66 Users.

66 users.

love that he keeps doing this. genuinely my favorite fucking bit

Thinking about Edward Elric as the Amestrian Military's specialest little unfireable boy

State alchemists can be fired for underperforming. We know this up front from the likes of Shou Tucker. And this makes a ton of sense from the homunculi's standpoint since the state alchemists are sacrifice candidates, and the homunculi would want to cull the weakest candidates and focus only on cultivating the strongest ones who stand the best chance of opening the portal.

........Then there's Edward. Who's already opened the portal.

There's no need to cultivate him. No gamble taken on whether he's good enough to open the portal. He passed the final test already. Graduated 4 semesters early.

And as such, has a free pass to do Absolute Fuck All.

And I'm imagining how funny this is from like an outside perspective.

Some newish state alchemist who'd only ever read up on the stories of Edward Elric, ready and excited to start their career of being paid handsomely with endless freedom to research and travel and do anything they want in the pursuit of science... surprised and confused to find themselves put on probation their first month for things like "ignoring orders." Which is, as best they had thought, a famous Edward Elric pastime.

Roy showing a slight bit of stress about his yearly state alchemist report, and Ed just snorting and rolling his eyes at Roy because every year HE just hastily does his on the train ride over (canon in the manga, a travesty it was left out of the anime) and it gets rubber stamped. Ed not realizing that other alchemists' reports get genuinely scrutinized and torn apart while Ed is free to turn in whatever absolute bullshit he thinks of 36 hours ahead of time. One year his report was about whether alchemy could be done via dance (conclusion: no it can't) and no one cared. Roy WANTS to tell Ed there's some kind of unknown favoritism around Ed making him literally bullet-proof but Roy has no way to phrase this that doesn't sound like he's just in denial and mad at how good Ed's train-reports are.

Guy from the Internal Amestrian Affairs sector who's responsible for auditing other internal military personel for any suspicious activity hitting about 1 million red flags for Edward Elric, issuing a STRONG and URGENT recommendation to suspend the alchemist pending further investigation into things like "literal bunk-buddies with two members of the Xingese royalty (enemy nation)" and "spent $10,000,000 of his stipend on a librarian to make her re-copy (what he seemed to interpret as?) military records in some extremely transparent effort to unearth state secrets (it was a recipe book but he was literally asking her about state secrets)" and "literally has never once obeyed an order, ever, not even once in his career, and is on public record having said 'I do not care about the goals and protections of the Amestrian Military. I am in fact only pursuing my own interests several of which are diametrically opposed to the safety and well-being of the governing body of Amestris'"

The issued recommendation is intercepted before it even reaches its intended desk. President Bradley himself has taken issue with it and denies it before a single set of eyes has seen it. The President's veto stamp is a terrifying hammer, used rarely, and it is now sitting on the auditor's desk.

The auditor sleeps with one eye open from then on out.

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

Au where Iruma's birth parents are actually decent people

1 - The parents who raised Iruma and that we saw in the manga aren't his birth parents but the couple that kidnapped him as a baby.

2 - Iruma's real parents have been looking for their child all those years but have never found him or any trace of the vile couple who stole their baby... until the child thieves started to spend A LOT of money.

3 - Iruma's bio parents more or less jumped the fake parents and slapped the truth out of them: their child was sold to a demon. I will left the fate of the fake parents ambiguous.

4 - The fake parents, who think that guy in Taken was too tame, to give you an idea of what type of parents, they are, break into the demon world, break into Sullivan's mansion, lock poor Opera into a box and try to kill Sullivan.

5 - Sullivan is delighted to have found Iruma's parents and adopt them so people stop asking him how he got a grandson despite not having children. Except that now, people point out how weird it is that he acquired children AFTER getting a grandson.

I was reading a post you made awhile back about naruto dying his hair red. And I read somewhere recently that naruto has minato's coloring but kushina's facial features and that's why nobody recognizes naruto as minato's son. So I was thinking, what if a bunch of senile old village grandma's with poor vision keep mistaking naruto for his mother and calling him kushina. And whenever they see him around the village they're always so aghast like "what did you do to your beautiful long red hair?!". So naruto eventually decides to grow his hair out and dye it red because the grandmas obviously think that long red hair is superior, and who is he to question the wisdom of nice grandma's.

This all, of course, leads to pre-genin kushina-lookalike naruto terrorizing the market with pranks. And giving anyone who had to deal with kushina in her youth war flashbacks. Just naruto being so obviously his mother's son that no one who was around for her reign of pranking terror can even look at him. That particular shade of red unearths some long buried fight or flight instincts.

I thought you were gonna say “kept mistaking him for his dad because they can only see his coloring and not his facial expressions clearly” but you went into a way better route

It would probably take a bit before his hair grows out long enough, so I’d like to think that when he first dyes it red, it gives everyone a vague sense of dread and they try to deny why they feel like that, until his hair finally grows out long enough that they have to come to terms with the Second Coming of Kushina™️