Me Very Much Enjoying Losing Reads/notes Like :

Me very much enjoying losing reads/notes like :

...and suddenly all the love songs were about them

90% of my writing experience is doing this

Da Capo - part 7

Part 1 to 5 | part 6

Espressivo (Italian: 'expressive') An instruction meaning that a passage should be played with expression, or expressively.

He knew that he was doing when he agreed to have dinner with draco and to stay for a little longer and feel normal in a long while but then again maybe he didn't actually know or maybe a much larger part of him just didn't wanted to believe that it was very much real, that he was with draco, again. It was strange how for a few moments it'd feel absolutely normal to be with draco but then it would suddenly be awkward again like it was a flipping switch and somebody was flipping it according to their mood. All of the time he spent with draco he yearned for something he had in the past, the sound of his laugh, the look on his face of mocked shock, the way his eyes used to shut tightly when he'd laugh, how his hands would immediately cover his face while laughing, the little physical touches; harry found himself yearning for it and yet he knew he couldn't because he didn't deserve them anymore but just for a few hours he enjoyed the normality, the space where he hadn't left and they had still been together, just for a few hours it'd vanish that hearts had been broken, that harry has abandoned everything else. Just for a few hours in normality where he could pretend that all of it didn't happen and he was right there to one and half year ago with the same person, same apartment and same warmth like the chords of the songs had never changed and the same folklore was playing on repeat but in reality the folklore has changed numerous time and none of them sounded like coming home.

He entered Hermione's place at almost midnight and was caught by Ron in the process but they had nothing to say to each other but just receive Ron's glare because what better could had been spoken and harry was weighed down with the harsh reality he had managed to escape for a little while and here he was again facing the fact that his best friend didn't talk to him anymore.

Too tired from previous night's events, Harry woke up and entered the kitchen very silently and had almost eaten his breakfast in peace when Ron had walked out of the bedroom putting on his robe. He only threw a look at Harry and left for work. Harry knew then that he couldn't bear the thought of only having conversations with Ron that involved glaring and with that he left for the Weasley's and visited Arthur.

It was pleasing to be there with everyone and Just laugh about at things that seemed funnier then and dwell upon past like the times when harry had returned with broken arms more so than ever that even Madame pomfrey stayed on the edge when harry didn't come by the end of the year to her with some severe Injury. It was all funny while it lasted until Ron and Hermione had come over in the evening and everything had turned awkward again.

" how long do you reckon Ron's gonna be mad at me ?" Harry had asked Ginny when some of the anger had dissolved off Between them.

" I'd say a bit more long frankly but then again you guys have always been buddies who would never be away from each other so it was hard on him to know that you just left " Ginny replied.

Harry stared at Ron at the corner of the room talking to Charlie about something-

" When are you leaving ?" Ginny asked suddenly

" what ?"

" I asked when are you leaving ? It's not like you're going to stay here forever, you are Bound to go to Paris soon because you know that's where you live, so when do you leave ?" She asked, crossing her legs and watching harry tentatively as he thought.

Harry wasn't going to stay forever. All of it was nice while it lasted or was going to last but Ginny was right, he lived in paris now , his job, his new friends, his apartment, his life was there, it was all there even if it wasn't a home, he had to go soon and yet harry couldn't reply, Maybe Because a part never wanted to go anymore, the part that still thought like a kid, like someone who wanted to fix his life and knew what he wanted but there was this other part of him that he was terrified of who constantly told harry that it'll last one day and he knew he had to leave before it got too late, he never knew why but that part was always on a mile high ready to run.

He didn't reply, Ginny didn't bother.

Harry, Ron and Hermione had left altogether for their place but it had never been more strange, Hermione kept telling him that Ron would come around but when exactly was all Harry could think of. He didn't want to leave this time without having a chat with Ron but the more he thought about it the more he realised that it was easier to just not talk with Ron anymore.

But then was it worth it ?! The not talking, would it ever be worth it ?

