sun-kissy - if i was empty space
if i was empty space

and you were a formless shape, we'd fit

218 posts

Hello Maeee!! I Hope Youre Well!!

hello maeee!! i hope youre well!!

ive been STRUGGLING with higher level classes recently and its absolutely killing me 😭

could you maybe write something about reader who struggles academically (whether it be on certain subjects, procrastination, overworking , etc. is completely up to you!) with poly!marauders/one of the marauders??

sorry if youve already written something like this, this request is a bit self indulgent 😭

-💡

Hi angel, I'm really sorry you've been going through it! Thank you for requesting though, all the best requests are a bit self indulgent ;)

cw: academic stress

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 678 words

James is a patient teacher, and in an effort to repay his kindness you’re really trying to keep your tears from falling. 

You keep your eyes steadfastly on your potions textbook as you flip through it. You’re blinking rapidly, looking for the chapter that contains yet another bit of information you’ve failed to retain, when Remus’ warm hand closes over your shoulder. 

“Careful,” he warns, bringing a steaming mug of coffee around you to set it on one of your closed books. 

“Thank you.” Your relief is immense. You’re the sort of tired that makes your eyes hurt and your brain feel dead, thoroughly worn out by hours of studying. You pick it up and take a sip. Look at your boyfriend in betrayal. “Decaf?” 

Remus gives you a look. “It’s evening, dove. You won’t be able to sleep.” 

“I’ve got some sleeping draught for later.” 

“Ah, substance abuse.” Sirius tosses you a grin from where he’s lounging on his bed, his own homework long since finished. “Must be very dark times.” 

Your face feels suddenly very hot. You turn it down towards your book again, but the quiet splat of a tear dripping off your nose and onto the pages gives you away. 

“Hey, hey.” Sirius sounds immediately panicked. “I’m joking, abuse whatever substances you like.” 

“Angel, what’s wrong?” James’ voice is surprised, but his hand finds your back anyway, rubbing between your shoulders firm and sure. “It’s okay. We’re nearly done.” 

You suck in a breath, hoping to collect yourself but horrified when it only triggers another hiccup of sobs. You put your hands at your hairline, hiding yourself. 

“I’m going to have to sucker punch Slughorn,” Sirius says, sounding mildly horrified at this realization. 

“Dove.” Remus steps in front of you, lifting your chin. “What’s going on? Are you tired, is that it?” 

You nod pathetically, tears carving hot paths down both cheeks. “I just feel s—so stupid,” you whimper. 

Remus’ brows hook in the middle, but it’s James who says, “Hey, why?” 

He thumbs away the wetness from the cheek closest to him, encouraging you to look at him with his hand on your face. His eyes are big and warm behind his glasses. 

“Because you’re having trouble with your homework? That happens to everyone sometimes.” 

You shake your head. “It used to be sometimes. I don’t know what it is, this year—” you stifle another sob “—I feel like I can’t understand anything anymore.” 

Remus sighs. “I think you’re just overworking yourself, sweetheart.” 

You almost want to laugh. “You think this is the result of working too much?” 

“I think that schoolwork is all you’ve been doing lately,” he says patiently. “I understand that you might be having a difficult time with the upper levels this year, but you’re not going to absorb anything new if you don’t take some breaks.” 

“True,” Sirius pitches in. “That invigoration draught you keep under your bed is making you twitchy, babe. You can hardly expect to pay proper attention in class when you’re nearly bouncing out of your seat.” 

Remus’ eyes narrow. “What?” 

“Bollocks.” Sirius makes a face. Sorry, he mouths to you. 

“Let’s go to dinner,” James saves you, closing your textbook and vanishing your coffee with a flick of his wand. “It’ll be good for you to think about other things for a bit, and we’ll finish up when we get back.” 

The prospect of a break relaxes you enough for your tears to abate. James swipes the remainders from your cheeks and pushes at the corner of your lips until you smile halfheartedly. 

Remus hums his approval. “You need to eat something proper,” he says, pinching you sternly under the chin, “and stop trying to usurp your circadian rhythm with potions.” 

“Substance abuse,” Sirius quips, hopping down from his bed to lead the way to the great hall, “best kept for the weekends, as I always say.” 

