half drowned."

Thorin: "Make for the shore! Come on let's go!."

Øin: "Glóin, help me brother."

Kili: "Y/N is hurt. Her leg needs binding."

Y/N Groans quietly before answering.

Y/N: "I'm fine. Not able to die, Just hurts. Better me than Kili. Orc pack on our tail, Need to..

*Y/N grits her teeth*

Need to keep moving."

Thorin: "To where? There's a lake between us and that mountain you need that rest."

Y/N: "A barge, a man will have a boat. Help me up, I'll show you the way. Let's go."

*Kili and Fili lift her up and they hobble away.*

Y/N: "I should do this more often if it means two pretty men will carry me."

Thorin: "I think not. Next time, I will carry you over my shoulder and you will have no say."

*Y/N blinks owlishly.*

Can I please request Sirius Black being comforted when he's depressed and being looked after by his wife, the reader, during the events of Order of the Phoenix? Can be dot points, a fic, i don't mind! thanks xoxo

Y/N has always been the mother figure of the group, even before she was dating much less married to Sirius. Always coddling the boys, making sure they drank their water and had all three meals. Also their homework. Oh my DAYS Remus was good with due dates but Sirius and James? Y/N needed some anti aging cream for her stress lines early.

Sirius was always getting into trouble and needing Y/N to bail him out be it detention or Azkaban.

Y/N is used to having to cheer him up, taking care of him but that doesn't mean she doesn't feel the same amount of pain whenever she sees him down. He always gives her those sad puppy wet eyes and she coos at him every single time. Kissing away his tears and pressing her forehead to his, reminding him how she would always be there to be the gentle wind that would push away the clouds to bring back the crystal blue skies.

Never feels like a burden, Y/N always reiterates how much she wants to take care of him. How much she doesn't care that he's been whiny and pouty. Y/N always holds his face firmly before kissing his face all over, making him smile before chuckling. She loves his smile, so charming and full of hope. Something she always looks forward to seeing.

Baking him cookies, his horrid mother never did that for him. He loves the ones you make, he says you put something special in them! (It's just a pinch of salt in the chocolate chip cookies.) Also baking WITH him. He's been trying to make pistachio cookies but he just can't make them green enough. (Need to blend the pistachios to make a paste)

Cooking with him. He loves all the domestic things. Feelings he could never get from his old home. Pasta, steaks, soups? Soups are your favourite to make in the Autumn and winter. Especially pumpkin soup during the Halloween season? (We're all just a little basic sometimes) In the spring, toss some salads together and sear some steaks. Maybe even make a nice roast on Sundays.

Washing his hair for him! Y/N running her fingers though his hair, gently massaging his scalp. Very particular about his shampoo and conditioner. He only trusts Y/N with his hair. Well Y/N and his barber. But Y/N has to be there if he's cutting his hair. Just in case!

Silent cuddles or small chatter. He's so comfortable with Y/N to the point where silence can be just as comforting as words of affirmation.

Allowing him to hold her. He's always afraid she'll be taken away from him. Just like James and Lily. He can't lose Y/N too. it would break him completely. Being away from Y/N was already torture enough. Sure enough, he also wants to be held sometimes, his head in Y/N's chest or tummy. Something soft for him to lay his head on while she plays with his hair? A sure fire way to get him to calm down and lull him into a happy state.

Get him to write letters to Harry! Harry always has some silly story to tell. especially with the DA being established. Loves hearing about his nephew's terrible love life.

Remus will always be down for a cup of tea and a chat, after all.. he did get fired ☠️ (Just not during the full moon, he can get quite grumpy)

Allowing Sirius to shift into his Animagus form, giving his dog form a wash and he can lay in the bed with Y/N. MAKE IT CLEAR HE NEEDS A BATH FIRST. Fleas are unacceptable in bed. Or in the house anywhere really.

Allowing him to be clingy and Y/N being clingy back, they may be codependent but hey, he's rich, she doesn't care, they don't need to work. They can spend all day together or helping The Order. But knowing The Order, he probably gets let off easy if he needs time.

Taking long naps, and I mean LONG. Three of four hours MINIMUM. Waking up at Merlin knows when and watching some TV with each other and falling asleep all over again.

Sorry this took so long?!! I won't lie, I forgot I HAD an inbox since I use Tumblr on my phone. I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY. SORRY FOE THE MASSIVE DELAY ❤️❤️

whole ass CLASSIC. I hate series but I can never seem to not read this through.

Blackjack (Master List)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jungkook

Rating: 18 + (explicit sex, violence)

Genre: Mafia!AU

Status: Complete

Description:  Bangtan is one of the most vicious mafias on the west coast. Only six members are known by name though, with a mysterious seventh member dubbed only as ‘the shadow.’ When you become indebted to the worst of the worst – how, exactly can you find a way out?

[ cross-posted to Wattpad here ]

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