Feels Like We Only Go Backwards (4)

feels like we only go backwards (4)

gif credit: @anakin-skywalker

summary: Y/n grows distant after the kegger, leaving everyone in the midst of drama without even knowing it.

warnings: um none i can think of? let me know if there are though!

word count: 5.5k

a/n: as always let me know what you think and let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the taglist! strikethrough means tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you :(

part one! part two! part three!

IGNORING THE CRAMPS HE WAS GETTING, Pope smashed his fingers against the Playstation controller. 

He looked at Y/n from the corner of his eye, taking in her slouched figure as her tongue began to peek out of the side of her mouth. He decided against giving her a push so he could win - he wasn’t even sure it would work. She might have been too focused. Pope quickly glanced at the clock. It was almost noon. He watched his health bar get lower but did nothing to fix it besides having an abundant amount of health kits in his pack. Y/n let out a victory shout after she shot the fatal blow that killed Pope’s character. 

“HA!” she gloated, “you ready to get your ass beat again, Heyward?” 

Pope shook his head, moving to plug the controller up so it could charge, 

“Nah, I have to meet the pogues soon,” 

Pope watched her face drop, her sad eyes glued to him as he walked around his room to gather his things. 

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” her dejected tone quickly changed to something much lighter, “have fun!” 

It alarmed Pope just how good she was at hiding her emotions. He sent her a look as he stopped packing, maneuvering so he was looking straight at her,

“Are you sure you don’t want to come? Everybody misses you, they ask about you all the time.” 

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If You Don’t I Will

Word count: 3.3k

JJ Maybank x Reader : showing jj subtle ways of how you care for him and John B is tired of him not seeing it

A/N: I wrote another JJ thing bc im a simp and I love him and this was also another idea thats been floating around. Fluff is you squint but you dont need to squint hard, next will def be angst bc I live for it Xx

 masterlist

*not my gif full credit to owner*

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Best Shot - Part 4

Warnings: lotta angst, poor medical description, tooth rotting fluff

Word Count: 1519

A/N - There is some descriptive writing about being awake during surgery. This scene will take place in italics. If scenes like this make you squeamish, skip past the italicized part. 

Prologue - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 5 (finale)

-~- 

He could hear your screams from the waiting room, making more tears fall with each tortured yelp. Why couldn’t they just sedate you? Give you some kind of pain management? 

As if some other worldly power heard him, your echoes of pain no longer bounced towards him. Jay’s cries turned to sobs, his hands grasped so tight in front of his face his knuckles were white. Ruzek gently clapped his shoulder, along with the rest of the squad that surrounded the lone Halstead.

“She’s a fighter, Jay. I’m sure she’s okay,” he mumbles, trying to make the best of a bad situation. 

Jay wishes with everything he has that Adam was right. That Rhodes had just put you under to spare you the pain. But there was a small voice, like a demon on his shoulder, saying that you had left him. That you were gone. 

So as soon as Will entered the waiting area, covered in your blood, he held his breath. Everyone that was there for you did. When Will sat beside his brother, tears began to form in preparation for the worst.  

“The, uh,” Will sighs. “The bullet was through and through. Only nicked a few arteries and Dr. Rhodes is stitching up the arteries right now. She might scream some more because she refused sedation.”

“Wait, without sedation? Why didn’t she want sedation?” Jay asks quickly.

“That’s something you’ll have to ask her once we move her up into recovery.” 

“When can I see her?” Jay says while wiping what was left of his tears. 

“Well, Natalie just has a few more tests to run after the surgery and then I’ll take you to her.” Will says while standing up. “She got really lucky, more then you know right now.”

Once he walks away, the entire district was in a kerfuffle over Will’s vagueness about your refusal of sedation. 

“Who does he think he is? Sherlock Holmes? We deserve to know.” Ruzek says to the group. 

“Yeah, well it’s obvious she didn’t want us to know something.” Jay snaps.

The whole room fell silent. 