“Do you always say that?” James wonders aloud. “Seems rather impromptu.” 

“Well, that’s the mark of a good line, Jamesie. It always sounds off the cuff.”

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More Posts from Sun-kissy

1 year ago

ahhh thank you shay!! means a lot coming from you <3

heaven | r.l.

Heaven | R.l.
Heaven | R.l.
Heaven | R.l.

i don’t know what this is
 not a fic, more like a word vomit about remus loving you HAHA enjoy <3

Remus Lupin wasn’t religious in one way or another. But even he knew you were godsent. 

Passed out, lying with twisted limbs and a drool-filled mouth; you looked nothing short of an angel.

He touches you, you don’t stir. That’s good, he thinks. It means he has more time to love you without having to accept undeserved affection in return. 

He’d asked the question a thousand times, thought about it even more. Why me? And you’d smile at him like he wasn’t a monster, like he wasn’t born to kill. Who else? you’d say. And that’s when Remus realised that it doesn’t take kindness to love somebody; all it takes is that ache in your heart and burn in your fingertips. He wasn’t kind; yet he loved you.

The tips of his fingers dance across your cheek, feeling the soft skin on which his lips had made their home. He has unordinary courage tonight; he dares to bring his other hand to rest on the curve of your hip.

He brushes his thumb, featherlike, underneath your shirt. His shirt. You make a soft sound, and it’s all he needs to hear to know what heaven sounds like.

Remus had never felt like yours was more than a title until he met you. He was yours, yours to love, yours to break, yours to throw away. He belonged to you, and that was the greatest badge of honour any man could wear. He wanted you to touch him, make your mark upon him until it burnt, and he’d thank you for branding him with the etch of your thumbprint.

You were perfect; in every sense of the word. He’d learn every tongue till he was fluent in showing you how utterly divine you were. The dark lines on your thighs didn’t bother him nearly as much as they did you, and neither did the scars. He cursed himself reverently for his own; but never yours. Every mark on your being was a part of you, every inch of your skin a holy grail he’d read without complaint.

He’d worship you if you’d let him. Let his hands find their haven in every nook and crevice of your perfect body, whisper feverish words of cadence and cruelty till you screamed his name. You allowed him to touch you; and that was enough for now.

As he feels you now, mindlessly splaying his hands on your bare back, your eyes flutter open. Remus doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the jerk of his heart stopping when you look at him like that. You reach for him with a smile even in half-lidded consciousness; he goes without protest because it’s you.

He knew forever wasn’t a word meant for lovers. But for now, he can hold you in his arms and hear your heartbeat when you pull him in. You'll let him tell you he loves you till the grave, and that is compensation enough.


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1 year ago

CUTENESS OVERLOAD GAAAAH severe baby fever rn!!! đŸ„čđŸ„čđŸ«¶

it’s an egg

ty @sun-kissy for reading it and telling me it thoughts ily đŸ«¶đŸœ

wc: 552

pairing- dad!remus lupin x mom! reader

—————

You were leaning on the counter in your kitchen looking at your phone and you found a video of a mum handing her child a raw egg. At first you were concerned because you knew the mum would probably have to clean the yolk, whites and shell from the egg. Instead you were greeted with the image of the child gently holding the egg and gently carrying it around the house as if it were a child. Immediately you called out for your husband.

“Remus?” Seconds pass as he walks into the room and gives you a confused look.

“Is everything alright, dove?” You smile and hand him the phone. He watched the video intently and proceeded to look at you with confusion. Remus, unlike you, didn't understand why you were so excited for this. It didn’t make sense in his head. You however immediately thought about what would happen if you have your twins an egg.

“Let’s give the kids an egg.” You say and it finally clicked for Remus. He nods and opens the fridge while beckoning the children.

“Eef! Andy! Come to the kitchen please!” Soon enough you hear the pitter patter of your sons’ feet coming to the kitchen.

“Yes mummy?” Ethan asks’ as he enters the kitchen. A smile beaming as he looks at you. Andy follows in suit and smiles just as wildly at you.

