quillheel - ROOTS.
ROOTS.

MEMORY IS A LANDSCAPE OF HANDS TOO AFRAID TO MAKE FISTS.

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Based On This Suggestions Blog. Warning: These Are Pretty Dark/angry & Could Be Triggering To Some People.

Based On This Suggestions Blog. Warning: These Are Pretty Dark/angry & Could Be Triggering To Some People.

based on this suggestions blog.  warning:  these are pretty dark/angry  &  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding!!

‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  &  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me?  ’ ‘  all i want is to be soft  &  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  &  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’ ‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’ ‘  burning it all to the ground  &  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’ ‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own?  ’ ‘  do you trust me enough?  do you trust me at all?  ’ ‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’ ‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’ ‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’ ‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’ ‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  &  i touch  &  i touch  &  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop?  ’ ‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  &  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  &  my eyes are still stretched wide  &  terrified.  ’ ‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for?  ’ ‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’ ‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’ ‘  i am aching to hold you  &  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’ ‘  i am divine  &  you will bow before me.  ’ ‘  i am fucking divine.  ’ ‘  i am in control  &  i listen to no one.  ’ ‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’ ‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’ ‘  i am not worth saving  &  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’ ‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’ ‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’ ‘  i bow to no man.  ’ ‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  &  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’ ‘  i can give you your wings back  &  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’ ‘  i cannot be saved.  ’ ‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’ ‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’ ‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’ ‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’ ‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’ ‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’ ‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’ ‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’ ‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’ ‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’ ‘  i have fallen  &  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’ ‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’ ‘  i have no home anymore.  ’ ‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  &  then i remember nothing.  ’ ‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’ ‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’ ‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’ ‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’ ‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’ ‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  &  maybe someday it will be true.  ’ ‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’ ‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’ ‘  is it my fault?  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’ ‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right?  ’ ‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  &  suffocating on sadness.  ’ ‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’ ‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’ ‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’ ‘  i’m so cold  &  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’ ‘  i’m so tired all the time  &  i just want to be awake again.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’ ‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’ ‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’ ‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’ ‘  loneliness is a disease  &  it leaves me empty  &  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  &  bounces back.  ’ ‘  made of starlight  &  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’ ‘  my anger is righteous  &  my actions are pure.  ’ ‘  my chest aches  &  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  all i need is some comfort  &  understanding.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’ ‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  &  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’ ‘  pull me apart  &  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’ ‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  &  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’ ‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’ ‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’ ‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  &  plead for help?  fuck off.  ’ ‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’ ‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  &  you better remember that.  ’ ‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’ ‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’ ‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’ ‘  voices whisper from the shadows  &  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’ ‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved?  ’ ‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it?  ’ ‘  who the fuck do you think you are?  ’ ‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying?  ’ ‘  with a new year comes new tests  &  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’ ‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once?  ’ ‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  &  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’ ‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’ ‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’ ‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’ ‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’ ‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’ ‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’ ‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’ ‘  you touch me  &  my skin burns  &  it burns for you,  always you.  ’

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More Posts from Quillheel

1 year ago

Hornet had been born a thrumming, slashing thing, and this way she would die.

Hornet Had Been Born A Thrumming, Slashing Thing, And This Way She Would Die.

Her feet moved like pinpricks in the sullen, loamy dirt ━ fast and precise and as needle-like as her nail itself. cutting lines like some kind of dance into the gravel-dimpled ground, swinging, forward and back, lunge & retreat & motion ; effort in grace.

A small thing, always. Hornet would never outgrow the worst of them, but she was fast, and sharp, and in this she found pride. Metal, tension of the string like a blade through the stagnant air, her weapon in her hands. the needle circles, circles, stabs like a stinger through carapace and flesh, piercing the shoddy warped scrap-metal of a training dummy she'd maybe had made herself. Reel it in, the thread returns to her, and with it her needle. Jump! Air whistling through her armor as she rises, joints spry as her eyes widen ━ reorient.

━ And catch! tangle the writhing limbs, trip them up, a flailing of precise white cord through the cold air that burned in her. Suffocate, string them up, cut them out!

This was her name. ━ Names like titles, she was Hornet; a buzzing, fast, terrible thing : with a body like a blade, body from the beast and practice from the bee and mind from the pale, she would stab, slash, spike them through! She is more, she is greater, she is-

━wait, 'them'? it was supposed to be an it. ( how single-minded, to forget just whom she'd been fighting. an internal battle, as much as a physical one... )


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1 year ago

Hey so it's come to my attention that the Creators of Disco Elysium want you to share the game and not give the company who took over and fired them (illegally)?) any profits off of their ideas and work, and I originally joined tumblr 2 weeks ago when that post was going around about the Steam sale and how you should [Skull and Crossbones flag] it instead.

So.

in light of that.