-(Y/N)’s POV-

The bounce from the stretcher sent pain racing through our abdomen, waking you up from your blood loss induced sleep. Once your eyes opened, you saw tears racing down Jay’s face as he sat on the ambo. You tried to sit up, tried to get to him and tell him you were okay. But the pain and a hand on your chest was a gruesome reminder. 

“Let’s get 100 milligrams of Fentanyl in her stat and a bedside ultrasound,” Connor says as he wheels you into the trauma room. 

“On my count. 1, 2, 3,” 

Shaky hands lift your back board and lay you on the bed. All you can think to do is scream as your wound is hit multiple times in the tussle. Your vest is removed and your shirt is cut off swiftly with scissors. Through your blurry vision, you see Will and another doctor enter, gloves at the ready. The women takes the ultrasound wand from Connor as Will tries to place in an iv in your arm.

“Bullet is through and through,” Connor says.

“No free fluid in the belly,” the other doctor says before moving the wand lower. “Wait, hold the fentanyl.”

“Natalie, she needs it.” Will says as you feel a needle pierce your skin, adding onto the pile of pain your body was vibrating from.

“Ms. (Y/L/N), did you know you were pregnant?”

“No, no fucking way,” you mumble as you shake harder, only increasing your pain. 

“Alright, (Y/N),” you hear Connor say. Turning your head, you can see the worry in his eyes.

“You are pregnant. Now I can give you a lower dose of fentanyl and I can get you under mild anesthesia. But I need to repair your wound or you and the baby will die.” 

Everything begins to blur around you, but one thing stands out through the fog. You were going to protect your baby no matter what. 

“Give me the lowest dose you can give me,” you whimper. “No sedation.”

“(Y/N)-”

“You heard me Connor!” you say as the pain spreads up, making it feel like you can’t breathe.

“Alright, call my team and take her to the Hybrid OR. Natalie, scrub in, I need you to keep an eye on that fetus.” 

Connor and Natalie disappear out of the room as Will sticks you with yet another needle. Quickly, he wheels you in your bed into the OR. With the help of some nurses, he gets you on the operating table. 

“Do you want me to tell Jay?” he asks.

“No,” you say while swallowing back whatever was left in your mouth. Will simply nods and leaves the room as Natalie and Connor enter.

“Alright, (Y/N), this is going to hurt but I need you to stay as still as possible. If you flinch and I knick another artery it’s game over for you two.” he says to, preparing what he needed to begin. 

All you could do was nod, the pain and exhaustion beginning to overtake your already weak and fragile body. 

That’s when you felt the first cut.

Searing pain on top of what already was unbearable spreads across your skin like fire ants on the hunt. You scream out, the only option you have as you force your body to stay as still as possible. 

“(Y/N), the baby’s heart rate is increasing because of the pain. It’s safer for both of you to go under light sedation. I promise it won’t hurt it.” Natalie says to you, her worried eyes peering through into your soul.

You can only nod with a sob as Natalie gets to work. At the same time yet another needle pierces your skin, you feel cold metal digging into your chest. You’re out of energy to scream, all you can do is cry, ensuring your chest doesn’t bounce with each passing sob. 

As you watch the needle disappear into your chest cavity, you prepare yourself to feel the pain once more. Thanks to the sedation, you finally didn’t feel a thing, but your body stayed tensed up as always. 

After about a half an hour, you were closed up and waiting to be transferred to the recovery room. Connor sits beside you in the tiny ER room, his cap and mask in hand as he looks at you. 

“Is it mine?” 

Your breath hitches in your throat. What if it was? Back there, you automatically thought that the baby belonged to Jay, failing to remember about your adventures with Connor. 

“I don’t know,” you croak. “If it is?”

“That’s up to you.”

You sigh to the amount your chest lets you. Things were finally right with Jay, you were in love and happy. Of course this happens now, something to take your happiness away. 

“Dr. Rhodes? Can I have a moment with (Y/N)?” you hear Natalie say from the entrance to the cramped room. 

“Yeah,” Connor says before standing up. “Just keep me updated.” 