“Mummy wants to see something, would you two be mummy’s helpers?” They both nod wildly, their waves bouncing as they do. They both looked so much like their dad. They were your life.

“Okay, Da is going to give you something okay?” They look at Remus with the same adoration that they had with you. They extend their tiny hands and gasp at the coldness of the shell.

“Is cold mama.” Andy gasps as he holds the egg. Ethan nods in agreement with his brother.

“Cold.” Ethan confirms. They both cup the egg careful not to drop it as they stare at you and Remus for further instructions.

“You two can go play my loves!” You say as if you hadn’t given them the egg. They look at their hands almost expecting you to take it back. When you didn’t they look at each other and frown. It took them both a second but it seemed like they’d worked out a plan. Exiting the kitchen they walked back to their playroom. Naturally you and Remus followed.

As they enter the playroom Andy hands Ethan his egg and rummages around the room in search of something. Silently you and Remus watched your sons looking around their playroom for this mystery item. After three minutes Andy must’ve found what he was looking for because he went back to Ethan and received his egg. He gently grabbed the egg and placed him on what looked like a bed. Ethan did the same and placed his next to Andy. The two turn to the door and see you staring at them.

“Mama look!” Andy whispers point to the two makeshift beds. And there they were the two eggs gently resting in an empty corner of their playroom. You smile at your boys and tell them they did wonderful. So maybe it wasn’t just an internet prank, maybe it was something about the tenderness of toddlers.

—————-

if you angels want more of dad!remus with the twins please comment and let me know!! as always your comments mean the world to me!! hope you enjoyed and love you lots

-lily


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1 year ago

I FORGOT TO ASK ANON OMG

HAHAHA that's okay lovely, i just won't put out that ask then!! and to answer you, my break is going okay! just have a couple more exams left before my finals are (thankfully) over and i can come back :) how are you?


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1 year ago
Ummm That's Actually Me Looking At You Gorgeous Love You Sosososo Much Lily You're An Angel And More

ummm that's actually me looking at you gorgeous đŸ€­đŸ€­ love you sosososo much lily you're an angel and more đŸ«¶đŸ«¶đŸ«¶ sending you the biggest hug rn <333


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1 year ago

LILYYYY OH MY GOD THIS IS HEARTBREAKING 😭😭😭 I love how wonderfully you described her emotions omg and sadie đŸ„čđŸ«¶ remus ruined things so bad â˜č but the way it ended gaaaaah I really thought I was gonna get a happy ending!!! you have me sobbing but I love it <3

Death By A Thousand Cuts

Death By A Thousand Cuts
Death By A Thousand Cuts
Death By A Thousand Cuts

wc- 5k

tw: bad break up; drinking; hangover; dickish remus;

a/n; my angels... i am so sorry for how depressive this one is. i kinda let my emotions take over. this isn't by any means a happy fic it is a heartbreaking one. read with caution my angels!!

˚☜˚.˚.˚☜˚.

You hadn’t expected this. It was like a punch to the gut having gone through with this. Yet here you were. Feeling the worst that you’ve ever felt in ages. How was this supposed to be fair? How was this what you and Remus came out to? How did six years together turn into this? None of it made any sense anymore. It was as if the plug had been pulled and the lights were turned off. This was the worst feeling ever. You think this is the worst you’d ever feel. Turns out it unfortunately wasn’t.

˚☜˚.˚.˚☜˚.

You were driving back from your Remus’ apartment. Instead of taking the way that normally took you fifteen minutes you took the other way, the long way. A lot had happened when you went to go see your boyfriend. A lot of which you wished never occurred. The sinking feeling in your stomach didn’t go away. Tears in your eyes made it hard to focus on the cars around you. But you knew that you were approaching a stop light. When you arrived you looked up at them almost as if you were asking them if you’d be okay. And in a weird way it was as if they were responding. The normal circles that were there were now replaced with broken hearts. It shocked you, and you took that as a sign. Once the broken heart turns green you speed off. Crying the whole way you tried your hardest to process what just happened. 

