The Amount Of Times I Have Been Punished For Being A Picky Eater When I Was A Child With Undiagnosed

The amount of times I have been punished for being a picky eater when I was a child with undiagnosed autism and sensory issues is ridiculous

Especially considering the fact that the only effect it had on me was creating even more anxiety around eating

bitches hate me for my autocannibalistic swag

Me: my fingers hurt:'(

My brain: stop biting them and peeling the lose skin off

Me: No! It tasty! >:(

i dont fucking like eating

Having an ARFID is like if 90% of foods were made of slime or dirt or bugs or tar and when you're like "I don't like those things" people think there's something wrong with you.

Like seriously think about if pasta tasted no better than paint for a minute. That's what it's like. New foods are about as appealing as eating lawn clippings.

But because "everyone eats it" then you're strange for not liking it.

What does it feel like to have smooth fingers? To have smooth nails, maybe even long ones? To be 8 years old and not have to hide your toes in shame during gym/P.E class because they're chewed and incomplete and ugly? To not be scolded and called gross when you don't even notice what you're doing, told that you'll just grow out of it?

To try everything you can think of to stop it. Gloves, nail polish (even the kind that's disgusting, because even that will be ripped away), everything. And to have nothing work.

What does it feel like to not have the nails of your little toes grow in two? To not have a flappy little extra nail that gets caught on everything and hurts you? To not sometimes be missing such a large amount of skin on your big toe that you can't walk without wrapping it in bandages?

To let your scabs heal normally, to not have them last for months and months and months because you just keep picking at them everytime, to not have open bleeding spots on your arms, to not know the way they crunch in your mouth.

To not suffer with infections; on your toes, your back, hardly ever being aware of them because they're just par for the course?

What does it feel like to look at the newly-healed skin on your big toe, and see anything other than a snack?

I don't know. I don't think i'll ever know.