Harry remained in the not talking zone for another 2 days with Ron and somehow it was driving harry insane by the way Ron was letting out his frustration with the snapping, the Taunting, not leaving milk for him, completing the Crosswords Because he knew harry liked to do them, or just in general annoying him in petty ways and in the beginning harry had assumed that he deserved but the part that didn't always felt lonely yelled at him to confront Ron and talk with him, fight with, hit him but do at least something but he was terrified of everything Ron might be capable of doing if he approached him.

And he might've wanted to plan a well organised conversation with Ron to not have an outburst until the evening of Thursday Harry had received his mail about joining back for work as soon as possible and he was discussing it with Hermione and Ron, as he was present there.

But ron had snapped the moment harry had told Hermione that he needed to go back to Paris and would visit next week or as soon as possible to check upon them.

" it's all pity " Ron droned

" Excuse me ? It's pity ?" Harry turned to ron with a moment's agitation.

" harry- no-"

" no Hermione,let me just know, what do you mean it's pity ?!"harry asked, this time more seriously

" well I think it is pretty clear that you coming here in the first place was a pity show and any of your future visits will also be out of pity or sympathy " Ron snapped mockingly as he got up from the table, taking his plate with him and putting it in the sink.

Harry humorously laughed " I can't believe you actually just said that ? You think I came back here because of pity ? Is that what you think it is then let me just shower you with the money right " harry Snapped

"harry- don't-"

"no, Hermione, don't. He thinks he did one good thing by coming back and thinks it's all fixed but guess what harry, it isn't " Ron angrily cut her off storming off into he living room, harry following him equally angry with ron.

" fixed ? I am sorry, enlighten me with why I need to fix things " harry crossed his arms, egging Ron further.

" enlighten you ? You are as fucking oblivious as you seem then ! You think just because you sucked up to mum , paid dad a visit everyday and helped others out it fixed the fact that you just bloody left and without a goddamn explanation, that is what you should fucking working on fixing "

" you know Ron I thought for once you can actually be supportive of my decision to have me live my fucking life my own way but apparently you can't seem to understand the boundaries-"

" it's not about the fucking boundaries harry, it's about being a fucking terrible best friend"

" oh I'm a terrible best friend " harry raised his eyebrows as he stepped closer to ron and snapped " what are you then because all you did was fucking ignore me, at least I tried to reach you ron, you didn't even fucking reply and I don't know what pile of shit your sitting on to think that you're a saint who did no wrong but it's about time to step down and stop being a fucking bitch and act like a freaking sensible adult that you are. If you truly were my best you'd had asked me how I was to begin with or how hard is it living where nobody knows me or accept my decision to live there "

" oh I get you big time harry. I get the whole living alone is hard and accepting your decision but it doesn't give you the damn right to just go away whenever the fuck you want because you felt like it. There are people who actually care about you-"

" like you fucking care about me-"

" yes I do. I really do fucking care about you and if you just open your tiny little bit of eyes and your shut off brain you'd be able to see all that you left behind just because you wanted to try something new " Ron Snapped

" You think I did all of it because I wanted to try something new ? Or I wanted change " harry Airily laughed and then spat " if that's what you think I did then you don't know me as much as you think you fucking do "

" then tell me why the fuck did you leave and never came back ? Why did you wanted to be so cut off ?!"

" because I don't know alright. I don't fucking know anything about my life. I was getting tired maybe, I was exhausted from the same shit over and over and it felt like trapping myself in a box that I wasn't ready for. I had lived my whole fucking life depending on other people and for once I didn't wanted people to see me as a charity case. Because I wanted to be someone "

The entire room fell silent as harry collapsed on the couch, his hand running down his face and a shaky breath escaping his lips.

" I don't know why I did it or why I never came back but all I want for you is to understand that I need time. I'm still figuring everything out and when I need you the most, I want you to act like you are there and not be mad at me for wanting to live a different way, "Harry added.

