Why Are We Focusing On Alastors Fuck Ass Bob When The Motherfuckers Walking Around With These Lobster

Why are we focusing on Alastor’s fuck ass bob when the motherfucker’s walking around with these lobster claws on his dome?

*snap snap snap*

I've seen posts going around claiming that petting animals is basically tricking them into thinking they're being groomed, and it's bugging me because, like, there's no trickery afoot. Petting and scritching are grooming activities. They help to dislodge loose fur and foreign objects and more evenly distribute protective oils, among other things. Primates are social groomers, and the human impulse to scritch is the legacy of our primate ancestors. We see an animal we like, even a dangerous one, and the monkey brain says "groom that thing".

(click on the first image for the full thing idk tumblrs being stupid)

art tips

don't call what you create "content". regardless of what it is. that's the devil talking. call it art, call it writing, call it music, call it analysis, call it editing, literally just call it what it is

I was going to put other things but oh my god please just don't call yourself a "content creator". you are a person you are making art / writing / music / etc you are an artist an author a musician

you are not an Image Generator For Clicks And Views. please. allow yourself to connect with your work by naming it properly and acknowledging yourself in kind

Istg, I’m so sick of being neurodivergent sometimes… Every time I make a new account on literally any platform, I know damn well I have approximately 2 hours before the algorithm detects my fucked up neuros and shows me the weird shit it knows I’m gonna like.

Sometimes I just want to have a feed that aimed towards neurotypicals cause it gives me a sense of normalcy and grounds me in reality.

Like what are “normal” people my age worrying about? Dating? Cooking? I have no clue. But I want to know. Not that I want to have their problems instead of my own but just to have a peek on the other side.

Don’t know if this relatable or not, I think the neurodivergent side of the internet is way more interesting but it’s always nice to switch things up.

Hello!!

I'm not sure if you can write it, I would be very happy if you write it.

I want ler alastor and lee Lucifer and Charlie.

I don't know, he might be in Alastor mode and want to catch the two of them (of course, with his tentacles, otherwise how can he fight them alone) he may make fun of "the king and heir of hell is quite ticklish" but I especially want Lee to outweigh Lucifer.

I hope you write

Royal Weakness

A/N: First of all, thank you so much to everyone who voted in the poll and to everyone who sent in their requests! I will admit this one was a bit of a challenge for me and I was on crunch time while writing it but figured I needed to get something out for y'all sometime this year lol. So yeah, not proof read and extremely rushed but hope you enjoy anyways!! <3

Relationships: Ler!Alastor, Lee!Charlie, Lee!Lucifer

Word Count: 2117

Summary: Charlie makes a bet with her father that lands them both into trouble.

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Charlie let out a scream as the tendril lifted her off the ground.

The princess had made a break for it, hoping to escape her smiling friend after he made it clear he was done with her bullshit.

The demon had no clue what had gotten into her but she had been following him around all morning hellbent on testing his patience. First it was the constant yapping, random pokes, random questions, hugging him almost every other minute. It wasn't long before Alastor retreated into his tower to get away from that wide-eyed pest.

The last thing he expected was for her to follow him in there. God, she was behaving like some snot-nosed toddler in an antique store. Bombarding him with a million questions as she put her grubby little hands on whatever she could reach.

What's worse is that he knew what she was trying to do. He'd known the girl long enough by now to decipher what her intentions were at any given moment and in that moment, it was crystal clear that she was fucking with him.

Unfortunately for him, Charlie also knew him well enough to know exactly how to push his buttons.

The demon was about to give into her game and share a laugh, he really was. Until she brought up his nemesis.

"This place could use some touching up." Charlie smiled as she dragged a finger on the table and inspected it for dust. "Y'know, I'd figured you'd pick up a thing or two about maintenance from your little bestie. Seeing as you go out of your way to impress him."

Alastor froze. "My what now?"

"Your best friend, Vox?" She grinned, knowing she had won. "I mean seeing how close the two of you are I'd hope he would rub off on you a bit. It's obvious that you look up to him and all, it's very sweet- AAAAH!"

Yeah THAT was the last straw.

Alastor finally snapped and exploded into his demon form that filled the room. That was when Charlie made a break for the door only to be swept up by her feet by one of the demon's tendrils.

The princess hung upside down and couldn't help but laugh at the reaction she'd managed to pull from her friend.