Natalie only nods as he leaves, you chuckling at her curtness towards him. She looks towards you and smiles, pulling the ultrasound machine over once more. 

“Really? Him?” she says teasingly. You keep your chuckles soft to avoid more pain, but through your exhaustion you smile. 

“What can I say? He was available.” 

Looking down at her hand, you spot a ring on her finger, the one Jay had shown you many times on the anniversary of his Mom’s death. The one Will had taken for his special person.

“You’re Will’s fiancée?” you ask as you watch her hit a few buttons on the machine beside you two.

“Yeah, you must be Jay’s best friend then.” she replies before gently lifting up your gown. 

“Not so much anymore,” you say with a bit of glum. 

“I’m sure the baby won’t get in the way,” she reassures. 

“That’s no-”

You’re interrupted by the sound of your baby’s heartbeat. Uncontrollable tears spring to your eyes once she turns the screen for you to see your tiny blip. Gently, you lay a hand over your mouth to hide your smile, not believing that there was another human inside you that somehow, you would do anything for already. 

“The baby looks completely healthy, despite everything. They look to be about 7 weeks along.” Natalie says to you with a smile.

You run a hand through your hair, quickly doing the math in your head. The last time you and Connor slept together was well over 7 weeks at that point. You and Jay...well. 

“It’s not Connor’s.” you reply with a soft sigh in relief. 

With a smirk, Natalie sends a few photos to be printed before cleaning you up and taking you up to recovery. Once she gets you set up, ensuring everything was in working order, she walks towards the doorway. Before she leaves, she turns back towards you. 

“Do you want me to bring Jay up?” she asks. 

You nod softly as you gently lay a shaking hand on your abdomen. It was time for your blip to me it’s daddy. 

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What Could Have Been (Part 9)

Words: 1353 Warnings: Canonical violence, probably a poorly written response about hazmat shit A/N: I’m sorry for taking so long guys! I’m starting a new job and shit’s chaotic right now :( 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |  Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

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Shattered

Summary: A Jedi and a Mandalorian. Impossible right? Not for Satine and Obi - Wan. Hell, he even said he would leave the Jedi Order for her. But you wished it was you...

A/N - I have only watched a few episodes of Clone Wars so I am not overall familar with Satine and Obi - Wan’s romance. I just thought it would be a spicy fanfiction hehe. This story is also not based on any specific Clone Wars episode, but rather an imaginary situation.

-~-

You watch Obi-Wan and Duchess Satine walk ahead of you, escorting her onto a ship that would take her to clan negotiations. With each flirtatious laugh passed between them, your grip on your blaster becomes tighter and tighter. The only thing running through your mind was that she was the wrong Mandalorian, you wanted it to be you. 

Obi-Wan was in the deepest parts of your memory. Ever since Satine needed protecting from the Death Watch, the Jedi hadn’t left your life nor your thoughts. Many nights protecting the Duchess were spent over drinks and long talks of battles you both had faced...

“So you’re telling me that Anakin really jumped out of speeder to chase after a changeling?” you say in between bursts of laughter. 

“Yes!” Obi - Wan says, exasperation evident in his voice. “He was lucky he wasn’t killed in his attempt.”

“Stars! You must have had the time of your life training that whirlwind,” 

As your laughs settle, you bring the small glass to your lips, sipping the burning liquid the Jedi had brought to your room to share. Obi - Wan shakes his head from his seat in front of you, the amber liquid softly shaking with the movement. You let the intoxicating substance slip down your throat, a soft smirk etching it’s way across your face.

“Got any other stories in you tonight, General?” you say to tease.

“Not any that come to mind, but tonight is definitely going into my list.” he replies, taking a soft sip from his thin glass. 

“I feel honored, but why?” 

“It’s not many times I can say I have laughed this hard with someone. Also, it was awfully comedic when you were cleaning your blaster while trying to eye me from the side,” he gestures to the blast on your wall.

“And who says I was checking you out? Maybe there was something on your cheek.”