Hermione watched the screaming match from the door of the living room and as Ron heavily sat down on the couch next to harry and left out a shaky breath too.

" it's fucking selfish of you, you know " Ron calmly said

" wha-"

" it's selfish that you think you're the only one with problems, you're not. I have my problems too harry, maybe not as big as yours but they were problem's too and when I needed you the most you weren't here and I needed my best friend more than anybody. But I am selfish about you Harry because I can't lose you, you" he swallowed " you're my best friend" Ron explained as he looked at his shoes, leaning back and fidgeting with his fingers.

Harry stared at Ron for a moment as if he was trying to soak in everything and pretend not to be hurt but they both were hurt and it was mandatory for both of them to get hurt Because there was no other way.

" I needed you too. I still need you ron. You're still my best best friend and I just hoped you'd be more understanding because you always have been. There's still so many things I need you with and I know I'd been a terrible friend to leave you and I wish I could change that but i can't" harry replied calmly

Ron bit the inside of his cheek, nodding at harry until a few minutes later harry had broken into a little laughter. Ron didn't understand at first but watching harry laughing had left him Laughing and they laughed for a very long time until they were rolling on the floor clutching their stomachs because it hurt, telling each other to stop laughing.

Their laughter died out like lukewarm water turning cold again but still they were smiling on the floor staring up at the ceiling.

" We fight like a married couple" Ron chuckled.

" We do " Harry laughed again.

Ron sat up immediately after that, watching harry get up and sit straight.

" sorry for being an arsehole" Ron shrugged

" me too " harry replied, smiling.

" oh come on for fucks sake hug it out " Hermione cried as she entered the living room.

They laughed but definitely hugged like they had been met after so Long but then again they had.

" I missed you Mate "

" I missed you too " harry replied.

______________________________

" you know, you already are someone harry " Ron had said when they were leaning over the railing on the balcony.

" what do you mean ?" Harry frowned

Ron sighed turning to face harry" you said earlier when we were yelling at each other that you wanted to be someone, you already are someone. You just don't give yourself enough credit "

Harry looked at Ron for a few moments before he bobbed his head " thanks, mate "

" I thought you left because you broke up with draco, or at least that's what I heard, what's the new thing about feeling exhausted ? Were you like not in a happy relationship ?" Ron asked finally

Harry exhales sharply as he fondly stared at the view of the London suburb thinking of all the times draco had managed to make him escape reality. He knew escape mechanism were always supposed to be a thing but to him it was a person, the one man he could skip lives with and find happiness but then there were moments he wished he could even escape draco.

" I don't know Ron. At first I thought I left because of draco, I was happy in the relationship or at least I think so, he was but I don't know what went wrong or what changed but the more time I spend thinking about it the more easier it was to just blame on relationship " harry sighed guilty.

" You've never been the man to seek easy thing's harry. You remember the time when you wanted to just quit everything at the end of fifth year or when the auror training got hard ?"

Harry nodded

" you didn't quit then, you didn't even seek the easiness, because easy always hurts. I think I might understand that it's easier to explain people that you left because of your relationship problem but it's wrong to make draco the blame if he wasn't to be blamed at and I know I never really liked draco enough but he doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve to be blamed for something you can't figure out " Ron clutched Harry's shoulder lightly hoping it didn't offend him.

" I know Ron, but it's easier and I'm tired-"

" I know you are. We all get tired sometimes but then that's where we don't give up. Maybe you should try everything again and this time a little more out of your shell and let yourself enjoy without having the terrifying harry inside of you guiding you to be Someone you don't want " ron said calmly.

One and half years apart and yet Ron knew harry like the back of his hand and he thinks he loved this, he thinks he really did.

" He just leads the way, " Harry sighed, resting his hand on his hands on the railing, flinching when his chin touched the cold rod and immediately placed his hands under the chin.

Ron looked straight forward before he replied " they're just parts of you, not the entire you. Lead your own way and things may surprise you "

Thing's always did surprise him, didn't they ?