Alastor, however, was not laughing. God he was pissed. It wasn't even noon yet and this brat had somehow managed to make him lose every morsel of composure he'd carefully sustained over the years. Only for her to laugh in his face once she got the reaction she wanted. Yeah, this is why Alastor never had kids.

"Oh, this is funny to you?" He growled, smiling angrily down at her. Which only seemed to make her laugh even harder.

The demon shrank back into his normal form. Breathing deeply as he regained his composure. Though still clearly pissed off.

As much as he hated to admit it, he appreciated his friend's mischievous behavior at times. Hell, most of the time he would play along with it and direct her antics towards any other demon in the hotel. It's always fun being on the other side of the joke, and no one really expects to be blind-sided by the same girl who farted sunshine and rainbows. But jeez she really knew how to work someone's nerves.

Alastor didn't want to hurt her even if he could. Of course not, she was one of his dearest friends at this point. But that didn't mean she was going to get away with this.

"Okay, sunshine." The demon hissed through his smile. "You want to laugh? I'll give you something to laugh about."

Alastor relished the split second that smirk was wiped off her face before it was replaced by the girls hysterical screams.

Charlie shrieked and thrashed violently as she felt the demon's claws scribble rapidly on the backs of her knees.

"NO-! NO- AL-AAAAAHAHAHA!!! WAIT!- NO-WAIT PLEHEHEEEHAHAHAAAAA!!!"

Another tendril came up to hold the girls arms together as he blindly flailed around. Charlie was ridiculously ticklish enough as it is, barely ever lasting a minute before being thrown into silent laughter. So needless to say, Alastor going straight for her death spot was just down right cruel.

"STOOP-!!! STOPSTOPSTOP PLEHEHEHEHEASE!!"

Tears began to form in her eyes as that horrible tingly feeling spread throughout her body. To lost in her hysterics to even beg the other for mercy.

Alastor was far from finished, but could tell the girl needed a breather. Stopping for a moment to pace around the room as his friend dangled upside down and caught her breath.

"Heavens, you don't understand how lucky you are that we're friends." He growled, still pacing back and forth in an attempt at releasing some of his energy. "I've torn apart souls for far less than half of what you've put me through today, so congratulations. Consider yourself blessed that you're to ridiculously sensitive for me to take all my anger out on you at once, otherwise we'd be here all day!"

Charlie didn't dare laugh at this point in fear of provoking the man again. Even upside down, she could feel his eyes prying at her, no doubt to gauge when she's had enough oxygen to continue his little torture session. She wondered if this is what it was like to be a victim of one of his broadcasts. God, she prayed he wouldn't get the idea to broadcast this as well.

The demon stalked back over to her once he's decided she's had enough time to recover.

Charlie panicked. Her mind racing to come up with anything that could pull her out of the grave she'd dug for herself. Maybe if she could just deflect the blame he'd leave her alone...?

"It was dad's idea!" She blurted out.

The deer stopped in his tracks. Silence filling the room as the two stared at one another.

Charlie fell to the floor as the tendrils holding her in place suddenly disappeared. She pushed herself up off the ground, knees still a bit wobbly from leftover tingles. Brushing herself off as she regained her senses.

"His idea?" Charlie hesitated, not so sure now if she had just made the situation better or worse.

"Umm...yeah?" She admitted sheepishly. "I- uh...I made a bet."

Alastor felt his eye twitch but stayed silent and let her continue.

"Yeah, so the deal was that if I could get you to snap before noon he'd take Vaggie and I out for lunch. Apparently he thinks it's really funny when you're mad, plus he knew you wouldn't hurt me but I'm not so sure it's worth it anymore." Charlie gave a nervous laugh.

The demon stared at her for a moment, watching her fidget nervously as he thought up new recipes for angel wings.He took a deep breath and gave his friend a sweet smile.

"Well, congratulations on winning your little bet dear." He said, patting her head sweetly. "I do hope you all enjoy your little outing, hopefully it'll be worth all the trouble it caused you."

Charlie scratched the back of her head nervously and avoided his gaze. "Yeah. Sorry about all of that. Guess I just got carried away. No hard feeling, right?"

"Oh not at all, dear!" Alastor grinned. "Trust me, I understand going to great lengths in order to win a bet. Although, I can't say I think it's all that fair that I took my anger out of you instead of the person who put you in this situation in the first place."