You and Remus had agreed to a date night at his apartment. So you had driven up to his place. You were staying the night at your sister's, which just meant you were actually living in your apartment. She had wanted to have a girls weekend with you. So instead of residing with your boyfriend like you normally did you were with your sister. Which accounted for the extra time that you weren’t with Remus, and why you had to go and drive to a Remus’. You were expecting something sweet like always, a baking date or coffee and reading. Possibly, even a movie. But there was absolutely nothing that could have ever happened that would prepare you for what actually went down. What was the point of it? Why did you have to go through with that? It also wasn’t like there was much of a choice. Remus made his choice. You guys were done. There was nothing else you could do but dreadfully agree. 

“Y/n?” Your sister asks as you enter the kitchen. There she stood clad in her apron as she turned around, shock graced her features. Sadie had known that you were going out with your boyfriend. So she didn’t expect you to be back until midnight. Seeing you in her kitchen at 9:30 making it no more than an hour that you had left made her feel something she didn’t want to feel. Dropping the spoon back into the batter she flocked to you, concern is evident throughout her entire being. 

“What happened? Y/n?” Her words sounded far despite being right next to you. You look up at her tears welling in your eyes not wanting to fully come to peace with this. But there you stood. Having to accept the fact that you and Remus weren’t a thing anymore. It hurts your heart thinking about it and not wanting to accept it. But your sister stood in front of you, concern lacing her entire being. She didn’t know what happened and it was terrifying to her.

“Remus,” You managed, “He,” another breath before you could say it. The pressure not leaving your chest as you tried to say the final bit. You doubted you needed to. Sadie was smart much like yourself. She had to have pieced it together. You’d be concerned if she hadn’t. 

“He broke up with me.” The moment the words left your mouth you had begun sobbing. It was terrible. It made you feel sick. Sadie engulfed you into a tight embrace. She let you cry in her arms in the same way Remus would. You hated that you were comparing them right now but you couldn’t help it. You had been with Remus for six years. You have known him for a little more than half your life. You thought you were going to get married. Remus was your forever. So why was he leaving you? Sadie had noticed your tears had slowed down and she gently pulled away from you being as cautious as ever,

“Y/n? I’m making some brownies, if I send Aaron to go get us some Ben and Jerry’s we could eat some yeah?” Sniffling, you nod and she smiles. She proceeds to instruct you to change into some pyjamas and to go take a shower to help your nerves calm down. While you were doing this she called Aaron, her boyfriend, asking him to bring home wine, champagne, orange juice, ice cream and plenty of ice. Aaron, the loving boy he was, went straight to the market to collect the things his girlfriend and practical sister in law needed. You stood in the shower with the water hitting your back. Your tears had stopped long before you had gotten into the shower. You were now just staring at the wall. Motionless, everything around you was too much. The usual music you played was gone. You turned off the water and just stared at the wall.The smile that graced your face thinking about seeing Remus and him being able to identify which body scrub you had used? No longer a thing. It pained you to think about all the things you had lost. It was truly a terrible feeling. Your mind ran through all the memories of Remus and it made your heart clench. The worst of it was the fight playing in your head.

You had entered Remus’ apartment and he was telling you for weeks that you two needed to have a stay in date. You agreed knowing how long it  had been since you and Remus had one of those dates. It was long and few times when you and Remus could both stay in. He was almost always busy with work and you were too. So those moments were more meaningful to the two of you when you had them. Slowly you entered the apartment assuming Remus was sleeping or doing something in his bedroom. He had given you a copy of his key four years ago. He had told you that you could come and go as you pleased and that there were drawers for you. You hadn’t moved in fully with him since you and your sister had both finished the process of leasing. Seeing as you and your sister lived together there weren’t reasons to find an apartment. You began taking your coat, shoes and scarf off. As you were hanging the items up you heard the familiar squeaking of the bedroom door. Smiling to yourself you turn around beaming at your boyfriend. 

“Baby!” You smile getting on your toes beckoning him for a kiss. He gives you a quick peck and immediately pulls away. Hurt briefly washed over your features but subsided slightly when he grabbed your hand pulling you both to the couch, the air was tight and you were getting a sinking feeling. There weren’t cups waiting for you, no movie and definitely no surprise gift. This wasn’t what you thought it was but you’re beginning to think you know what it really is. 