Part 8

My immense apologies for missing updates but here I am.

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Angst prompt requests open

Da capo - part 6

Trail post part 1 to 5

Ritenuto (Italian: 'held back')

It was raining.

Harry stared out of the window of the restless night watching the sky pour down over the earthly land. He sat there on the bed, hearing faint hustling from outside in the hallway and the sound of water crashing against the window, he remained there, watching and falling in love. It was easier he realised while his mind wrote down with a quill in his head that Loving was easier, that falling in love was easier, falling out was hard and it's not because nobody tells you how to but because we all fear abandonment, and in love there isn't abandonment. He hates thinking about the night he had to leave Draco because it was easier to just not think about it and even if he hated the easy way, he never complied thinking the hard way because perhaps for once he wanted things to be easy.. Maybe that's why he didn't return, among many other reasons he doesn't know. Among many other reasons he wishes he knew.

He woke up the next morning and being done with morning routine, he realised he had nothing to do. He could visit Arthur but the ward remained close today as he heard clearly yesterday by the nurses. He thought he might go shopping but he always hated the idea of shopping alone. He could maybe take a walk but he couldn't remain on the streets all day and he didn't wanted to disturb the Weasley's anymore, he had already been enough of a trouble to them, in the past and now.

" you could come to the office with me and Ron, they'd love you down there obviously but you can just explore the visitor section"

" ministry is possibly the most boring place to be Hermione " harry rolled his eyes as he shut the last page of the daily prophet and slided the newspaper across the counter.

" it's not all bad alright. Maybe you could even try and patch things up with Ron " Hermione suggested

" I'd much rather not be murdered in his office Hermione " harry replied lazily.

" you can't Just sulk in here harry" she sighed and then just as randomly it hit her " you know what you have to do nothing..but you can help me right ?"

" help you with what ?" He asked strangely curious.

" we have got these old cold cases files that's already been done but nobody is ready to tally them to check which one's closed, which one's are still being worked on and which ones need to be worked on. You can help check them " Hermione suggested.

"I'd rather choke to death mione. I left ministry for a reason " harry rolled his eyes.

" come on-"

" fine" he dragged on " I'll come but I'll be in the visitor's section. I'd wander about and if nothing interests me I'll come back "

Hermione thought for a moment but then nodded and very much regrettably harry left with her soon enough.

Harry was absolutely right about ministry being a very boring place. Hermione was as busy as ever and Ron Definitely didn't wanted to see him, everyone's gawked at him like an old extinct species present in a museum and the visitors section was filled with mostly bunch of kids who came on a trip. Harry was more than ready to just go back home and was walking to Hermione's office when he collided with someone just before her door.

" I'm so sorry- I didn't- Draco?" Harry frowned.

" what are you doing here ?" He asked immediately.

" well- you know I like to walk around here with files and running in circles " Draco joked, harry almost did smile " I work here obviously . I didn't know you were coming "

" oh, Arthur fell sick. I had to visit " harry replied.

" oh " draco replied as though realisation stroke him just then " I heard about that. How is he doing now ?"

" fine " harry nodded.

They remained there awkwardly looking at each other when someone crashed by Harry and his eyes fell onto Hermione's office door.

" listen I - I'm sorry- I gotta go actually. I need to- well talk to Hermione, but meet me soon I guess ?" Harry Suggested.

" oh- no- sure, yeah. Meet you soon then "; harry nodded and walked past Draco, almost about to knock her door when he heard him call out.

" what ?" Harry responded.

" I'm - almost done with work. Wanna go somewhere ?" Draco asked. Harry thought about it for a moment, his mind screaming of how weird it was, how awkward it would be and how incredibly wrong it was to see your ex boyfriend just as a friend.

" sure " instead harry replied.

" wanna come in my office then. I just need to-"

" sure " harry smiled cutting him off before Draco could've even explained but then it didn't matter and they walked into Draco's office.

