Modern Sherlock Holmes But Hes A 27 Year Old, Drinks Energy Drinks Only, Is Astonishing Polite And Has

Modern Sherlock Holmes but he’s a 27 year old, drinks energy drinks only, is astonishing polite and has no idea how the solar system works because it was never relevant to a case but can name every every person involved in making Super Mario Bros because he did need that for a case once.

Watson is continuously appalled about his eating habits and makes vague posts on Twitter that ends in threads like

Watson: “My roommate noticed only today that he can label his email inboxs but took apart his entire bloody laptop two weeks ago.”

Person: “This reminds me of the post about the roommate who couldn’t turn on the coffee machine but remembers like 500 numbers of pi”

Watson: “I’ll be delighted to inform you that this is the very same roommate.”

me: okay time to go to slee-

my brain: in the sign of the four, holmes professes decisively that he will never marry, lest it clouds his judgment, nor will he ever love. in later stories, however, we see him saying things like "should i ever marry" or "should i ever have a son". he seems to have become quietly more open to the possibility of love ever since his relationship with watson flourished because watson makes holmes believe in love

me, crying: fuck you

a

"When you fight you are like the light.

You shine so bright that we can't do anything but look.

And we see how you're born, and we see how you grow, and we see how you die.

But we fight like the shadows.

You never pay us attention even when you know we are there.

We never seem to have won nor do we seem to be defeated. We never seem to have gain nor lose anything.

And so you don't look at us, and so you forget about us.

And it is only in your final moments, when you see how we remain the same while you are dying that you realise. We've won, we've survived, we are the last ones standing."

the only acceptable post-s10 continuation of the show without steve would have been a danny-centric sitcom spin-off in which he’s navigating life as a retired single dad while steve is away. steve never comes on screen, but danny is constantly on the phone with him for half of every episode, and while we don’t /hear/ steve, danny does enough indignant repeating of whatever steve just said that we can always follow their conversations perfectly. one episode is about a school camping trip charlie goes on that steve promised he’d join as a parent, so now danny has to sub for him and he’s very mad about it because camping, steve, camping. one entire episode is just about danny learning to fake steve’s signature because technically steve is still the head of five-0 because he never officially retired before he took off, so now the team needs his name on some paperwork and they plead with danny to do it because he knows steve best. (turns out the paperwork that danny thought was super important was to get an espresso machine in the office.) one episode is about danny wanting to have a quiet day to himself and read a book, but steve keeps frantically calling and texting him because steve is at chin’s place and is trying to make a pavlova but has no idea what he’s doing and needs baking tips. all of the other cast (lou, tani, junior, quinn, lincoln, adam) are still on the show, and in every single episode you see them running around in the background of wherever danny is, doing their five-0 jobs, but completely out of context because we have no clue what their actual case of the week is. they’re usually seen in the middle of dismantling a bomb or arresting an international diamond smuggler or ducking to avoid getting hit by bullets while danny is in the foreground, ignoring the possibly literal fire behind him because he’s busy buying malasadas while attempting to get steve to tell him why they suddenly can’t facechat anymore (the answer, as it turns out at the end of that episode, is that steve accidentally died his own hair orange). 

The BBC Radio's version of The Blue Carbuncle contains, what has to be said is, one of my favourite scenes... It's when Holmes and Watson are standing in the street after proving the innocence of John Horner.

Here it is in its full text glory 💖

From Bert Coules' book 221 BBC.