Presented Without Commentary: Someone's Rendition Of Sonic Unleashed

Presented Without Commentary: Someone's Rendition of Sonic Unleashed

Presented Without Commentary: Mario Goes Too Far

Loljk: A new concept

In my day-to-day proceedings throughout my lifetime, I have noticed some peculiarities about the way, during usual cafeteria table conversation, that "logic" can be used to prove a sarcastic point or mess with people's heads. It has almost turned into an art of sorts, much like standard rhetoric has, except that this rhetoric is used in a joking manner. Using colloquial terms of my day, I have devised a name for this new art: Loljk.

Don't leave yet, I have my reasons.

I chose "loljk" because the terms "lol" and "jk" are most often used after such discourse, and because it sounds like "logic" when pronounced correctly. By observing the phenomenon carefully, I have also derived a definition for it:

Loljk is the attempted use of flawed logic wherein there are an unusually large number of fallacies (e.g. post hoc, ergo propter hoc), untruthful statements (especially those that almost pass as truth), or things that are just plain wrong. It is used extensively when making jokes or trolling, and is often used by people who have no idea what they're doing, occasionally stretching to even the smartest of us when used without thinking first. It is related to, and in most cases synonymous with, troll logic.

The uses of loljk are many and varied. Its main use is to prove untruthful statements, useful for creating nonsense, deriving unrelated objects, recreating history, proving the unprovable, or making one look smart when one has no idea what one is doing. Other uses include humor, getting out of sticky situations, horrifying teachers, or earning blank stares from one's friends. It is known to be extremely useful on tests.

Spread the word. Hopefully awareness will breed understanding, and understanding will breed new talent in this new art of loljk. Rhetoric has successfully evolved for a new generation.

F1RST P0ST

[A group of people enter the room.]

WillWare: Oh, hey! This is my new blog thing that I'm working on.

Person 1: That's cool!

Smart Alex: "New"? Like your theme isn't?

Person 2: What's it about?

WillWare: A number of things, actually. I'll post about music, video games, art, philosophy and religion, whatever cool stuff I find, smart things, and my life at *location* School for Math, Science, and the Arts, which will soon change to college.

Person 2: *location*?

WillWare: I'd rather not give away my age or location. Stalkers.

Smart Alex: I think your blog is having a bit of an identity crisis.

WillWare: It's a little bit of everything, to be sure. I hope I can keep it organized. I've never done this "blogging" thing before.

Smart Alex: I can tell.

Person 1: Oh, be nice. He's new.

Person 2: How often will you be updating this?

WillWare: I'm hoping for about once every day or two. School is taxing, though.

Person 1: Which is why you're making this over Thanksgiving Break?

WillWare: Yep. Except my school seems to believe that "break" = "pile on more homework", so even this is a stretch.

Smart Alex: So is the blog itself.

Person 2: Just shut up. So, what are your hobbies?

WillWare: Pretty much everything I've listed already...

Person 1: That's honestly not much.

WillWare: Even within my hobbies I'm pretty closed-minded. I listen almost exclusively to Christian and video game music - mostly the latter - and I play mostly Nintendo, Sega, and indie games. But within those restrictions I'm open to anything - heavy metal to orchestra, brick breakers to platformers.

Person 1: I just noticed... what's with the name of your blog?

WillWare: I'm a CS guy.

Person 1: Ah.

Smart Alex: Would you say you're a "good" coder or a "great" one?

WillWare: ..."Good." Why?

Smart Alex: It's said that good coders are failing in one subject, while great coders are failing in all of their subjects and dropping out.

WillWare: Well, I failed both halves of American History last year...

Smart Alex: Yep.

WillWare: But I got an A on the first half over the summer. Even so, I'm wary about my grades in social studies courses.

Person 2: Speaking of which, what's your homework over the week?

WillWare: ...It's mostly in Religions of Asia, my SS class this semester.

Person 1: Then you might want to get to that!

WillWare: Yeah, I probably should. See you guys!

Person 1, Person 2, Smart Alex: Bye!

[Exeunt.]

I need to stop finding awesome music before my head explodes. Also, in case you haven't noticed, I really like electric guitar.

Tomorrow's forecast shows that there's a chance for extra salt in your breakfast.

Today is Easter and tomorrow is April Fools Day. How did the second best and second worst holidays get put together like this?

Speaking of which, I hope you had a good Norther - um, Easter (I always get those mixed up) - and that it was filled with candy and bunnies. Not the other stuff that the holiday's actually about, though. That doesn't exist, right? Right?

Also, good luck keeping on your toes tomorrow from unexpected pranks. Always check the top of your salt shaker to make sure it isn't unscrewed. And make sure to Google a site and get a site preview when going in to make sure they didn't do something dumb.