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The Way Of A Criminal (Series Masterlist)

Genre: Mafia!AU, Criminal!AU, Angst, Romance

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Normal!Reader, Gangster!Namjoon, Gangster!Seokjin, Gangster!Yoongi, Gangster!Hoseok, Gangster!Jimin, Gangster!Taehyung, Gangster!Jungkook

Summary: Your father was a stranger, you never knew who he was and what he did. But one day, someone knocks on your door, informing you of his passing. Now, you learn more about him, his life and the legacy you are expected to continue with the help of his 7 executives.

Story warning(s): This story will contain depictions of violence, blood shed/gore, death, mentions of abuse, smoking, alcohol drinking and gambling. This story is fictional and has nothing to do with real life events or the actual members of BTS. Please read at your own discretion.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

This keeps getting interesting with every chapter. I love it so much

cry me a river | the reckless

— summary: in the face of danger, you run right into it

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 4.7k

— warnings: slight violence

— PART 24 / previous post / masterpost

It’s about one in the morning when you sneak out of the room with gentle steps, making sure to not wake the one who sleeps on the armchair beside the bed, his soft little snores still heard until his presence disappears with the closed door.

The hallways are as silent as it was back in the room, the only thing heard is the sounds of your footsteps echoing through, and as you close your shawl closer to your body, you look around to make your way to the familiar steps that lead outside where the greenhouse stands.

The doors are left unlocked so you let yourself in and step through the glass doors, closing your eyes for a moment to breathe in the scent of the greens all around you.

It’s during lonely moments like this you feel your heart craving for some sort of familiarity. Not just the presence of your Reapers but for the presence of your manor itself.

For years you spent hating that place more than anything because that was where everything happened; where you were born, where you grew up, watching your mother hating you with every fiber left in her, chasing after your father’s attention, shedding tears on top of gentle shoulders, trapped behind the steel door of a white room, training, meeting good people, meeting bad people, everything.

Everything.

You can’t recall when the feeling of dread and disdain turned to eyes seeking for it, feet yearning to step back into it. Maybe it was the moment your father died, when the dynasty he worked so hard to build broke down into pieces like a house of cards, when you took over and made it into the home that it is now starting to feel like.

You returned to it after Leehyun, locking yourself in the comfort of your room, knowing that if you were to step outside, your Reapers would be right there with the smallest calling of their names. It served as your escape when it used to be the very reason you hated your existence.

The manor has become home and perhaps the only reason it’s able to be such a thing is because of what you’ve built it to be.

You want to escape, to return to it and simply hide in it and have no one bother you until you’re ready to step out yourself.

On the bench where Alexander sat this morning, you take your seat and close your eyes, trying to manipulate your mind into thinking you aren’t in Norway, that you’re back in Seoul, back at the manor, and not somewhere far, far away.

It’s exhausting doing this, your revenge plan. It’s exhausting having to put up a front, exhausting having to freeze up and recall unwanted memories that you wish could bury forever in the back of your mind.

But buried memories can’t always stay buried. They return, eventually, in time, whether you’re prepared or not.

You can’t tell how much time has passed but when you feel something against your feet accompanied by small little pants, you open your eyes to find the little puppy that accepted you from the moment he laid eyes on you.

You look down at him and he returns your gaze with a tilt in his head, tail wagging, and swirls about in a circle once before using his nose to poke at your leg again. He reminds you of the children at The Academy, how they’ve never been scared of you despite wanting to always push them away with your cold demeanor. It’s like Kiwi sees right through you, just like them, and in your silence, you pick up the small little thing to bring him onto your lap.

His tail wags a little more and when you run your hand through his fur, he gets a little more excited and affectionate.

Besides the children, there’s someone else you see in him.

“You remind me of someone,” you say as he nuzzles into the feeling of your palm. “Though unlike you, he wasn’t too fond of me in the beginning. It took some time for him to warm up but once he got to that point, he wouldn’t stop following me around.”

You fall silent again, thinking, remembering, reminiscing, and your fingers stop playing around with the little puppy on your lap.

The memories aren’t as hazy as they used to be, they’re a little clearer, a little closer to home. You can feel it in your heart when something feels like it’s just stabbed it, and in your stomach when you feel a little drop.

“I’m sorry for being selfish,” a voice whispers into your ear. “I’m sorry for only ever thinking about myself.”

But the thing about that is, you cannot be sorry for something that is within your nature, you cannot be sorry for wanting to put yourself first in a cruel, cruel world. When everything feels wrong, when the world feels like it’s always against you, when you do not know who to put your trust in.

If you were a little more mature and a little more brave, would you have been able to tell him the things you want to say now?

Things like; it wasn’t your fault. Things like; it’s alright, and you’re okay, and rest well.

Rest well, rest well, rest well.

You lean your head forward to the sky, gaze closed, as if hoping the things you spoke within your heart could be heard from him wherever he stays.

And as the silence continues, you feel your consciousness eventually slip away as your shoulders loosen their tensions with the feel of the little puppy resting well in your lap.

You didn’t realize it, that you had fallen asleep, but you know yourself waking when you feel a presence closing in and immediately opening your eyes to meet the old man who has a blanket hovered before you, his eyes falling a little surprised because he hadn’t expected you to wake up so easily.

“It’s good to put your guard down a little, you know,” Alexander says with a small chuckle as you accept the blanket to drape it behind you.

“I’ve learned my lesson with that,” you answer him and scoot over to the edge of the bench in order to make room for him.

He takes his seat beside you though leaves enough space in between and you’re thankful this man is observant. Kiwi’s awake but remains quiet and still, head resting against his paws with his tail swaying side to side.

“Do you have anyone you can trust in this world?” Alexander crosses a leg over the other and you look at your watch to see that it’s about four in the morning.

You managed to sleep in an unfamiliar place while knowing there weren’t any Reapers that could come to you at any second. How odd.

“There are always chances someone can stab you in the back.” Maybe the presence of Kiwi helped you. “It’s never a good idea to put your full trust in anyone.”

“You say that but one day you might come to know it feels rather nice putting unconditional faith in someone.”

You shake your head, brows furrowing. “Even if that someone has a good heart and good intentions, it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.”

There’s only been one person you know you can truly trust but he’s gone from this world, only ever being able to see him again when he wishes to visit you in your dreams. He’s the only person you’d ever allow to hurt you over and over again, even if it isn’t the real version of him.

Mister Butler can hate you and betray you but you’d let him do it again and again and maybe that’s because in your heart, you know those versions that the nightmares give you are simply from your own imagination and that he’d never truly come to hate you. He’s incapable of betraying your trust. Someone like him, who stayed by your side when he didn’t have to, isn’t a man who can have his heart easily swayed into hating you.

“Are you tired of betrayal?”

“I’m tired of everything,” you admit and he looks at you up and down, eyes narrowing slightly.

“And yet here you are, out in Norway.” Alexander knows a thing or two, he isn’t dumb, and you aren’t someone to think otherwise. He wouldn’t be in the position he is now if he was, and you don’t deny what he implies in his words. “You run straight into the very things that make you tired.”

“Because it is the only way I can feel alive.” You look on straight ahead before you, watching the pretty sky that pokes out from behind the plants of the greenhouse. “Otherwise I’d be in my room, rotting away. There is no purpose in running away, there is no purpose in leaving things be. My father did not leave this world for me to simply carry on as if he never existed.”

Some may take that as you carrying on your father’s legacy and whatever Alexander is thinking, you don’t care too much for it because all it matters is what you know. You didn’t kill your father just to stay silent for the rest of your life. His death was the beginning of everything.

Your turning point.

“And no one can stop a mind that’s already been made up.” Alexander nods, understanding, and doesn’t push for answers, but perhaps in the back of his mind, he’s a little curious about you and your goals and aspirations in this life. What drives you, what made you into the sort of person you are today, but Alexander is wise unlike many old men you’ve met throughout your life, so he doesn’t question things beyond your boundary.

And so he diverts the subject once again, turning it to the puppy in your lap.

“Perhaps you should adopt a pet of your own, to help you ease your mind a little,” he tells you with a fond gaze at Kiwi. “Humans can be quite disappointing, but a loyal pet will stay loyal for the rest of its life. Not to mention they’re the greatest comfort when someone needs it.”

Maybe that’s true. Maybe you should turn to a dog rather than humans in your time of need. Humans are disappointing creatures after all. But, “It’s too much of a hassle,” you say. “I can’t even take care of my own self properly, it’d be unwise of me to try and take care of another being.”

“...Is that so?”

It becomes a daily occurrence; the talks in the greenhouse, and soon you come to realize that Alexander isn’t one to let just anyone into his greenhouse. The doors that are usually locked during hours when one should be asleep are kept open, and perhaps that’s because he’s come to realize that you don’t sleep a lot, at least not in the house of a stranger, so he leaves them open for you to visit when you need your space.

And in the morning, around four or five AM when he awakens, he’ll come along and strike up a conversation and the two of you will speak about the things he brings up. Things like Seoul and of the Reaper gang, sometimes he’ll ask of Master Kitagawa, other times he’ll ask how far your skills go.

You speak to him in vague terms, careful not to tell him everything, but he comes to know that you were an only child, married once in an arranged marriage, but divorced. He doesn’t seem too surprised by that fact probably because everyone knows this happens all the time.

And in him knowing a little more about you, you come to know a little more about him as well.

Like when Kiwi came into his life and the fact that he’s had other pets throughout his lifetimes before but they’ve all died and left him.

You asked him why he continues adopting pets when he knows they don’t live as long as humans do, why he hurts himself over and over again, but he simply smiles and says that sometimes being able to love is better than being lonely. That it doesn’t matter how many times he has to watch them die and that he’d never regret loving them.

Alexander believes in reincarnation, that the souls of his first puppy dies and returns in the form of the other pets he’s had, so he’s never truly lonely, and something about that, believing in such a thing, though it sounds a bit absurd, is a little bit beautiful in its own way.

If you could believe Mister Butler died and returned through someone else, it’d be a nice delusion to live in, and despite the fact that there have been one or two guys that have reminded you of him, the truth is, no one can ever be Mister Butler.

Not Hoseok. Not Mingyu.

Because Mister Butler is like family. He was. 

Through your marriage with Namjoon, he was your older brother, but he always felt closer to a father figure to you, and perhaps that’s because your father was never there for you. Mingyu is closer to an older brother. A companion. A friend.

And Hoseok?

The one that got away.

The right person at the wrong time.

And because of that fact, you don’t allow yourself to be near him for too long, hence denying his companionship when Jungkook told you it’d probably be better if Hoseok were standing guard at your side rather than him.

It’s true, Hoseok would be better. You wouldn’t be as cautious towards him as you are of Jungkook, but it’s that exact reason that you cannot let him near.

You cannot let him shake your core, so you endure what you can and let Jungkook stay near you despite the constant reminder of what he did all those years ago.

It’s not entirely his fault but as you’ve said, it doesn’t hurt any less.

In your time getting closer to Alexander, he’s refused the appearance of Karl several times. Asher says if he has to, his grandfather will meet him elsewhere. Just not in the house. The guy has come to guess that you’re here because of Karl, and if he’s guessed it, maybe Alexander has too.

Though the old man never brings it up despite the plenty of chances during your greenhouse talks.

“Any progress?”

Dawn remains in the sky as ever and while Jungkook sleeps, you sit on the windowsill to take a call from the other side of the world. It’s a bit chilly to head out today so you stay indoors this time, making sure to keep your voice low.

“Plenty. It’s been quite peaceful these days, it feels a bit out of place.” Alexander’s kindness wasn’t something you expected the first day you walked into Norway. You expected things to be harder after meeting Asher but surprisingly, things are quite…easy, to say the least. “I have a feeling it won’t last too long.”

“No?” Namjoon sounds a little confused on his end. “Why do you say that? Should we come over earlier than planned?”

“No, don’t do that. Come as scheduled,” you say and look away from the window to the man who’s moved from sleeping on the armchair to the bed. It took some time to convince him initially but eventually Jungkook agreed to take the bed since you don’t really sleep anyway.

“You have something planned, don’t you?” There’s some suspicion in his voice and you want to laugh a little at how things are right now.

Who would have thought you’d be back on speaking terms with the man you thought you’d push away for good? But here he is, back and ready to give you his trust. You don’t know if he’s smart or stupid or both. Maybe there’s a bit of both, but it probably took some time for him to consider it, being as the whole thing was about his brother whom he loves very dearly.

Namjoon’s finally using his head.

Though you aren’t too sure if you like it so much.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

“Y/N.”

“It’s nothing bad.”

“I don’t know if I can trust those words so easily. The last time you left the country, you disregarded your life just for that plan of yours.”

“Listen.” You roll your eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

There’s a pause on his end before he speaks again. “You didn’t assure me that you won’t do something reckless,” he notes and you internally click your tongue, “which means that feeling of the peace not lasting for long is you actively causing that to happen.” When you don’t respond, he goes on. “Will you stop being so secretive and let me know what you’re thinking? Maybe then you won’t be in the same position you were with Leehyun, and me and my boys and the Reapers will know how to help you.”

Well.

“You can’t keep hiding, Y/N. Stop being so reckless, you’re too reckless.”

“Watch me.”

He lets out a heavy sigh. “That wasn’t a challenge.”

“No?”

Another sigh and he knows he can’t win. “Just…if you decide it’s better for me to go over sooner rather than later, let me know. I’ll be waiting. Right here, just a phone call away.”

“...Sure.”

You don’t think too much about it. You don’t want to think too much about it. 

So when the cloud gives way to the sun and it shines higher in the sky, you finally take up Karl’s request to have tea and catch up, deciding you shouldn’t keep running away from what you’re trying to face.

You have Yeonjun stay by your side this time, rather than Jungkook, in case Karl says something out of line and Jungkook will hear more things than you want him to. You stay in the garden of Alexander’s mansion, keeping a little distance away from the building itself, and with the feel of eyes from a window behind you, the conversation begins.

“I remember him,” Karl points at your escort when he takes his first sip of the tea. “Jun? Joon?” Yeonjun doesn’t make an effort to fix him and simply remains quiet. “Right, never one to talk but always by your side.” His eyes settle back on you, a small glint of mirth in them. “You have quite the loyal companion.”

“Yes..I do.” You ignore his gaze to take a sip of your own tea, keeping your replies short.

“I’m still a bit hurt you didn’t reach out to me about your father’s death. We were good friends, you knew that.”

Of course you did. “I apologize, it slipped my mind.”

“Slipped your mind?” He raises a brow, unconvinced. “Hmm…and here I thought, I left a good impression in those four months I stayed in Seoul.”

You did. 

You did indeed leave an impression that will last a lifetime.

“Maybe I should have tried harder?”

That mirth in his eyes. Again.

You want to punch him.

“How did he die though? The man I knew isn’t someone who would have easily died and he would have updated me about his health had he fallen ill.”

“He was betrayed,” you say, not batting an eye, and Karl puts his cup down after hearing that.

His eyes are blown out. “Your father? Betrayed? And he didn’t see that coming?”

“They were smart.”

“Even still..” He can’t believe it, though you don’t blame him too much. The father you both know is not someone who’s easily trusting of others, therefore he’s always right there to pick out someone who will betray him before they can execute their plan. 

That’s why it took so long to manipulate him into believing you were a daughter full on worshiping his ground without an ounce of betrayal in your veins. That’s why your masterful plan took so long. You had to convince your father into believing he had won in manipulating you to his side when all along, you had been waiting to stab him in the back. Facing a man like him, smart, calculating, a manipulating gaslighter who thinks the world centers around him requires more than just simple brains and planning.

It took years to execute your plans and even then you feel like you could have done better with everything. For one, not letting anyone see what had happened, aka Bangtan. But what’s done is done. Dwelling on past mistakes is just stupid and a waste of time.

“And what about you?” When Karl points the finger at you, his gaze narrows, brows slightly furrowed. “You’re his daughter, his perfect little doll. You didn’t see that someone was plotting your father’s death? Is it not your job to protect him?”

“That’s right,” you give him nothing to fight against, just simply accepting the accusations placed upon you. “I failed in protecting him. I am an incompetent daughter who should have done better.”

Karl stands up, running a hand through his hair. “Your father did all that he could for you and still, you–” 

When he looks at you again and meets the gaze you send him, his word stops mid-sentence. Your stare isn’t threatening, it isn’t a glare, nor one that is meant to scare him off, yet something in them lies a hidden threat either way, were he to continue speaking. Karl, seeing that, lets out a chuckle and he closes in on you, patting you on the shoulder before simply leaving his hand there.

You look at it for a second before giving him the attention he wants as he leans in, nose inches away from you.

“Your father created you into the weapon that you are today, my dear little Y/N, and you’ve even been trained under Kitagawa, so why is it that you failed to protect him? Huh? Tell me.”

From the corner of your eye, Yeonjun moves slightly closer, though he keeps his distance and doesn’t dare to make a move unless you instruct him otherwise.

The breath against your face, the touch of skin burning through the thin cloth of your dress, the sides of your knees meeting one another, back straightening up, heels rising from the ground, fingers intertwined into each other, sitting on your lap.

You keep your eyes open, meeting his gaze, but internally you’re counting in your head and holding your breath, hearing the beat of your heart that might as well rip through your rib cages and past the barrier of your skin to physically beat widely before Karl himself.

Maybe he hears it, maybe he can feel it, but whether he does or not, he has no will to move away from you and you know Karl, he isn’t dumb. He knows exactly the effect he has on you right now. He saw it, knows just how you felt all those weeks ago when you were in the living room and he touched you.

He knows and doesn’t care one bit.

Just as he was all those years ago.

They never change.

“What is it that you want from me, Karl?” He doesn’t fix you into calling him uncle this time. “Do you want me to repent on my knees and beg for forgiveness? My father’s already six feet underground, it’s not as if he’ll hear me now, but as his close friend, if you wish for me to do just that, I will. Just for you.”

There’s malice in his eyes, a scoff that leaves him when he watches you, and finally, he moves back. Just a little. “You’ve gotten quite bold, haven’t you? Now that your father isn’t here to teach you a lesson.”

“And if I have? What will you do about it?” You push back, leaning forward, challenging him despite your body screaming at you to run away. “Go ahead and do whatever you’d like with me, there’s no one here right now that can stop you. I can tell Yeonjun to pluck his eyes out right now and he’ll do just that. He won’t say a word and he won’t move unless I tell him otherwise.”

At the mention of the boy, Karl looks over between you and him, and then something in him lights up slightly as if he’d just remembered something. As if he’d just realized something.

“That’s right...what loyal companions…” He steps back, releasing your shoulder, and tilts his head back as he laughs obnoxiously. “Is this all about that little boy I messed with? Him?” The laugh rings a little louder, a little more crazed. “You pretend you’re so cold and have no feelings and yet here you are, chasing after me all the way from Seoul, just for a boy, the second you got the chance. If your father were still here, he wouldn’t have let that happen, but now that he’s gone…-”

He pauses again, and after hurling over laughing, stands back up straight again as the laugh dies all too abruptly. So you stand up from your seat, the corner of your lip curling over as you notice just why he’s gone silent.

By now the tea is slowly getting cold but you don’t care much for it as you stand tall, hands held together before you in a formal manner.

“The person who betrayed him…” His eyes narrow. “Who was it?”

“Oh uncle,” you mock that title, mirth in your eyes, “I think you know exactly where that answer lies.”

Danger.

Something screams danger when his gaze darkens in realization.

And yet you seem to only be attracted to danger as it is the only thing you’ve ever gotten used to seeing every day. The danger of being born as a mafia heir, married to a mafia powerhouse, spiraled into a hellhole you cannot ever seem to escape so you run towards it.

Directly into the fire.

Into the danger.

Provoking your enemies, knowing exactly just what their reactions will be, because danger seems to be the one thing in your life that will never leave and abandon you out of nowhere. The only thing you can forever trust to catch you were you to fall blindly into it.

And blindly you fall, trusting it to come.

And comes it goes, directly your way.

Never disappointing.

Never disappointing.

Namjoon called you reckless and for the first time in forever, you might have to agree with him. Because being reckless means not caring for the consequences to come after committing a rash action. The reckless ones do not care what happens to them, they live off adrenaline, they run towards the fire when everyone else runs away.

Towards the danger despite knowing there will always be a chance they may not survive. Unheeding, stubborn, thoughtless, careless, negligent, imprudent. Unwise, unwary, incautious, hasty.

A fool.

A fool.

A fool.

But misguided and left on their own. Lonely, abandoned, hurt, isolated, rejected, forsaken. An outcast and unloved, a disappointment and broken.

Broken.

A broken little soul whose heart lies empty with a hole pierced through the middle.

You are reckless. You are broken.

And broken things do not know how to save themselves, they only know the warmth of the fire. That is the only thing they can rely on.

So you stay within his vicinity, within Karl’s reach, watching, simply standing there, keeping still, as if keeping vigil. Like you’re just waiting, just expecting for something, anything, the inevitable, to happen. And when it comes in the form of a harsh, harsh slap across the face that has your body turning over to the side and having to hold onto the table to keep your balance, you can’t even say that you are surprised.

It feels like being in the presence of your father all over again, in the face of danger, of a manipulator, of a gaslighter, of an abuser.

He returns hard and so vividly in the form of anger, in the form of a ghost, a spirit whom you see standing right behind Karl. He stands as still as ever, hands held behind his back, simply watching.

Watching.

While you stand before him in front of a man he’s using to command orders over him. Using violence through others because father never raises his hands, father never puts in the effort or strength or power into physical forms. He does it through others, he commands through others, he hurts through others.

Watching until he’s satisfied.

But he’s never satisfied. He’s never satisfied.

And on your end, you can do nothing but accept it all willingly.

There is nothing else you can do, there is nothing else that can be done. It is like being in his presence all over again. Yeonjun, the Reapers behind you, standing still, told to not do a thing, to not move an inch, and your father behind the violence, keeping silent with a deadly gaze.

You return to the past.

You see him.

He’s right there.

And Karl raises his hand again.

