Guilt While Fronting

‐ Guilt While Fronting

Guilt While Fronting is something a lot of us in our system unfortunately struggle with. For me, K, I often feel like I'm taking away time from the other alters. I feel selfish for wanting to front because it means the others can’t. I feel this way even when I know that I have fronted less than the others.

I also deal with what I would best refer to as imposter syndrome while I'm in control of the body. Although I know logically that this body is just as much mine as it is anyone else's in our system, I still often feel like it isn't. I know that this is most likely due to not identifying with the way our body looks but still, it's hard. I feel like I'm not supposed to be here or that everyone secretly would prefer the host over me.

• Alters being stereotyped and treated less than human

Disclaimer : we are specifically talking about our own experience as a system, which is in no way what everyone with D.I.D.s experience is going to look like. We are simply here to share one way a system can present.

A stereotype we often see about people with dissociative identity disorder (D.I.D.) is the idea that alters (parts) can be boiled down to base characteristics, such as “the caring one”, “the mean one”, or “the childlike one”. It is true that alters often fall into certain “rolls” in their system, such as caretaker or protector, but this is by no means the only way they can act.

It is true that for some people, their systems can be composed primarily of alters that really only function for one purpose such as filling these rolls, but more often than not, many systems alters are a lot more complex than simply just acting out a roll. Just like how your average person may have a career which makes up a good amount of their life, that is by no means all there is to them. Just like anyone else, alters are capable of having a range of emotions, opinions, and interests in their own right.

We unfortunately have dealt with several people in our lives treating us less like humans, and more as caricatures such as “the calm one” or “the hyper one”. For example, once people hear that I, Phil, am a caretaker for our system, they immediately assume that I will be “dad mode” 24/7. This is far from the case. While yes, I am often calmer than the others and am often seen as the "dad friend" in our friend group, I can also get really hyper when I talk about my interests and can get quite loud and energetic.

Most people I am close to in real life have also seen me get angry, make non-kid appropriate jokes, and many other things which I would consider not very parent-like, despite my role being that of a caretaker. I still have a human brain, and just like anyone else, I am perfectly capable of different emotions, interests, and opinions. Just because my brain functions differently does not mean it doesn't function at all.

Thank you for reading!

Like I mentioned before, we are just one example of what a system can look like. If your system presents differently that's totally OK!

My Experience As A Caretaker Alter:

Disclaimer: this is just my experience and what I personally do for our system. This is in no way how every caretaker alter does their job.

For me, my role in our system is primarily to help calm down the body, as well as making sure we don’t over spend our money, making sure we eat, shower, and brush our teeth, comfort alters when they have flashbacks, and help when alters age regress. I know that might seem like a lot, and at times it can be, but I genuinely love what I do. I love being able to help support my fellow system mates and I try to extend that care to friends outside of our system.

I take pride in my role and what I do for others. I love my system like I would a family, and in some ways we are a family. I know of course that there are times where things can feel overwhelming, that’s just the reality of living with mental illness. I try my best to take time for myself and to not over exert myself. It can be hard, even for me, to remember to do day to day things. Our A.D.H.D., which can cause executive dysfunction alongside many other factors, can make it difficult to get things done. Some days if all we can get done is eat, shower, and take our meds, then that’s all that matters. I would still consider that a successful day.

I hope that by sharing this it can give people more of an insight into what a caretaker's role could look like. Please remember though that this is just my experience and is in no way universal for all caretaker alters.

Same as always, thank you for reading! -Phil

•Internet safety for systems

We’ve been wanting to use our platform to share some internet safety tips for DID systems. We genuinely care about fellow systems and want the community to be as safe and responsible as possible.

Disclaimer: This post is in no way an attempt to call out anyone, we just genuinely care about the safety of others.

About Sharing Triggers Online

I would strongly advise AGAINST sharing both negative or even certain positive triggers openly on the internet for everyone to see. I understand sharing triggers with trusted friends privately, but when you share things publicly you don’t know who all might see it. This makes it possible for anyone on the internet (or even in person) to use that information against you or your system mates.

