St. Sebastian (c. 1620), Nicolas Rgnier / Hail St. Sebastian, The Mountain Goats

St. Sebastian (c. 1620), Nicolas Régnier / Hail St. Sebastian, The Mountain Goats

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“Hark,” a voice boomed in his ears.

The voice was not one, but many, coming from every direction and ringing in his skull to where he thought it might crack open. The deepest voice made his chest shutter, bass shaking his core; the most shrill rang even when it had stopped. With gritted teeth and clenched eyes, he clapped his hands over his ears as the voice continued:

“Thy hand is sullied. Return the Sacred Blade whence it rested.”

Throughout Heaven and Earth,

only Darkness shall remain 🩸

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Like a sieve being dragged through your brain. Like stitches through all your nerves. Like becoming unmoored.

But what is the “you” here? What is the you who is looking in the box of the fridge? This you, the true you, the self, that is always going on within you? But if there was no you, why would I be here? If I were an illusion, how could I stand here before you? What does “you” refer to? What is it that is “you”?