War Of The Hearts: #8

✽Pairing - OT7 x reader (DJ) and OT7 x Lily

✽Word Count - 10.5k

✽Ratings - 18+

✽Genre(s) - Mafia Au, Angst , Fluff, mentions of smut.

✽Trigger Warnings - Mentions of Death, Mentions of Trauma , minor alcohol consumption, mentions of torture and shootouts and mentions of bloodshed, Mentions of Drugs, Attempted Murder, A little manipulative behavior, A shootout, a lot of cursing, There is a little bit of torture in here so please please avoid this if this triggers you in any way.

✽Summary - You’ve been lurking in the shadows, protecting the seven of Bangtan even if it means you must give your own life. After all, that’s what you do when you are in love with someone irrevocably. That pain seems to be minuscule in light of their safety. But it was never about you, for all you are is a speck of dust in the universe they have created for them and their girlfriend. Your heart’s at war, but it’s fine, you can smile through the pain as long as it means they smile- for her.

✽A/N : Its been a while since i updated isnt it? I know, But work has been crazy and a lot is happening at that front. But yes i ended up writing it while i was waiting for my flight. It may or may not be a little unedited, So please forgive me. But im still struggling with the writers block so, This update made me so happy that finally i wrote something. So we are near to the end, Two more parts to go and one more character entry. please do let me know what you think about it, Your comments and asks literally mean the world to me. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

✽Taglist: @brimal @2ne1unni @shatzkrinslinzki @zae007live, @gukieater @tinyoonsblog @skylievin @2ne1unni @lovelgirl22 @euphakid @embrace-themagic @didi-9310 @loisje123 @iamhereforbts @silscintilla @2ne1unni @rp171198 @aboredboredboreduniverse @blaaiissee @top-crop @sa7kou @chhungi-bawihtlung @aquariushoesss @definitelythinkimanalien

7mer @babycoffeefire @emoskytime8 @hob3yw0rld@motivatedprocastinator @speedyqueendaze @sugajinny @thereaderwholovesyou @btspurplesky @skz-jeha @theestrangeddreamer @success1009 @militrybarbi @afangirllikeme-blog @celestialentitiesss @daydreambrliever @bibebts @dreamamubarak @kimsaerom @sa7kou @veronawrites @bt21chim @cutiepat @jooniebub @shadowyjellyfishfest @mageprincess7 @jiminbolala @impossibilitydesign @xtayxx​ @ cherryluvhobi @knjsbae

✽Part Seven - Here

✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽ ✽ ✽ ✽ 

The events that had taken place today had left you with a lot of questions, But more than you it seemed like the two men with you had the most questions. Hoseok and Tae seemed a little off after a while when the adrenaline had worn off.

Lily had been safely put in the backseat of Hoseok’s car and the two just stood a little distance away from the car, their bodies present physically at a distance. But mentally it looked like they were both inside with her. You observed the two men from far away. There were no words being spoken to each other, but they knew what the other wanted to say.

Keep reading

War Of The Hearts: #8

✽Pairing - OT7 x reader (DJ) and OT7 x Lily

✽Word Count - 10.5k

✽Ratings - 18+

✽Genre(s) - Mafia Au, Angst , Fluff, mentions of smut.

✽Trigger Warnings - Mentions of Death, Mentions of Trauma , minor alcohol consumption, mentions of torture and shootouts and mentions of bloodshed, Mentions of Drugs, Attempted Murder, A little manipulative behavior, A shootout, a lot of cursing, There is a little bit of torture in here so please please avoid this if this triggers you in any way.

✽Summary - You’ve been lurking in the shadows, protecting the seven of Bangtan even if it means you must give your own life. After all, that’s what you do when you are in love with someone irrevocably. That pain seems to be minuscule in light of their safety. But it was never about you, for all you are is a speck of dust in the universe they have created for them and their girlfriend. Your heart’s at war, but it’s fine, you can smile through the pain as long as it means they smile- for her.

✽A/N : Its been a while since i updated isnt it? I know, But work has been crazy and a lot is happening at that front. But yes i ended up writing it while i was waiting for my flight. It may or may not be a little unedited, So please forgive me. But im still struggling with the writers block so, This update made me so happy that finally i wrote something. So we are near to the end, Two more parts to go and one more character entry. please do let me know what you think about it, Your comments and asks literally mean the world to me. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

✽Taglist: @brimal @2ne1unni @shatzkrinslinzki @zae007live, @gukieater @tinyoonsblog @skylievin @2ne1unni @lovelgirl22 @euphakid @embrace-themagic @didi-9310 @loisje123 @iamhereforbts @silscintilla @2ne1unni @rp171198 @aboredboredboreduniverse @blaaiissee @top-crop @sa7kou @chhungi-bawihtlung @aquariushoesss @definitelythinkimanalien

7mer @babycoffeefire @emoskytime8 @hob3yw0rld@motivatedprocastinator @speedyqueendaze @sugajinny @thereaderwholovesyou @btspurplesky @skz-jeha @theestrangeddreamer @success1009 @militrybarbi @afangirllikeme-blog @celestialentitiesss @daydreambrliever @bibebts @dreamamubarak @kimsaerom @sa7kou @veronawrites @bt21chim @cutiepat @jooniebub @shadowyjellyfishfest @mageprincess7 @jiminbolala @impossibilitydesign @xtayxx​ @ cherryluvhobi @knjsbae

✽Part Seven - Here

✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽ ✽ ✽ ✽ 

The events that had taken place today had left you with a lot of questions, But more than you it seemed like the two men with you had the most questions. Hoseok and Tae seemed a little off after a while when the adrenaline had worn off.

Lily had been safely put in the backseat of Hoseok’s car and the two just stood a little distance away from the car, their bodies present physically at a distance. But mentally it looked like they were both inside with her. You observed the two men from far away. There were no words being spoken to each other, but they knew what the other wanted to say.

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“Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.” — Oscar Wilde cr. 0613data

The Boy with Galaxies in his Eyes | jjk (teaser)

☆summary: you had never thought the night sky could be found in someone’s eyes. That is, until you met Jeon Jungkook and his gravity pulled you in. Will he crush you with the galaxies in his eyes, or will you learn to explore his worlds and make them yours?

☆pairing: Jeon Jungkook x female tattoo artist reader

☆rating: 18+

☆genre: fwb to lovers, angst (a lot), smut (a whole lot too), fluff

☆warnings: oc’s ex-boyfriend died and it takes an important place in the story, swearing, fuckboy Jungkook, fuckgirl oc, a whole bunch of red flags, miscommunication (they learn how to communicate don’t worry), exes that can’t stay out of your life, alcohol, explicit content: fingering, pussy slapping, squirting, oral sex (male and female receiving), mouth fucking, dirty talking, jungkook has a slight begging kink and an exhibitionism kink (not that present in the fic), dom!jk, switch!reader, car sex, sex in a tent, hair pulling (I think), tits/nipple play, unprotected sex, a little bit of ass slapping

☆word count: 52.7k (I could post it in two parts but it’s for jungkook’s birthday so who cares)

☆a/n: HI!!! I have been so excited to share with you guys what I’ve been working on in the last few weeks. I am so happy with how I Want to Be With You was received, and I really hope The Boy with Galaxies in his Eyes will receive the same love! It’s a big one, I know, but it’s entirely worth the read, trust me ✨. It is set in the same universe as I Want to Be With You, and Jimin might gush about his reader a little bit… if you know what I mean 😉

☆a/n pt 2: it does deal with a lot of grieving, so it’s sort of a heavy read. If that is something that might upset you, you can dm me so we can talk about it! I’m always here for you guys <3

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nectar: a series | pjm

↳ pairing: vampirehuman!jimin x vampire!(f)reader

↳ rating/genre: BTS | 18+ | college | supernatural | roommates to lovers | smut | angst | fluff

↳ word count: 35k (as of June 2023)

↳ warnings: all the standard vampire shit, explicit smut, each fic has its own warnings

↳ notes: i already know i'm probably gonna write more drabbles of the nectar couple, so i might as well just make a nectar masterlist to free up space on my main masterlist, right?? yes. we love organization

↳ main masterlist / taglist

↳ what was jai listening to?  the nectar playlist

Nectar | 16k | May 2022

↳ Humans have this annoying habit of being drawn to danger, and you’re having a hard time stopping yourself from sinking your teeth into your new roommate. You’re not sure what’s more tantalizing: his impossibly good looks or his seemingly innocent way of flirting with the darkest part of you.

Touch Me After Midnight | 19k | October 2022

↳ Dating a human is a lot more complicated than you thought it would be. You’re terrified that you might hurt your boyfriend, even when he insists that everything is fine. But things most definitely are not fine when someone from your past arrives to shake up your already rocky relationship.

Lost In A Heartbeat | 2.8k | May 2023

↳ Keeping up with your fledgling boyfriend’s new sexual appetite wasn’t something you’d considered when you agreed to turn him.

all rights reserved © gimmethatagustd on tumblr & AO3

do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my work

THIS TIME AROUND | Part 1 (KTH)

Pairing: Taehyung x Fem Reader

Genre: arranged marriage, brother’s bestfriend, denial, slow burn, fluff, implied smut, angst, crack.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 7.7K

Warnings: explicit language, mentions of divorce and infidelity, mentions of anxiety and fear, mentions of pregnancy, alcohol consumption, problematic ex

Summary: Marrying his bestfriend’s older sister and his childhood crush did not even cross Taehyung’s mind. But as if fate was on his side, their grandparents have made a pact to unite both families. They decided to strengthen and merge their farming and distributions businesses by marrying off their eldest grandchildren. He felt like floating on air as he stood facing you in front of the altar. That day, he promised to give you the world and his heart. Undoubtedly, Taehyung is in love with you.

Marrying your brother’s bestfriend less than a year after your long-term boyfriend left you is like kicking the ball hard and hitting the post before it rebounded towards the goal. He loves you. He gives you everything. He’s gorgeous, he’s kind, he’s great in bed, but you couldn’t bring yourself to love him beyond the sheets. Until one day, he turns the tables on you, and you find yourself fighting tooth and nail to keep him close. Losing him too is simply not an option.

Part 2 Release Date: June 30th. It's supposed to be the 21st but I'm still not happy with what I have so far!

•••

TAGLIST: @dvalitaes @kimtaesss @taebangtanbabe @invincibletaetae @ohsweetmimosa @prajusstuff @hakko_bby @imnotokayfuckup @generouschildcolor @glossyyyymin @ancagab16 @lilies-dont-lie @taemocha @sweet-weapon-077 @glossyyyymin

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @snoozeagustd @persphonesorchid @thatbangtanjagiya @taestefully-in-luv @pamzn @wrmnssoul @ygbubs @halesandy @jayhope88 @bnagtanx1306 @pinkseokchim @busanbby-jjk @babycandy111 @auraandpetrichor

•••

Taehyung collapsed on top of you with a grunt, teeth nipping at the dainty flesh of your clavicle, as he sank his face further into the crook of your neck. You were both out of breath from riding out your early morning orgasm, and you more so, for having his full weight against your ribcage.

"Move, it's too hot and you’re heavy..." You whined as you writhed underneath him, pushing him and thumbing away the strands of your hair that stuck on your sweaty skin.

Taehyung's mind was fuzzy and his body heavy as he struggled to lift himself up on his elbows when he felt you push him away. He rolled over on his back as he watched you get out of bed, in all your naked glory, making a beeline to the ensuite bathroom. "Nice butt," he threw a compliment your way, making you roll your eyes. 

"Stop staring!"

"The right cheek is still red, honey. I’m sorry!" 

You threw him the finger before shutting the door of the bathroom, making him break into an obnoxious laugh. It's not long after when he sauntered into the bathroom himself to take a shower, after making a mental calculation of the time it would take for you to finish with yours. Ever as accurate with his timing, you were already dressed in your robe, hair tied up in a towel, while brushing your teeth in front of the double sink when he entered. 

“Should I pick you up from work this evening?” Taehyung asked you as he disappeared into the glass partition.

Ah, the classic "married couple conversation" - that charming early morning exchange where one half of the couple is quietly going through their pre-work routine, while the other tries, with all their might, to spark some form of coherent conversation. It's a delicate dance of trying not to overstep while also attempting to piece together the idea of it being a normal thing to do between married people. After all, it has already been almost a year since you two exchanged your vows. At times, it can feel like you're speaking two entirely different languages - one person tuned into the present moment while the other is on another planet.

Taehyung’s question was met with silence and he immediately started convincing himself that you just didn’t hear him properly. 

“Seokjin hyung and Mari are expecting us at the grand opening of their aqua park this weekend,” he started another conversation. “You’re not working this weekend, are you?” 

You spat out the toothpaste foam before answering, “It’s this weekend already?” Your eyebrows furrowed, trying to remember the date. “I’m trying to close a client on Monday so I’d probably be working on the presentation that weekend.” You arranged your toothbrush and dental floss on the acrylic holder before meeting Taehyung’s eyes in the mirror. “You should go ahead, don’t wait for me.” 

“Yah, of course they’re expecting us to attend together,” Taehyung countered with a small pout. “We’re a married couple.” 

“Married couple?” You turned around and walked towards the shower, reaching for Taehyung’s face before rising on your toes and planting a quick kiss on his lips, but it felt all too sweet for Taehyung. “We’re business partners, honey.” 

Taehyung’s eyes automatically shut as he savored your kiss, and you’ve already stepped out of the bathroom when his eyes slowly fluttered open. He released his breath that he always knew he held around you in moments like that, as another fine line was added to the already-existing crack in his heart. 

—

You leaned back on your chair, taking a quick pause from revising the contract renewal proposal for your target Japanese client to collect your thoughts, and do a quick read through. It’s important for you to close this client, because although they put your grandfather in high regard when they initially signed a contract with Sunrise Foods Corp, you couldn’t say they view you and your competence the same way as a young woman. They have also expressed their dislike of the Kim Industries Inc merger, questioning the stability of the business in the near future. 

You’re not a stranger to judgment when people say that you’re both too young to tie the knot for convenience instead of love. What they failed to understand is that you did get married for love, albeit not for each other, but for the love of your families. You both came from what they call “old money,” tracing back to generations of farming and distributions, from livestock, to fisheries, to fresh produce - your families have it all. 

Kim Industries Inc. is a huge empire. Kim Hakyung, Taehyung’s grandfather, is the youngest of three brothers. The eldest has passed down his fisheries and aquaculture business to his first grandson Seokjin, and the middle has passed down his livestock and poultry business to his only grandson, a licensed veterinarian, Namjoon. Traditionally, the brothers would pass down their businesses to their grandchildren instead of their children, but Hakyung hit a snag on his bloodline when his eldest grandson had yet to be married as his retirement date from his crops and forestry business approached.  He knew he had to make sure Taehyung would be producing an heir to their fortune. Luckily, he knew just who to run to. 

Your grandfather’s relationship with Kim Hakyung grew from just being friends who met during their military enlistment to being business partners. Sunrise Foods Corp is the top frozen and processed food company in the country, marketing Korea’s food history and efficiently translating it to conveniently packed food items for today’s modern lifestyle. Every meat, poultry, fish, and produce that the company processed were directly supplied by Kim Industries Inc, bringing the freshest ingredients to the consumer’s table. 

Your grandfather has built his estate next to the Kim estate, and you have lived there with your brother Jimin your whole life even after your parents got divorced and moved on with their lives. Taehyung and Jimin, of the same age, basically grew up chasing each other down the lake that sat between the two estates. Being just a year older, you were around the two boys a lot – or the other way around. You went to school together, you played together, and when you were old enough to do stuff on your own, you even went to parties together. 

You’ve always known that Taehyung had a crush on you. After all, when he was thirteen, he slipped a letter in your locker on Valentine’s day that read “I really like your pretty smile,” which he never admitted to, but you accidentally saw him sneaking the letter in. What you didn’t know is that he didn’t outgrow that crush and that it would only transform into something so intense and all-encompassing– the way you laughed, the way your eyes sparkled in the sunlight when you came by the lake, and the sound of your voice became etched into his heart. One summer, during your birthday dinner, you entered the restaurant with another man in tow. You looked at that man like he hung all the stars in the sky, and Taehyung almost heard his heart shatter. That’s when he realized that this love for you wasn't just a mere infatuation but rather an indescribable force that pulled at him relentlessly. 

As selfish as it sounded, the moment he heard about your break up with your then boyfriend a few years later, Taehyung sprung into action and asked his grandfather and his parents to arrange his marriage with you, mentioning the future of their family business for good measure.

The two elderly men often talked about merging and growing their business officially, throwing playful glances at you and Taehyung everytime you would gather for a joint family dinner. Taehyung’s parents seemed to agree as his dad would often quip that he knew Taehyung would be a good husband and father. You paid it no mind, but Taehyung basked in the attention. That’s why it didn’t come as a surprise when your grandfather dropped the bomb one morning, over breakfast, that the Kims would love to have you as part of their family officially by marriage. 

“Seriously?” The outburst came from Jimin, not you. At that time, he wasn’t fond of the idea because one, he knew that his bestfriend is popular with the ladies; and two, you have just broken things off with your long-term boyfriend Yoongi. But reality check— it’s not like two very traditional and old-fashioned elderly men would listen to a twenty-eight-year-old man, right? 

So, on the first day of autumn that same year, you and Taehyung exchanged vows in the presence of your families and close friends, on the same lake that sat between the two estates. 

You pulled yourself out of your thoughts and refocused on the document right in front of you. You were just about to rephrase another sentence when Taehyung’s messages started coming in, and the sound of your phone kept vying for attention like a persistent child. You tried to concentrate on the task at hand, fingers tapping away at the keyboard, while your mind distractedly wandered towards the notifications piling up on your screen. The longer you ignored them, however, the more insistent they seemed to become until you gave in and opened his messages. You felt the irritation bubbling up inside of you as yet another message from your husband regarding your upcoming anniversary interrupts your workday.

Instead of replying, you heaved a heavy sigh before tapping on the small camera icon, calling him over Facetime instead. His beautiful boxy smile greeted you when he accepted the call, revealing his perfectly straight teeth that glistened in a perfect array of pearly whites. There was a slight twinkle in his eyes, letting you know of his giddiness while planning for your upcoming anniversary. 

You pulled your lips into a thin smile so as not to dampen his mood. 

"So...?" He leaned back on his own office chair, and you just knew that he also put his feet up on his desk in the process. "What do you think of my suggestions?" 

"Can we put off celebrating our anniversary when I am not drowning in work?"

"But it's our first anniversary..." 

“Exactly, Tae…” You made an effort to hold back an exasperated sigh before you continued because you knew he’s excited and you didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “We’ll have many more anniversaries to come. It’s okay not to plan for a trip on the first one.” 

“Just consider it, okay?” Taehyung insisted. “We have until next week. We can book a last-minute trip if you’re caught up in – YO, BROTHER!” Taehyung’s attention was immediately taken away from you when Jimin’s head popped up next to yours to wave at him, easily distracting him with what he’s saying.

“Yah, we’re busy here. Can’t you see?” Jimin fake-scolded his bestfriend and brother-in-law. “We’re trying to export our products, stop distracting my sister with your nonsense.” 

“It’s not nonsense, it’s our anniversary trip!” He defended.

“You’re going on a trip?” Jimin directed his question at you, eyes already dripping with judgment. After all, he’s twice as busy as you when it comes to your new project, because he’s the Director of Finance. “When?” 

You waved a hand at him dismissively, wordlessly saying that you’re not, before focusing your attention back on Taehyung. “Okay, I have to go. We have a meeting in 5 minutes.”

“Yeah okay… I’ll pick you up later, okay?” 

“Mmmkay…” You mumbled before ending the call. 

“Wow… one year, huh…” Your bestfriend and assistant, Minji said in a playful tone. “You guys are so sweet to each other, one would think you love each other.” 

“Taehyung loves her,” Jimin snickered. 

“Are you saying I don’t?” You feigned surprise at what your brother just insinuated. “Of course, I love him. I’m a loving person, in general, you know?” 

“Yeah, I mean… I guess…” Jimin trailed off. “I mean, okay, you love him because maybe he seems familiar? But he loves LOVES you, you know?” He slumped down on the couch and dramatically acted out a heart beating out of his chest with his fist. “Taehyung doesn’t just love you, it’s more than that– he LURRVES you.” 

“Jimin, can we focus here?” You used your “big sister” tone on him which made him– smartly dressed in a three-piece suit– sit upright on the couch, making Minji laugh out loud. 

“Wait! I have one more question…” Minji squealed excitedly and rolled her chair over in front of your desk. 

You squinted at her, wheels started turning inside your head. Knowing Minji, you know where this is going.

“So…” She started in a singsong voice. “One year of arranged marriage… Do you guys have sex?” 

And there it is. You knew it. 

You decided to indulge her curious mind. “Oh, we have LOTS–” 

“FALA FA NA LALALALALA I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS!” Jimin covered his ears and shut his eyes while you and Minji broke into hysterics. 

Of course. Jimin didn’t have to know that his sister and his childhood bestfriend just couldn’t keep their hands off of each other almost every night. 

It was awkward during the first few weeks of your marriage. Despite your expectations being set, it was difficult to shake off the fact that it was an arranged marriage, even though clearly, Taehyung seemed to be so in love with you. You moved into your house with a helper and a driver, and to avoid any suspicions about you as a couple, sleeping in different rooms was out of the question. You suddenly found yourself sharing a bed, a bathroom, and a life with someone else who had their own set of habits, routines, and preferences. Despite knowing Taehyung your whole life, it was still challenging to navigate through disagreements, differences in communication styles, and conflicting expectations. It took some time to settle into your new routine, but eventually you found your rhythm as a married couple and things started feeling more natural... intimacy included. That's how you found out that your husband is one hell of a sex god. 

—

“I understand that you’re too busy with the Japanese client, so I held off on the trip,” he managed to make out the words while brushing his teeth next to you on the bathroom sink. “But I’m preparing our anniversary dinner on Friday, so make sure you come home early, okay?” He spat out the toothpaste foam and rinsed his mouth. “Okay?” 

“Okay,” you turned on your airwrap and began styling your hair in little wisps. 

“Make sure you don’t forget, honey. I’m serious.”

