@megangovier Im Sorry, I Went Abit Overboard And Added More.

@megangovier I’m sorry, I went abit overboard and added more🫣😅.

I hope they bring out a ray of sunshine in your day or night😄🤍🩵

Reblog if you've made at least one friend because of a fandom.

An edit just dropped, hope it don’t flop 🫢🫶

#myedit

Just a random picture (which is one of my favs) of Thomas Hewitt 🥹 that I kept in my camera roll.

@megangovier I believe you like this character so this tag is for you… I apologize big time if I am mistaken 😱 but anyway, here you go 🤭💕

I can't sleep

Pairings : Joel Miller X Reader

Words: 1.5k

Summary: After settling in at Jackson, Joel broke up with you. You try avoiding him in order to get ahold of your emotions but that all backfires.

A/N: I had this idea in my head for a while and decided to try write it out and see how it goes. Heads up i'm not the best at writing but i'm hoping to learn as i go. Also yes I did use lexies speech from greys.

Yours and Joels Relationship had always been a bit rocky. Every step forward felt like three steps back. So no, you weren't surprised when he wanted to end it with you saying how he just couldn't hold you back anymore. You of course had tried fighting him on it but, ultimately there was no point because once Joel had made up his mind there was no convincing him otherwise.

You and Joel had been together since Boston so when he did end it you felt like your world had fallen apart. After all that time how could you not have fallen in love with everything about him, from the way he looked at you. The way he spoke to you. How he looked after you and always taking care of you whenever you were injured. To the cuddling on the sofa late at night, him reading his favourite books to you.

It took months for you to rediscover yourself outside of Joel. It took even longer for you to even start to trust anyone like that again.

For months you would just barely survive not really enjoying the days. Yeah sure you would do what was asked of you just never enjoying it, you never felt like that was what you was supposed to do with the rest of your life.Jackson was the dream but it was just as lonely as the rest of the world if you had no one to share it with. Every night you would stroll down the streets watching all the people living their lives happily. It made you jealous, bitter almost. The fire burning deep leaving nothing but a jet black heart in its place.

Shortly after that you decided you wouldn't just mope about anymore you would start living you're live again and try to enjoy it. Refusing to be the girl who let how she felt for a man consume her. So you pushed it down and went on as if nothing happened, as if you and Joel never happened.

Starting with signing up for patrols. Yes you knew there was a chance you'd get paired up with Joel but if you did you wouldn't let that stop you. It wasn't until the following week that they actually put you on for the next Wednesday. You had also decided to take Josh up on his offer, a guy from Jackson who had repeatedly asked you out on a date, it went well and you started seeing each other for a couple of months. It didn't last much longer as you ended it shortly after. Realising no one could start a flicker in you like Joel could.

Going back to patrol was alright it gave you that one distraction you needed to get out of your head. Not having a set partner did make you feel uneasy knowing at some point you'd might get paired up with Joel.

Usually after coming back from patrol you kept to yourself hardly communicating with anyone. Ellie still bothered with you which you appreciated, you were worried after everything you'd lose her aswell. Travelling for months together really makes a bond. So to say you were relieved was an understatement.

Both of you went to The Tipsy Bison for food. It was nice getting out of your head if even for a little bit.

"How come I haven't seen you much recently" Ellie asks whilst taking a bite of her food.

"Oh I've just been really busy these last few months. Sorry Kiddo I'll try not leave it as long next time" You hated lying to her but you knew you couldn't involve her in this, it wasn't fair to Joel, and no matter what happened you just couldn't do that to him.

Ellie wasn't stupid she knew something else had to have happened because, no matter how busy you've been in the past you had always made time for the both of them. Deciding to just leave it be she changes the subject, which you're thankful for.

Jolting awake from yet another nightmare, the happiness you and Joel had taunted you day and night. Rolling over and checking the time you see that you have an hour before you need to leave for patrol. Deciding against going back to sleep you decide the a nice cool shower might help.

Trotting into the bathroom you turn on the shower, waiting until the steam starts to fog up the room. As soon as you feel the scalding water hit your back you release a sigh. It’s moments like this that you convince yourself that you’re fine. Finishing washing yourself you step out of the shower wrapping the lilac towel around you before heading into your room. Picking out your most worn clothes for patrol you get dressed before heading downstairs to make yourself a togo coffee.

You loved walking down the streets of Jackson in the early morning, it was quite peaceful even. The sun was starting to rise leaving the sky an orangey colour. You just wanted to get patrol over with not really wanting to talk or caring about your patrol partner, looking back on it now you wished you checked who it was beforehand.As you reach the gates you see two horses already to go, if you were paying attention you would’ve seen the tan coloured horse with a white spot going up past her eyebrow and down to near her mouth. You would’ve realised who you had been partnered up with but, your eyes were fixed on the gravel instead.

Still not paying attention you walk to your horse stroking its mane as you do so. You felt your stomach drop at the voice who had begun to speak.

“Patrol should be easy we just have to check a couple of the outposts and make sure that it’s still safe” The voice grunted out. That was no strangers voice. That voice alone had been haunting your nightmares.

On alert you get on your horse trying to keep Joel from being able to see your face and recognise who you actually were, deep down you knew you wouldn’t get through the patrol without him realising who you are.

You managed up until the last Outpost without having to speak or even look at Joel. For once grateful that Joel hardly spoke.

"So have you got a name?"

Your mind was running circles thinking of how to get out of answering him. But you couldn't just ignore him this time knowing it was a bad idea you mutter out your name hoping he wouldn't catch it. As soon as you spoke you could feel Joel look at you, his eyes burning into the back of your head. This was what you had been trying to avoid and you stupidly put yourself in the position.

Arriving at the last destination you quickly get of your horse and start checking the outpost for any weak spots. Hoping and praying he would just leave you alone. The footsteps following behind you said otherwise.

"I've been trying to find you to talk to you. I need you to let me explain everything"

"Joel please don't just drop it. I don't want to talk about this or to you let's just do what we've come here to do"

You hear him sigh as he stalks out the room.

As you finish the last room you head back to your horse getting ready to get back to Jackson and away from Joel. All the emotions you had held down for months were creeping back up to the surface.

It was silent the whole walk back only noises came from the trees or the walking of the horses on the gravel. Jackson's gates open as you approach. Two people there already to take your horses back to the barn, you and Joel ending up face to face as you do so. For the first time in months you looked into the big brown eyes that you had fell in love with so many months ago.

"I love you. Oh God, oh my god that just came flying out of my face.I love you. l just I did it again. I love you. I do. I just, I love you. And I have been trying not to say it.

I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it and Josh is a great guy he is.

He's gorgeous, and he's younger than you. He doesn't have any trust issues, or pushes me away when he's hurt and he's a great guy and he liked me, you know?He really liked me. But it was never gonna work out, because I love you.

I am so in love with you. You're in me. It's like you're a disease.It's like I am infected by Joel Miller, and I just can't think about anything or anybody and I can't sleep.

I can't breathe. I can't eat and I love you, I love you all the time. Every minute of every day, I love you. God, that feels good to just say that. I feel so much better. I love you." Your mind betrays you and blurts out before you can even try to stop yourself. Joel just stares at you clearly caught by surprise, mouth agape, eyes wide. Before he can reply Tommy approaches you both starting to speak to Joel. Taking that as your opportunity to turn around and bolt home.

But little did you know Joel was staring at you the whole time.

Please, if anyone has not seen this series, I beg you, to stop what ya doing and go watch, pronto!!

Y’all missing out big time!