“Y/n, we need to talk.” Those four words left Remus’ mouth and just like that your world stopped. The happiness you had felt driving up was gone. The anticipation as to what you would be doing with Remus was gone. You were left with a terrible feeling of hurt. 

“What about!” You try to sound excited but Remus’ flat expression makes you feel sick. You could feel the tears begging to be released. But you wouldn’t not until he said what he needed to talk to you about. Remus didn’t know how to put this, he had loved you for twelve years. He had dated you for six. And now he was facing the reality that he couldn’t be with you any longer. Not because you weren’t worth it. No, far from it. It’s because he felt that he wasn’t worth it for you. It had been a battle that he had faced for years. Especially when dating you. He thought the world of you and based on his lycanthrope he didn’t understand why you would want to date him. Much less why you had stayed with him this long.

“I think we should break up.” Remus stared at you and you felt your brain stop. Nothing made sense. You wanted to throw up, actually you think you may.

“I’m going to be sick,” No other words left your mouth as you ran to the restroom effectively getting all the sick out. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. No, you refuse to accept it. 

“Y/n? Are you okay?” Remus calls from the door. A groan escapes your lips as you flush the toilet and make your way to the sink. You take in your appearance. The perfectly done makeup, smeared. Your hair was still okay. The cute red sundress you bought for Remus now made you feel so stupid. You exit the bathroom, your face looking blank. It effectively matched your current emotional state. You felt like utter shite. 

“Y/n please talk to me,” You turn to him wanting to scream at him. He just told you he wanted to break up with you and he expects you to want to talk it out? You gave him six fucking years of your life. And he wants you to talk about him wanting to call quits?

“About what Remus?” Your voice was flat. It was now Remus’ turn to feel sick. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy to break up with you. He knew he’d eventually be okay but he hadn’t thought about how you’d handle it initially. He didn’t think about how you would have reacted to the actual notion of him saying he wants to break up. The two of you talked which translated to he told you why he wanted to break up and you sat there waiting for him to be done. It wasn’t until then that you felt a familiar furry feeling on your lap. You look down and see Willow. She was yours and Remus’ baby lab. She was barely a year old. Looking down at her your tears began to well again. Remus needed her more than you, you knew that. So you said your last good bye to her. Tearfully and absolutely heartbroken you look at Remus,

“Bye Rem. I love you.” Was the last thing you told him as you closed the door completely breaking down in tears. 

You mindlessly put on your comfiest pyjamas. Which was an old baggy t-shirt and baggy pyjama pants that had little bears on them. Your hair was now damp from the time you had spent staring at the wall. Inhaling you look at your appearance. Your eyes look terrible. Opening a cabinet you take out eye drops, put them on in hopes it cuts down the redness of your bloodshot eyes. It was a sad sight to see. Opening the door you see your  sister had managed to rearrange your living room to have an impromptu movie night, you give her a tired smile and walk to the sofa. 

“Sadie, you are a literal angel.” She laughs and hands you a blanket. 

“Y/n need I remind you that you did this same exact thing for me when Tommy broke up with me?” You give her an apologetic smile. You did remember. It was her fifth year and she had come home to you telling you she had broken up with Tommy. You managed to set up your dorm to look very similar to how your current living room was, minus the alcohol. You got a projector and you had some films that you could use and the two of you watched shitty movies together and laughed. It was something that was your way of knowing you’d always be there even if you fought and hated each other sometimes you were still sisters.

“I know.” You offer up a water smile. She rubs her hand on your knee and hands you a glass of wine. You accept it with a smile and sip it as she hands you a pint of Ben & Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough. She smiles at you and proceeds to scroll through Hulu trying to find the perfect movie. Finally she landed on, 

As the movie played the two of you drank from the two bottles of alcohol in attempts to aid the underlying heartache. You sister had about two cups of each. You ended up finishing the rest. You fell asleep absolutely hammered. Tomorrow should be fun. 

˚☜˚.˚.˚☜˚.