“Gee, you do sound serious,” you chuckled. “I won’t forget.” 

“Say ‘I promise I won’t forget,” three times,” Taehyung challenged you. 

“I promise I won’t forget. I promise I won’t forget. I promise I won’t forget.”

You did forget.

You recalled your conversation with Taehyung as you stared at the aluminum containers and the unopened room temperature bottle of wine on the kitchen island.

Today’s your anniversary and the thought completely abandoned you as you got ready for work that morning and flew out the door an hour earlier than usual. It was your big day after all.    

The Japan project was a success. You were able to close three major supermarkets in Japan that would carry Sunrise Foods Corp products. You and your team have worked tirelessly, pouring every ounce of your energy and expertise into this endeavor, and your efforts ultimately paid off. So when it came time to celebrate your victory, you did so with gusto. You booked a huge VIP karaoke lounge with bottomless drinks and hors d'oeuvres, and you laughed, danced, and raised your glasses high in recognition of what you had accomplished as individuals and as a team.

It was already 2 in the morning when you stumbled inside your house, still a bit merry, until your eyes landed on what could have been a romantic anniversary dinner set up. Except they were now neatly put away, which you assume was done by your helper, Mrs. Wu before she left for the evening.

The guilt that washed over you was enough to sober you up and you groaned in frustration before making your way upstairs to your shared bedroom. There was a faint light coming from under the door which indicated that Taehyung is still awake. You pushed the door open and saw your husband on the bed, propped up on a pile of pillows, reading something on a tablet. His hair all mussed up and his black-rimmed glasses falling slightly on the bridge of his nose. He didn’t even give you a glance when you entered, which slightly felt like a stab at your heart, given that whichever the circumstances, his feelings are important to you and you don’t really like disappointing him. 

You quietly trudged to the ensuite bathroom to wash off the grime and stench accumulated from being outside in sweat and smoke. You didn’t take a lot of time in the shower because you wanted to apologize to Taehyung. So after dressing up in a comfortable nightgown, you approached the bed slowly, taking measured steps, until you slid yourself under the covers and scooted closer to him. Your eyes met his, glazed with a silent plea as you searched for an opening to breach the walls that he put up. With a gentle touch on his arm, you felt him relax beneath your fingers just enough to allow a small crack in his armor. It's all you needed, and before he could protest, you lifted his arm and you snuggled into his embrace, inhaling the citrusy scent of his aftershave. 

"I'm sorry," you started, actually meaning it. “I am truly sorry for not being more attentive and thoughtful.” You paused, trying to remember the rest of your apology. "I am not one to make excuses or try to justify my mistakes, I know forgetting our anniversary was a major misstep on my part." Your words may have sounded pretty rehearsed, because that’s exactly what you did while in the shower, for wanting to say just the right words so as not to further disappoint him. You held your breath as you waited for his reply. 

“Did you like the flowers I got you?” 

You hummed in agreement remembering the big bouquet of carnations in various shades of reds and pinks sitting on your dresser when you entered the closet. The symbolism wasn’t lost on you - love and admiration. 

It seemed like that’s all that he needed to hear. You’ve always known that Taehyung has a pure heart, but you’re still taken aback sometimes at how easy it is to satisfy him and make him happy. He set aside his tablet and turned off the lamp before turning to you, ruffling your hair, and planting a kiss on your forehead. “Happy anniversary,” he whispered before shifting on his pillows, removing you from his embrace, and turning his back on you. A mere hum from you could make him smile, but not wanting you in his arms as he falls asleep tells you more than you need to know. Feeling small and still laden with guilt, you settled on your own side of the bed and stared at your husband’s back until you fell asleep. 

The next morning, Taehyung dragged himself to the kitchen, hair sticking out everywhere and eyes partly shut as he picked all the crusty signs of sleep off of them. “Mrs. Wu, do we have greek yogurt?” He asked without even looking.

“I sent Mrs. Wu home.”

Taehyung’s eyes shot up when he heard your soft voice and he’s even more surprised when he saw you setting down some utensils on the kitchen island. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m making us breakfast,” you beamed sweetly at him before you turned around to check on your simmering jjajangmyeon sauce. “I know this isn’t a typical breakfast, but it’s already almost 10 AM and this would pass up as brunch.” 

Taehyung still stood rooted in his position, because this is the first time he’s seen you make breakfast, aside from the occasional frozen waffle and coffee, in your one year of marriage. “Yeah, but I mean… what are you doing here?” He repeated his question that made your shoulders slump. 

“Do you want me to leave?” There was hurt in your voice. 

“No, no, no,” Taehyung quickly rounded the kitchen island to get to you and gently rubbed your arm. “It’s Saturday, so shouldn’t you be at the factory?” He asked softly. 

“Grandfather will do the inspection today…” You hung your head low, embarrassed to meet your husband’s eyes. “He knows it’s our anniversary weekend.”

“Oh…”

“Hey, I’m sorry, I–” Your words were caught between your lips when Taehyung cradled your face between his palms and pressed a chaste kiss on your lips. The smile on his lips when he pulled away almost made you swoon. “What was that for?” You asked breathlessly. 

“I love you.” He confessed, eyes boring into yours. 

“Tae…” The swooning spiraled quickly into an odd discomfort you wish you could push away.

“You don’t have to say it back, YN.” He pulled his lips into a smile that made his cheeks puff like fluffy bread. “... and don’t apologize. I understand that the Japan deal is huge, and you’ve worked so hard on it. I’m so proud of you.”

“Ugh, stop. You’re making me feel so much worse,” you whined. “Let me do this at least to make it up to you, okay?” 

“Is this our anniversary breakfast then?” 

“One day late, but I still poured my heart and soul into this jjajangmyeon, so I hope you enjoy it.” 

Taehyung playfully clutched his heart and dramatically stumbled against the counter. “Careful, I’m starting to believe you have fallen in love with me already.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle at Taehyung’s playful antics. 

“Fall in love, my foot.” 

—

As the days turned into weeks, you found yourself lost in a whirlwind of tasks. There was no respite from the constant stream of deadlines, meetings, and responsibilities that filled every moment, leaving no space for contemplation or relaxation.

Between work, your family, and trying to squeeze in some exercise, it's been a bit of a blur. You're not gonna lie, you know it's better than being bored out of your mind. But sometimes you wish you could slow things down just a little bit so you can catch your breath. Even though it's been hectic, you always make sure to ground yourself and indulge in your social life from time to time.

Despite it being a Saturday night- the supposed peak of excitement and revelry at the club - there were only a few people scattered about, some were hitting the dance floor, some were engrossed in a chatter, and some were just like you and Minji - perched on the barstools and sipping your complimentary dry martini. It has become your little tradition to meet up at your other bestfriend, Hoseok's club at least once a month ever since he quit corporate and opened his business. The first round is always on the house. 

Hoseok, or Hobi as you affectionately call him, pouted in front of you as he leaned over the counter, his orange-tinted sunglasses falling slightly on the bridge of his nose. "Where are the people? Business is too slow for a Saturday for my liking!"

"You shouldn't have given us the martini for free, you know."  Minji scolded him through her thick fake eyelashes. 

“Ayyye, that’s alright, it’s all gonna break even anyway when you start ordering more drinks,” Hobi scoffed at her which made Minji gasp. 

“Are you saying I’m an alcoholic?”

Minji’s reaction caught him momentarily off guard before he burst into his infectious laughter, hands-clapping and all. “You know what they say, a fish is caught by its own mouth!” 

“You’re harassing your customers, Hobi,” you playfully called out. 

"Yeah, maybe that's the reason why your club is empty on a weekend!" Minji added. 

"Yah… okay, okay, gang up on me now." Hoseok turned around to pull himself a pint of dark beer before resuming his spot in front of you. "What about you?" He pointed to you while bringing his glass up to his lips. "Still keeping it together?"

"What do you mean?"

Minji answered on your behalf, "I work for her so I guess it's safe to say things are going well on the business side of things."

"And the personal side of things?"

"First of all, the business side of things isn't all nice and dandy. We have been very busy. Personally, I'm fine," you assured your friends. "Except a few weeks ago when I totally forgot our anniversary and had to spend all day the next day making it up to Taehyung, we're generally good."

"He's not bored with you yet?" Hoseok teased. 

"Hey! What's there to be bored about?" You turned your chin up. "I'm the most fun wife he could ever wish for!" 

"He's still in love with you?" Hoseok continued to coax. 

"He's obsessed with her," Minji rolled her eyes. "He looks at her like a lovestruck teenager, but this girl right here," Minji poked your cheek, "... is so dense." 

"I'm not dense!" You defended. "Like, I know he loves me, I'm just not making a big deal out of it."

"What do you mean? You're literally married!" Hoseok looked at you incredulously. 

"I don't know, why the sudden interest in my marriage?"

"Because you guys seem closer now, so Hobi and I are just curious if you have finally fallen in love with him too," Minji replied.

"Right," Hoseok agreed. "We know you love him because you were friends first before you got married– childhood friends! But…" he trailed off, examining your face, making sure he's not overstepping your boundaries too.

"But what?" 

"Platonic love between friends and romantic love between married couples are different," he continued. 

"We just want to check in on you and see where you are already," Minji patted one of your thighs. "That's what we do here in our once a month emotional support circle time, right?" She laughed at her own joke. 

"Taehyung and I are doing well. We have our set routines. We already know each other well enough to know what makes each other tick." You nodded for good measure. "We're okay, so let's just drop the thing where you two try to break down what kind of love my husband and I share, because honestly, you guys are so cheesy." 

"Jesus Christ! I've been called an alcoholic and cheesy in the past hour!" Minji rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, which made you and Hoseok break out in laughter. 

"Okay, hear me out…" Hoseok suddenly became fidgety in his seat. "There's a reason why I asked about you and Taehyung."

"And…?" 

"I wanted to make sure things are okay and secure between you before I give you this." Hoseok produced a small envelope from underneath the counter and slid it across over to you. 

You recognized the logo, the pattern, and the black, gray, and beige color palette right away to know what it is. But things happened as fast as lightning as Minji snatched it from the counter and ripped it open, gasping when she confirmed the contents of the envelope. 

"Why do you have a Gloss VIP ticket and a backstage pass?" Minji looked at Hoseok as if he suddenly grew two new heads. "Why are you giving this to her?" 

"Yoongi asked me to give it to her." Hoseok looked back at you, trying to gauge your reaction. "It hasn't even hit the news that he's included his hometown for the tour, so he said to keep it hush-hush."

"That's not the point. He's her ex—" 

"Yah, why do you think I asked her about Taehyung first? Besides—"

"Okay, guys, stop arguing." You took the envelope from Minji's hands. "It's fine. It wasn't even a bad break up between me and Yoongi," you smiled. You could feel the warmth starting to creep up from your neck to your cheeks, and you weren't sure if it's the alcohol talking, but you felt good at the moment. "I… Well, I'd love to go." 

"Really?" Minji looked at you as if you've lost your marbles. 

"Yeah, really." 

–

People would often say that habits are hard to break – old habits are like a drug, consuming people with their powerful grip. It's like trying to resist something that's just too tempting. You keep getting drawn back in, even though you know you shouldn't. It's like a big, strong hand that won't let go of you. It's like a cozy blanket that you don't want to give up. It's hard to say goodbye to something that's been a part of you for so long.

Min Yoongi is like an old habit. 

To you, he has always been a source of strength and comfort. He stood by you and held your hand when you were going through a rough time during your parents’ divorce. He stayed up late with you as you cried during a particularly hard time in college. He surprised you with an enormous bouquet of flowers, skipping one of his important basketball games, when your parents broke their promise to be there at your graduation. He would drive long hours, to different cities, just to be with you for your client presentations when your grandfather unloaded all his responsibilities on you, as soon as you got your degree. His words became your daily affirmation that you’re doing well, and it’s safe to say that he helped shape up the person that you are today.

He had been a part of you for seven whole years before things started to fall apart. The last straw was when he made it clear that you both wanted different things in life, and he couldn’t turn his back on his dreams to follow you down your own path. That's what caused your relationship to crumble. It's like the armor protecting your relationship got a big crack in it and couldn't hold up anymore. But he’s back now, clearly wanting to put all the broken pieces back together. 

You felt a thrill with the way he’s looking at you. His eyes, albeit familiar, somehow felt off – staring into someone’s eyes that aren’t Taehyung’s felt odd and conflicting, but you ignored that niggling feeling and that’s how you found yourself pinned up against the wall of his private green room backstage after his two-hour long concert. Your tongues mingled and fought dominance against each other as his hands started roaming underneath your shirt. You gasped as you let your jaw drop when his lips started moving, trailing wet kisses down your jaw and your neck. 

“Fuck,” Yoongi groaned when he felt your clothed nipple harden underneath his palm. “I missed this. I missed you.” 

“Yoongi…” you whispered, before Yoongi captured your mouth again. You turned your head sideways, but he persistently continued trying to kiss you. “We shouldn’t…”

“I know…” He was panting, clearly worked up, as he went on to nibble on your earlobe and licked a long stripe on the skin underneath. 

You tensed up and tried to pull his hands away from underneath your top, “I’m married, Yoongi. We can’t do th– hngh,” you almost keeled when Yoongi pressed his knee up between your legs, the friction against your jeans making you momentarily lose focus as his hand pulled down one of your cups and flicked your now bare nipple with his thumb in quick motions. 

"You don't even love him." He whispered as he trailed kisses from your neck down to your chest.

"But I do…," you whispered, writhing against his hold. You couldn't shake Taehyung’s face out of your mind as Yoongi continued with his ministrations. You suddenly felt a chill go down your back and it made your neck feel all tingly. It felt like little needles were poking you all over your body. This is what made you snap out of your trance and push Yoongi away as hard as you could. “For fuck’s sake, Yoongi!” 

Yoongi stepped back, both hands up in surrender, “I’m–” He turned around and ran his fingers through his hair before looking up at the ceiling, cursing under his breath. By the time he turned around to face you, you already fixed your clothes and your hair. “I was out of line, YN. I’m so sorry,” he reached out for your hands but you were quick to pull back. 

“It’s over between us, Yoongi.” You shook your head. “Please," you pleaded, trying to suppress your anger. "I am in love with Taehyung,” your chest rising and falling from the realization that just hit you. “So please, don't reach out to me anymore. This is the last time we're seeing each other.” 

That’s the last thing Yoongi heard from you before you slammed the door shut, leaving him crouched down on his couch, drowning in a pool of regret. 

You were trying to stay above water in your own pool of regret, but with each passing day, it feels like you've created a distance with Taehyung who knows nothing. You would get up earlier in the morning to make his breakfast and leave for work before he even wakes up. You would come home late, barely even having the time to unwind before showering and hopping into bed. Taehyung would still be his sweet and loving self, making sure you’re comfortable all the time. He would still look at you like you have all the answers in the universe when he thinks you’re not looking. He would still pepper your face with kisses when he thinks you’re already deep in your slumber. He would still show up at your office unannounced bringing you and your whole team random treats. The more he did all those things, the deeper you went down the grave you dug out yourself. 

You established that Taehyung has started to notice that you’re becoming more and more distant when he gently grabbed your wrist one weekend morning as you tried to escape from the kitchen, barely even touching your breakfast. 

“Did I do something wrong?” He looked at you with soft puppy eyes, tongue darting out to swipe across his lips before subtly biting down on his lower lip, a clear sign that this confrontation is making him a bit nervous.  

“What?” You were momentarily taken aback by his question before you felt a tightening knot of guilt in your gut. You were so out of touch lately that Taehyung started believing he’s the one who has done something wrong, and it couldn’t be further from the truth. “No, I–” you caught yourself, feeling conflicted on whether or not it was the right time to tell him about what happened between you and Yoongi about a week ago. 

“Did I forget an important event?” He continued asking. “Your birthday is still a month from now, right?” 

“Hey, baby, no…” You sat back down next to him and intertwined your fingers with his. You were surprised by how easily that term of endearment rolled off your tongue. If Taehyung noticed it, he didn’t let it show. “You didn't do anything wrong,” you rested your cheek against his shoulder, closed your eyes, and breathed in deeply, enjoying his warmth. 

“Is there something bothering you then?” He rested his head against yours and soothingly rubbed small circles on your skin with his thumb. “You seem a bit quiet lately.” 

“It’s just been quite hectic at the company lately, and I don’t know… I feel a bit out of it,” you replied, wincing a little. It’s not exactly a blatant lie. You recently lost a major client in the Philippines to a competitor brand and it created a big dip on your numbers. But you still felt bad for leaving out a major detail on why you’ve been avoiding Taehyung lately. 

“Do you wanna come with me to the park? Jungkook and I arranged a puppy playdate, so might as well squeeze in a quick jog while we’re at it.” 

“A puppy playdate?” You perked up and laughed, picturing your small six-year-old teacup pomeranian playing with Jungkook’s much younger gigantic two-year-old doberman. “You gotta watch out for Tannie, Bam might step all over him.” 

Taehyung burst out laughing, covering his mouth with his fist, “Bammie is scared of Tan.” 

You looked at him right at that moment, a smile still on your lips, and you suddenly felt overwhelmed with how much affection you actually have for him. He looked back at you and crossed the distance between you to nuzzle his nose against yours. “There it is,” Taehyung smiled back at you. “There’s the smile I’ve been missing these past few days. 

“You’re such a sweet-talker,” you reached out to remove the hair that’s fallen in front of his eyes. "Go and have fun with JK and Bam, I need to stay behind and call Minji.” 

“Okay,” Taehyung tried to hide his disappointment because he’s already used to you working on a weekend, and spending a great amount of time over the phone with your assistant. “Just don’t push yourself too much, it’s the weekend after all. My wife deserves to rest.” 

You hummed in agreement, and just like before, a mere acknowledgment from you is enough to satisfy and make your husband happy. 

However, when he walked through the door that afternoon after getting back from the park, it felt like an icy chill had settled over the entire bedroom. He looked mad and irritated. It was clear that something had gone horribly wrong, and whatever it was had taken its toll on his spirit. You wondered if he got into a fight with Jungkook, but judging on the way he avoided your eyes before making his way directly to your ensuite bathroom, a feeling of dread settled in your stomach.

A few minutes later, Taehyung stepped out of the bathroom and got dressed. He still hasn't said a word to you since he came back. You pretended you were busy on your computer but you were observing him through the corner of your eyes. You mustered up the courage and cleared your throat, "Had a good run?" 

His fingers paused for a second while buttoning up his shirt, seemingly surprised by your question, but his face didn't show any sign of it. No answer. Your mind started whirring and you started losing focus on the deck you're working on, making the graphs and numbers slightly blur through your vision. Taehyung’s aura was suffused with negativity so palpable that it felt like a physical presence. 

“Tae?” You turned around from your desk to fully face him, silently wishing he didn’t ignore you, he just didn’t hear you the first time. But it was too late, he’s got one foot out the door already, and it wasn’t long until you saw his car through the window, roll out of the garage as he drove away. 

–

Taehyung had no destination in mind, but he kept driving. 

As he gripped the steering wheel, his mind was consumed with thoughts of uncertainty and anger. The sprawling asphalt stretched endlessly before him like a dark and ominous path leading nowhere. His heart pounded relentlessly in his chest as he battled against the overwhelming feeling of betrayal and jealousy.

The conversation with Jungkook kept on playing at the back of his mind. 

“Sorry, I was in a hurry last week! I thought we would run into each other backstage, but I was meeting my cousin, and I was already running late so I left as soon as the show was over.” 

“Backstage?” Taehyung’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to keep up with his friend and their dogs along the concrete joggers path at the park

“Yeah,” Jungkook blew air through his mouth to regulate his breathing. “At Gloss’ homecoming concert. Saw your wife, but I don’t think she saw me.” 

Taehyung slowed down to catch his breath, but more so, to piece together the words that stood out from his friend’s statement. Gloss. Homecoming concert. Wife. He’s known his wife his whole life and he knew that Gloss is a big part of hers. Gloss is Yoongi’s stage name. 

“I was gonna say hi to you, guys, after the show, but I saw that security had already escorted her backstage as soon as Gloss exited the stage,” Jungkook continued.

Escorted you where? As soon as when?

“Yeah, I–” Taehyung conjured a lie to protect you from the possibility of misjudgment if Jungkook found out he wasn’t with you that time. “I had to leave early. I had an early morning appointment the next day.” 

“Oh.” 

Taehyung likes giving you freedom and space. He believes that to refrain from probing into someone's whereabouts is to acknowledge their autonomy as an individual. But it also suggests a deeper level of intimacy - one where communication doesn't necessarily require words and where actions speak louder than questions ever could. This is the kind of relationship that's built on a foundation of mutual love, trust and respect. That’s the kind of relationship he wants both of you to have. 

As he drove endlessly, with you in his mind, he started questioning everything - did you even care? Were you ever truly committed to this relationship? The uncertainty gnawed at his soul and felt like a stab at his heart. He pulled over on the side of the road before the overwhelming feeling of anger and betrayal bubbling up inside him threatened to overflow. Is he overreacting? Should he just ask you about the concert? Maybe Jungkook saw someone else, maybe it wasn’t you. But no matter how hard he tried to shake the possibility out of his mind, he knew deep inside that it was really you. Even though he didn't want to admit it, he felt like there was a force that kept bringing you and Yoongi together whenever you were near each other. It was like a magnet that just couldn't resist. He thought he would get past it after you married him, and Yoongi set on pursuing his career in the US. But now that Yoongi is back, all of Taehyung’s insecurities came rushing back as well, consuming him whole like a drop of black ink in a puddle of clear water. 

Also similar to a drop of ink in clear water, your mind was clouded with worry when Taehyung failed to pick up and answer all the calls that you made, and the text messages you sent throughout the day. It is unlike him to ignore your calls and texts. Your worry multiplied tenfold when he came home late that night, clearly drunk, knowing he had driven himself. 

"Tae?" You stood up from the couch to meet him by the door. You couldn’t sleep because you haven't heard from him all day, so you decided to wait for him downstairs. 

When you heard his car pull up, you finally breathed out a sigh of relief, until he came through the door in his inebriated state. 

