Sharing This Life Scenario At Work Where I Couldnt Control My Tears. Wala, Some Stories Just Get So Much

Sharing this life scenario at work where I couldn’t control my tears. Wala, some stories just get so much of your heart. Malayo palang, when I saw lolo took out his old school camcorder to shoot his apo, I couldn’t help but watch them from afar. Tapos, dama ko lang. Hindi ako yung nagtuturo sa bata pero di ko mapigilan na hindi tignan, kasi classic yung pagmamahal. O baka in a way, ganun ako minahal. Hanggang sa gusto ko makuhanan yung genuinity nung moment kasi dami umiikot sa isip ko, yung dependency, yung caress, bulong saka paglapit unti-unti para gabayan yung kamay nung clueless na pagpaint. Kumuha ako ng sneaky shots na na-awkwardan nga ko sa pinag-gagawa ko. Kasi ayoko sila mailang. Tapos di ko na napigilan, lumapit ako kay lolo. Nagpakilala, nagtanong ako konti para maka-start lang ng convo. Yun, lalo ako nagpigil nung nagkwento na siya,

“Maliit pa ‘to lagi ko na sya vini-videohan.“

May compilation daw siya. Sobrang lakas ng dating? Di ko alam ah pero gusto ko mag-breakdown nun. Arte ko. Tapos puro na siya kwento about sa pagiging special nung apo niya, pero extremes yung skills sa chess, sa pagtugtog ng piano, sa linis niya sa katawan.

Gets? Sobrang delicate lang. Tapos nagpaalam na ko kung pwede sila kuhanan. Madalang lang mapukaw interes ko makaalam ng ibang storya pero ito, dito, medyo tinamaan ako.

Mornings of a thinker.

Woke up today feeling a bit steady. I swore to myself I’d practice mindfulness everyday after being in a month full of unnecessary anxiety and worries I probably created myself which I really don’t have to? It’s a mind play. I even deleted all the songs with words in my playlist so I wouldn’t dwell on the emotional side of any song. I’ve been listening to instrumentals for quite a while? Hehe, dork. Life is a surprise and I have been here, I can’t say I know the ways through it because If I did, I wouldn’t be in the same situation again. Maybe I need to learn a lot still, to embrace my lapses and think about all my wrongs and correct it, there’s always a chance to correct it. Yes?

Anyway, I really just want to blog because I felt at peace this morning. Aside from the unexplained tiredness and muscle pain as I opened my eyes, hearing subtle movements, craving caffeine and wanting to sleep more. (Haha!) Questions did bothered me. 

What do I want out of life?

Stability.

In my own terms though; financially, emotionally, spiritually. Not in the ways where I’d let someone hand it over. I want hard work. I like my own discovery. There’s comfort knowing I could stand on my own, afford my wants and support my own needs first. Also, help my family in the little ways I could.

I want a life where I won’t worry about tomorrows.

Fulfillment.

It’s a battle.There are days I lose my touch to the things I really want for myself and I die inside when I let it win. But what the heck right? If I am really made for it, I’d do something about it. I just want to cancel out the whining and just do, ‘til I find myself in the right place over and over.

Simplicity.

No questions, I like myself best in this setup.

What else? Is there anything else?

Guess those are the only three vital and realistic things I should aim for.

• Pale + mornings + coffee

I bravely played with Adobe Illustrator for six hours! I have no idea how to use it honestly but with the help of online tutorials I got to compose something despite being clueless!!!! I have been meaning to do pale illustrations or play with my favorite default palette. This is a different approach, I’d practice more to get really better at it. There’s so much to learn, I’m excited.

I’d compile my digital illustrations in Behance and Instagram.

I am a fan of how you pour your soul into the writings that you create. Sayang Ms. Porshe, I could not hit the follow button dahil iba ang host ng blog ko. All I can do is visit your page time to time. Please stay sincere. You have people that appreciate you, even from afar. Sending hugs!

❤

Forgot to post my month ago travel vlog! :)

• Women Loving by Jhoanna Lynn B. Cruz