You woke up your head was aching and the urge to want to take your head off completely became more and more compelling. You look at your phone waiting to see if Remus had texted you good morning. Right, he isn’t going to. You were over. Getting up from your previously laid down position your head proceeds to pound. On your night stand your sister had placed Advil and a glass of water for you. She knew how much you drank and she knew that you’d need it; But all the bottles in the world couldn’t fix the pain that was in your heart. Remus wasn’t your baby anymore and no wine bottles or Advil would help soothe that. You track your way to the bathroom internally cursing yourself for having drank that much. 

“How are you feeling?” Sadie asked as she too found her way to the bathroom. You shoot her a glare, deciding her volume was much too loud. She bit back a smile at your reaction and repeated her question in a softer tone. 

“Like I need a hammer to my head.” You respond and she has to fling her hand over her mouth. She saw how much you had drunk and well, assumed youd be in a pissed mood in the morning but she was okay with that. She knew that you needed this. Once you had freshened up you two both migrated to the living room. Sadie had cleaned up last night, putting the blankets back, cleaning the empty bottles and the ice cream pints. You glance around the apartment and a sinking feeling begins to set in. Almost as if sensing your sister appears from behind you. She doesn’t say anything and pulls you into a hug. You tighten your grip and squeeze her. She was your support. 

“Want taco bell?” You laugh knowing she wasn’t serious, but pull away and give her a sly smirk. 

“Spicy noodles?” She smiles and walks with you to the kitchen. When you and Sadie celebrated her 18th she wanted to go drinking. As her older sister you went with her and a group of your friends. Your boyfriend was there of course and he had told the story so many times you knew it by memory. Story goes you and Sadie were piss drunk and the only thing you two wanted were spicy noodles. So now when you are hungover you both want your spicy noodles. Which sounded amazing. 

“So, what happened last night?” Sadie asked cautiously as she began cooking the noodles. You leaned on the counter not sure if you wanted to talk about it yet. 

“Remus broke up with me,” you answer. 

“No shit. Why?” You roll your eyes. Thinking back you weren’t even sure why he was breaking up with you. 

“He said that we were too different now and that we need different people to grow into better people. He said that I needed to do better.” You say staring off at anything else. 

“Bullshit!” Sadie shouts. You glare at her for her volume but she doesn’t apologise. 

“No bullshit! Remus fucking Lupin? The man who bought you a case, a case of black tea because you said you had run low during the first year and gave it to you the next week? That Remus Lupin thinks that he isn’t better for you? The same one who came running, like literally ran to our house in the snow may I add, when he found out that you had measles? The same one who got down on his knees to ask you to the Yule ball? The one who got down on one knee after graduation-” You cut her off knowing all the incredibly sweet things that Remus had done for the past twelve years.

“Sades I know! I know all the stupidly sweet things he’s done. But that’s what he said. He said that he wanted to call it quits.” You shrug as you move to help her with the sauce.

“I don’t buy it. It’s fucking weird that all of a sudden he thinks that you can do better and that he isn’t enough? What fucking gives?” You glance at her and see how pissed she looks. If you didn’t know her any better you would assume she would drive to his flat and kick his arse. In the midst of the whole fiasco, your phone buzzed. You check it and your mood furthers to another depressive low. 

“Sadie?” Sadie could hear the change in your tone. She recognised the sound of tears. Turning to look at you, you hand her your phone. She sees it. It was a message from Remus telling you he put all of your things in boxes that were ready for you to pick up. Reading that made you feel sick again, you blamed it on the alcohol. Sadie felt like she could kill him, and scarily enough you felt like she would. So she took your phone and responded. 

“What did you say?”

“That we’ll be there in thirty. Go change. I’ll wait for you in the car.” She didn’t even give you a chance to argue instead pushing you to go and get ready to not look like you were stuck in a depressive episode. Instead you looked like you had been calm and collected before you had left. You change into a pair of jeans and a red long sleeved shirt. Deciding it was okay enough you exit your room and begin locating your shoes. Slipping them on you then meet your sister who surely was in the car awaiting your arrival. The drive to Remus’ was dreadful. Your heart had been tightening and you weren’t in the slightest prepared for what was set to come. When you had arrived Sadie parked the car, locked you in her car and went straight to the door. She wouldn’t let you go face Remus. There were also many words she wanted to say to him. 