Sharing Introjects’ Sources

Sharing sources of your systems introjects (if you have any) is not inherently a bad thing, however, I feel that before you do, you should consider the possible downsides of sharing that information. For one, introjects are often a large target for fake claims and harassment. If your system decides to share this information, you, unfortunately, will have to be prepared for potential hate being directed towards you. Another potential downside of sharing a source is that sometimes people will treat them like their “favorite character” instead of their own person. Believe it or not, introjects are in fact, not their source. They are their own people and should be treated like you would treat anyone else. Introject alters should also have a say in what is shared about them, just like any other alter.

Sharing whether or not you are diagnosed

Sharing your diagnosis status should always, ALWAYS, be up to the individual system. No not let anyone on the internet or in real life (unless they’re your health provider) pressure you into giving up you private health records. You do NOT owe any random stranger proof that you have a disorder. The only time it would be appropriate for someone to request that information is if you are applying for academic or work related accommodations.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! Internet safety is something both Pine, I, and the rest of our system cares a lot about. We genuinely care a lot about fellow systems and are sharing this because we want everyone to be safe. Again, thank you for reading! -Phil

how you can help palestine

*i regularly update this post with any new info i find so please always reblog the original post*

Donations

donations currently reaching gaza:

help buy e-sims for people in gaza (PLEASE HELP CONNECT GAZANS TO THE WORLD. if you would like to stay updated, please follow @/Mirna_elhelbawi on twitter)

currently holafly e-sims are needed. please donate.

donate to get food packages to gaza - care for gaza

support palestinians: buy a keffiyeh from the last and only factory in palestine - hirbawi

secondary donations:

palestine children's relief fund

palestine red crescent society

save palestine - islamic relief canada

send medical supplies to gaza - palestinian american medical association

click to donate - arab.org

donate for the recovery of hisham awartani - gofundme

one of the three palestinian students shot by a racist in vermont for wearing kufiyas and speaking arabic. hisham’s injuries have left him paralysed from below the chest.

help bring down israel's weapon trade - palaction

NOTE: journalists based in gaza are saying a demand for ceasefire is the priority as not all donations are reaching gazans (focus on the donations that are directly reaching gaza). so please contact your local MPs every single day demanding as such. palestine need a permanent ceasefire.

Petitions

petition to investigate war crimes committed by israeli military

demand ceasefire - amnesty.org

open call for immediate ceasefire

american government call for immediate ceasefire

american government to stop funding israeli military

ceasefire and increase humanitarian assistance - oxfam au

petition to get canva to address their pro-israel stance

invoke the genocide convention to call for ceasefire in gaza - world beyond war

location specific petitions

gaza call for ceasefire - oxfam (UK)

end israeli occupation - parliament uk (UK)

email your MP - medical aid for palestine (UK)

protect gaza civilians - islamic relief (UK)

stop fuelling genocide - action network (USA)

@ biden: call for ceasefire now - move on (USA)

ceasefirenow.com - jewishvoiceofpeace (USA)

call congress and demand a ceasefire - uscpr (USA - they provide a script of what you should say, so don't worry about it)

note: you can call everyday. they tally the number of calls per issue. so more calls = higher chance for them to take action. p.s. you mainly go to voicemail so don’t worry about phone call anxiety. fight through it just this once please.

australia call on israel to stop attacking palestinians - apan (AUS)

immediate ceasefire and increase in humanitarian aid in gaza - actionaid (AUS)

email your MPs - stand with palestine (AUS)

[EN5622] call for ceasefire and end to occupation - parliament of australia (AUS)

closes 13 dec @ 8.59pm AEST

[EN5628] retract governmental support to israel and demand ceasefire - parliament of australia (AUS)

closes 13 dec @ 8.59pm AEST

sign to send letter to MP for ceasefire - nccm (CANADA)

ceasefire now! - ijv (CANADA)

ceasefire and allow aid to enter gaza - oxfam (CANADA)

house of commons petition 4661 (CANADA)

closes 9 dec @ 11.03am EDT

call on your local mayor and council to demand ceasefire - LeadNow (CANADA)

cessez-le-feu et un couloir humanitaire - le mouvement (FRANCE)

write to your député - assemblée nationale (FRANCE)