"Where have you been? Why didn't you answer my calls?" You have so many questions but you decided to bite your tongue because you didn't want him to feel like he's getting nagged. If anything, you wanted him to feel supported, especially if he's going through a difficult time. 

He looked at you and for a moment you thought you saw sadness flash in his eyes. He crossed the distance between you and snaked his arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him. "Did I make you worry?" He asked, face getting closer to yours, and his other free hand resting on your jaw. 

You hummed and Taehyung scoffed, before the hand that's on your jaw traveled up on the back of your head, pulling a fist of your hair, exposing your neck. Your breath hitched and your heart started hammering loudly in your chest when he dipped his head and started sucking bruises on the column of your neck.

You closed your eyes in pleasure as his lips traveled down your chest, and you arched your back involuntarily when he pressed your hips harder against him, letting you feel his hardening member against your lower belly. You wrapped your legs around his waist when he lifted you up and took you to the couch. He didn't even bother to undress you properly, he just aggressively pulled the straps of your nightgown down to your waist, releasing your full breasts with a bounce. Arousal pooled between your legs when Taehyung captured one of your nipples in his mouth, your hands flying to his head holding him against you as you arched your back, wanting to feel him closer. 

You heard the jangling sound of his belt moments later and before you realized what’s happening, he’s already pulling your panties aside and burying himself inside you. It was rough, sloppy, and careless. You could feel him getting lost in the feeling, but you could also feel all the pent up emotions and frustration he’s taking out on the act. You let him. You let him use you, setting aside your own pleasure. You knew he was getting closer as his whimpers and grunts were getting louder. It’s not long after when you felt his release, filling you up, along with a jagged breath ghosting over your skin. 

“You okay, babe?” You asked softly, hands coming up to brush back the hair that’s fallen in front of his eyes. He visibly flinched when your fingers made contact with his skin, and wasted no time as he got up and tucked himself in, before grabbing the throw blanket from one end of the couch and hazily throwing it over your figure. He has never treated you that way before. 

You thought you heard him sniff as he walked away from you, but you couldn’t make out the sound, as it was drowned out by the sound of your own heart breaking.

To be continued.

•••

A/N - I hope you enjoyed that. Can't wait to take you along their journey on the next chapter. I posted this on their 10th Anniversary, and I'm posting the next chapter on the 30th. It's supposed to be the 21st but I'm still not happy with what I have so far! Please leave me some love and messages, they really motivate me to write. <3 APOBANGPO, everyone! <3

The Way Of A Criminal: Chapter 2

Genre: Mafia!AU, Criminal!AU, Angst, Romance

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Normal!Reader, Gangster!Namjoon, Gangster!Seokjin, Gangster!Yoongi, Gangster!Hoseok, Gangster!Jimin, Gangster!Taehyung, Gangster!Jungkook

Summary: Your father was a stranger, you never knew who he was and what he did. But one day, someone knocks on your door, informing you of his passing. Now, you learn more about him, his life and the legacy you are expected to continue with the help of his 7 executives.

Story warning(s): This story will contain depictions of violence, blood shed/gore, death, mentions of abuse, smoking, alcohol drinking and gambling. This story is fictional and has nothing to do with real life events or the actual members of BTS. Please read at your own discretion.

Keep reading

agust d is so insanely hot

AGUST D HAEGEUM (2023)

min yoongi fic rec list (Ⅴ)

hi guys it’s been a minute since i posted it’s been hectic i recently got a promotion so that’s been taking up my time but here’s another list of my favourite yoongi fics honestly reading them was so much fun and made me feel happy so i hope you enjoy them as much as i did. remember to please show lots of love and support to these incredible authors and creators and their blogs, don’t forget to give them a follow , leave a heart, reblog or leave a kind message i know they will appreciate hearing from you, these fics contain smut so no minors interact feel free to send and share any fics you are currently into and would like to share with me i would love hearing from you guys

a- angst s- smut f- fluff

series

love lockdown by @personasintro f s a (enemies to lovers zombie apocalypse)

in the margins by @bonvoyagenoona f s a (enemies to friends to lovers slow burn)

look down on me like that by @here2bbtstrash s a (enemies/coworkers to lovers slow burn)

andante cantabile by @kkulfm-2 f s (regency au unrequited love slow enemies to lovers pianist yoongi)

match made in hell by @ughcore  f s a (arranged marriage doctor au rivals to lovers)

only yesterday by @borathae f s a (strangers to lovers)

dating advice by @taleasnewastime f s a (strangers to lovers)

the deal by @untaemedqueen f s a (strangers to lovers gang/cartel au)

matilda by @babystrcandy f s a (brother’s best friend unrequited love)

down the hall by @jjungkookislife s a (brother’s best friend)

ink nemesis by @scriptaed f a (fake dating au)

unexpected lovers by @jjkeverlast f s a (fake dating artist yoongi)

love is a dog from hell by yourlocalhoney (ao3) f s a (love triangle friends with benefits) ft.Jungkook

petals by @yoonia f (parents au)

pink bird houses by @54daysormore f a (single dad au)

everytime by @deathbyyoongx f s a (fuckboy exes au)

desolate by @angelicyoongie f s a (hybrid au)

one-shot

first-date bait by @jimlingss f (strangers to lovers)

↬first-date bait drabble @/jimlingss s (strangers to lovers)

wallflowers by @bonvoyagenoona s (strangers to lovers)

sugar by @zehakoo f s (ceo au strangers to lovers neighbours)

radio sweethearts by @helenazbmrskai s (brother’s best friend college au slow burn)

tongue like candy by @jjungkookislife s a (brother’s best friend age gap)

auburn skies by @persphonesorchid f s a (brother’s best friend)

black and white by @akinnie75 f a (slow burn)

always & forever by @sugakookitty f s (established relationship wedding au)

hard liquor by @chateautae s (boss x employee age gap)

sweetener by @taegularities f s (enemies to lovers fwb au fuckboy)

soft spot by @cultleaderyoongi f (first date)

↬sweet spot by @cultleaderyoongi f s (established relationship)

sticks & stones by @xpeachesncream f s a (friends to lovers ex friends with benefits pinning au)

fuck being friends by @strawberrynamjoon f a (friends to lovers college au)

the seventh muse by @wwilloww f s (friends to lovers)

tell me what you want by @/wwilloww f s (friends to lovers)

yoongi’s lullaby by @jiminrings f a (unrequited love friends to lovers soulmate au)

illicit favors by @yoongiofmine f s a (friends to lovers)

snow blanket by @yoonieper f s (friends to lovers)

a wager of lords & love @hisunshiine s (regency au arranged marriage)

an empty home by @7deadlysinsfics s a (arranged marriage) ft. Taehyung

the nanny diaries by @btsgotjams27 f (single mom roommate au)

the good part by @introlxv s (roommate au)

handyman by @borathae s a (rebound au roommate au)

don’t hold hands by @whatifyoulivelikethat s ( friends with benefits roommate au)

by the time i’ve figured out what it’s worth by @ugh-yoongi f s a (marriage au)

swing life away by @aphrodijin f s a (marriage au)

peaches in bed by @borathae s (domestic au husband au)

the little things by @kth1 f s (boyfriend au)

fxck a fxckboy! by @yoongifis s (fuckboy)

shirt by @bonvoyagenoona s a (one night stand idol au)

cupid’s curse by @ressjeon s a (first love au)

dawned in by @aquagustd f s (dilf yoongi)

bad things by @yoonia s a (escort au pining)

close call by @xjoonchildx (mafia au)

↬looking for other myg fics or the other bts members check out my library

BTS V’s emoji interview💜 | ELLE KOREA pt 2

Check it out

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— still with you

taehyung x elle korea

MYG Stories

Happy Min(meow) March! Here are my read and recommended MYG stories. Please send love to the authors 💕💕 and mind the tags (angst, fluff, smut).

To be updated after every leading list is posted.

Keep reading

Roller coaster of feeling I got whn read this o e

IX. Heedless and Willful || KNJ

(banner by @/itaeewon)

Title: My Feet to Follow, and My Heart to Hold (Masterpost)

Rating: NSFW - minors dni

Genre: college!au, roomie!au, angst, s2l, the absolute slowest of burns

Pairing: Namjoon x female reader, unrequited Taehyung x reader

Beta'd by @/kookstempo, @/casuallyimagining, and @/toikiii - thank you endlessly!

Summary: You know a lot about the many types of love thanks to Kim Taehyung. You love him as the only person you see as “family”, you love him as your very best friend, and you love him as the beautiful, funny man he’s become. But when a twist of fate during your senior year has you rooming with his good friend Kim Namjoon, you just might find that you have plenty left to learn about love. 

Lesson One: there are such things as a right way and a wrong way to love and to be loved.

//

Things accelerate between you and Namjoon, but complications linger.

Section Warnings: language, kissing, groping, breast play/nip stim, fingering, protected sex, penetrative sex, multiple orgasms (f. receiving), multiple rounds

WC: 8k

The world is mine: blue hill, still silver lake, Broad field, bright flower, and the long white road A gateless garden, and an open path: My feet to follow, and my heart to hold. - Journey | Edna St. Vincent Millay

Saturday December 1st

The weekend brings with it a deluge of rain, a slow-moving weather system that has the streets holding inches of water, the road-side drains overflowing. 

You stay inside all day, and so does Namjoon, but you largely orbit around each other, working on your own things, leaving the other alone.

Things had accelerated so suddenly between you that now you feel like you had slammed on a brake, inertia carrying you to teeter dangerously over an edge. You’re not sure if Namjoon is feeling the same way, but you think it’s probable. 

You kind of want to tip over the edge, is the thing. 

You work in your room, sitting at your desk, your bedroom door wide open. You’re kind of working, kind of watching water rush down the road below the apartment. It’s well after dinner, pitch black outside, but the streetlights illuminate the flow as the rainwater moves along beneath you. You’re having trouble focusing because of the rain - it lulls you to sleep, tricks you into thinking it’s bedtime. You can’t remember ever seeing rain like this, and the sound is all-encompassing, like you could wrap yourself up and exist within it.

You’ve just given up on focusing and closed your laptop for the night when there’s suddenly a huge boom from outside, loud and close enough that the floor shakes beneath your feet, and everything goes black around you. You scream, startled, and jump to your feet, knocking your desk chair over behind you with a loud clatter. That startles you a second time, and you scream again, clutching at your chest and backing yourself against your bedroom wall, heart pounding. 

Across the apartment, Namjoon shouts your name, his voice deep and commanding, clearly alarmed.

The dark presses in around you, little fingers on your ankles and arms. You can’t see anything - not your bed, not the chair on the floor, not your hand in front of your own face. The silence is suddenly so loud it throbs around you - the sudden lack of normal noise toying with your senses. You’ve never been in quiet like this - no hum from the refrigerator, the central air system, your devices. All you can hear is your heartbeat pulsing in your ears, the angry, relentless sound of rain, and the echo of Namjoon’s voice calling your name, playing back and looping through your mind so loudly that it’s almost like you’re hearing it again.

You are hearing it again - his alarmed voice cuts through the darkness, calling your name with a little bit of an edge, a tinge of fear this time.

“I’m here,” you manage, your voice coming out like a gasp.

From the living room, you can see a small point of light coming rapidly closer, and then Namjoon appears in your doorway, guided by his cell phone’s flashlight. He seems a little out of breath as he pauses in the doorway, taking in the scene before him - you pressed against the wall, a hand still pressed to your racing heart, the chair askew on the floor, the rain pelting the window like it wants to break the glass.

Once he can see that you’re unharmed, Namjoon clicks his phone off, and you both let your eyes adjust. In the dark, everything various shades of black, his shape seems so large, taking up so much of your vision. He steps around the chair, not bothering to right it, and stops about two feet from you. 

“I think a transformer blew out there,” he says, his voice odd, like most of his brain isn’t even aware that he’s speaking.

Two feet from him, your hands itch to reach out and touch him. Your feet beg to close the space between you. Your heart continues to throw itself against your ribcage, furious and demanding to be heard. The darkness takes its tiny fingers off your limbs, presses guiding fingertips to your back instead, nudging you forward. 

If you’re going over the edge anyway, isn’t it better to jump than to fall?

Two feet from him, in the most profound darkness and silence you’ve ever experienced in your life, you find yourself nearly gasping for each breath as you fight your body’s every urge.

A line of St. Vincent Millay’s poetry leaps into your head, unbidden:

in me alone survive the unregenerate passions of a day when treacherous queens, with death upon the tread heedless and willful, took their knights to bed

Heedless and willful, you jump, crossing the space in a single stride. Namjoon’s hands coming to your waist like he was waiting for you. 

He can kiss you only for a moment before he’s interrupted by you tugging his shirt up; he breaks away from you to pull it the rest of the way off and tosses it behind him, coming back to attach his mouth to your neck, sucking and kissing a line down to your collarbone. You run your hands along his chest, over his pecs, down his stomach, up his sides, your head thrown back to make room for him as he nips and soothes at your throat. 

He groans happily as you dip your fingers towards the waistband of his jeans, then tugs bossily at your own shirt. You peel it off, dropping it to your feet, and move to kiss him again, but he’s busy reaching around your back and deftly pinching the clasp of your bra. It falls away, and you shake the straps loose from your arms, hearing it hit the ground. Cold air assaults your chest only a second before Namjoon’s large hands cup you, his mouth searing against yours out of nowhere.

Everything’s heightened in this total dark, total silence. You can hear every hitch of his breath, the thud of your own pulse, can feel every tiny movement of his hands, of his mouth. He toys lightly with your nipples, running his fingers in circles around them before plucking at them lightly, then abandoning your chest to run his hands over all the newly uncovered skin - your stomach, your back, your arms. 

“You’re gorgeous,” he murmurs against your mouth. “I’ve thought so the whole fucking time, you’re so fucking gorgeous, I can’t think straight sometimes.”

“Namjoon,” you gasp quietly, half a reaction to his words and half a reaction to him gripping the waistband of your joggers and pulling them down over your ass in one motion. You kick them off and he walks you backwards to your bed, pushing at your shoulders until you fall backwards. You hear his zipper as he removes his jeans, and when he climbs up next to you on the bed you can feel but not see him straining against his boxer-briefs. 

He brings his mouth to a nipple without warning, giving it one experimental lick and taking it between his lips when you whine in appreciation. You can feel yourself getting impossibly wet as he alternates licking and sucking, and his spare hand rubs circles down your body until he reaches the lace edge of your underwear, and he pauses. It’s the first time tonight he’s shown any hesitation. 

He removes his mouth from your breast and moves back up where he can kiss you. His fingers skim the lace, a ghost of a touch, barely there.

“You good, baby?” he murmurs, so low, and you feel yourself clench - over the timbre of his voice or his cocky use of the pet name, you’re not sure. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” you breathe. “Touch me. Please.”

It’s wild how dark it is, how you can’t see anything on his face, can’t see which way he’s moving; the dark seems like it’s pressing in around you, like it’s the very thing shielding you from the onslaught of rain that you can still hear loud and clear. 

Namjoon’s fingers skim over your slit so lightly it almost tickles, and you squirm, needing more. He presses harder on his second pass through, pressing the lace against your entrance. He moans when he feels how wet you are even through your panties, pressing himself harder against your leg as he swipes his fingers through again. Then he’s hooking his thumbs under the waistband and pulling your panties down your legs, cupping your sex with his whole hand.

“Fuck, baby,” he whispers hoarsely, and presses his middle finger into your heat up to the last knuckle. You suck in a breath, fingers curling in your bedspread, as he fucks you that way - middle finger only - for the barest of minutes before adding a second digit.

“God,” you groan, feeling yourself stretch to accommodate it. “Damn it.”

“Yeah?” he murmurs. “You’re so wet, what the fuck.” He’s right - you can hear it each time he pushes back into you. Your back arches, your body trying to press his fingers even deeper. When his thumb grazes your clit, you gasp out loud. 

He swallows the rest of your noises with a kiss as he continues, and when the crest of your orgasm snaps a few minutes later you moan messily into his mouth as his fingers fuck you through it, steady and unyielding. 

“Holy shit,” he groans when you clench around his fingers as the waves hit you. “That’s right, baby, fuck.”

You’re reaching for his briefs the second you’re back in your body, down from your high, and he pulls his fingers from you gently to help wiggle them over his hips and off his body. You slide your hand over him lightly and he hisses through his teeth as you wrap your fingers around him and rub him base to tip, sliding your palm over the wet head of his cock, using his own pre-cum to slick up your hand as you continue. 

He’s hot in your hand, bigger than you’d expected, and you revel in listening to his light moans turn breathy as you toy with him. Finally, he grabs your wrist, pressing a kiss to your jaw.

“Should I go get a condom?” he asks, voice so low it’s almost a growl. 

“I have some,” you tell him, rolling away from him and sliding your nightstand drawer open. You lay on your stomach so you can use both hands to rip a new one from the strip, and Namjoon rises to his knees behind you, one hand tracing the curve of your ass.

You reach over your shoulder to hand him the foil packet, and you’re startled by his phone light again when he turns it on so he can see what he’s doing. His phone lays on the bed, illuminating him from below, and you take a minute to take in how good he looks. You’d had no idea he had that body under his sweaters and baggy t-shirts. 

He turns the light off again, the darkness surprising you with its intensity all over again. Your eyes are so busy trying to adjust again that you miss him moving until you feel his hands guiding you to lay back, his legs stretching between yours, his tip prodding your entrance as his lips find yours again.

“You’re okay?” he checks in a whisper, reaching down and squeezing himself at the base. 

You kiss him in answer, pressing your core against him, letting your body tell him yes, I’m fine, yes, I’m ready.

He rocks into you slowly, an inch at a time, and the sensation tears a low, long groan from you. It mingles with his own; he breathes through his mouth in short pants, tinged with half-formed moans, until he bottoms out and he stills. 

“Give me just a second,” you request, whispering, and he nods, running a hand reverently down your face, down your side, coming to rest under your ass, hitching you up slightly as he adjusts. You hiss as the movement forces him just a touch deeper as you struggle to relax. 

He kisses you again, deeply and sweetly, and as you grip his shoulders and feel yourself relax, you start to move, little bits at a time.

“Okay,” you whisper, when you’re ready. “Thanks.”

He scoffs, like it’s ridiculous of you to be thanking him, but he starts to move. It’s slow, and even though you can barely see him you get the feeling that his eyes are on you. In the amplified silence, each breath seems to echo between you, each tiny moan or hitch of breath coming through loud and clear. You kiss sloppily, your hands exploring as he keeps the slow rhythm. His cockhead drags against you, the feeling agonizingly sweet, and you arch against him, trying to bring him closer.

The rain beats against the windows in waves as he fucks you slowly, like it wants in, like it has a score to settle. You press fingertips gently to Namjoon’s face, blindly feeling your way to the flat of his cheekbone, down to his jaw. Everything feels so intense, your fingers shake a little as they trace his jawline, reverent. 

“Namjoon,” you whisper, and he answers you by sheathing himself completely, pressing his mouth to yours, and doubling the pace. He’s so large, it feels like he’s everywhere - inside you, around you, above you, everywhere. 

You cry out when he finds an angle that has you seeing stars with each stroke, and he grunts, working hard to keep hitting it the same way. You lock your legs around the back of his thighs, trying to keep him close. You cling to his shoulder with one hand and tangle the other in his hair, holding tight as he pounds into you. When he feels you start to pulse around him, the beginning of an orgasm starting to build up, he actually laughs, once.

“Close, baby?” he asks, reaching down to press his thumb against your clit.

“Y-yeah,” you gasp, the feeling of electricity racing clear down to your toes. “Joon, please, oh - god -.”

He hums, pleased, and shifts you so he’s holding you up by the hips, the angle changing just slightly.

“Ohmygod, yes,” you cry, and the circles he’s been rubbing into your clit suddenly send you flying, your eyes screwing shut, a single, wordless wail leaving you as every muscle in your body goes taut.

“Fuck,” Namjoon hisses as you squeeze around him, dropping his forehead onto yours and gasping your name as he spills into the condom inside you. He pumps into you a few more times as your muscles relax by degrees, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple.

You lay tangled together for a few minutes, both breathing hard. Namjoon slips out of you gingerly and shifts like he’s going to get up. You kiss him quickly, before he can get too far, and he stills, letting you.

When you’re content, he disappears into the bathroom, dealing with the condom and cleaning up. He returns with a damp cloth for you, turning the light on his phone back off again when you’re done.

In the total darkness, he pulls you close. You rest your head against his chest, his arms around you, and listen to his heart. Despite the storm and the power-outage, you’ve never felt so safe. You can’t imagine ever feeling anything else while he’s wrapped around you like this.

“You called me baby,” you tease after a little while, and he snickers.

“It just slips out,” he laments, and you can hear the smile in his voice. “Sex makes me… affectionate. I have trouble untangling the two.”

You hum against him. “I think I like that,” you observe, and he hugs you a little tighter.

You’re starting to drift off when he says your name again. 

“Hm?”

“I promise this isn’t the post-sex chemicals talking,” he says carefully. “But I wanted you to know. I think… I’m really falling for you.”

You press your lips together, wrap an arm around his middle and hold him close. Your chest feels like it’s caving in, your eyes suddenly burn, you can’t inhale.

Because you’ve felt it, too. And you don’t know what to do with it.

He takes your silence the wrong way. “You don’t have to - don’t feel pressure to say anything -.”

“No,” you say quickly. “I promise, it’s very much not that. I’ve… maybe been thinking the same thing. It’s just… scary. You know?”

He presses his lips to the top of your head. “Yeah,” he says. “It can be. But I’m here. We’re in it together, okay?”

“Yeah,” you whisper, tangling your feet in his legs, searching for a warm spot for your chilly toes. “Okay.”

Sunday December 2nd

The lights come on hours before dawn, your lamp illuminating the room in a yellow glow, your laptop dinging as it starts to receive charge again, your alarm clock numbers flashing 12:00 over and over again. You lay there, still, coming to your senses by degrees. 