While you remained in the car Remus was having his arse chewed out by your younger sister. 

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” Were the first words that Remus heard as he opened the door. He would be lying if he said he wished it was you at the door. When he saw Sadie another level of guilt hit him. Sadie and Remus had gotten awfully close while you and him dated. He took Sadie in like your guys’ child. He took care of her as such. Seeing her here in front of him and seething, was a punch in the stomach for him. 

“Sades-”

“It’s Sarah to you.”  Remus swallowed hard. It wasn’t common for Sadie to ever make anyone call her Sarah. If she did she didn’t ever speak to that person on regular terms. Having Remus call her Sarah was a terrible feeling for Remus. 

“Sorry. Sarah Please let me explain.” Sadie shook her head and pushed past him. She was familiar with the layout of his apartment. You had only been living there for four years. She knew it just as well as she knew yours. Walking into the living room she looked at Remus expectantly. Waiting for him to give her your boxes. 

“They’re in my bedroom. I’ll go get them.” Sadie nods and looks around the familiar apartment. The pictures of you and Remus were taken down and it made her heart hurt a little. There was one that caught her eye though. This one looks like it was bolted into the wall. It was a picture of you and Remus, it was taken during your last year of Hogwarts. When you both had graduated. The picture showed Remus on his knee and your hands on your mouth. Sadie had gone closer to the picture and she recognised what Remus was holding. It was your pearl ring. You had gotten that ring when you graduated. Sadie assumed you bought it. She didn’t know how. And by the image of the photo, it looked like a promise ring. At least she hoped it was a promise ring. That would make this hurt less if it was. Remus came back to the living room and saw Sadie staring at the picture. 

“It was a promise ring.” He said, and she now wished he hadn’t. She thought it would have been better if it was a promise ring but considering that she knew that he had to have promised something to her and you two breaking up sort of ruined that promise.

“Some promise.” Sadie spoke as she took the four boxes Remus had. She could only take two and she wasn’t going to have him help and take them out. She wouldn’t do that to you.  

“You stay here. I’m taking these then I’ll come back for those.” Remus nods and watches Sadie go to your car. He could see you in the passenger seat. You looked good, well from a distance. He couldn’t see your tear-stained face, or the sunken in eyes. He could see the sad look on your face. Sitting in the car you felt like there were thousands of little cuts all around your heart. It was a sinking feeling if you were honest. It wasn’t anything like you could have imagined. It felt like the thousands of cuts were slowly making their way to kill you. Is this what dying felt like? The thousand tiny cuts? It couldn't? Sadie had gone back to the door while you were contemplating your symptoms. 

“Remus?” Sadie asked the man. 

“Hm?” He couldn’t look at her.

“Why did you do it?” She asked, there was now hurt in her voice and that made Remus break.

“She needs someone who won’t bring her down, she needs someone who won’t give their children a life that could be ruined with the chance of being a lycanthrope. She needs a partner not a child. She’s been with me since she was 18. Sad- Sarah I think it's time I let her go and let her be happy.” Sadie laughed. It wasn’t a humorous laugh, it was a sad dry laugh. Almost like it was on impulse that she laughed. 

“Remus. My sister loves you. She loved you so much when she found out about your lycanthropy, she began doing hours of research. She would go to bed when the sun would come out because she was learning everything there was to know about it. She wanted to make sure she knew how to help you. When she learned it was hereditary? She began researching how to help little kids with lycanthropy. She would never, ever dare dream of leaving you because of that. So if that’s why you were breaking up with her. I truly hope you find someone who is either lycanthrope themselves or has put as many tears, blood and sweat into the research like my sister did. I loved you Remus I really did and I was excited to have you as my brother in law. I’m going to miss you but if that's how low you thought of my sister I think it's for the better. See you around Mr. Lupin.” And with that Sadie put the last two boxes into the car and got in with you. 

Remus stood at the door shocked about what he had found out. He didn’t know that you had put so much thought into lycanthropy. He didn’t even know there were books on how to help kids navigate being a lycanthrope. He felt like a major dick. He just broke your heart because he didn’t think you could handle life with his lycanthropy. Maybe he was being selfish, maybe it was him who wasn’t ready.

