Holy School Night, Batman!

Holy school night, Batman!

Dick Grayson tiny Robin propaganda. He is such a little guy he is my favourite.

jason pulling up to titans tower prepared to monologue and rough up tim a bit to send a warning, only to find tim zooted out of his mind on a beanbag, eating doritos, and watching barbie movies with rapt attention.

jason in his homemade robin cosplay: this is my replacement..?

tim: holy shit, jason todd? am i hallucinating? what was that alien weed kon gave me laced with?!

jason hears weed, and laced, coupling with a very high minor and immediately mother hens him into the kitchen so he can get liquids and food into him before he passes out.

the rest of the titans wake up to find the red hood in a surprisingly good 2nd robin cosplay sleeping right next to their robin on a fluffy pink beanbag, while barbie princess and the pauper plays in the background.

I desperately crave a friendship like the teen titans have in Gabriel Picolo’s art

Joker, on his joker tricycle that has rockets and flamethrowers on it: ITS TOO LATE BATMAN! IM ALREADY-

Batman: How are you making these things?

Joker: What?

Batman: These things. The contraptions that you use. Where do these come from?

Joker: What do you mean?

Batman: Where the hell are you getting these things from? Are you making them? Is someone else making them? Last week you had a giant jack in a box with your face on it that shoots out acid. Where did that come from? Did you make that yourself? Did you pay someone to make it?

Joker: Well-

Batman: The week before that you literally had a clown tank with several military grade missile. How do you obtain these things?! There’s nothing in the news of a tank being stolen or missiles going missing! And even if you stole the tank, how did you designed it to match your face so perfectly?!

Joker:…….

Batman: How do you have the time and resources to get these things?!

Joker, trying to think of a joke: Because uh…..Because I’m really Bruce Wayne under this make up.

Batman:…….

Joker:…….

Batman: Just shut the fuck up.

AU Where the Justice League forms as usual except for one slight difference where Bruce just so happens to have been the one superheroing for the longest. (Excluding Diana, who got up to it in World War 1 and then mostly didn't while she learned about Man's World)

Bruce helps form the Justice League, ignoring all of the comments as they come to the sudden realization that Gotham's baby cryptid story is actually a man in a very intimidating armored suit who can and will break your arm if you cause problems for him. They are unaware that this is not the first team he's led, and actually he's used to teams full of mostly teenagers who also happen to be his children. This should be easier, this team is primarily adults.

He realizes rapidly that he doesn't understand these people.

His kids take bonding activities to mean learning a dozen different ways to break someones leg. That doesn't fly with these people. And that is most of Bruce's ideas, hell when he was a kid Alfred took every opportunity to get him out of his room and mostly that was with the agreement that Alfred would teach him how to defend himself. He's come by it honestly.

This team is not easier. They have more drama than when his house was actually full of kids. It's insane. He doesn't know what to do with it, usually he just sent the kids to their rooms or grounded them from patrol. That doesn't work here.

He comes to a strange crossroads. That falls apart when he forgets who he's working with and snaps at Hal with a full room of heroes that the next person to throw a punch or an insult without a reason too will be sparring with him.

A long standing rule in the batcave that worked two fold to prevent infighting between the kids and too ensure that they were well and truly trained.

It works wonders. No one says a word out of line for the rest of the debrief. Bruce becomes the unofficial mediator of the league over Clark because anytime he walked in on a fight it suddenly became 10 times more civil out of sheer terror of what he'd do to them in a sparring match.

Eventually they actually meet his kids. Well, one kid.

Half way through a mission (one of the rare ones in Gotham) the Bat comes to a complete stop at the edge of an alley. Every single league member on the team comes to a stop behind him. Slowly from the shadows of the alley a man in a red helmet stalks out to greet them.

"You don't call, you don't write"

"Red Hood."

"Don't Red Hood me! We've been worried sick!"

"I was at the cave last night."

"You didn't answer my texts B. You always answer my texts."

Somehow it ends with big and scary following them through the rest of the mission with a running commentary of how much Bats has let him down in his failure to respond in a timely manner to a text send less than an hour before he ran into them in the alley. It only ends when Red Robin shows up.

And even then it only ends because Hood can't keep himself from throwing a punch and Bruce has to snap at him that if he throws another one they're sparring when they get home.

And by god is Jason giving up the chance to punch his brothers.

Personally, I think Dick wins