" potioneer then " harry nodded as he entered his office.

" yeah, I got the opportunity last year and I thought why not. Hermione suggested me. Thanks to her" Draco dismissively replied stashing his files into his bag and locking.

" so why didn't you call when you came ?" Draco asked as he wore his coat, checking his pockets one last time.

" I just came actually, a day before yesterday and things had been busy with making up- meeting everyone and- just things " harry replied pocketing his hands.

Draco understandingly nodded and walked them out of the door.

They made a few small talks as they walked out of the ministry and strolled across a few more streets.

" so- you sold the apartment ?" Harry asked curiously.

Draco looked at harry for a moment before he realised what he meant and shook his head " it's already hard enough to find apartments here, I couldn't afford losing another and I mean it's not that apartment was the reason for everything, right "

Harry understandingly nodded but somewhere they both were welcomed with the fact of how strange it was to be like this, they were pretending maybe but it wasn't easy to just forget everything and yet both were playing their parts to the best.

They walked silently a few more streets both thinking of the same thing yet none dared to bring it up again, after all they had decided that they won't be the ex's who can't be friends.

" you wanna come over to my place, for dinner, maybe ?" Draco offered.

Harry wanted to say no, even almost said no but somewhere in the back of his mind knocked the images of Ron and Hermione and their pity looks or their hesitation in being able to talk. Considering the history it should have been harder with Draco but surprisingly enough, it wasn't as hard and so he responded " sure. Not like I have any other places to be "

Draco nodded and took the turn for his apartment and in not less than 5 minutes they were there as though he had planned to take harry home. They walked up the stairs in deafening silence and didn't utter a single word even when they entered the apartment, it was a doorbell that startle them and defiantly made them talk.

" mrs. Kentucky, how are you doing ?" Draco greeted his neighbour with a huge grin.

" lovely Darling. Wanted to return the sugar I borrowed and - is that Harry ?" She peered a little more through the door to get a better view but as Draco turned around to check on Harry, he vigorously shook his head.

" no, no that's just a colleague. Not a very friendly one at that " Draco Whispered and she nodded.

" not friendly eh, so not gonna date him huh" she mischievously smiled. Draco reddened at her words and immediately took the sashe of sugar and practically Shoved her out continuously thanking her and with a loud thud closed the door.

" she just-"

" I know " harry nodded smiling knowing exactly the kind of gossip lady Mrs. Kentucky was.

" ju- just for the record- I- I didn't bring anyone so there's nothing to-"

" Draco " harry stopped him " it's fine. We're- history " he added.

Draco seemed as though he wanted to say something but didn't and followed into the living room after nodding at harry.

" this place hasn't changed at all" harry said after having glanced the place.

" I- I didn't really feel like the need to " Draco replied.

" you mind if I- change ?"

" no, no of course not " harry shook his head vigorously and turned around to head towards the couch. Draco took it as a cue to get changed fast and join him again in the living room.

Harry despite having initially planned on sitting over the couch, stepped into the balcony and let himself gawk at the view. It's been so long he last saw the beautiful view it offered. The balcony had always been a very peaceful, calm escape especially when things seemed to overweight him; he can remember endless nights he had stood on the balcony because he felt as if something is someone was choking him, like the coil around his neck only tightened and he surged for air and this place had been where he came for a breath. He never was able to understand why everything was the way it was as and when he looked for answers, he couldn't, at least from not where he was. As he stood there watching over the city of London he was hit with strong realisation of how much he actually missed being here, missed the smell of the pizza place down the road and the sound of loud TV from the apartment next door and the lights that flickered on the road by the passing cars and the sight of clock tower, he missed being able to see over such a long latitude and wonder how farther the end is and it wasn't as if he didn't like paris, but paris wasn't London. Paris didn't had that flickering lights going by down the streets or the kids running down the streets on a skateboard or the loud neighbour next door with obnoxious loud TV nor it had the clock nor Paris had that calming grey look in the sky because of the always unprecedented rain about to happen any moment. Paris just wasn't what he thought it was.