Namjoon is still in bed with you; you can feel his body, warm and solid, behind you. Minutes pass and it becomes clear by his steady deep breathing that the lights aren’t going to wake him up. You roll slowly, trying not to disturb him. He’s sleeping on his back, his face turned away from you, one arm flung up over his head. You feel yourself smile as you look at him. 

There’s not a doubt in your mind that you want this, that you want him - wholly, completely, without boundaries or limitations. There’s not a doubt in your mind that the way he treats you - the way he gives you such openness and understanding, the way he listens and asks questions, the way he hears you and cares for you - is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. When you’re with him, you feel like he’s by your side, like he’s got you. 

And while Taehyung had been physically next to you for the last seventeen or so years of your life, it’s never felt like this. 

You scoot closer, lining your body up against his side, and reach an arm over his stomach, pulling yourself as tight to him as you can and laying your head on his chest. In his sleep, he shifts, sensing the difference, the arm that was over his head coming down over your back and pulling you in. Then his head lolls back to your side, his eyelids fluttering. He reaches to press a kiss to the top of your head, and then flops back down against your pillow.

“Lights’re back?” he tries to ask, the words slurring together with sleep.

“Mhm,” you answer. “Do you want me to get up and turn the lamp off?”

“No,” he says, voice low and scratchy. “Stay.” Then he reaches over, guiding your chin up gently so he can lean down and kiss you again. 

You open for him immediately, leaning up on an elbow to reach him better. It’s different this time - slow and sensual, explorative, relaxed. There’s no rush, no pressure for it to go further. His fingers run through your hair once, twice, then release it, skimming down your bare back instead. You realize with a shiver that you hadn’t gotten up to find pajamas in the dark. 

He keeps you warm anyway, his hands roaming your back, your arms, your ass, your back again. You have a lot of things you want to tell him, but you save them, store them for later, as your body responds to his touch and you give yourself to him again. When he pants your name against your lips you feel the words bubbling up inside you, beating against doors to be let out, but you lose them along with your senses when he tips you over the edge again.

You clean up better after this time, waddling to the bathroom to pee and then stopping at your dresser to pull out pajamas. Namjoon hovers near your bed, clearly unsure if he should head to his own side of the apartment or not.

You scoff at him, like he should know better. “Get back in that bed,” you demand teasingly, and he listens, running a hand through his messy hair and looking around like he’s a little dazed, a little unsure of how he got here. 

You click the lamp off and make your way back to him. 

He wraps his arms around you immediately, and you eventually fall asleep matching your breaths to his slow ones.

Wednesday December 5th

I know my many failings I just can’t be the girl I should But I hope you know despite this In my life, you’re everything good

It’s certainly not good writing, and you have zero intention of turning this in for anything - zero intention of another living soul ever seeing it. But it feels good to put the words to paper.

You close the notebook when Gloria and another girl from class join your table. You’ve been assigned the task of workshopping your classmates’ portfolios as the semester crawls to a close, and today you’re meant to sit around and talk through your notes with each other.

“I want to go first,” you say immediately. “Gloria, you are out of your mind.”

Gloria beams, knowing exactly what you’re referring to.

“Catch me up?” the third girl, Sharmin, asks.

“Gloria’s entire portfolio is in iambic pentameter,” you tell her dryly. “Honestly, Gloria, I’ve got to know why.”

Gloria giggles. “Okay, okay - it really was just for the challenge. Like, it’s super great that poetry is all no rules but sometimes the challenge of saying what you’re trying to say within the framework of existing rules is… kind of fun?” 

“I shall call you The Bard. Or maybe Bardess,” you joke. 

The three of you move on to discuss the actual content of Gloria’s portfolio and then Sharmin’s - asking questions, noting lines you really liked, pointing out patterns and themes and hedging guesses on their meanings.

Finally, it’s your turn. 

“Your voice is really sharp,” Sharmin compliments you. “I mean… maybe I don’t mean sharp. Clear? Crisp? Something like that.”

“I thought so too,” Gloria agrees. She pulls up a document on her laptop, referring to some notes she took. “I also noticed - and really liked - that while your topics were all different from each other, you had this recurring theme of life and death.”

You stare at her blankly. “I do?”

She gives you a sideways smile; it’s not uncommon for you two to pick things up in each other’s writing that you hadn’t noticed.

“Sure,” she says, and her finger goes to her screen as she reads a few examples, “Who would try to fight the tide, / the dark, the depth, the chill? That’s from your first one. 

“Then, the second one: On Sundays I leave stones / atop marble markers to memorialize / those that you and I chose / to leave unturned. That whole entire poem is about a graveyard, so, yeah.”

“Oh! And your latest one!” Sharmin adds. “Where you’re, like, growing bones in your chest?”

You cover your face. “It sounds so dumb like that.”

But even as you’re speaking, other lines spring into your head:

Autumn leaves me hollow.

but my feet itch and beg to go, / into the night where the wolfpack hunts, / into the storm of wind and snow.

Nothing grows here that isn’t dead.

Gloria’s right. You do have a recurring theme about death.

You hadn’t realized. You hadn’t known you were weaving this single thread through everything you put to paper.

What you did know, the part you were aware of was that every one of those poems was about Taehyung.

You press your fingers over your mouth and take a slow, steadying breath. Somehow, everything hurts. It feels like you’re coming apart. It feels like your sutures have been cut too soon as you wrestle with this truth laid out for you:

Every metaphor you ever wrote with Taehyung in mind was somehow connected to death.

Like something inside you knew, long before you did, that whatever was between you was dead before it started. 

Like something inside you knew that no matter how many words you devoted to him, you could never breathe life into it. 

Like something in you knew the situation had a failure to thrive from the very beginning. 

“And life?” you finally manage to ask through your fingers. But you already know every line you wrote about what comes next, about moving forward, about better possibilities.

If autumn can’t make me happy, / I wonder if winter might.

I know despite the dangers, / I can’t afford to stay inside.

This one, they say, will live.

And, most recently - that the girls hadn’t even seen, in my life, you’re everything good.

You didn’t need someone to point these lines out to you. You knew exactly what you’d been writing about - Namjoon, and the way his very presence seemed to represent the promise of something better. 

–

You hustle home after class, walking so fast that you actually get your heart-rate up. Inside, you drop your bag on the ground and call Namjoon’s name, crossing the living room.

“Yeah?” he calls back, turning at his desk, but you’ve already entered his room, approaching him at a clip.

He’s got about a hundredth of a second to look surprised before you’re kissing him, hands coming up to cup his face firmly. He leans up to meet you, grunting with happy surprise, his hands coming to rest on your forearms.

When you break away, he smiles at you quizzically. “What was that for?”

You shake your head, indicating that you know your reasons are silly. “Because I wanted to,” you tell him truthfully. “Because I like you, and I missed you today, and….”

And you’re everything good.

“And I’m just… happy to be with you,” you finish lamely, nibbling with your bottom lip, a nervous habit.

He slides one hand down your arm and takes your hand. His smile softens from something teasing into something sweet, those dimples winking at you.

“Well,” he says, looking up at you, “speaking of how much you like me… you don’t have class on Friday, right? What about work?”

Friday is a day off at the university - some kind of training day for staff. 

“Nope,” you say. “Kris is on, not me. Why, what’s happening?”

Namjoon’s hand goes to the back of his neck. “I, uh,” he says, a little bashfully, “I wanted to take you out. Like, for the day. On a date. I had some ideas.”

You press your lips together, trying to fight back the smile that’s breaking across your face. 

“Yeah,” you say, your voice coming out small. “That sounds really nice. On Friday?”

“Mhm,” he says, his smile growing cockier now that you’ve said yes. “Wear comfortable shoes. And something warm - it’s supposed to snow a little.”

You’re still practically fighting the pleased smile off your face with a broom. “Okay, I will,” you tell him. You feel like you need to get out of there so you can squeal and hop around and maybe text Kris. “I’m gonna go change. Come hang out if you want?”

You tap his wall twice in goodbye and head to your room, closing the door while you change into sweatpants and a hoodie. You’re aware that he’s seen you naked now, but it still feels necessary. You text Kris as you change, and they send you back a row of exclamation points and a “#TeamDimples!”. You send them back an eye-roll and head to the living room couch. 

–

[5:22 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: i’m going into the city friday to do some holiday shopping [5:22 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: you in? [5:23 PM] You: i have plans already :( i’m sorry [5:25 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: we could come back early [5:26 PM] You: my thing’s all day :(  [5:29 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: ok [5:30 PM] You: sorry tete :(  [5:34 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: it’s fine. dinner tonight? [5:35 PM] You: only if i dont have to walk my ass back to campus… [5:37 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: youre such a complainer 🙄 [5:37 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: i’ll pick you up

You chew on your pinky nail, staring at your phone screen. Do you need to see if Namjoon has dinner plans? Do you need his permission to go eat with Taehyung?

You don’t know the rules to this middle-ground you’re in. 

But in light of everything you figured out today, you err on the safe side.

Namjoon’s in the kitchen, opening a beer by the sound of it. When he wanders back through the living room, you catch his eye.

“What’s wrong?” he asks immediately. You must look worried. 

“Is it… um… Taehyung wants to grab dinner on campus. Are you - can - ?”

Understanding dawns on Namjoon’s face, and he comes over, sitting on the couch next to you and setting his beer on the coffee table. 

“You don’t need to ask me before you spend time with your friends,” he says seriously. “Even that friend. You said you’re in this… so, I trust you.”

It’s such a simple thing, but it almost chokes you up. “Okay,” you whisper, so your voice won’t break. “And you’ll be okay? You can order or something?”

“I fed myself for years before we lived together,” he reminds you gently. 

“Yeah, okay,” you say, feeling a little foolish. “So, I’ll see you after dinner?”

He gives your hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll be here,” he promises.

–

At dinner, surrounded by noisy groups of other students, you and Taehyung each pick at your plates, chatting in between bites. 

Finally, as you scrape some sauce absently around your plate, he shoots you a baleful look. “I’ve really missed you lately,” he says, voice low.

Your stomach sinks. “I’ve been here, Taehyung,” you protest. “I didn’t go anywhere.”

“I know,” he says. “I know that. It just feels like we don’t talk as much anymore.”

You twist your lips to the side. There’s truth to what he’s saying, and you know it. 

“If you want to talk to me, talk to me,” you insist. “Nothing’s different.”

He looks at you flatly. “You know that isn’t true.”

“I love you, Tete,” you tell him, and it’s the first time you’ve said it to him without feeling like you’re hiding layers, slipping secrets between the vowels. “I’m right here. I promise.”

He purses his lips, looks away from you. “What’s new with you?” he asks, finally. He must have been thinking about how little he’s asked you that, over the past few months, how happy he was to let you exist just outside his orbit. “Have you heard from Lin lately?”

You fill him in on what you can - Lin, Kris and the bookstore, even finally telling him a bit about your thesis work on St. Vincent Millay’s anthology. He tells you about a fight he had with Jimin, about how he almost failed a required biology class this semester, how his mom had the flu last week but is doing better now.

He doesn’t mention dating, so neither do you.

The guilt eats at you all night long, even after you’ve gone to bed. You lay in the dark, your stomach hurting with it.

You’re not sure if you feel bad because you and Taehyung aren’t supposed to keep secrets, or if it’s because you know you’ve done Namjoon wrong by keeping quiet.

Both, you decide sometime around two in the morning. You text Namjoon, “are you asleep?” He answers almost immediately, “almost. you ok?”

You brace yourself and send, “can i come over there?”

When he sends back, “please do” you grab your phone charger and make your way across the dark living room, lit only by the streetlights outside. You make your way into Namjoon’s room, into his bed, into his embrace. You fall asleep between his arms, feeling entirely like the least deserving person alive. 

Friday December 7th

You follow Namjoon’s directions on Friday, wearing something warm, and sneakers. But when you head for the kitchen in the morning - he’d told you to be ready early - there’s no Namjoon in sight.

“Namjoon?” you call through the quiet apartment. “Hello?”

There’s no answer. You pull out your phone, ready to text him, when you hear footsteps and then the jangle of keys outside the front door. 

Namjoon comes in sideways, shouldering the door open, a tray with two coffees in his hand.

“I tried to get back before you were up,” he says sheepishly.

“We have coffee here,” you say in answer, trying to catch up to whatever is going on.

He gives you a mischievous smile. “We have a train to catch. We needed them to be to-go. You ready?”

It’s cold out; you’re immediately glad for your big puffy coat and the scarf around your neck. You walk with your hot coffee in one hand and Namjoon’s hand in your other. The walk to the train station is only minutes, and soon you’re standing on the platform, peering in the direction that the train should come in from. When the wind picks up, you scoot closer to Namjoon, scavenging for body heat. He smiles down at you and gives your hand a squeeze.

When the train rushes in and the doors slide open, Namjoon lets you go first as you step out of the cold and head down the corridor, looking for two empty seats. You find one in the second car you walk through, and you slide over to the window seat. You both settle in, rearranging heavy coats and coffee cups.

“How long are we on for?” you ask Namjoon. He’s refused to tell you anything about the day, wanting it to all be a surprise. 

“Around half an hour,” he tells you, and offers you an earpod. Quiet beats fill your ear as the train starts to move, buildings rushing past faster and faster until they give way to the browns and greens of less urban areas. 

Namjoon taps your thigh when your stop comes, and you slide out and follow him towards the doors and back into the sharp, December air. 

“Where are we?” you ask, as the train pulls away. Namjoon waves a hand at the train station’s sign, which reads the name of a quiet town west of your university. You’ve never been here before, but you know of it. 

Namjoon leads you by the hand away from the train station and towards town. You spend the morning ducking in and out of little niche shops, a few art galleries, and one extremely cluttered antique store just for the hell of it. You talk the whole time - pointing out funny items, telling stories when something sparks a memory, joking and laughing quietly.

Around lunchtime, you stop on the sidewalk. Snow flurries drift down around you; not enough to stick, just enough to get caught in hair and eyelashes.

“What do you feel like eating?” he asks you, blowing on his fingers to warm them. “There are actually a lot of decent options along here.”

“Somewhere warm,” you joke, and he gives you an indulgent smile. Then he wraps an arm around your shoulders as you continue up the street, reading a few menus until you settle on a little cafe. You share a hot meal, watching the snow fall lazily outside. 

“What else do you have planned?” you ask curiously, as you finish up eating.

“One more stop,” he says. “It’s the piece de resistance of the day.”

“Ooh,” you say, eyes wide. “Can’t wait.”

Namjoon pays and you zip yourselves back into your coats, heading back into the snow. He leads you, to your surprise, off the main strip and down a narrow side-street. A weathered sign swings in the winter wind, the paint so chipped and peeled that you can’t read it anymore.

He pulls the door open and holds it for you as you step through the threshold of the most beautiful antique bookstore you’ve ever seen.

“Oh, my gosh,” you whisper, reverent, eyes scanning the walls of shelves, the tables, the stuffed armchairs. 

“I know you love books as much as I do,” Namjoon’s low voice says, close to your ear. “I wasn’t sure if you love old books as much as I do.”

“I do,” you breathe, running a hand just above the covers of the displayed novels to your right. 

You walk together through the display tables, deeper into the belly of the shop. The register is currently unmanned, a little bell on the counter meant to summon whoever operates it. 

“I have an idea,” you say to Namjoon, looking over your shoulder to smile up at him. “Let’s play a game?”

One of his eyebrows jumps. “What kind of game?”

A giggle erupts from you, and you try to stifle it. “Not that kind. Let’s shop alone. I’ll pick out three for you, you pick out three for me. Then we can meet back here in… twenty minutes? Or so? Then we can swap.”

Namjoon’s smile is open and wide, practically taking up his whole face. “I like it. Twenty minutes? I’ll set a timer on my phone.”

You go in separate directions as you browse. At one point you have six books in your arms, and you stop and set them down, examining their spines for which you should keep and which you should put back. The smell of old pages permeates the air, along with something Christmas-y - pine, maybe a touch of peppermint. You make your way further into the store, climbing a set of open, metal stairs that lead to a balcony of sorts, with more shelves at the top. 

You can see Namjoon down below, crouching next to a shelf, his finger tracing the spines of the books on the bottom shelf, clearly looking for something specific. You smile softly, watching him. Then you bustle on to the next section you’re interested in.

When your phone buzzes in your pocket that your twenty minutes are up, you make your way back down to the spot you’d chosen to meet back up. You hold the books behind your back, smiling. 

He does the same. “Trade on three?” he asks. “One… two… three!”

You hand him the stack and he hands his books over to you. You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face as you read the titles. You’d both done the same thing without knowing - one fiction, one non-fiction, one poetry. 

“I think we spend too much time together,” Namjoon jokes, faking solemnity. 

“Agreed,” you say, grinning up at him. “What do you say we buy what we want to buy and go across to that coffee shop to read?” You point out the window, eyeing the coffee shop across the street. 

“I like this plan,” he tells you happily, and takes your hand to lead you to the register. 

The coffee shop is a good choice - it’s got a fireplace on one wall, and you and Namjoon manage to score a small table not too far from the circle of warmth. Just as he had on the train, he hands you an earpod, and you spend several hours easily - chatting some, reading, watching the snow out the window.

You haven’t felt this at peace, this understood by somebody, perhaps ever in your life.

It gets dark early, making it feel late at night when it’s still early evening. Namjoon holds you close as you walk back down main street, back in the direction of the train station. Halfway down the block he stops, looking down at you, something warm in his gaze.

“What?” you ask. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

He doesn’t answer, just leans down to kiss you sweetly, his thumb stroking your jaw whisper-soft. 

You’re sleepy the second you sit down on the train. You lean against Namjoon’s shoulder, eyes heavy. You’re not sure if you actually drift off or not, when Namjoon gasps beside you.

“What?” you ask, sitting back up. He looks back at you, eyes wide, clearly horrified. “What? What happened?”

“I’m so sorry,” he blurts out, eyes flashing to his phone and then back to you. The panic in his voice is evident. “Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

“What happened?” you repeat, feeling your own nerves start to tingle. 

“I texted the wrong group chat…” he says quietly, still sounding horrified. “Fuck, I’m so fucking stupid. I’m so sorry. I thought it was the one with only Yoongi and Hobi…”

He turns his screen to show you. The groupchat is clearly the one with all the guys, the bubbles at the top numerous. 

[6:02 PM] Hoseok: Namjoon you’ve been quiet all day

[6:03 PM] Hoseok: what’s the story?

[6:05 PM] Namjoon: took y/n on a date today to that antique bookstore 😊

[6:09 PM] Seokjin: wait….. taehyung’s y/n?

[6:09 PM] Jungkook: OOP-

Your stomach sinks. “Oh, my god,” you say, eyes on his phone screen. 

“I’m so sorry,” he repeats, sounding pained.

“No, it’s okay,” you say automatically, even though it probably isn’t. You take a deep breath, rub a hand over your face. “He was going to find out eventually. And, honestly, I didn’t want it to be a secret forever, you know? This isn’t… this is real, it’s not a stupid friends-with-benefits thing, it deserves to… be.”

You trail off, not sure what you mean, but Namjoon leans forward, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close. 

“I’m still sorry,” he murmurs into your hair.

“It’s okay,” you tell him. “It really is.”

On your lap, your phone buzzes.

[6:12 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: wow.

Sunday December 9th

You try for two days to get Taehyung to answer you. He ignores text after text, call after call.

On the first day, you feel terrible. You’re sure he’s feeling betrayed, confused, hurt.

By the second day, you’re pissed. 

[9:57 PM] You: taehyung, please talk to me

[11:08 PM] You: tete. please?

[12:33 AM] You: seriously, can you answer?

[9:41 AM] You: morning. Can we talk today please?

[2:12 PM] You: the silent treatment’s getting old. Pick up.

[5:57 PM] You: i’d LIKE to apologize to you in person but its kind of hard when you’re ignoring me!!!

[8:49 PM] You: fine, i’ll do it this way [8:54 PM] You: i’m sorry i didn’t tell you. I’m sorry you found out that way. [8:56 PM] You: for what it’s worth, we aren’t like…… officially official or anything [8:57 PM] You: it’s been heading that way, yeah, but…. not yet [8:59 PM] You: i think… telling you would have made it realer, and i didn’t know if it was real enough for that yet [9:03 PM] You: and if i’m being honest… i didn’t know how to tell you

[9:32 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: can i come over

Relief floods through you so heavy that you exhale everything inside you, eyes closing, head sagging towards your chest, the hand holding your phone going limp. Namjoon looks over at you from his side of the couch. 

“He answered?” he asks. 

“He’s coming over,” you confirm, typing in an answer to Taehyung. “You don’t mind, right? I owe him some answers.”

“No,” he says evenly. “I don’t mind. Do you want me to… I mean, I’m just thinking of when I talked with Elyse. Would me being there… help? Or make it worse?”

You let out a bitter laugh. “It’d help me tremendously,” you admit. “But I think it’d make it worse for him. Thank you, though. I appreciate the thought.”

“Okay,” he says quietly, and reaches out to give your hand a squeeze. “Well, you know where to find me.”

Outside, the December night is cold, but dry, the air tickling your throat on its way to and from your lungs. 

“Listen,” you say softly. You and Taehyung are sitting side by side, a foot apart, on the stairs in front of your apartment. The stone step feels like a slab of absolute ice underneath you, but you can’t care about that right now. “I’m sorry it happened like this. I was trying… I was trying not to let anything change between us.”

Taehyung doesn’t answer, just stares at the road. From the side, you can see the tightness in his face, the clench of his jaw, the movement of his throat as he swallows. You’ve known him almost your whole life. You can read him like a book.

He’s hurting.

He’s trying to pretend he’s not.

“I mean,” you continue, your heart aching, “you never tell me about your girls.”

“That’s different,” he croaks. 

“How?” you ask softly. “How is this different?”

“I wasn’t actually dating any of them,” he says.

It’s not the whole reason, and you both know it. 

“So, what is this?” he asks. “Is he your boyfriend now?” He positively sneers the word.

This stops you. You don’t know how to answer. Technically, no. But essentially… yes. You just hadn’t talked it through yet. “He… I…”

Taehyung stands suddenly, shoves his hands in his pockets, paces to the curb and back. “Well?” he demands, facing you. The hurt is practically dropping from him, and you’re reeling to fight the instinct to make it better, reeling trying to determine at lightning speed if you’ve actually done something wrong.