skydda civilbefolkningen i gaza! - mittskifte (SWEDEN)

singaporeans call for immediate ceasefire (SIN)

contact your elected reps and demand a ceasefire (GERMANY)

write to the EU demanding a ceasefire (EUROPE)

template of letters you can send (EU)

guide on how to contact your MPs in EU

p.s. if the template is outdated, just use it as a guide and add a few sentences here and there that reflect the current situation. i can’t find any recent templates so :/ at least this is something

multiple actions you can take to help palestine - plant een olifbloom (NETHERLANDS)

includes: links for donations, emails to MP, emails to media, links to petitions and demonstrations

den haag, maak nú werk van vrede in israël/Palestina - the right forum (NETHERLANDS)

māori call for palestine - ourActionStation (NZ)

special visa for palestinians in gaza with family in NZ - NZ parliament/pāremata aotearoa (NZ)

deem israeli actions as war crimes - NZ parliament/pāremata aotearoa (NZ)

basta ao genocídio em Gaza! - awaaz (BRAZIL)

globo e grande mídia, parem de desumanizar civis palestinos - the intercept (BRAZIL)

Campaigns

friends of al-aqsa

❥ UK-specific

urge your MP to speak up for palestine

hands off al-aqsa

stop administrative detention

petition for UK to stop arming israel

❥ International

boycott puma — email them to end their partnership with israel

boycott coca-cola

palestine action

join the resistance

islamic relief canada

urge your MP to rally for ceasefire

decolonise palestine

poster campaign to raise awareness on the war crimes being committed against palestinians | (very very important please share + read the sources provided)

text/call campaign for people living in USA

text CEASEFIRE @ 51905 to call for a ceasefire

text RESIST @ 50409 to send a letter to your representatives to pass HR3103–a bill that prohibits tax dollars from going to israel

download 5Calls app to contact members of your congress | (more info)

fax campaign for people in the USA

go on this website to send 5 free faxes per day

here’s a link to a pre-written fax copy you can download to send (the first link on the linktree)

here’s a video that explains how to fax your senator (it’s very easy and all you need is a valid email address)

BDS movement

get involved in boycotting companies associated with israel

please let me know if you have any more links. i will add them in. and please reblog the original post!!

UPCOMING PROTESTS

PALESTINIAN LITERATURE READING LIST

My experience as a fictive:

Hello! This is K! I’m making this post to not only share my experience as a Fictive, but to share a little about who I am outside of my source identity. Please note that this is just MY experience. Do not use my experience to invalidate other introjects. 

 When I split- 

When I first split, our host Pine was afraid of me. She was afraid of how her friends, family, and therapist would react to my existence. She had already experienced accusations of faking illness as a child and was afraid of having it happen again. On top of that, having a new split, regardless of if they are a fictive or not, is a frightening experience. Not knowing who they are or if they are going to treat you kindly can be quite a shock to the system. It took a while for her to come to trust me, but with Phil’s help she eventually came around. 

My source identity- 

During the time when I split, Pine was dealing with a lot of flashbacks, as well as other stressors in her life. Because of this, Phil decided to buy the first few volumes of a manga she had expressed interest in reading. This manga was Bleach. Needless to say, she got very attached to reading it as a form of escapism. I believe that because this series was seen as a source of comfort during a very stressful time for the system, this caused my source identity to be based off of a character in Bleach. That character is Kisuke Urahara.

Source memories-

Many introject alters will have varying levels of false memories from their source. Thankfully I have very little. I would describe what source memories I do have like vague memories from a dream. It feels as if you woke up in the morning and you know you had a dream that night, but you can only remember vague ideas from it. It doesn't feel like you actually did the things you remember in real life but still you remember it. Because of this I have very little attachment to my source, nor do I miss it.

My source identity vs. Me now-

Of course I am still an introject so naturally there are still similarities between Urahara and myself. One Of those similarities is my appearance in the headspace. I look virtually identical to Urahara. The only difference is my sword. It is not the same one that he has. I also will admit that I do see quite a few similarities in personality between the character and I, however there are differences. As I continue to gain my own life experience I will continue to grow and change as a person separate from my source, just as anyone else would. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this! -k