Charlie looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

Alastor laughed. "I mean, it's only fair that your father suffer the same consequences you endured. Seeing that he had just as much of a hand in this as yourself."

The girl smiled, recognizing her friend's playful tone. "Ooooh. Haha, sounds good to me if it lets me off the hook. Just don't hurt him, deal?"

"Deal."

A few moments later...

It was half passed noon when Lucifer heard his phone ring. Charlie had texted him to meet her in her bedroom for details.

The king excitedly teleported to his destination, politely knocking first before being told to come in.

The man couldn't see a thing upon opening the door. The curtains were drawn and the lights were off making the room pitch black.

He squinted his eyes as he felt the wall for the light switch but just as he reached it, a hand snatched his arm and yanked him into the room. The door slammed shut behind him and he was thrown into complete darkness.

"Uh, Charlie?" He called out and jumped when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind.

"It's me! It's me." Charlie laughed, still hugging her father.

"Oh jeez, kiddo Don't scare me like that." He laughed. "What's going on? Why ya got all the lights off?"

"No reason." She laughed.

Yeah something was up.

"I won the bet by the way." She continued. "But I did run into a bit of trouble with Alastor after he finally snapped. And I maaaaay or may not have sold you out."

"What happened?! Did he hurt you? I swear I'll kill that prick if he so much as-AAH!!!" The king was cut off as he felt another set of hands place themselves on his sides.

"Not exactly." The voice said in front of him.

Lucifer's eyes had adjusted just enough to make out that red prick in front of him but before he had the chance to cuss him out, the demon began rapidly squeezing his sides.

He managed to hold in his laughter as he struggled to free his arms as Charlie moved them behind his back. Still holding him tight in her traitorous 'hug'.

"What the fuhuhuck are you two doing?!"

"You got sold out." Alastor chimed as he began kneeding his thighs. "Poor Charlie had to suffer the consequences of making me lose my temper, an impressive feet might I add, and spilled everything about your little bet."

"Sorry dad, my hands were tied. Alastor tickled me for so long I almost passed out." She laughed apologetically.

"You lasted a minute and a half, I counted." Alastor corrected and Charlie was grateful no one could see her face grow red.

Meanwhile Lucifer was not listening to any of this, to focused on keeping his laughter in as those claws continued to pinch up and down his legs no matter how hard he kicked.

A moment passed and the King was still holding out much to the demon's annoyance. Charlie was honestly giggling more than her father was.

Alastor looked up at his friend. "Say Charlie, do you think bad knees run in the family?"

Charlie stuttered a bit and felt her face grow hot again. "I-I uh-no! I mean...I don't know."

The demon shrugged as he fought to get a grip on the angel's thrashing legs. "Well, only one way to find out I suppose." And with that, he began scribbling his claws on the back of one of Lucifer's knees just as he's done to Charlie earlier.

"AAAAAAHHH!!! AAAHAHAHAHA- QUIHIHIT!!! QUIHIHIT IT YOU AAHAHAHA-!"

"I guess it does!" Alastor laughed triumphantly.

A few more minutes of this passed by, Lucifer handling the torture a lot better than his daughter had.

Charlie was sure Alastor could go on all night, but she was promised a nice outing with her father and girfriend plus her arms were getting tired.

"Okay, Alastor I think that's enough."

"Oh Dear, I was just warming up!" The demon pouted. "Very well. I suppose he's had his fill." And with that Charlie released the grip she had on the other angel, carefully following him to the floor as he caught his breath.

"You..." Lucifer huffed and pointed to the radio demon. "Are so dead."

Charlie looked a bit startled at her father's tone and quickly gave Alastor the signal to run.

He wasn't fazed in the slightest, of course.

"Yes, yes. You can maim me all you like but i do believe you promised Charlie a nice little outing did you not?" He smiled.

Lucifer huffed as Charlie helped him to his feet.

"You're lucky Charlie considers your dumbass a friend." He shot back.

The demon gave a satisfied hum before waving the two off and disappearing into the shadows.

And yes, the rest of the evening was lovely. The three angels enjoyed their time together outside the hotel for once. But Lucifer couldn't help but think of all the ways he was going to get back at the demon when the time had come. He was a man of his word, after all.