“Not technically,” you whisper. 

He stands there, surrounded by the dark, staring you down, his face more serious than you’ve ever seen it. You stand too, taking a few steps to stop before him. 

“What does this mean for us?” Taehyung asks. His voice breaks on ‘us’. “What are we now?”

You reach out, fingers skimming along his arm, wanting to comfort. “Taehyung, it doesn’t mean anything for us. We’ll be the same as we’ve always been.”

You watch it cross his face as he decides to make you prove it, but you don’t have enough time to react before he’s doing the thing you’d day-dreamed of time after time after time - before you knew Namjoon. He’s closing the gap between you, his hand curling in the fabric of your jacket, his lips finding yours, searching for something that three months ago he probably would have found. 

–

Upstairs, Namjoon can’t let go of the uneasy feeling in his stomach. He can’t get that day with Elyse out of his head - how his eyes had found yours and he’d felt steady, had literally felt the fist of anxiety loosen on his lungs. What if you needed him out there? Finally, he can’t take it anymore. He crosses the living room and peeks out the window, just to gauge how it’s going - he’s sure he can read your expression or your body language enough to tell if you’re okay or not.

He leans over, looking out, and the blood in his arms and legs turns in an instant to ice.

Outside on the sidewalk, you’re kissing Taehyung. His dark hair hangs over your face, where one of his hands rests. Your bodies are impossibly close together, seeming to meld into one in the shadows.

He stumbles away from the window, trying to get away from it, but the image burns in his brain. He makes his way blindly back towards his bedroom. His heart pounds, and he finds himself nauseous, his eyes suddenly burning like he’s walked through smoke. 

“Fuck,” he hisses, punching his doorframe. Then he slams his door shut, and locks it for good measure. 

He should’ve known, he thinks. He should’ve seen this coming from day one. 

Elyse had made him feel stupid, yeah. 

But it was nothing like this.

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I'M GOING INTO HIDING BYE!!!!!!! <3

love y'all thanks for reading!!!

BTS fic recs that turn you into angsty mush [smut, angst]

You know, the angsty, heart wrenchingly beautiful ones. Alt Title: I like to torture myself with emotions bc I have none otherwise.

All romance/smut (Nam2Seok are my bros so no fic recs for them, sorry!). And sorry in advance, angst requires wooooords so these are all long af but so worth it.

🚙 OT7

The Road to You by @bonvoyagenoona​ [series, complete] - all of the things, Odyssey of boyfriends This is my favorite fic I’ve read. I think about it all the time and have reread it a couple of times. Seriously if you love angst, you can’t pass this one up.

✨ Jungkook

Falling by @starshapedkookie​ [one-shot, 31.4k] - soulmate/destiny au Absolutely brilliant take on soulmate universe. Who says your soulmate isn’t someone you choose? This story is brutally angsty and so worth the emotional turmoil. I think about this fic’s concept of soulmate choice so so much and I love the way this ends.

all that glitters by @aquagustd​ (ft. Yoongi) [one-shot, 66k lol] - fuckboy Jungkook This story absolutely tore me apart. Think angst, then multiply it by 1000. I felt that achey emptiness you feel after reading a good book with a happy sad ending.

scattered stars & collision by @taegularities​ [two-shot, 22.5k] - enemies to lovers, soulmates, magical au Love this concept - it’s a really interesting take on Romeo & Juliet. And it’s so beautifully written - full of magical forest imagery and star crossed lovers.

Grapejuice by @starshapedkookie​ (ft. Tae) [one-shot, 36k] - art school au This story is so angsty and kinda just everything. It reminded me of the art students in Neverthless. on Netflix.

Lone Blue Egg by @foxymoxynoona​ [series, complete, read on AOW] - bird hybrid au, penguin Koo Rana is the absolute best with all her chaotic energy. And Koo is so cute once he gets his shit together. Plus all the bird humor. noot noot.

This Mortal Coil by @jinfizz​ [one-shot, 40k] - wolf au, alpha Jungkook, idiots to lovers, friends to lovers Phenomenal writing and story telling. I liked watching these two dummies be oblivious until they couldn’t avoid the inevitable. This was actually the first long BTS fic I read on Tumblr and it got me hooked.

The Boy with Galaxies in his Eyes by @oddinary4bts​​ [one-shot, 52.9k] - idol!au, fwb to lovers Beautiful story about two people who are not ready for a relationship but they find their perfect person anyway (and fight it a lot on the way).

💔 Taehyung

tales of broken hearts by @taegularities​ [one-shot, 24.8k] - exes to lovers, childhood sweethearts Rid is the angsty heartwrenching fic master. I’m slowly working my way through her masterlist. The emotional descriptions in this fic make you feel all of the things. It made me feel like I was watching all of my favorite romance dramas.

paris in the rain by @kookskingdom​ [one-shot, 24k] - strangers to lovers The perfect Paris Tae moment. This story is perfect and so hopelessly romantic and has all the Paris visuals. I love this couple so damn much.

Paper Cranes by @aquaminwrites​ [one-shot, 18.3k] - best friends to lovers Goodness, this one hits all the feels. It has all those angsty longing vibes and this Tae is the ultimate romantic and I live for his long game!

Complete Faith by @daechwitatamic​ [series, 50k] - coworkers to lovers This story absolutely broke me - in a good way I swear. I loved how the characters had their own previous relationship baggage and personal trauma and how they helped each other grow but they also needed to grow individually for this relationship to work.

Kick Up the Fire and Let the Flames Break Loose by @ffion451​ (ft. Yoongi) [series, complete] - enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers A truly phenomenal and angsty story. I don’t have enough words for how OC & Tae’s relationship makes me feel. Also, Taehyung has the biggest BDE and D. The smut in this is unparalleled. (And honestly, I think about this Tae way to often for it to be normal. Like weekly, Ffi. Weekly.)

starstruck by @sugalaritae​ (ft. Yoongi) [series, ongoing] - barista!Tae, unistudent!Yoongi I love how this story dives into anxious thought patterns and not feeling worthy enough for a relationship for so many reasons and for all of the characters. (I’m still rooting for Tae! But also hope Yoongi gets it together.)

rewriting love by @kooktrash​ [one-shot, 12.3k] - webtoon character Tae, soulmates This concept is genius. Star-crossed soulmates destined to live in parallel universes. Your heart will ache after reading this.

💘 Jimin

all of you by @writtenwhalien​ [series, complete] - friends to lovers, ceo Jimin The way the characters are written made me immediately invested in their lives. I was in love, heartbroken, angry for them. Their love is too pure and made my insides flutter.

Serendipity by @sopebubbles​ (ft. Jungkook) [series, complete] - idol au This is so ARMY! It’s written so realistically you can hear the members and just know they would also be making those jokes. And it’s also way too realistic you might hate some of the characters I’m still mad.

of stars erased by @fantasybangtan​ [two-shot, 39.7k] - dystopian Beautiful Romeo & Juliet kind of fic meets apocalypse. Jimin is the sweetest angel and such a little hopeless romantic.

Raise the Barre by @kpopfanfictrash​​ [series, complete] - enemies to lovers, dance academy au I love the theme of sweet Jimin who’s supposed to be this evil rival. This enemies to lovers is so addicting I finished it all in one night.

🎵Yoongi

Countermelody by @bonvoyagenoona​ [series, complete] - enemies to friends to lovers, music producer!Yoongi Okaay. Literally everything about this is incredible. So many existential crises. So much oc angst and figuring out what she wants. Plus producer rapline and a story all about love for music. 10/10.

Away From You by @personasintro​ [series, ongoing] - divorce au, ceo Yoongi This Yoongi is one of my all-time favorites. OC and Yoongi have such a fraught love story that you’re both rooting for them and hoping they break it off at the same time (at least I did). 

VEXED by @taleasnewastime​ [one-shot, 34.5k] - famous actress reader, strangers to lovers This one is a little less love story angsty and more personal angst. OC’s a famous actress who got dumped and things aren’t going so well but in walks our angel Yoongi. Plus super sweet snack bonding.

give yourself a try by @miscelunaaa​ [two-shot, 24.7k] - plus size female reader, coworkers to lovers So much pining, insecurities, internalized fat phobia. This one has the angst and a knight in shining armor Yoongi to the rescue. Loved this story! Plus a The 1975 fic title, what should I say - ugh! this must be my dream. (sorry I had to.)

taehyung for louis vuitton

all credit for this jeonwh*re

#jjk

Our Time | JJK (Five)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 12.2k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of alcohol, lots of panicking, crying from multiple characters, mentions of death, mentions of vomit multiple times, feelings of betrayal and anger and sadness, next warning is a major spoiler: confirmed kidnapping of jk & ocs c h i l d blah blah blah for those who don't want spoilers and don't need warnings lol

a/n: only one more chapter until the introduction of this story is complete. And then the true plot will begin. 🤭please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You remember when you and Jungkook truly became friends.

You had never struggled to make friends. You naturally lured people in with your energy, maybe even your charm as a person. But after spending a month in Seoul already, you had never felt more out of place and out of your element. Every face you came across was the face of a stranger. It was like you were sitting in front of a TV screen and watching a crowd of people who didn’t matter to the plot of the movie. Just there. Living a life that had nothing to do with you. 

And you were the same to them.

You had only had maybe two conversations with your roommate in the small dorm. The first conversation was hardly even an introduction and the second one was her asking you if it was cool that she would sneak her boyfriend in every now and then. You didn’t mind. But you thought it meant you all would become friends but that proved to be untrue. 

The first week of classes, you realized many of your classmates are already friends or the ones who barely spoke were focused on their studies. That leaves you, someone with no friends and someone who isn’t that focused on school the way others were, feeling completely alone. 

The Friday night after the first week of classes was supposed to be a night of partying with your new friends and the new independent life as a new adult. But instead you wandered around aimlessly, lost and lonely. You didn’t really want to spend the first weekend as a college student in your dorm but where exactly were you going to go? Well, you decided to stick to campus and ended up browsing the library. 

A book to demolish during the weekend didn’t sound so bad, now did it?

When you were in the library, your eyes darted around, for no particular reason but hey, maybe something would stick out to you. And something did.

Or more like someone.

Your eyes grew twice their size when you spotted someone familiar. And goodness, nothing felt better than seeing something familiar in this new world.

You walked up to a table that sat at least six people but you stared with excited eyes at the only person occupying the space. 

“Frog boy?” You had blurted in pure happy rage. 

The frog boy in question kept his eyes on the book in his hands, only releasing a long sigh before lifting his eyes to you and cocking a brow. 

“You’ve known me almost your entire life and you don’t even know my name?” 

You had seen the playful glint in his eyes when he met your gaze.

You rolled yours, “Fine. Jungkook. Or you know, Ribbit.”

You hadn’t felt this excited and relieved since moving to Seoul. (Kind of.) (It’s not like you two were ever friends.) But that was about to change. Oh yes, that was going to change.

Whether your little frog boy, Jungkook, likes it or not.

“Do you go here too?!” You had asked him.

He only sighed again, looking back down at his book before answering with an unbothered nonchalance, “Nah.” And then he raised the book up, showing it to you with a straight face. “I came all the way to Seoul because only this library has…” He looked at the cover, “A freshman course Literature book.” 

“Oh.” You nodded in understanding, equally straight face.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you, “You realize I’m joking, right?” 

“That would make sense.” You nodded again, pulling out a chair across from him and taking a seat. “So we both go here. That’s great. We’re friends now.” 

“Friends?”

“Unless you’re still too shy.” You remember how you challenged him.

But Jungkook raised another brow, “Am I still eight years old to you?”

“Maybe.” You had laughed before mocking. “When I see your face, I keep imagining it like,” You had scrunched up your features, pretending to cry while shaking your shirt. “A…a…a…a…a…f-frog!” 

You remember how he laughed. 

His laugh was pure, genuine and contagious. You remember how you joined him and it’s like the past lonely month you had spent in Seoul didn’t exist anymore. 

You two would start meeting up once a week at the library. Very casual. He would try to study and you would talk his head off. Jungkook never once complained. You remember looking forward to your weekly hang outs and you had hoped he felt the same. 

Jungkook obviously knew you were itching for more.

He looked over a textbook that he wasn’t paying any attention to and said, “You know we can hang out more than once a week, right?”

You basically had jumped out of your chair, cleaning up around you when you said, “Perfect. Let’s go to a party that my roommate told me about but didn’t invite me to.”

“A party?”

“A party.” You nodded.

Jungkook eyed you for a moment, looking hesitant. “I didn’t intend to party though.”

“Come on. We’re in this together.” You fluttered your lashes at him, trying your best to look convincing but he only huffed out an annoyed breath before giving in.

It was your first college frat party. Jungkook’s too. 

It was also the first time you got super drunk. Jungkook too.

You two had really opened up and bonded this night. You realized Jungkook definitely wasn’t the shy boy you remember as a kid—that makes sense. You told stories and ended up in your own world. It was a lot of fun and you knew college in Seoul wasn’t going to be so lonely after all. 

You remember by the end of the night when you two were walking, completely intoxicated, back to the dorms when you convinced him to just crash at your place. It was risky, trying to sneak him in, but it worked. You both stumbled inside, drunk off your asses when Jungkook claimed he didn’t feel good.

“Don’t throw up.” You remember warning him. “Or I’ll throw up too.”

“If I throw up,” He gulped anxiously, “I’d hope you would too. Didn’t you say we’re in this together?”

“D-Don’t even think about it.” You swallowed down your own drunken nausea. 

And then he did throw up.

And then you did too.

Naturally, you were inseparable after this. 

Weekly hang outs turned almost daily. You would talk to him like any other close friend and he would do the same. It felt good and natural and like you two had been friends since the day you shoved a frog down his shirt. And that first winter break, you two traveled home to Busan together, surprising your parents because after all these years of being neighbors, you were finally friends. 

You two had convinced your parents to have a joint cook out and you remember how afterwards, you and Jungkook laid on the hood of his car, looking up at the stars and talking about life. You remember how you asked him what he envisioned for his future.

He glanced at you, eyes lingering on your face for several long moments before he narrowed them, “We’re on vacation and you’re asking me to think about my future?”

You both laughed.

“I don’t know if what I’m currently in school for is something I actually want to do with my life. I’m hoping I’ll get inspired and suddenly know what it is I have to do.” He had finally answered.

You remember understanding his words, the feeling resonating with you. “Me too.”

You remember turning your body towards his and smiling, “Have I told you how glad I am to have seen you at the library and I forced my friendship on you?”

He had snorted, turning his own body towards you as well. The moonlight hitting his face, illuminating his features just right. He almost looked straight out of a dream. “You didn’t force your friendship on me.”

It was your turn to snort. “Liar.”

He stared at you for a moment, teasing smile pulling at his lips when he began drumming his fingers against the metal hood of his car. “And why would I ever lie to you?”

You remember the vibration you felt beneath your body when each of his fingers landed on the metal with a rhythmic beat. You remember the sound like a melody and his words were the lyrics. 

You remember how it felt when he basically sang his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You had teased back but there was a quiet and genuine conversation happening beneath the teasing.

“Never.” He told you. And you believed him.

And you should still believe him, right?

But Misuk’s words are repeating relentlessly in your mind, ‘Closest. She hasn’t spoken one fucking word to you in two years. But right, closest.’

You want to have confidence in Jungkook because you should. But his silence after her words feels like cold, quick spider legs are racing up your spine, creating a chilling uneasiness and a spasm of worry and discomfort crosses over your face. You’ve never liked spiders.

What does Misuk mean by that? Why would she say that? There is no way you wouldn’t talk to your husband for two years. There must be some kind of misunderstanding. But your body remains stuck to the wall like you’ve been superglued and you’re afraid the moment you peel yourself away, your skin will be ripped off your bones. 

You know there has to be some kind of explanation because her words don’t directly translate to you and Jungkook not actually speaking for two years but your brain sends signals throughout your body that you have every right to be as anxious as you feel. 

Because your brain knows more than it’s letting on. Your brain holds all the mysteries that it doesn’t want to show you. And your body listens to the signals it sends.

“Be worried.” They say. 

But no matter if your skin separates from you and becomes a part of the wall in your kitchen…you have to go out there and get some kind of answer. Because you can’t handle for one more thing in your life to not make sense.

You tell your shaking legs to walk.

Even while you feel imprisoned by fear, they move. Your body turning the corner of the kitchen wall, water still running in the background, as you make your presence known. 

Jungkook and Misuk’s heads turn towards you when they feel you. And they mirror one another’s expressions. Watching you in numbed horror. 

“y/n…” Misuk says your name, blood draining from her face but you can tell she’s trying to look normal. “Hey.”

“What do you mean?” You’re surprised you have a voice. “Why did you say that?”

Jungkook’s mouth falls open, panicked eyes boring into your face. But he doesn’t speak.

They quickly glance at one another, an understanding that you’ve heard their conversation and you see how Jungkook’s expression twists into one of anger before he looks completely ashamed when he meets your eye again.

“What’s going on?” Your feet take you closer, your brain sending the signals without you telling it to. Your brain must be making fun of you. Mocking you. Wanting you to find things out when it already has the answers. Like it’s playing some game. “Why did Misuk say that? Why are you two on bad terms? Why,” You’re walking faster, getting closer as adrenaline starts running through your veins, your mouth unable to stop speaking.

“I asked what’s going on.” You stop in front of them, “Why—why did Misuk say that? Why are you both quiet now? Why can’t you answer me? Why are you looking at me like that?” You can’t stop the questions from spilling out of your mouth, eyes going frantically between Jungkook and Misuk. “W-Why aren’t you answering? Why are you doing—why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me feel this way? Why—why aren’t you—” Your heart is rapid inside your chest, thumping against your ribcage, trying to run away and hide now. “Fucking answer me because I don’t know what the fuck is going on!” Your chest heaves uncomfortably, eyes blown wide as nothing makes sense inside your mind.

Jungkook stares at you, eyes just as wide before he slowly shuts them, his lips sticking together in a tight line, nostrils flaring. 

“Nothing…” You quiet your voice, slight tremble when you speak. “Nothing already feels real to me. But marrying my best friend does make sense. But not talking to said husband for two years does not.” 

You concentrate on the two in front of you, watching their expressions and reactions to your words carefully. Jungkook looks pissed while Misuk blinks at you with obvious guilt on her entire face. 

“Say something!” You yell at them, both of their bodies flinching and your panicked thoughts only grow more wild and out of control. Fear is bursting your veins now. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what is known. The fear that your brain is just hiding something from you that could possibly make you heart crumble and shatter. 

“I…I…” Misuk looks around, eyes unable to meet yours anymore while she sets the muffins down onto the table at the front entrance. “I should—should leave.” 

Jungkook is quick to throw Misuk an incredulous look, “Are you fucking kidding me?” He spits at her. “You’re the one who opened your fucking mouth and opened this can of worms. And now you want to leave?”

Misuk snaps her head towards Jungkook, glowering eyes on him. “Should I stay? Say everything?” 

Jungkook swallows hard and you can see anger spiking his body. “You’re right. You’ve done enough. Just leave. I’ll walk you out.”

“I don’t need you to wa—”

“—Let’s go.” He walks forward, opening the front door as she seethes, walking past him.

You watch in disbelief, brows pinching when you try to stop them. “Where—”

“—Just stay here.” Jungkook tells you, his voice softens when directed towards you. “I’ll only be a minute.”

And just like that, Jungkook and Misuk are out of your house, front door slammed shut. 

How could they? How could they leave you here with your anxiety gripping your core and making you feel more lost and estranged in this world all over again. 

You stand here, blood pooling into the heels of your feet. A sudden coldness surrounds you and you feel faint. What is going on? What exactly has transpired in these last nine years? 

And where the hell is your explanation? 

You wish you could shut off your brain. Tell it to stop coming up with ridiculous theories when it knows the truth deep down. It’s just having fun with you at this point. 

You don’t think you can master the uneasiness you feel and control it. 

Your tense body twitches the moment your front door is opening again and Jungkook is slipping through with downward eyes. You wait anxiously for him to come closer to you and explain that it is not what it seems. But his body language throws you off. It throws off the confidence you’re supposed to have in him. 

Jungkook’s bottom lip is caught between his teeth, his own anxiety radiating off his body like heat off a space heater.  You want to read him like a book, like a book with an obvious ending. But you can’t. You can’t read him since he is in another language right now.

“Jungkook.” You call for him, trying your best to stay in one piece. 

He tries to look up at you but his eyes can’t manage your eyes. Your face. Your body. He can’t manage to feel what he’s feeling but a million times worse when he sees you. He walks closer to you, stopping just a foot in front of you, tense body looking more uncomfortable than what you’re feeling. 

“y/n…” He can’t even say your name without his voice cracking, a harsh breath forcing its way out of his mouth while his hands immediately go to his face, fingers rubbing into his skin with a roughness that makes you more worried than before. “Fuck.” He mutters in into his hands.

“Talk to me.” It’s not a suggestion. He knows this. You’re not asking. You’re telling him. You’re telling him to explain why the hell Misuk says that you two are not close and you haven’t spoken in two years. 

Jungkook’s hands drag down his face, the color has left him, a growing paleness that makes you think he might faint or puke at any moment. He’s struggling to even look at you. 

But he does.

And you see the pain in his eyes.

“I don’t…” He croaks out, breaths uneven. “I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to—how to explain. I don’t know what to fuck—fucking say.” He finally stares at you, gaze so intense you almost wish he would go back to looking away. 

You swallow your nerves, your need for answers stronger than your need for ignorant protection of your feelings. “We’re married. Yet we haven’t spoken in two years. According to Misuk, anyway. Is that true?” 

He’s still staring and you’re growing more panicked. Needing an answer now but his silence is telling. 

“I asked if that’s true.” You repeat with a colder tone. 

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, “It’s half true.”

Your lips twist, “What does that mean? We do talk?”

“No. We aren’t married.” He tells you, voice quiet and eyes ashamed.