“Possibly, but there was most likely nothing on my lips,”

He had you caught. Damn his wit. You shake it off quickly, reminding yourself of the situation as to why he was here. To protect your best friend once again, the very woman he was beginning to draw close too.

“I’ll take it as a compliment that tonight was memorable, Obi,” you say, finishing your drink.

“Have you seen how Anakin looks at Senator Amidala?” you quickly add, changing subjects from the topic that left your heart full of pain. 

He was one of the few that ever saw your face beneath the helmet, besides the Duchess of course. In the end, the connection you were sure was true was nothing but an imaginary one. A plea to be more then friends that had been harshly ignored. 

Standing at the doors to the ship, you scan the clones as they enter, ensuring that all of them were authorized to travel with the Duchess. However, your focus is broken by a Scottish accent. 

“You seem tense today, (Y/N). Are you sure everything is alright?” he asks.

“Just that ex Padawan of yours getting on my nerves once again,” 

“Hey!” you heard Anakin exclaim from inside the ship, causing you to chuckle beneath your helmet. 

“Now there’s that chuckle I missed,” 

“Yeah, sure, Kenobi,” you mumble quiet enough that your modulator couldn’t echo it into the real world. 

“What did you say?” 

“Nothing, General Kenobi, just get in the ship. It’s time to take off,”

His face quickly contorted into one of confusion at not only your shortness with him but the backwards step in name. You had always called him Obi - Wan, Obi more specifically when you were alone. It was obvious to him something more pressing was on your mind, but he couldn’t figure out why. All of his worries were put on the back burner as he boarded the ship, enjoying Satine’s company once again.

You step into the ship after he has put space between the two of you, letting a soft sigh release from your lips. The door slams shut under your force, leaning your helmet clad head against it as you dread the day to come.

“You know,” you hear Anakin say, “my master can be quite blind.” 

“What are you talking about, Anakin?” you turn to the black robed Jedi. 

“He’s blind to your love towards him. Anyone can see it, I certainly can,” 

“And I see your love for Senator Amidala,”

With that, his cheeks glow pink, making you chuckle softly and gently pat his shoulder. 

“You got your love, Mandalorian’s like me don’t get that,” 

Picking up your blaster again, you give Anakin a curt nod before walking to the door that lead to Duchess Satine’s room. You guard it’s doorway, listening to their sickening laughs as you travel through hyperspace. 

-~-

The night you had arrived on the planet had been eventful...

At the meeting with the senators, there of course was an attack on the Duchess’ life. Multiple deadly drones had sneaked into the room, ready to inject the deadly poison directly into Satine herself. You could tell that from the ever so stoic Obi - Wan standing beside you that he sensed a disturbance in the Force. But you had caught the deadly machines first. 

With your usual accuracy, you killed multiple of the droids that had already surrounded the Duchess. Soon after, Obi - Wan took care of the rest, ensuring that none of the intended poison was delivered. Once you turned around after radioing the clones to meet you at the meeting room, you saw Satine safe in Obi - Wan’s arms. 

You were grateful for the mask, but never as much as you were now. It felt like your heart had shattered like glass, its sharp corners ripping the walls of your chest as they fell. Tears formed in your eyes, you had never seem them this close before. It was the conformation you needed that you had absolutely no chance. 

After bidding a farewell to the senators, you and Obi - Wan followed her to her room to ensure her safety. You remained an outsider to their conversation as you walked her down the hall. The tears threatening to fall would leave a block in your voice, an obvious tell that you couldn’t afford. With a large swallow, you let out a deep breath and entered the Duchess’ room and scanned it for any possible danger. 

“Are you sure you’ll be alright alone tonight?” you heard Obi - Wan question. 

“Yes, I promise Obi - Wan, I’ll be quite safe. I trust (Y/N), she’s been protecting me for years. I trust her with my life.”

