Bimbo? Aint That The Dude From Lord Of The Rings

bimbo? ain’t that the dude from lord of the rings

Bioluminescence series by Rob Rey

(Rob Rey’s Tumblr)

Broke: Adult Warlock looks back on his childhood being raised by a demonic Mary Poppins and her boyfriend/archnemesis the oddly religious gardener and is rightly a bit freaked out.

Woke: Being the son of a man who doesn’t really have time for him and has expectations for a Male Child that he keeps pushing onto him, and a woman who is clearly willing to use him to get at her husband (listen to her voice when she says “hello Warlock” after rejecting the family name Thaddeus. Tell me that isn’t the voice of revenge) was way weirder. Nanny Astoreth and Brother Francis were actually pretty good caretakers and, though he admits they had their eccentricities, Warlock looks back on them fondly.

Bespoke: Warlock was pretty isolated as a child, since a combination of being homeschooled and constantly living under threat of kidnapping meant he didn’t get to interact with other kids much. When he went to university, as a kind of rebellion against his family he deliberately befriended a lot of people who weren’t of his social class, and so wouldn’t have had nannies and gardeners growing up.

As a result, Warlock Dowling has spent his whole life assuming that all nannies and all gardeners are just Like That, and puts any weirdness down to him having had an unusually posh upbringing.

He quite happily sings Crowley’s lullaby to his own kids. He tells them they’re going to be princes and princesses of Hell in the same way that other parents tell their kids about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Teaches them to refer to animals as ‘brother this’ or ‘sister that’ and makes deliberately cryptic remarks about them ‘coming into their true power’.

Warlock Dowling obliviously passing on the new family tradition, because he wants to raise his kids right.

Hazel: I have a bad feeling about this.

Percy: What do you mean?

Hazel: Don’t you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if something is going to get you in trouble?

Percy: No?

Frank: That actually explains so much.