I Love Him So Much Ugh It Physically Hurts

i love him so much ugh it physically hurts 😩🤧❤🥺

(yunho’s) laughter is the best medicine

Is forever a thing? - X1

pairing: none

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 1.5k

Song rec: Put your head on my shoulder - Paul Anka

From outside the dorm, you could already hear the loud commotion inside. The dolphin-like shrieks of Dohyon, the never ending arguments of Hangyul and Seungyoun, and the rest of the boys talking and laughing like there was no tomorrow. 

You took tentative steps inside when you opened the dorm’s door, careful not to disturb any on-going conversation, because there were many.

There was Seungyoun, sitting beside Hangyul and having a light-hearted argument over a bag of chips. Junho sat not too far from them, mumbling incoherently. He was talking to himself again, you almost laughed as your gaze moved past him. There was Dohyon with his face buried in the fridge as he took out leftovers from last night, piling them up on the kitchen table. 

There was no way he could eat all that in one go, you thought. 

In one of the bedrooms there was Minhee, taking a late afternoon nap, tired after returning from school. Then there was Hyeongjun, trying to wake him up while saying, “Minhee you have been sleeping for 5 hours, wake up now.” 

You smiled at the sight.

In another lounge, you found Yohan teaching Dongpyo taekwondo moves, which he claimed only pro taekwondo athletes were supposed to know. Wooseok sat nearby, his eagle eyes making sure none of the two kids got hurt.

Nearby, busy writing down songs in his diary, was Eunsang. Lost in his thoughts, he absentmindedly looked up to find you standing in the doorway. With a smile, he waved at you. You waved back, locking your lips in a smile. He was about to announce your arrival but you put a finger to your mouth, asking him to be quiet for now. Still smiling you retreated into the hallway, feeling as if you were missing someone.

There was one person you hadn’t seen today.

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this makes me so upset 😭

i’m honestly feeling completely empty, i’m super sad. x1 has been one of my all time favorite groups out there. i love them in a way i don’t love many kpop groups.

but the thing is... the people who are experiencing the worst pains aren’t me, they are...

kim yohan, who fought his ass off during the whole series, even though he had a trainee period of only three months. he really deserved that first place, and he took it. and now, it’s being taken away from him.

kim wooseok, who was a center in all three of the first evaluations. a boy who gave us many laughs but also continuously performed amazingly through every stage.

han seungwoo, who was a fatherly figure and an inspiration to many of the trainees on the series. a man who was originally a rapper but came in and not only danced with amazing passion, but also was one of the greatest singers in produce history.

song hyeongjun, who went from crying because he was placed in X rank in the beginning to being a wonderful leader and inspiration to them, to placing fourth in the final episode. our cute crybaby who had such charisma on stage, and could pull of a big variety of concepts.

cho seungyoun, who managed to pull of the main vocal position, the visual position, the 2nd rapper position, and the leader position. he showcased his variety of talents, yet always stayed humble and kept his feet on the ground. he’s one of the funniest kpop idols i know, and he really knew how to lighten up any given situation.

son dongpyo, our x1-ma center. the boy who, no matter how much negative criticism he got from the coaches or how much hate he received from “fans”, fought through it all and showed off a perfect performance every time. he could pull off any concept, and he had one of the clearest live singing voices in the whole season.

lee hangyul, the boy who was constantly criticized for his singing, but who shone when he came into the spotlight. all eyes were drawn to him when he was dancing, and his constant gags brought smiles to everyone’s lips.

nam dohyon, our maknae. the young boy who traveled through produce as a confident rapper, who owned the main rapper spots as if there was no doubt about it. the boy who had a whole nation of older women calling him their “oppaji”.

cha junho, the sweet, shy, boy with the amazing voice. who constantly delivered and showed off his skills through every evaluation, and even though he was nitpicked, he listened well to feedback and continued to grow into the strong man he is today.

kang minhee, our tall boyyo. the boy who finally, no sooner than in the concept evaluation, wanted to go for the main vocal position - and nailed it. we knew that he could sing, but i think it was a surprise to many that he was that good, and that made us all fall in love with him.

lee eunsang, the x member, the boy with the most votes combined. a boy who was pushed around between positions and always had very very few lines. yet, he fixed every one of those lines perfectly. not only did he show off wonderful skills, but also a sweet personality and nothing but kindness to others.

they must all be wrecks. imagine fighting your ass off for several months, to finally earn that seat and a place in the final lineup, yet having it taken away from you. imagine knowing that these are the ten people you are going to spend the next five years with; the people you’re going to create extremely strong bonds with; the people you’re going to love like your own brothers, but then have it taken away from you. imagine having one of the saddest disbandments in kpop history. that must really suck, in a deeper way than it sucks for us to loose them.

sure, wooseok and seungwoo will go back to their groups, and minhee and hyeongjun will probably debut with the other starship boys, and eunsang will join the other bnm boys. junho will probably join the woolim boys, and hangyul and dohyon might debut together.

but what about seungyoun? is he just going back to hide in yuehua’s basement again forever as a “solo artist”?

what about yohan? the 3 month trainee who fits so so well in a group like x1. is he just going to be a solo artist aswell?

and what about dongpyo? sure, hwan and junhyuk and him are from the same company, but i honestly don’t see how they could make it into a group together under dsp media.

the best thing we all can do right now is support all 11 of the boys, no matter what happens to them. and always help each other, because remember that even if the group we stan isn’t together anymore, we’ve still got each other. we still are oneits. take care of each other and the boys. ❤️

and to x1:

THANK YOU

for all the laughs, for all the smiles, even for all the tears. for all the talent, for all the vocals, for all the dance moves, for all the raps.

thank you for letting me join you on this wonderful trip, even if it lasted shorter than expected. for all of this, i am eternally grateful. ❤️

let’s start the new year off right with these holy images

as hurt, frustrated, mad, sad, and just fucking disappointed i am...no matter what i’ll support them.

i’m sorry for everything you had to go through, and I know you all deserved so much fucking more

to end this, fuck you mnet, fuck you all