Bisexual Culture Is Being In Love With:

Bisexual culture is being in love with:

● Steve Harrington

● and Robin

● and also loving ice cream.

Ahoy!

May I present: Mollymauk Tealeap.

I love him. ♡♡♡

adhd is so fucking stupid like. you have to be Obsessed with something or you will die. you literally cannot do anything productive without some sort of extra "distraction" helping you focus (like listening to music while you clean) and you will do almost anything to avoid doing something you don't like, including "nothing"

and like, being able to hyperfocus and spend all day working on something with no breaks is great and all but i really fucking wish my brain just worked normal and i could like. do the dishes without having to force myself

There’s so much lifespan angst in CR Campaign 1, and so little in Campaign 2.  Part of that’s probably due to the fact that tieflings, half-orcs, and humans all tend towards a similar life expectancy give or take a couple of decades, and part of it’s the fact that the M9 are barely capable of thinking about next week at this point, let alone old age, but I think part of it is the fact that Caduceus (likely to outlive the rest of the party by a century or four, if he makes it through the next couple of years) is both utterly blase about death, and completely disconnected from, y’know, any practical sense of the passage of time.

Which means I keep coming back to the mental image of Keyleth far in the future, once even Pike and Scanlan are gone, visiting the Blooming Grove on Druid Business.  And sitting down to tea with a very pleasant, somewhat absent firbolg, who’s happy to talk about his dear friends he adventured with and loved very well once upon a time that might’ve been last week or a couple hundred years ago, whichever.

“This is the Jester we’re drinking now.  Sweet, of course, but surprisingly bitter if you overbrew it.  We’ve got some Beau that’s just dried out and ready for tea if you want something that brews up a little stronger, or the Caleb’s got a nice delicate sort of zing to it.”

It takes at least another half a cup of Caduceus talking about different tea blends before Keyleth figures out he didn’t just name his teas after his old adventuring party, he literally grew the plants on their corpses and somehow thinks that this is entirely normal and fine.

LINES I’VE HEARD THAT ARE RAW AS HELL: A SENTENCE STARTER PACK

“I will face God and walk backwards into Hell.” ”Pick a god and pray.” “Then perish.” “Violence for violence is the rule of beasts.” “I have been through Hell and come out singing.” “There are no gods here.” ”Kiss my ass, you sanctimonious bastard.” “Do I look like the kind of man who dies?” ”Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he’s created here on earth?” ”Most monsters are a manifestation of our own fears and inability to accept different cultures we don’t understand.” ”You can only learn from pain, the more pain the wiser you become.” ”God, forgive me.” ”I am blighted being cursed with sight.” ”This is the age of the expanding man.” “God’s dead and soon we will be, too.” “I thought there were no heroes left in this world.” ”To become God is the loneliest achievement of them all.” “You kneel before my throne unaware that it was built on lies.” “Impudent of you to assume I will meet a mortal end.” ”People who don’t fear death are the ones who crave it.” “This is Hell’s territory and I am beholden to no gods.” “Bury me shallow, I’ll be back.” ”Perception is truth to those who perceive it as such.” “Take this gift, for the gods surely won’t.” ”When the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you learn.” “Ironic that someone whose purpose it is to restore life would wish death upon themself.” “God wishes he were me.” “One day, you will be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe, and you will have to justify the space you’ve filled.” “Everything that we know and love is reducible to the absurd amount of chemicals, and there is therefore no intrinsic value in this material universe.” “Hypocrite that you are, for you to trust the chemicals in your brain to tell you they are chemicals.” “All knowledge is ultimately based on that which we cannot prove.” “Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?” “You’re a coward. You always were.” “Deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable.”

best customers:

Calianna, shy and flies through bookstacks in a day, always takes book recommendations from everyone and love them all (at least she won't ever say anything bad about the others book choices)

Essek, highly pretentious and specific with interests, but secretly adores the book store staff, only really respects Calebs recommendations (and Beaus, even if he won't ever admit it), but he will let himself be talked into buying a romance novel by Jester, bc she can be very persuasive (stubborn)

Kiri, came in one day and hid under one of the shelves for half an hour, Nott literally had to crawl under there herself and scoop her out, she doesn't talk much but they figured out that she always has to wait on a bus to her orphanage after school and other kids are bullying her while she waits, after a short run in with Nott that then is no longer a problem, Kiri still comes to wait in the bookstore after school, she reads a few kids books and becomes very interested in some old books with pictures of weapons and crime scene photos, she also klimbs around a lot and chases Frumpkin, she is adored by everyone and soon learns a lot of creative swearwords from the crew, much to the despair of the Shuster family that just fostered her...

