The Last Summer Dairies (intro?)

The Last Summer Dairies (intro?)

Capturing the moments..

To treasure a moment, to stop at that instance, to savour all of it while it ends.. We capture the moments on cameras, the photo's being the proof that we stopped time in that instance, in that exact moment and captured all of it in the photo! It's good until we get so obsessed with capturing the moment than actually living in the moment! For a 'no mobile at hostel' girl like me, capturing moments is through writing. Staining papers with all the memories I savoured, I captured my "worth stopping the time" moments!

- 10 july, 2023

(p.s. not everything in this collection is about capturing memories, some are just raw emotions or random thoughts too!)

Tags : #the last summer diaries

The original copy as on 20230710 .. as the original has some grammatical errors I edited the above post a bit and still not sure if it's all correct lol, typo's in my blood ;) also I scribbled everything that's on my mind very fast, so don't mind my writting-

The Abandoned House ...

I always look at that one abandoned house in our backyard.. it's intact but also damaged in some parts.. it's filled with cobwebs and creepers.. a no-so-familiar tree that's half dried.. it's not a sight that everybody wants to see or does it piques anyone's interest.. It's been abandoned by humanity.. but for me.. it's a sight to see.. when it rains, when it's cloudy, when it's sunny with clear blue sky, the clay tiled roof, the door that's been hanging around the door frame for it's life, the tree that's half alive, the cobwebs, the creepers that are slowly conquering the house.. everything about it is so intriguing.. sometimes I look at it holding the grills of our iron gate that leads to the backyard.. I hold these grills as if I'm a prisoner awaiting my freedom.. I hold them while looking at the house and the tree that sways ever so slightly at the touch of wind.. longing in my eyes for a place that's long abandoned.. desperation on my face for a house I didn't even have anything to do with.. it's an unexplainable feeling.. I look at it at least once a day and if left alone I would stare at it for hours.. It's so picturesque.. the house, the clay tiled roof, the half dead tree, the clear blue sky or the dark clouds, a cute street dog that plays on the roofs, birds that chirp and fly across the vast clear blue sky above the house, everything about it is picturesque.. everything about it is a type of art.. everything about it is so intimidating and intriguing to my eyes and my soul..

People might find it funny or rather weird at how an abandoned house made me feel so deep.. maybe I'm not so emotionless after all.. maybe I'm sensitive and even more sentimental than the others but my emotions might be focused on things that are always abandoned.. maybe I can feel their emotions.. maybe I'm abandoned too.. maybe the hidden emotions and tales of those that are abandoned and left to rot are much deeper than those that are running along with time, living life, and rushing life.. maybe those hidden emotions are hard to read for those who's chasing along with life.. maybe I'm stuck in a invisible realm of nothingness where I spend time blankly looking at things that are always ignored, I look at them completely indulge and ignorant of the reality and the flow of time.. ignorant of everything but the dwelling feeling and intimacy that exerts from those beings or things that are abandoned.. quite, dark, abandoned.. These things always piques my interest.. maybe I'm weird after all.. or others are just normal.. too normal to the sight of this alluring and captivating aura..

If I'm weird then I'm happily weird.. cause what a life it is to chase along with time, I don't wanna rush my life, I want to stop in a moment, see it, feel it, and make it one with me.. be it an abandoned house or a creepy graveyard.. to be able to feel deeply for things that are always ignored, that are always said to be unimportant and wasteful or unsafe, to be able to feel them and feel for them.. it's a great feeling.. to feel something and think about something that the average humankind finds intimidating.. that feels like an adventure I do inside my mind and heart.. an adventure I do without taking a single step.. an adventure I do by staying still while my mind wanders around.. and I never regret being so weird.. if it is what weirdness is, to make your every moment adventurous, to see things others can't and feel things others can't.. if it is what weirdness is.. then I'm weird.. because I'm a abandoned house in my backyard.. lonely yet peaceful.. intimidating yet affectionate...

- 23 july, 2024

Writings :

Am I overreacting??

Home ??

Piece of peace

Introvert-friendly?

He wanted more

The Abandoned House

Invisible

Sometimes

Life, she's strange

The Last Summer Dairies (intro pt2!)

(back then..) in the events of capturing the moments only with pen and papers and addressing it along with my opinions, I forgot that I've got nowhere to keep them all in one place. Everything was here and there, scattered around, wrapping me up like a cacoon. So i thought why can't I just put them all together in one place, in one book.

Memories from somewhere in the middle of May to until today (when I wrote this) marking the starting of July past 10 days! I had them all in pieces.. no order, no dates, I don't even remember when I wrote the oldest of few. So I'm putting all the pieces together randomly cause each and every one of them is a standalone.

This journey of collecting all those spilled moments of memory fragments, put together into one big piece is exciting and interesting! So let's dig into the past reminiscing the moments which then were only captured on papers. And we bring them all together and make this binding collection of dead trees all fresh and crisp, just ready to be stained by my beautiful moments in ink!

Happy or sad, every moment is beautiful in its own way and I would never want it to be anything else, I would never want it to be changed even in the slightest..

- 10 july, 2023

Tags : #the last summer diaries

"I am overwhelmed with things I ought to have written about and never found the proper words."

- Diaries of Virginia Woolf

HOME?

I have no place to be..

I have no home to be..

It's always me who's wandering

Inside a home btw walls..

Wherever I stay..

I'm not standing still..

My legs rests..

My hands rests..

My body rests..

But my mind wanders..

Wondering where it belongs..

Where it can finally sit..

Stay still and relax for a bit..

Always in a hurry to find..

A place where it can be fine..

Always on alert..

Always in motion..

Never still..

Never at rest..

Wandering and wondering..

In search of a place..

While missing the places it has been..

Missing everything it's in..

Missing the present

looking for the future..

Missing everything it has

For something it never had..

Well it's not the mind's fault

To always feel left out..

To always feel like not being home..

And to always yearn for that home..

Where it can relax in peace..

Where it can finally find it's comfort..

Where it can finally be home..

Do such a place exists ??

Can my mind find it ??

Or there's no such place like home ??

No home ??

No peace ??

Will this quest ever cease ??