You take a step back, confusion growing. “But…but I saw—”

“—We were married.” He clarifies. “But we aren’t…” He closes his eyes for a moment, stopping them from growing wet. “Anymore.” 

You take another step back, face hardening as the confusion only triples. “We’re…divorced?” You ask him, but you hate that you even have to ask.

He stays still in his spot, the shame and regret thick in his voice when he answers, “Yeah.”

Your posture suddenly stiffens, letting out a forceful breath but because of the tightness in your chest, breathing is suddenly the hardest task.

You try to fight for optimism but your veins that were once bursting are filling again, but with a deadly acid that poisons your body. It’s running through you, corrupting and decaying any ounce of understanding. You need to breathe but you couldn’t possibly fight for one breath when your insides are turning rotten. 

Jungkook finally takes a step forward but your feet carry you away from him, several steps back until you’re against the edge of your sofa. 

“y/n…” He says your name but you aren’t sure he deserves to because he…

“Y-You lied to me?” You finally manage to say the one thought that keeps pushing against your raging forehead. “You lied to me? You lied?” You blink at him, “You lied to me, Jungkook? You made me think we…?” You shakily gesture between your bodies, “You let me think…” 

“I…” Jungkook’s expression grows desperate. “I didn’t—I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t…if I told you truth it would just…”

“The truth?” You look at him, disappointment in your killer gaze. “You lied to me. You lied—you lied. You would rather lie to me than—”

“—Yes!” He shouts, breathing heavier than before. “It’s one revelation after the other and you can’t handle the…” 

Your disappointment, your shock, your betrayal are slowly turning into anger.

“You lied to me.” You say, knowing it’s a fact now. “Why?”

Jungkook’s lips are parted and you’re both waiting for his explanation but it doesn’t come.

“I asked you why, Jungkook.” You feel your body sinking. An unbearable sadness creating a space inside your chest. “Tell me why and maybe…” You want to be reasonable. Maybe he had to or maybe he…no, why would he lie? Why would he lie to you? 

“It’s complicated.” Is the answer he settles for and the anger inside you finally snaps. Your body is struck with betrayal. 

“Com—complicated?” You ask the word in earnest. “You’re joking, right?”

“y/n…I asked you to always trust—”

“—You’re asking me to trust you after you lied to me?” Your jaw tightens, “Just tell me and we will see if—”

“—No.” He shakes his head, growing paler by the second. “I-I can’t. I really can’t.”

“You can’t tell me? Why?”

“Because I can’t!” He grows exasperated, his eyes blown out. “I fucking can’t. I can’t. I can’t say it. I can’t do that. I c-can’t.” His body gives up on him, shoulders shaking when he falls to his knees and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Don’t make me say—say it. I just can’t.” 

You look down at him, your confusion making you turn to anger instead of anything else.

You’re hurt.

But right now, being mad feels easier.

“Please, y/n.” His entire face makes you hurt more. “Please just…”

“Leave.” You say the word quietly. His eyes shoot open and he stares up at you. They’re blood shot and teary. “Please just leave.” 

Jungkook tries to stand again, his knees are weak but he tries anyway.

“y/n…” 

“Just leave.” You’re the one begging now, “Please just leave. Let me…just let me be right now.” You feel your own eyes grow wet, stinging and burning. Throat tight but you manage to beg him again, “Please just leave.”

Jungkook is trying to speak to you with his eyes and your brain, deep down, seems to understand him but your brain doesn’t want to let you in on this secret. He nods, blinking his eyes when a tear falls and his anxiously wipes it away. “Okay.”

He clearly doesn’t have it in him to fight you on this. Because for whatever reason, he can’t.

~~~

You wonder if this is how you felt when you first got divorced. Or maybe just a similar feeling. Like you’ve been stranded, abandoned and left for dead. Like your body has been drained of all the blood that pumps through you and someone has scooped out your heart and other organs and you’re now just an empty shell and a sorry excuse for a human being.

You might think to yourself that it’s quite dramatic to feel that way but somehow you feel even worse than that. 

You haven’t slept and you aren’t even really sure if you’ve even breathed since the news. You’re restless and anxious. You’re angry. You’re sad. And you’re heartbroken. You don’t even know what it must have felt like when you and Jungkook broke it off. What must have went wrong? So wrong that you two would go separate ways and you two wouldn’t speak to one another. 

A thought crosses your mind though…Misuk is upset with Jungkook. And she said you haven’t talked to him. She could have meant that you both haven’t spoken to one another in mutual agreement but Misuk’s hostility and choice of words have you believing different. 

So what exactly happened? And why does Jungkook refuse to explain it to you? 

You can’t imagine a world where he would betray you so badly that you’d divorce him and never speak again. But again, it’s been nine years. People do change. But you felt it in your bones…the happiness that coursed through his body when he was with you. You could feel how much he loves you. So then, what? 

You touch the screen of your phone that rests by your thigh on the sofa, the light is bright and blinding but you catch the time on the screen. It’s after 6 am already. Your mind working in overdrive to come to some sort of conclusion. But you realize you aren’t considering everything. 

You cannot be blind to the world around you. 

Your parents must know you’re divorced but why are they so willing to agree to your marriage? Why did they only seem happy? Why do they still love Jungkook despite that you’re divorced now? They still trust him, that is obvious.

But Misuk doesn’t. And Subin seems to be on the rocks but she doesn’t seem totally against him either. In fact, you overheard her in the café. She said they don’t know everything. You remember that being strange. Know what?

But in the end, you need to consider Jungkook the most. 

You two are apparently not together. And you two aren’t on speaking terms.

Then…is his apartment really his apartment? Suddenly, you feel even more lifeless at the thought. You can’t imagine the Jungkook you’ve always known…someone warm, cozy and tidy…living in that place. The countless bottles of alcohol, the little to no food, the stale air and even a hole in the wall that resembles too closely to the size of his fist. 

You also need to consider his reaction to everything as well.

You know in your heart of hearts…how off and conflicted he’s been since the beginning. You also know how hard things must have been for him as well. But you can’t help but still feel hurt, angry and bitter at the fact that he easily lied to you and kept up a façade about something you dreamed of. Making you feel like a fool for being so openly happy with him. When it wasn’t the truth. 

And maybe you are a fool.

A fool because 33 year old you might have the resolve to never speak to Jungkook but you, the you that exists now, doesn’t. And your brain is calling you a fool. Because it’s just a game for your brain. Your brain that hides all the answers and the truth. While you sit here completely clueless.

Clueless…

Clue…less…

Clue…?

Have there been any clues? Clues to the truth that you’ve missed? 

Think. You need to think.

You sit forward on your couch, elbows on your thighs while your head falls into your hands. 

You have to think. What are you missing that could—

The attic.

Your body moves quickly, suddenly standing from the couch when your head snaps towards the direction of the hallway. The attic…he hid your life away in the attic. You returned his keys to him—obviously—but you don’t think you locked it back up. Unless Jungkook went out of your sight to make sure it was locked again…then it should be unlocked and waiting for you to reveal your life. 

Your heart has seemed to return back inside your chest, racing wildly and uncontrollably, making you feel dizzy. You just have to take the first step in the attic’s direction and you could possibly uncover more. 

But you don’t move. Why? Why is it that you’re desperate for answers but your feet stay glued to the wooden floors? 

Fear has made you its prisoner once again.

But you need to release the shackles, break free and run out. Run far away from this thing that’s jailing you. Ignorance isn’t something you associate yourself with and you won’t start now.

Determined, though afraid, you take the first step. Then another. And another. Feet heavy with each step but you take them. You’re you. You will always walk towards the right thing. Even when others disagree…you know, the right thing is the truth. Because you will not be ignorant. 

You make it inside the mostly empty guest bedroom. It’s almost hotel like, no personal touch can be seen. For the first time, you feel odd being inside here. But not odd in the way that feels uncomfortable. But odd because it’s familiar. You take a moment, hand lifted towards the bedroom wall, flipping the light switch before your fingers lightly brush against the wall.

The paint in here is newer than the painted walls in the rest of the house. 

A weird feeling accompanies your touch.

But once your eyes land on the ladder you placed against the wall, you’re quick to shake off any other feelings before grabbing it, lifting it and taking it out into the hallway and setting it up underneath the attic door before you groan in realization that you don’t even need it. 

If it’s unlocked then you only have to pull the string and it should open. 

And hopefully that’s the case.

You slide the ladder off to the side, deciding you’ll put it away again when you’re finished. You stare up at the ceiling, eyes on the dangling string and you know what you must do. You have to fight off this hesitance, this fear and walk towards the truth that tries so desperately to hide from you. Okay. Deep breath. Any breath at this point. You reach up, fingers wrapped around the string tightly before you give it a tug. 

Your eyes expand when the door cracks open, clearly not enough pull to open it fully. 

It’s unlocked.

Heart still racing, blood rushing and insides twisting. You pull again. Harder. And the door opens and the wooden staircase comes down and you unfold it to its full length. All you have to do is go up these steps and search through the physical evidence of your life. The boxes. 

Your breaths are bated with each step you take that take you into the hole in the ceiling. The darkness feels consuming and you feel the chill wrap around your body the moment you enter inside. Walking further, you find the light and now a soft yellow makes the room glow. 

The boxes glare at you. Challenging you. ‘go ahead, open me.’ They whisper tauntingly. You glance around, feeling a chill at all the cob webs and no doubt, spider webs in the dark corners of the attic.

Fingers brush against the top of a few boxes, dust left on your fingertips, quickly wiping it off on your pants before you pry the first box open. It’s the same first box you opened last time…loose papers, notebooks, random sticky notes with words that make zero sense to you. You grab one notebook, open it and read the first page.

Jeez, your hand writing is messy.

Kim Joo Won > only Wednesdays and Fridays

Geum Jan Di > Mon-Fri

Cha Do Hyun > Tues-fri

Park Hae Yeoung > Tues and Thurs only

Lee Min Ho > Mon-fri

Park Jiyoo > Thurs and Friday  was off the Friday…see where he was. Confirmed out of town since Wednesday

You keep reading over the paper but you don’t understand what you’re reading. Your confusion grows…why do you have a list of people and days of the week connected to their names?

You turn the page and there’s a list of times now. Ranging from morning to the evening. With each persons name linked somewhere with a time of…are these work hours? Clock in and clock out times? 

You turn the page again but you can’t read your handwriting. Many words are scribbled out. 

You decide to close the notebook and set it back inside the box. You grab another notebook, opening it to a random page when you notice different pictures of people taped to the paper. Men and women with their names written next to them. Your eyes go wide. You see the name Lee Jaesung written next to a photo of a man you’re sure you recognize. 

It’s the man from the super market.

Next to his name is more scribbled words.

Lee Jaesung > Knows nothing.

And next to his picture and the words are pen scribbles that look done out of frustration.

What the hell is this? Why is the guy from the market inside this notebook with a bunch of other people?

You close the notebook, placing it inside again while you ignore this eerie feeling.

You push the box away and open another one. It’s the box with old clothes you had seen last time as well. You must have been wanting to donate them or something. You’re about to close the box when something catches your eye. On a piece of folded fabric beneath other articles of clothing, your eyes catch something that throws you off. A small patch of a cutesy koala clearly ironed onto the fabric. Your fingers go to touch it, curious about it for some odd reason. You pick at the little koala, the corners lifting off the fabric and you realize it might have been there a while and it’s starting to peel off.

It's cute, you think. 

You decide to look at your shirt in whole, hands suddenly digging it out of the box, unfolding the shirt when your heart stops. Face completely focused on what you’re holding and you can’t seem to shake off the feeling that consumes you. Your confusion grows. 

The shirt is small. Too small to be yours. 

Suddenly, your skin feels cold and clammy. Your brows pull so close together, dropping the shirt to the ground when your hands go back inside the box. You pull out more of the clothing. Clothing you are now realizing is not fit for an adult. Tiny shirts, tiny pants. You drop all of the random articles to the ground and at the very bottom of the box…tiny shoes.

These are clothes for children.

Boys clothes. 

Your fingers grab at the clothes frantically, your breaths growing heavier and heavier.

What is this? Why do you have this? 

You abandon the box, heart racing even faster as you make your way towards the other side of the attic where you found the box that held your old wedding photo. You need to breathe, you remind yourself. You’re no good if you pass out from lack of oxygen filling your lungs. 

But something haunting is crawling creepily over your skin.

You swallow hard, hands rubbing against your arms as if trying to brush away the spiders that must be crawling all over you with their millions of legs. But you only feel the unwanted goosebumps infecting your skin. 

Once again hesitant…you stare at the box that’s half open. The box that held the photo. 

You slowly reach for the left flap, lifting it and giving yourself a full view of the rest of the box. There’s more frames and you wonder if you can handle seeing more pictures of you and Jungkook living a life you don’t know of. 

You gather your resolve, taking a shaky breath before reaching inside. 

It’s a framed photo of you, Jungkook and your parents. You set it to the side before reaching in again. Framed photo of you and Jungkook at that park. A framed photo of you, Jungkook, Misuk, Subin and people you don’t recognize at a long dinner table. A framed photo of you and a group of people you don’t know holding up a ‘congrats on the promotion’ sign. 

Your hands shake, seeing yourself in all of these scenarios you don’t recall. 

Reaching the end of the box, you see one last photo of you and Jungkook wearing headbands that say ‘2017’ while sharing a kiss. 

You need to breathe. No matter how overwhelming this is…you need to breathe. 

You organize the photos back inside the box before pushing it away and opening another one. A really dusty one. You notice this box is taped closed and you struggle with peeling the tape back and getting it open. But once it is, you slowly open the flaps and reveal what is inside.

Again, your heart is aggressively throwing itself against your chest.

You are confused again. Slowly dipping your hands inside, you pull out a toy car. You bring it closer to you, inspecting the toy. A stabbing pain hits you relentlessly in your lower stomach. You carefully set it down before digging inside the box again, this time pulling out a zoo animals Lego set box. You don’t like this. Your brain is sending signals through your body again. You aren’t supposed to like this. Your brain is warning you.

You swallow even harder, your throat feeling tight and dry. 

You reach inside the box again and pull out a plastic robot, maybe around 6 inches in height. It looks like the most used toy so far…scratches across the plastic and even a missing hand. You turn it around, twisting it to look more carefully when you notice something written on the bottom of the foot with faded marker.

Haru.

It spells the name Haru. 

Who is Haru?

Your breaths won’t even out and relax. Who is Haru? You bring the toy close to your chest, gripping it tightly but your fingers are feeling weaker and weaker.

You know this toy. You think you do, anyway. It’s the first item in any box that feels familiar to you. And you aren’t sure what to feel about that.

Your lips are drying and even when you poke your tongue out to lick them, it doesn’t help. They continue to dry with an intensity that has you mistaking this cold air for the dessert. 

You place the robot back into the box, closing it softly before turning towards another box. 

You have to keep going.

Even though you aren’t sure how you will survive the rest of your searching.

Your chest aches. A physical pain from the pounding of your heart.

You reach for another box, sliding it towards you but it’s heavy. Heavy like the box that held photos. You get it opened and your breath hitches the moment you see this box also has photos. On top, a picture of Jungkook brushing his teeth in the bathroom mirror. His sleepy eyes and sad attempt at a peace sign. You hate that your eyes are stinging.

You grab another frame, eyes narrowing at the photo.

A picture of you and Jungkook at the park with his hand over your stomach as you both smile.

No…

Your chest rises and falls much faster. 

You reach for another photo and you don’t mean to shakily gasp, eyes burning at the sight. Your stomach looks huge in the photo, Jungkook’s face pushed up against it while you’re laughing. 

You aren’t capable of registering what the fuck you’re looking at. Your hands shake harder, the photo suddenly looking blurry. That can’t be you. That isn’t you. It’s not you.

“W-What…” Your voice is barely audible to your own ears. 

Your entire body goes rigid and cold.

You set the photo down before reaching for another one and as soon as you look at it, your shaky hands drop it. A loud slam to the attic floor and glass shattering at your feet. You blink at nothing, tears welling as you feel the blood completely drain from your face. You’re shocked frozen. Quick breaths that make you feel like you’re dying. 

You try so hard to snap out of it but how could you? How could you process the broken framed photo at your feet? How could you? 

You squat down, trembling fingers wiping away the hundreds of pieces of glass. The shards are sharp but nothing feels more piercing than the image that stares back at you. You pick up the picture, eyes blinking rapidly, ridding the tears that are forming. Tears because how could you understand and accept what you’re seeing?

You in a hospital bed with Jungkook’s arms around you. You both look ecstatic, teary eyed and smiling widely while in your arms…is a baby.

A baby.

You scoff underneath your breath. A baby.

Don’t you mean…your baby?

Immediately, just at the thought, you truly begin to panic.

There is no way. No fucking way you had a child. A child with Jungkook. You can’t believe this because nothing has felt more fucking unreal than this and nothing feels scarier. You don’t remember this. This can’t be you. This isn’t you. You aren’t you.

You drop the frame again, the loud thud making you wince before you step away slowly. Your eyes anxiously dart around again. The boxes are once again taunting you. You can’t. You can’t be in here anymore. You can’t do this anymore. You don’t want this anymore. You don’t want this life anymore. You want a life you can recognize but this is too far out of your element for you. This isn’t your life. This isn’t you. This isn’t you. This isn’t you.

Your breaths grow heavier, chest getting tighter and you’re wondering what it’s like to breathe because you don’t remember the last time you did now. Not normally, anyway. Your eyes can’t blink back tears anymore. You’re too overwhelmed to stop yourself from sobbing. Sobbing hard and uncontrollably. Pathetic whines leaving your mouth as you tremble at the sight of this attic. 

You need to get out of here.

You quickly turn the light off, stumble down the steps and without bothering to close the attic, you rush to the living room and collapse to the sofa. 

Tears flooding your cheeks. Sobs wracking your body. Misery consuming your soul. 

You are a mother?

Were a mother?

Where is this Haru?

Is Jungkook hiding an entire child? Perhaps Haru is with Jungkook’s parents? 

Everyone agreed to keep a fucking child from you? 

They shouldn’t have kept this from you. Sure, you’re 24 in your mind and nowhere near ready for a fucking child. But you birthed this kid and have no clue who he is. Your brain won’t even give you a piece of a memory that deals with someone you should love dearly.

Anger. Guilt. You aren’t sure what to feel right now.

But devastation for this entire thing should be a good start.

And you think you truly deserve that explanation.

You stuff your face into the cushion of the sofa you’ve grown to love and you cry. You cry hard and you cry loudly. You soak the sofa with your tears and you wonder how you could possibly accept this. Accept something that not only doesn’t feel real…but can’t be real.

You imagined marrying your best friend and that’s a place you could start. A place that was easy to accept. But this? This is hardly something you can recognize as a life of your own.

And you need Jungkook to tell you everything now.

Or you might truly go insane.

You don’t care it’s the ass crack of dawn, you feel for your phone that you know you left here on the couch and when you feel it, you bring it to your puffy face and try to find Jungkook’s name through your blurry vision. And you call him.

He must not be sleeping either because he answers before the first ring is even over.

“Hello? y/n?”

You don’t hide the fact you’re crying, “Come over. Now.” And you hang up.

~

Jungkook sits next to you, body turned towards you, completely stunned. You’re looking weak, unable to look at him for too long without growing emotional. He’s guilty. He lied to you. And you’re upset. But your puffy, red eyes has his heart aching dully in his chest. 

“Please talk to me, y/n…yell at me, hit me, anything you want but please say something.” He quietly begs you. He doesn’t dare reach for you, though his hands yearn to. Instead, he drums his fingers against his thigh.

You’re still unable to look at him, your brain still trying to process everything. But you know you need to speak up and get real answers. Answers that are the truth. And you need to hear them from Jungkook, himself. 

“I went,” You pause, trying to clear your throat but it still burns, feeling tight. “I went into the attic.” 

Jungkook’s fingers come to a sudden stop. “You what?” 

You finally lift your eyes to him, “I said I went into the attic.”

His face pales.

“I saw a lot of things.” Your gaze flickers down again, eyes stinging once more. “I saw that I was pregnant. I found his—Haru’s things…” 

Jungkook stares at you, pain and terror flashing in his eyes, his bottom lip quivering the moment you said Haru’s name. 

“We have a child and you didn’t say any—”

“—I…I…” He chokes on his words, his entire body tensing like it’s on the verge of shutting down.

“We have a son together and you didn’t mention anything?” You give him a hard stare, eyes looking cold and you see how he physically shatters under your gaze. He shatters just like the glass in the attic. He too is at your feet. At least it feels that way. “Say something Jung—“

“—Fuck!” He cries out, eyes slamming shut as his shoulders and chest begin to quake. “I can’t fucking do this.” He breathes out roughly, “I can’t do this again.” 

Your head pushes back in slight shock, “Do what?”

“Go through this.” He bows his head, silent tears falling to his lap. “I can’t tell you again.”

You feel struck with something eerie, “Tell me what again?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you right away. He isn’t able to. He chokes on his words, chokes on his breaths and chokes on his tears. He’s shattered but there is nothing sharp or piercing about him. He’s soft around all edges. He’s soft. And he’s devastated.

“I’m—I’m not r-ready.” He cries into his hands. “This ha-happened too q-quickly. You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t…I can’t…” 

You feel the urge to reach for him and you do, your fingers going to the back of his head, massaging his scalp and neck. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?” You suddenly feel worried. 

Jungkook won’t calm down. A harsh reality suddenly all around you both. 

“Where is Haru, Jungkook? Why are you crying? Is he with your parents?” You ask him question after question and he only cries harder. You’re trying to piece it together. Where is your son? The kid you gave birth to? The one you don’t remember? He’s not…he can’t be…?

“Is he…dead?” You ask the question slowly between long breaths. “Is he—”

“—No!” Jungkook finally lifts his head, swollen eyes on you. “He’s not. He isn’t. He isn’t. He-He can’t be. Haru is…” He shakes his head violently, “He isn’t. Haru is alive. He’s…”

“Jungkook…” You see the pain and terror in his eyes still. And maybe pain and terror have always lived inside his irises. And you never understood it until now. “What happened?”

Jungkook wipes his face aggressively, trying his hardest to clean himself from his sorrowful tears. He takes deep breaths, eyes falling to yours where he seeks comfort.

“A little—a little over two years ago…” Jungkook takes another deep breath. “Haru….” He pauses, struggling to say it.

“What happened…?” Your heart is racing again.

“He—He was kidnapped. He was taken from us, y/n.” Jungkook spills the truth. The words fall from him mouth like vomit. “He was abducted and he—he hasn’t been found.”

You aren’t really processing this. You can barely believe you have a child. But now you have to believe this child is missing. You aren’t understanding. How could you?

“W-What?” You drop your hand from his hair. “What are you talking about Jungkook?”

He sighs out heavily, silent tears still leaving a miserable trail down his cheeks. “Haru was taken.” 

Haru…your son…was taken?

“And they closed the case. Too fucking early but they closed the case. They presume he’s…they don’t think he’s…” He can’t say it. But you hear him loud and clear. The police gave up on looking because they believe he’s dead.

You do feel sad. Maybe even heartbroken. But there is a disconnect because none of this sounds real to you. 

You look down at your lap, “This…this is around the time we got divorced?”

Jungkook chokes on a silent sob, “We divorced soon after.” He admits to you, “Losing my boy, losing you…and I lost my job eventually too.”

You look back up to him, “Why?”

His expression twists, shame gracing his features. “I was a mess, y/n. I couldn’t…I couldn’t handle myself or control myself. Finding Haru was all I could focus on but it led to too many bad things and eventually…Captain Kim, he felt for me.” Jungkook wipes his face again, “But they couldn’t keep me anymore.” 

Your heart sinks at his admission.

Jungkook has been suffering on his own while you are lost on all this trauma. 

This was obviously hard on both of you. It was too hard on both of you. He couldn’t handle himself? Control himself? But what about you? What were you like in all of this? 

Are you lucky that you don’t remember? 

Or is not knowing even worse?

“Okay…it’s okay…” You whisper towards Jungkook. Your heart mending itself from all the broken pieces because it makes sense now. Why Jungkook lied. Why he’s been so careful with you finding things out. Because this is…a lot. But right now, you want to comfort him. Because no matter what 33 year old you was going through…24 year old you just wants to hug her best friend.