There was the other kicker. You and Satine had always been close. Behind closed doors, the two of you used to be inseparable. Your united belief in leaving the barbaric Mandalorian ways behind and your youth was the cord that tied you together. Only for it to be severed by your feelings for the Jedi. Over everything, you wanted your best friend to be happy. That obviously meant with Obi - Wan and because of your strong feelings, you kept your distance. 

“Everything seems safe in her, Satine,” you say. 

“Goodnight, Obi - Wan,” she says with a soft smile. 

With a soft smile and a bow, the Jedi left and you knew you were screwed.

“So are we going to talk about your avoidance of me?” Satine questions.

“I’ve just been busy,” you try to lie. 

“You’ve been busy protecting the person you’re actively avoiding,”

You sigh, taking off your helmet and laying it on her bed before looking towards your friend.

“With everything going on, from the Death Watch to rebuilding Mandalore, I’ve just been overwhelmed,” you try to lie again. 

“I would believe that,” she comments, walking to her small bag and pulling out some casual clothes that contrasted to your engraved armor. “If I knew that Obi - Wan wasn’t nearby.”

You knew you couldn’t lie to her. There was no way, Satine knew you like the back of her hand. With a deep sigh, you look away dejectedly, the weight of your love making your armor seem heavier then before. 

“Sit,” she whispers softly, gracefully sitting on the bed in front of you.

Of course, you listen to your sister in arms, sitting beside her as you cautiously lay your helmet to the side. Gently, you pull your hair to your side, the long braid that was once tightly knit into a bun coming undone, the frizz apparent from the helmet’s friction. Satine’s careful fingers remove your armor with grace and respect as your tradition says too. As she does your work, you unbraid your hair, your thoughts filled with the bearded Jedi. 

“I’m happy you’re happy, Satine.” you blurt out, feeling a part of the weight you had been carrying around suddenly lift.

Once your armor was removed, you strip from your under garments that hold it in place, left in nothing but your underwear. Satine had seen you like this many times before, it was never awkward. 

“As glad I am hearing you say that, why do you say this?” she replies softly.

“You and Obi - Wan,” you choke on the tears of heartbreak, quickly swallowing them down. “He ma-”

Before you could finish, the door to her room flies open to reveal a very flustered looking Obi - Wan. He runs a hand through his long hair, softly shaking his head that wasn’t pointed towards you quite yet.

“Satine, you’re driving me cra-” Obi - Wan’s gaze turns upwards and he quickly panics. 

You were in the same boat, using the clothes in your hands to quickly cover up as soon as he had entered. 

“I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t know you and the Duchess were busy,” he says, quickly trying to back out. 

By the time the stuttering man had spit out his sentence, you were already dressed and your armor plus helmet in hand. 

“Don’t worry, General. I wasn’t sleeping with your girlfriend.” you quickly say out of embarrassment, a bitter taste in your mouth to what his previous sentence would have finished at.

As fast as you can, you quickly exit from Satine’s room and make your way quickly down the hall before letting tears fill your eyes. 

“(Y/N)!” you heard him yell, but you didn’t answer.

Quickly, you open the door to your small sleeping quarters, locking the door fast. With a shaky breath, you lay out your armor like you did every night, your helmet in the middle of it all. That’s when you gave in. 

When you gave in to the deep wounds, scratched and embedded pieces of your hear bursting after it’s shatter. The pieces pierce you over and over as your quiet sobs rack your chest from embarrassment and hurt. 

He was there to make love to your best friend, the one thing you saw coming. From what you had heard earlier on the ship, in between the loud bursts of the engine below you. Satine had convinced him to leave the Order for her. It was official. 

The heartbreak set in. Your heart was left shattered. 

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What Could Have Been (Part 11)

Words: 1063 Warnings: Arguing?  A/N: About the requests I have in, (they’re 17 if I’m not mistaken?) I’m writing them, guys! I haven’t forgotten!  It’s just going slowly, because I work full-time in front of a screen and sitting down in front of another one after clocking out isn’t quite appealing. Nonetheless, I’m writing them! I’ll try to go on a writing spree this weekend, hopefully things will smooth down then! :) 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |  Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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