The Mighty Nein As Bookstore Employees

Beau: Floor staff. Generally looks kinda disgruntled and confrontational. Can be heard muttering angrily under her breath about customers being the fucking worst at any given point in the day. Shelves the History, Religion, and Politics sections of the store. Will actually get super animated and friendly with you if you ask for recommendations on any of the aforementioned subjects (especially if you’re a cute lady). In a semi-serious ongoing feud with Caleb over which books should be faced out in the Philosophy section.

Caduceus: Works down in the basement managing stock and taking in shipments of books. Very chill and laid back. May be a stoner; no one is quite sure. Doesn’t actually seem to read that much? But he gives great recommendations for books on gardening and children’s picture books (especially if they’re about gardening). All of the books he buys seem to be about death and/or fungus. He calls it his “death library.” (Jester got him a giant coffee table-style book on tea for the holidays one year. It takes pride of place on his small shelf at home.)

Caleb: No one is quite sure how long Caleb has worked at the bookstore. Rumor has it he just grew as a fully formed bookseller a few decades ago and has remained ever since. Regardless, he has only ever been a bookseller and has never displayed any interest in taking on a managerial role. Is apt to overhear a customer ask for a book, disappear into the stacks, and return a minute later with said book in his hands. All of this is done wordlessly. Shelves the Classics, Mythology, and Philosophy sections of the store. Will never shut up if you ask him for a recommendation. His face-outs are correct. Frumpkin is the bookstore cat.

Fjord: Floor supervisor. Ostensibly the Responsible One, and is generally in charge of making sure a shift proceeds without too much shenaniganry. Inevitably gets pulled into the other booksellers’ shenanigranry. He’s good with customers, and can talk down even the most unreasonable jackass. Mostly takes care of the maintaining the New Arrivals displays, but also keeps an obsessive eye on the small sailing section he fought for. Not the most comfortable giving recommendations, but generally has a good list of memoirs, travel literature, and hobby guides to suggest to people.

Jester: Started working at the bookstore right after leaving undergrad, because she “needs some real world experience, you know?” Is the most outgoing and gregarious with customers; has never had a conversation shorter than five minutes (including at the register). Shelves the Graphic Novels, Art, Erotica/Romance, and Cookbook sections. (If you look at the cookbook section you will notice that only the Baking section is ever actually in any coherent order.) If you ask her for a recommendation you may find yourself having to stop her from reading an entire book aloud to you in the store. Is very good in a crisis, and after Fjord is one of the best at ameliorating irate customers. 

Molly: Works in Marketing. For some reason people thought it was a good idea to give him control organizing events. What he lacks in sense and actual charm he makes up for with surprisingly good graphic design (it shouldn’t work, but somehow it does). Worked in the Used Department for a small dint, but he was always more interested in the pictures and weird shit he found left behind in boxes and books than he was in anything else. Doesn’t technically have any sections assigned for him to take care of, but he’s the only person who cares about keeping the New Age section looking nice, so he does.

Nott: Relatively new hire, but whenever someone remembers that they get legitimately shocked because she picked up almost everything within the first week. Whenever she goes to shelve she always carries stacks nearly as tall as she is. Has yet to drop a single one. Once threatened to murder a shoplifter. Shelves all of the various Science/Math sections. Will start yelling if people assume that “booksellers are bad at math.”* Doesn’t shelve the kids’ section but always has board books to recommend (right now her top picks are Baby Loves Quarks, and Organic Chemistry for Babies**). 

Yasha: Also floor staff. Shy and soft-spoken. Often gets flustered around customers, but knows her way around the store very well and is always lending a helping hand to her coworkers. On rare occasions will miss a shift without warning or explanation; Beau and Jester usually cover for her.  Can reach the shelves in overstock without using one of the ladders. (The first time she did this Beau nearly fainted.) Shelves the Nature section, as well as Essays, and Fiction. She doesn’t read as much as some of the other staff, but she is very good at picking out customers who are perfectly suited for her favorite titles. Will spend an hour talking about her favorite books while gently assuring someone why one is Exactly The Right Fit for them. Customers walk away feeling like they’ve been gently lead down a quiet path in the forest. 

*most booksellers are bad at math, though

**Yes, those are both real books