~~~

It's been a few days since you found out about Haru. A little boy who doesn’t feel real to you. 

He was three years old when he was kidnapped.

And if he is still alive…he should be five now.

You’ve been detached and numb, unable to face anyone quite yet. Jungkook checks on you but suddenly, meeting his gaze has become harder. And you think he agrees. This is a huge shock for you and you see how repeating this news is just as hard for Jungkook. He’s burdened with something miserable that lingers in his eyes.

You finally decide to reach out to your parents today.

Needing them to know that you know everything now. 

You call your mom, phone to your ear as you listen for each ring until her sweet voice is calling a melodic ‘hello!’. 

“Hey.” You mumble into the phone, “Is dad with you?”

“Your dad?” Your mom sounds far from the phone, “Hold on, I’m putting away some groceries. Almost done!”

You smile a little, “Okay.”

After some shuffling in the background, you hear your moms voice in your ear now. “Okay! What’s up?”

“Is dad with you?” You repeat your question.

“Oh.” Your mom sighs out, “Nope. He’s with Jungkook’s father, they’re out playing golf.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Is everything okay? Are you trying to get a hold of him? Is he not answering?”

“No, no.” You shake your head, though she can’t see you. “I wanted to talk to both of you…but it’s okay. You can just fill him in.”

“Fill him in?”

“I know me and Jungkook are divorced.” You say the words quickly. “Why did you pretend we were married?”

It’s silent. Just soft breaths barely audible on the other line. “Well,” Your mom finally breathes out, “I think it was easier that way.” She admits. “You two love each other very much so I just didn’t see the issue.”

You scoff, “We’re divorced yet you—”

“—It’s not like he’s a bad guy. Or you’re bad, either.” She cuts in. “Things just…”

“I know about Haru.” You tell her. You hear how she inhales a sharp breath.

“H-Haru…” She repeats slowly, “You know because…?”

“I found out.” You tell her, “I don’t have my memories.”

Your mom is quiet on the other line before you hear her sniffling.

“Mom?”

She takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry.” Her voice is shaky. “This isn’t fair for you, honey. I’m so sorry.”

You sigh, “It’s not like I remember.”

“You know…after the abduction…” Your mom grows more and more emotional, “There were days where I wished I could take your pain and heartbreak away. But not remembering your son is also another pain and heartbreak.”

You don’t mean to get teary eyed at that. You try to keep your voice even. “I-I guess.”

“After everything…” Your mom clears her throat, “You really shut down. Of course you did. You’re a mother who lost her child. But…you just…you shut everyone out. You didn’t really talk to me or dad much anymore and we felt helpless. How couldn’t we feel that way?” 

“Mom…”

“We were devastated when you filed for divorced.” She says. “You and Jungkook were both heartbroken and in a bad place…it was obviously too much for both of you. But instead of figuring it out together…you fell apart.”

You divorced…because losing Haru was too much to bear?

Your heart sinks deeper. You can’t imagine what Jungkook felt.

Or you. But you won’t understand that one until you feel it again one day when your memories return.

“The pain was too much but I wish you would have stayed together…what you needed was each other.” 

“Oh.”

“And…we’re all devastated about Haru. But seeing the both of you completely broken…was another heartbreak we had to feel.”

~

You’ve thought about the conversation you had with your mom earlier all day. You sit here, trying to analyze her words. But they aren’t hard to understand. She claims you and Jungkook fell apart and divorced because the pain of losing your son was too unbearable. And you realize it is a solid reason. 

Your foot taps against your wooden floor, anxiously waiting for Misuk and Subin to arrive. You sent them a long text explaining everything and they said they’d be over as soon as possible. But you’re anxious. Anxious that even they know about a son you gave birth to when even you don’t. Anxious because you realize you feel guilty over it. Guilty you can’t remember something that is supposed to be precious. 

You sit here when your hands fly to your forehead when it suddenly starts pounding. A horrible ache pushing against your skull and you wince at the pain. Shit, you haven’t taken your medicine today. Standing from your sofa, you intend to walk to the kitchen but fists get knocked against your front door.

They’re here.

Taking a deep breath, your feet take you to them instead. And as soon as the door is opening, Subin and Misuk bring you into their arms while they whisper their apologies and sorrows. You wish you were still numb. But you aren’t. You tremble in their hold instead and let yourself cry into their arms.

After several minutes and your determination to calm yourself, you finally pull away from the girls and offer a small smile. “Sorry.” You try to laugh to ease your sadness.

Subin pouts at you, “No.”

“Don’t say sorry.” Misuk smiles at you, “I’m sorry. Sorry for everything…you overheard me and it all turned out like this…”

“Well, you aren’t wrong.” You bump her shoulder. “Let’s sit.”

You girls walk into your living room and plop down onto the sofa. “This sucks.” You try to laugh but your chest feels heavy. “How is it that my life turned out like this?”

“I know…” Misuk frowns. “I really am sorry that things spiraled and you found things out like this…I hated lying to you. I hated seeing everyone lie to you. You deserved to know the truth because I know that’s…” She bites her lip, worry written all over her face. “That’s what you’d want. But I truly don’t know what would have been worse…finding out like this or finding out because your memories returned and everything would hit you like a ton of bricks.” You glance down at your hands, trying to mull over her words. You think she’s right. But you think she’s right in a way of the you who would want it this way because you didn’t know any better.

“I just,” You sigh out, “I just can’t believe me and Jungkook’s marriage failed when we needed each other most.”

Your head snaps up when you hear Misuk scoff.

“What?” You question her while she narrows her eyes at nothing. “What is it?”

The space between her eyebrows crease, “Your marriage didn’t fail because of your mutual heartbreak over Haru’s abduction, y/n.” She finally meets your eye. “Is that what you think?”

For the millionth time, your heart beat grows faster. “What do you mean?”

“Your marriage failed because you blamed Jungkook for it.”

Your heart comes to a complete stop. “What?”

“You blamed him for the kidnapping.” She clarifies, “But I guess Jungkook conveniently left that part out.”

“What…what are you—“

“—Misuk.” Subin says her name with a harsh, cold tone. “Enough already.” 

“What?!” Misuk grows frustrated, eyes on Subin now. “She already knows this much—”

“—You don’t even know everything!” Subin cuts her off, “It’s not like we even know what y/n was thinking at that time! She didn’t even…” She suddenly gets quieter, her eyes going to you now. “She…you…” She meets your surprised gaze at her outburst. “You barely even spoke to us after the incident.”

You feel cold all of the sudden.

“You…” Subin tears her gaze away, “You got so distant. And we don’t blame you, of course we don’t blame you. But,” She looks at Misuk again, “How could you blame Jungkook for that?”

“y/n had her reasons!” Misuk throws back at Subin, “She told me herself.”

“It was fucking vague.” Subin rolls her eyes.

“Yeah? Well it was hint enough.” 

You look between the girls, their own tension forming between their bodies. “Wait, wait. Just hold on. What is happening?”

Subin looks at you again, “Nothing.”

“No.” You shake your head, “What is Misuk talking about?”

“Look,” Misuk takes a deep breath. “All I know is that you blame Jungkook. Before Haru was taken…it was clear your marriage was rocky even then. You didn’t talk about it though. But something was wrong.” Misuk fills you in even when Subin glares at her. “And I trust you.” 

On one hand, you’re flattered Misuk is such a ride or die. But on the other hand, you’re only left feeling more and more confused. 

But Jungkook’s voice is in your head now.

Him asking you to always trust him. 

It doesn’t sound like Misuk has solid evidence to be so against Jungkook. She only has your word. And since you can’t trust your own self right now. You’ll believe in Jungkook.

~~~

You want to believe in Jungkook. But Misuk’s warning words remain ringing in your head. You lay here in bed, mind racing with theories that make you want to vomit. Your head still hurts and something odd keeps bothering you. Like a memory wants to push itself out of your brain but it keeps holding it back.

You toss and turn in bed. The same numbness has returned. 

You don’t think you mind. You accept the numb sensation that takes over your body from the inside out, you disappear with it. You’re grateful because it provides the escape from the raw reality that you suffer. 

It is a preference.

Rather than feeling overwhelmed with a million emotions chaotically colliding inside your brain…you feel nothing but guilt from escaping. And you prefer this guilt over others.

You turn your head to the right, towards the window, when you feel your phone vibrating against your mattress.

Who is calling at this hour?

Grabbing your phone and looking at the screen, you see Jungkook’s name. Is he so lucky to escape too? Or is he in the reality where he suffers?

“Hello?” You murmur into the phone. 

“Hey,” Jungkook speaks quietly, “Um…I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Cute that you think I’d be able to sleep.” You half joke. “What’s up?”

Jungkook sighs into the phone, “Honestly…if you’re up for it. Want to talk? In person?”

You sit up from bed, “In person?”

“Yeah.” You suddenly hear soft, distant knocks on your front door. “I’m kind of already here.”

You lower the phone to your chest, head turned in the direction of your open bedroom door, where you know Jungkook is in the distance outside at your front door.

You quickly end the call, standing from the bed when you make your way to him. Door opening and a gust of wind enters your house with his scent carried with it, hitting your nostrils and you melt. But you shouldn’t.

“Hey.” You nod towards the inside of your home. “Come in.”

Jungkook gives you a timid smile before walking in, slipping his shoes off and going to the couch.

“I—”

“—Actually,” You cut him off before he can say anything. “I want to lay down. I feel…drained.” You admit to him with a tired smile, “Can we lay in my bed? Just to lay. And talk.”

Jungkook looks conflicted but he sees how exhausted you clearly are. “Okay.” He whispers, “We can.”

You lead him to your bedroom, for some reason you go to the side of the bed closest to the window even though you usually sleep on the side closest to the door. You lay on top of the blanket and rest your head atop the fluffy pillow. 

Jungkook takes a breath before climbing into the bed as well. A small smile threatening to pull his lips apart. You notice.

“What?” You question him but he shakes his head, suppressing the smile.

“No, it’s just…this is my side of the bed. And that’s yours. It’s like your body remembered even if you don’t.” He tells you quietly, a shy expression on his face. “It’s silly to think about that, I guess.”

You feel your cheeks grow warm. Embarrassment clear on your face. “Oh.” You’re both facing one another.

“Um, it’s—” Jungkook rests his head against the pillow but he pauses because he’s sure he feels something. “What’s…” He reaches underneath and his curious gaze turns somber. “Haru’s robot…” He whispers, the toy in his hands.

You grow more fucking embarrassed.

“Oh shit.” You blurt, completely forgetting it was under that pillow. “I just…it…” It was the one item in the attic that felt even a little familiar to you so you went back up to get it. “I felt…connected to it somehow.” You admit to him.

Jungkook nods slowly, “That makes sense. Haru wouldn’t go anywhere without this thing. The bath, to daycare, to Busan, any car ride—” He laughs a little. “Even needed this friend when his stomach hurt and he had to poop.” 

You crack a smile, “Thanks, that makes me feel great for having it under my pillow now.”

“Eh, I’m sure it’s clean. You always made sure everything was clean for him.” Jungkook lowers the robot to the mattress, “I know you aren’t aware. But you’re the best mom in the world.”

Heat crawls up your neck, “That feels weird to hear.”

“I know.” Jungkook frowns but he tries not to. “But you should hear it.”

“Should I?”

“Yeah.” He tells you with earnest eyes. “He reminded me all of the time that you were the best mommy in the world. He,” Jungkook breaks into a small grin, quietly chuckling when he sorts through his own memories. “I remember when I would take him to work and in front of everyone I would tell him I love him and he would respond with, ‘and I love mommy.’ Such a brat, that kid.” He laughs, keeping his emotions at bay. 

You can’t help but giggle too. 

 “He was always changing. One minute he would be outgoing and talk to anyone and the next he was guarded and shy. And I know all kids say wild stuff but he really said the wildest stuff.” Jungkook continues to smile. “I never knew what crazy thing he would say in public that would make me look like a questionable dad. Swear he did it on purpose.” 

“He sounds fun.”

“He is. Never bored around him.” Jungkook’s smile turns so soft. “He always slept through the night too. Once he was out…that was it until the morning. He might have been a pain in the ass sometimes but I really appreciated it that because,” Jungkook’s soft smile drops and his gaze darkens with something coy, “He never interrupted my time with you.” 

More heat envelopes your body. “That so?”

“Heavy sleeper too.” Jungkook tells you, “Never knew what we were up to.”

He finally cracks a teasing smile and you push his chest with a small laugh. “Shush.”

Jungkook still smiles at you but it turns more serious. “I know this is all…a lot for you. But being able to talk about Haru with you feels…” He sighs before swallowing his emotions. “It makes me believe in living again.”

You pinch your brows together, “What do you mean?”

“I think I’ve only been surviving.” He admits. “I haven’t felt alive since the last time we were really together.” 

Without thinking, you reach for him. Palm resting flat against his beating heart. “You feel alive to me.” You whisper.

“That’s because you’re here.” He whispers back, “This,” He taps your hand, talking about his heart. “Hasn’t made a single sound until you told me you loved me.” 

You wish his words wouldn’t affect you. But 24 year old you is affected. Because 33 year old you isn’t here right now. 

You aren’t sure if that’s good or bad. 

“Can I ask you something?” You gaze into his eyes. His eyes are soft and might you say, full of love when he nods quickly.

“You’re working on a case with your ex-partner Jimin…is it about Haru?”

Jungkook slowly closes his eyes when he frowns, “I can’t tell you anything about it, y/n…I can’t involve you.”

You sigh, “Okay.” Then you ask him something else. Feeling direct. “Misuk doesn’t trust you. Why?”

Jungkook suddenly looks annoyed. “Because she doesn’t know anything. It’s all assumptions on her end but you trust me, right?”

You think you do. So you nod.

“When your memories return…can you still trust me?” He asks you, but it sounds like he didn’t direct the question towards you at all. And that causes an uneasiness to stir.

But still, you are choosing him right now.

You glance to his chest and notice your hand is still against him and you laugh a little, “Sorry. I’m still touching you.”

“It’s okay.”

“I swear I’m not trying to throw myself at you.” And then you scrunch up your features. “Oh no, that’s what I was doing, right? Previously…I was totally forcing myself on you.” 

Jungkook can’t help but snort a little, smiling tugging at his lips. “You didn’t force yourself on me, y/n.”

Now it’s your turn to snort, “Liar.”

His fingers go to your hand again, softly drumming them across the top of your hand and you feel his heart beat harder. “And why would I ever lie to you?” 

You feel the vibration against your skin when each of his fingers land with a rhythmic beat. You recall this sound like a melody and his words are the lyrics. 

You notice how it feels when he basically sings his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You ask, voice cracking. “Not really, right?”

Jungkook’s fingers come to a stop before he’s wrapping them around your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.” 

You quickly shake your head, “No, I can understand.” Your voices quivers. “I was angry. But I can understand.”

“I never lied about my feelings, you know?” He keeps holding your hand in his. “I do love you. I have for so long and I’m never going to stop.”

He’s staring so intently into your eyes and you’re wondering how you couldn’t trust this man. You can see his heart in his eyes and it’s beating so wildly for you.

~~~

The market is busy. It seems everyone is trying to do their grocery shopping today. You and Subin roam the aisles, plucking items off the shelves with giddy smiles. You’re going to bake Jungkook his favorite homemade cookies. You finally found the recipe books and wrote down all the ingredients. 

Thankfully, since it will be your first time giving it a go, Subin has offered to help you. You’re both searching for vanilla but it seems that either they’re out or you’re totally missing it.

“What if we just skip the vanilla?” You say nonchalantly but Subin gasps.

“Bakers all around the world all have a tear running down their face right now not knowing the reason why all because you just said that!” She says dramatically, “Vanilla is crucial!”

You can’t but laugh, “Yeah, yeah.”

“We still need brown sugar too, right?” Subin eyes the shelves. “Is it just me or is it so unorganized?”

“You know how people are,” You shrug. “When they don’t want an item anymore they just stick it anywhere.” Then you point at something, “That explains why there’s a package of uncooked chicken on the shelf with flour.”

“That can’t be safe.” Subin shudders. “Anyway, did you already grab the chips Jungkook wanted?” She eyes your cart, “You’ll totally forget. Go grab them and I’ll finish finding the vanilla and brown sugar.” She grins at you with rosy cheeks. 

“Oh I did totally forget.” You say, glancing at the cart as well. You look up at the aisle numbers and search for the word ‘chips’. “Sweet, it’s only two aisles over. Be right back!”

You walk over to aisle four, eyes browsing all of the chip options when you spot a few you ‘d like as well.

“Hmm, these ones.” You grab a bag, “And these ones.” Another bag. “Oh, yes…these ones too…” You hold three bags in your arms. “Right, I need to get Jungkook’s too.” You whisper, eyes searching for the brand he wanted. You smile when you spot them, trying your best to carry the three bags in one arm while you reach for the other bag. On your tip toes, you grab it and successfully hold all four bags. Feeling accomplished, you quickly turn around but bump into someone, dropping all of your chips.

“Ah, sorry, sorry!” You apologize to the stranger. Your eyes meet and you’re met with the familiarity like you are every time. “Oh. Nabi.” You say her name like you two are fully acquainted. 

Nabi stares at you wide eyed before offering a smile. “Hi.” She says before glancing around, her kind eyes suddenly looking anxious. “How are you? Um, here…let me help—”

“—Oh no, it’s okay!” You smile. But you both bend down at the same time, bumping heads and you’re about to giggle about it but suddenly it’s like images start flashing in your mind. You try to brush it off, reaching down to grab the chips instead of focusing on whatever images you saw that don’t make sense.

You reach for a bag at the same time as Nabi and when your hands touch, you swear the world goes completely still. Your eyes meet in panic and suddenly more images are speeding around in your brain and before you know it, they aren’t just images. But full on scenarios.

And for the first time, they do make sense.

You pull your hand back quickly, eyes blinking rapidly while you try to step back.

“y/n?” Nabi’s kind eyes turn concerned. “Hey, are you okay?”

You take another step back. 

Blood draining from your body. 

These aren’t just scenarios.

These are memories.

You stare at her, bewildered. Your panicked breathes leaving your mouth quickly as you try to ease your nerves. “Um,” You swallow thickly. “I—I…” Your fingers begin to tremble and you’re unable to hold the chips anymore.

Nabi watches you carefully, “Are you—”

You don’t let her finish, your feet taking you far from here. Panicked, anxious and alert…you race back to Subin and the moment she sees you, the adorable smile gets wiped off her face.

“What’s wrong?” She asks immediately, her hands going to your shoulders. “Hey, talk to me.”

But you’re breathing too quickly, your eyes blown wide. 

“What’s wrong?” She repeats, her worry evident. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Hey, y/n…calm down.”

Calm down?

You can’t calm down. Your breathing is harsh and heavy. Your chest is closing in on itself.

You wanted to trust Jungkook. You wanted to ignore Misuk’s words. You wanted to. Really. But with all the things you’ve just seen fly through your head, and the few new memories that sit tightly tucked inside your brain…you don’t know that you can.

Misuk might not have had any solid reason…but your own memories feel like reason enough.

You’re silently gasping for air, struggling to breathe. But you manage to say the words that make you feel like you’re fucking dying inside. “I know,” You swallow hard. “I know why I blame Jungkook.”

~

Next

Coffee Stained Armani Suit

Fashion can be a killer of an industry and when a young personal assistant finds herself being promoted to the new Head Secretary position for the CEO of one of Korea’s premium and top selling fashion magazines, she finds out just how stressful fashion can really be.

pairing; Yoongi x female reader

genre: Fashion, modern era

Warnings: fluff, angst, I know nothing about working in an office except what I’ve seen in dramas lol, occasional course language, a lot of office grunt work

Word count:3100

A/n: Hehe, it’s been a while since I wrote for this story but a passing fancy reminded me that this chapter was almost finished. So I figured I’d go ahead and edit it up and pass it off to the ether. Enjoy!~~

<<Chapter 2

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