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:)

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cheesapeake ripper

Its not lonely at all

ok, now that I’m thinking about it. Here’s exactly what would happen if I took will graham on a date to the rainforest cafe. I’m picking him up in my dead grandmother’s shitty 2000 Buick Century. He gets in it. He’s like, “it’s really warm in here.” I say “yeah, the a/c has been broken since 2005.” He says ok. We both know he could offer to fix it for me but he does not. ABBA is on the radio, “super trouper.” I’m like “oh wow I love this song.” He nods his head politely. We get to the rainforest cafe and we are seated directly across from the giant animatronic gorilla. I say “haha wow, they’re really not monkeying around here.” He quietly tells me that gorillas aren’t monkeys. I say I know will. He’s like ok I was just making sure. What are you thinking of getting? And I’m like, probably the tropical tortellini. And he’s like oh I was also thinking the tropical tortellini. Neither of us are particularly hungry because we’re getting weird vibes from the cheetah animatronic that’s been looking at us like this the entire time

So we decide to split the tortellini. The food comes. We both go for the same tortellini at the same time. Our hands brush. The moment is electrifying. I have absolutely no problem fucking on the first date so I’m about to go in for the smooch to let him know that that’s the direction the evening is about to take. However, as soon as I’m about to go in for it, lightning cracks, thunder rumbles and next thing we know we’re getting heavily misted. We’re both absolutely DRIPPING and it’s honestly a little awkward. He asks me if I want to go over and look at the fish tank. I say that I do. We put a good tip on the table but leave without paying. I’m a little nervous driving him home because I’m not sure if I’m getting a second date or not. I finally drop him off at his farm and I’m like, “ok, well I guess I’ll see you around?” And he’s like hey, look at this. He reaches into his pocket, and there in his hand is a tiny lil animatronic tree frog. I’m like wtf, when did u have time to steal this. He says :). I can’t help it. I’m balls deep in love with him already. He walks off into the night, and I quietly whisper, “when can I see you again?” He doesn’t respond. ABBA is still playing. Take a chance on me. I crank the bass up and drive away, back across multiple state lines but that never seems to matter in this shows universe anyway. I never hear from him again.

actual dialogue from Disco Elysium