" missed this ?" He heard. Harry didn't need to turn around, he just nodded.

" paris doesn't give you this ?" He asked as he stood by next to harry.

" there's a lot of things paris doesn't have " harry mumbled wishing he could explain Draco everything but he couldn't. He waited for Draco to ask why did he leave but he never asked and this is why perhaps tonight Harry was here and not there. Perhaps this is why Harry found it easier to be with Draco because he didn't ask too many questions, because he never asked unless he knew harry wanted to asked, because he understood when Harry didn't feel like talking, because he understood harry like no one else and even when draco should be the last person to understand harry and give him another chance, he did and maybe that's why he was here tonight, in the heart of the City with the one man who's heart was just broken as Harry because he knew harry, when no one else seemed to.

" London is home-"

" and Paris isn't ?"

Harry just shook his head. Paris was everything but home.

Because in paris, there wasn't you. Because there wasn't you in your blue blowy shirt and washed jeans with open arms, there wasn't you..

I don't know why the short chapter!!!

300 followers appreciation dialogue Prompt requests open

Angst prompts request open

I honestly didn't know I need to read this until now 🤧

on the other side

“But as he sprinted toward the dais, Lupin grabbed Harry around the chest, holding him back.

‘There’s nothing you can do, Harry —’

‘Get him, save him, he’s only just gone through!’

‘It’s too late, Harry —’

‘We can still reach him —’

Harry struggled hard and viciously, but Lupin would not let go…

‘There’s nothing you can do, Harry… nothing… He’s gone.’”

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Chapter 35

The smile was still frozen on Sirius’ face when he opened his eyes, stumbling backwards a bit. He didn’t know where he was for a moment, head spinning, but he knew he had to get back to Harry. It was light in the way soft afternoon sun filters through curtains on a breezy summer afternoon taking the edge off of everything, but panic consumed him when he realized. The doorway in front of him was not a doorway. 

He was dead.

He had to get back to Harry. Harry, who loved easily and bravely and who had just finally met his godfather. Harry, who was supposed to move into Grimmauld Place with him. Harry, who had come to the Ministry to save him. Harry, who had been abandoned too many times already. 

He had to get back to Harry. 

He staggered forward, needing to pass back through and knowing nothing else. He was a step away when familiar arms encompassed him from behind, pulling him back and into a familiar chest. 

“Sirius, you can’t.” 

He fought it, trying desperately to continue onward, but the grip was unrelenting. “Let me go; you have to. Harry! Harry! Please, please let me go. I have to — I can’t leave him. Please! Please. Harry! You don’t understand. Please, please.” Sirius begged, voice cracking, anguished. 

“Sirius, it’s for the best.” 

“No! I can’t leave him. He’s all alone. I have to protect him. It’s not time. It’s not time, not yet” He fought to no avail.  “I have to go back. He needs me! I promised—” The words caught painfully in his throat. 

“Pads, Pads, it’s too late.” 

Sirius collapsed, a gasping sob claiming him, but didn’t fall. His best friend held him close. 

“James,” he choked, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault, Sirius,” James said. “He’ll be okay. Everything will be okay. You’ve done so well. I’m so proud of you.” 

based on this art 

https://starlitsilvereyes.tumblr.com/post/656431645711368192/my-wonderful-friend-and-mom-claire-aka-apr1cots

for my most brilliant, perfect, wonderful, talented child. @starlitsilvereyes i love you. based on the art you made me. (for i will never recover.) i hope you have the most wonderful of birthdays. you deserve the entire world on a silver platter. you have been the most genuine and amazing friend to me and i am so grateful for your presence in my life. you are witty and funny and kind and so amazingly beautiful (and hot) COUGH PANSY COUGH. and i love you. love. love. love you. ty for everything. 

ALSO TY TO MY LOVELY @lyssarose for the beta. i love you TOOO 

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