Check the replies/notes of this post :)

I was informed that posts containing links in them aren't findable in the search so i'll just.... drop a link in a seperate reboot :)

first things first though, copy this key:

q4-EJ9G2DV7MYYI-Vs0KdQ


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1 year ago
Maybe He Could Read The Story On His Face. Kim Was A Composed, Concealed Man, And He Intended To Keep

Maybe he could read the story on his face. Kim was a composed, concealed man, and he intended to keep it this way regardless of how his brow fruitlessly insisted on furrowing his eyes shut under the pounding migraine that cracked through his skull, but the Smoker wasn't stupid. ━ No one in Martinaise could afford to be, and especially not with the clientele he worked with. ━━━ The bruises, the sounds of gunshots, the absence of Harrier, the fact the hanged man had been a mercenary ( or, at least, donned the armor of one ). It wasn't difficult to piece together that they'd been involved, if nothing else; a fact confirmed if he asked or found himself 'round the Whirling in the last little while. The cleanup was still going on, the blood clotting in the street, sticking to the gravel or being frozen by the cold...

The sarcasm briefly disarms him. Not in the way of sarcasm softening nerves, but in the way of reflecting a strike and driving a blade into the ground ━ sloppy, uncoordinated ━ and part of the Lieutenant felt briefly like an embarrassed child at the remark he'd made, gloating about being stronger than he looked, something like that. He knew better, and the steel bordering that made-up his endless resilience against the world is righted in an instant. The feeling is compressed into a fine, dense cube, and gone within a quarter of the time the younger takes to slip back out from the bathroom ; a room admittedly more adjacent to a closet than anything else. ━ Come on. Get it together.

" Thank you, monsieur, but that isn't necessary. " Kitsuragi raises a bare hand in a gentle, dismissive manner, the faintest stains of blood caught under nails and in the stubborn ridges of callouses before he lowers it, lets it lock back with its partner. " I have already taken painkillers ━ Drouamine. I'll re-check how willing I am to take medication handouts in a few hours. "

Kim says it with a straight-face, but the dry humor lingers in the latter sentence. ━ you can't tell if he's being serious, but he appreciates the gesture.

there's an understanding, beneath it all, of how much those painkillers can mean to be handed out so easily, the allyship neither directly acknowledge but know. ━ He decides, unspoken, that the Smoker needs them more than he does, regardless of how long it takes for that drouamine to kick in.

Maybe He Could Read The Story On His Face. Kim Was A Composed, Concealed Man, And He Intended To Keep

Kim does oblige with taking a seat, at the very least. Taking the open chair closest to the entrance, plush old fabric smelling of dust and cleaner, wearing its age. He anticipated being too high strung after all that had happened to sit down easily, but he finds his legs conceding easily. ━ maybe all the running around with the Detective had finally worn him out, at last, when there'd be a handful of days of inaction for the both of them... ( and yet, here the Lieutenant was, still working, still asking questions. He briefly worries about Harry's state, back at the whirling, but reminds himself of Garte's nearby presence. It was... It would be fine. In a way, it had to be. )

After a moment of consideration, he starts with the obvious; " I can assume you heard the commotion of gunfire the day before, yes? "

continued from here. // @quillheel

Upon hearing the knocking on the door to his apartment the Smoker had originally thought to dismiss it. It wouldn't have come as a surprise to him if it had been one of the children running around who liked to cause trouble - he couldn't even count how many stones that one kid had thrown at the corpse that had been hung up on the tree. However due to the gunfire the previous day, his mind decided that it was an urgent matter.

He was glad he had chosen to open the door.

While the Smoker had talked more to the other detective than he had with Kim, the Smoker had a feeling that they ran in the same…circles so to speak and that only urged him further to help him, not only out of the kindness of his heart, but in the sense of having a bond of sorts with the other male. The Smoker was confident that they had both had the same insults thrown at them over the years and while he had learned to either hurl a sarcastic comment back or outright ignore them, it didn't change the intent of discrimination.

"Of course it isn't as bad as it looks." His lighthearted airy tone of voice may have been a little sarcastic, if only to try to lighten the atmosphere and Kim's nerves.

After the older male enters his apartment, The Smoker takes a moment to slink off to the bathroom to see what he has for medical supplies. A few moments pass and he comes back into the main room with a small bag in tow accompanied with a glass of cold water. Setting the glass down on the nearby nightstand, the younger male takes a small bottle of painkillers out of the bag he grabbed from the bathroom. He places his palm on the lid and opens it with one swift push. Dropping a few pills into his hand, he hands them out to Kim. "Here. Take these and have a seat and we'll see what else can be done."


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1 year ago
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
Ash By Tracy K. Smith
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ash by tracy k. smith

piranesi vi, giovanni piranesi // the haunting of hill house, dir. mike flanagan // bony legs, joanna cole & dirk zimmer // midsommar, dir. ari aster // murder of agamemnon, pierre-narcisse guérin // game of thrones: a man without honor, dir. david nutter // goodnight mommy, dir. veronika franz & severin fiala // it, dir. andy muschietti // hereditary, dir. ari aster // crimson peak, dir. guillermo del toro // the vigil, dir. keith thomas // house of leaves, mark z. danielewski // spike field, safdar abidi // i’m thinking of ending things, dir. charlie kaufman // the lighthouse, dir. robert eggers // relic, dir. natalie erika james // annihilation, dir. alex garland // anatomy, kitty horrorshow


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