Doing My Best To Psychically Send Brian W. Foster The Emotional Comfort Of A Hug.

Doing my best to psychically send Brian W. Foster the emotional comfort of a hug.

Asking for Help and Obtaining Consent (Please read if you can)

I’ve noticed a trend in the fandom that I want to take a moment to address. 

This fandom is, in general, incredibly supportive. We love each other so much, and that’s so fantastic. We even have a code word for one another when we’re in trouble: Anxiety’s Room. And that’s great. 

Except here’s the thing. A lot of times, we’re using it wrong. 

If you’re in a bad place, reaching out for help can be the hardest thing in the world. And I’m so proud of everyone who gets past their initial fear of doing so and takes that step. 

But often, we’re missing one incredibly important part of the process: 

We must obtain consent from the person we’re asking for help.

Coming into someone’s askbox with a story of depression, or thoughts of suicide, or tales of an abusive situation, can be incredibly damaging to the person you’re sending it to. Even if that person has said before that they are willing to answer these kinds of asks, that does not equal consent all the time. Think about it like sex: consent to one time doesn’t mean you have consent all the time. You have to obtain permission and consent with each new encounter. 

Asking for help is the same thing. 

If someone is in a bad place, the wrong ask at the wrong time could be an incredibly dangerous thing. The other day, my fiance received an ask about a depressive spiral, and it went into a great amount of detail. As a sufferer of depression, this ask was incredibly upsetting to her, and she nearly suffered a relapse herself. Another friend of mine recently received an ask about suicide, when said friend is also suicidal. It put her in a much worse place than she’d been in before, because she tried to help when she really wasn’t equipped to do so.

I’m definitely not saying don’t reach out for help. I’m saying please bear in mind that asking someone who is drowning to rescue you from the depths is not going to help either of you. You’ll end up dragging each other down instead.

“But I really do need help. What do I do?”

The great news is, there are several things you can do to get the help you need without risking harming someone else! 

1) Ask for consent. Go into someone’s ask box and, before you start in about what’s going on, ask the recipient if they’re in a good place to help. Ask what their triggers are. Ask if you have permission to seek their aid. And if they say no, please don’t take it as an indication that they do not care about you. Respect their answer and look for help elsewhere.

2) Post to your own blog. Make a post that you are in Anxiety’s room (and tag with trigger warnings when necessary), and let the people in the fandom who are able to help come to you. If I see a post like that, even if I’m not in a place to help, you bet your bum I’ll reblog it and spread the word!!

3) Use the hotlines. There are a number of suicide and depression and self-harm hotlines, websites, message boards, and texting services available to you. If you’re in crisis and can’t wait for reblogs to get around, use them instead. That’s what they’re there for, and their consent IS a given.

I know we want to help each other. And by all means, if someone has given you unending consent to come to them anytime, please do! 

But please keep in mind that many of us suffer many of the same issues, and just because someone wants to help, it doesn’t always mean they can. Please, let’s take care of each other in both directions, so we never accidentally harm someone else. I know that’s the last thing any of us want to do. 

I love you guys so much. Remember, we are famILY!

TL;DR: Don’t go into someone’s askbox seeking help for triggering stuff without making sure they’re okay with it first. Get consent each and every time so we don’t accidentally hurt each other. 

Person: It’s september 1st

Me: oh, cool

Me, internally: Underneath these stairs, I hear the sneers and feel glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt. I can’t believe how cruel they are and it stings my lighting scar to know that they’ll never ever give me what I want.

I know I don’t deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Pri-

This sounds like the beginning of a song or a poem...

.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

whitened hair will catch the eye

faded bones and tragedies

never set their thoughts to peace

meddling minds and hurting hearts

disassembled are their parts

pain will follow 'till they die

tinker, tailor, soldier, spy.

.

...or something like that.

Heck: it's 1.20 o'clock in the morning and I only know Percival and Shiro out of these characters.

hey look it’s some white-haired characters that I like

Broke: Thor doesn’t understand memes

Woke: No one understands Thor’s antique, spicy asgardian memes

“Stop putting celebrities up on pedestals and then tearing them apart when they say something that doesn’t live up to your personal expectations” challenge