˚☜˚.˚.˚☜˚.

It had been two months of you trying to get drunk and forget Remus but no amount of drinking could do that. Nor did countless dress ups help. You knew that it would take time. But apart from missing Remus you also missed Willow. You missed her jumping into your lap and just comforting you. You missed having her with you. So around three weeks after the breakup you convinced your sister to bring a dog into the apartment. You adopted a border collie. She was brown and white. She was your life, her name wasPoppyy. She was the cutest dog ever. She wasn’t Willow but she was your Poppy. She was your baby. Sadie had been gone at work for the past hour. She had been called in to work an evening shift. So she had to leave you and Poppy. She was normally in charge of walkingPoppyy around the park. 

“Poppy, my love ready?”Poppy ran into the living room excitedly,  she was wagging her tail. She loved her walks, but she loved it even more when you were the one who took her. She loved Sadie of course, but she loved you a little more. You let her sleep with you and let her curl up into your side when you were sitting.Poppy was in every sense of the word your baby. When she had gotten closer to you she let you attach her leash to her collar. She looked up at you happily and couldn’t wait for you to take her out. Opening your door you walk out with Poppy. She did her normal routine of sniffing every single flower that she found on the way to the park. You didn’t mind since these were as much help toPoppyy as they were to you. Arriving at the dog park you let Poppy off her leash and let her interact with all the other dogs. You had to admit it did hurt a little that you weren’t here with Willow or Remus, but you had Poppy now. Watching Poppy run around and play with some other dogs you notice a flash of dark fur flash by you. You saw the same flash but this time running straight at you. Fear coursed through your body as you watched the figure get closer. As the figure got close you realised that it was Willow. Fear returned but this time it was because you knew if she was here Remus wouldn’t be far behind. Sure enough Remus had showed up. You were sitting there looking at him. He looked like a stranger now. His once cleaned shaved face had stubble, his warm eyes looked distant. The usual bagged eyes seemed to be sunken in more than usual, and he looked even slimmer than when you had seen him last. Glancing around  you tried to locate Poppy before Remus could approach you. But Willow wasn’t letting you. Willow was stuck to you much like Poppy. Since she wouldn't move, Remus quickly approached.

“Y/n hi.” You look up at him unsure of how to respond to him. 

“Hi.” Your voice was so small that you didn’t even think you sounded like yourself. 

“How are you doing? How have you been?” The casualness in his voice didn’t make you feel good. It made you feel like he was pushing, pushing to know how you were getting over him. You weren’t fond of it. 

“I’m fine. Poppy?” You say averting your glance and trying to find Poppy. 

“Um, that’s great. I’ve been fine. Oh, your ring-” You glance down at your hand and you stare at the golden band. When Remus broke up with you, you kept it as a reminder that he was your first love. Now you wore it because it was a present, a present because you had finished all your wizarding school.

“My ring. Yes I still wear my ring.” You began to get up and continued to shout for Poppy. 

“Look Y/n I want to apologise-” once again you cut him off.

“Remus. We cut things off two months ago. You said you didn’t want to be with me anymore and thought that I would  be able to, move on and find someone better. But you fail to understand that I would have given anything for you. I gave everything for you. It didn’t matter because you think I don’t deserve you. You never gave me that chance, Remus. You made that choice for me. Now I get to look back at the window of our love even if I have it boarded up. You were my world. Now you're my friend again.” Remus stood staring at you shock ridden in his features. He couldn’t come to terms with the fact that you weren’t his baby anymore. And he was all to blame. 

“Y/n I am so sorry that I caused this pain to you. I am so sorry angel. I still love you. I didn’t want to break up with you but I thought you could do better. Y/n please forgive me.” You suck in a breath as Poppy has made her way back to  you. She was nuzzling onto your side trying to comfort you. 

“Remus, I forgive you. But I can’t trust you. Take care of yourself Lupin. Take care of her too.” Turning around you leave. Tears streamed down your face. And that familiar pain was back. The pain of a thousand cuts against your paper thin glands. You would be alright if it was just a thousand cuts. 


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