Dating Tips From What Would Audrey Do?

Dating Tips From ‘What Would Audrey Do?“

A book which takes note of and analyses how Audrey handled and behaved in various situations.

Italised words are direct quotes from the book, unitalised words are me paraphrasing to save space.

Keep your love affairs discrete.

It’s fine to date casually. Unless there is an engagement, a ring on your finger, or a very serious conversation about where the two of you are going (initiated by them), keep your options open and keep dating.

Don’t act like you’re a wife unless you’re actually a wife.

Flirt like hell. It’s good practice, and it makes the day go faster. Plus, it never hurts to have the butcher (the waiter, the guy who makes your cappuccino in the morning) on your side. It also keeps your energy up and moving in the right direction.

Aim high. Audrey Hepburn’s lovers included: William Holden, James Hanson, Mel Ferrer, Andrea Dotti, Ben Gazzara, Peter O'Toole, Albert Finney, Michael Butler, and Robert Wolders, all famous actors or wealthy businessmen, with the exception of Andrea Dotti, who was a psychiatrist. That’s not even getting into her many admirers. Don’t sell yourself short in the romance department.

Keep a clear head. Don’t date one person for years and years, waiting for them to make up their minds.

Go easy on accepting big gifts from admirers or people you’re dating. But it’s fine to accept gifts if you’re engaged or married.

When breaking up with people, let them down gently. When Audrey broke up with James Hanson, she said: "I really don’t think I want to get married at this time. I hate to do this to you. I love your family …” The two remained on friendly terms.

Respect yourself. If you are dating someone who is not treating you properly, go to Washington and have dinner with that cute senator from Massachusetts. If you are married and your husband insists on continuing to date, dump him. In other words, don’t be a doormat and don’t make yourself too available.

Keep the real estate. Don’t give up your apartment or home to live with a guy, and if possible, keep your former residence in your own name, in case something happens in the future.

Have your own gig. AH was a working woman her entire life, and although she was married for a time, she was largely in charge of the care of her two sons and her mother, and she also helped out her father. Which leads to …

Have your own money. Whether you have a job, work for it, or have your own inheritance … Money is freedom.

Include them in your life and activities. That is, once you’ve been involved with someone and trust the situation. You’ll be able to spend time together, and it will give you something to do on the weekends.

Disappear for a while. Audrey went to Switzerland to rest for a while after 3 months of starring on Broadway. Mel Ferrer chased her halfway around the world and begged her to marry him.

Be the decider. If your ultimate goal is to get married, make a clear decision: Either marry the guy or break it off and move on, as Audrey did with James Hanson, Bill Holden, and JFK.

Don’t be the eternal girlfriend. You know the one, the slightly woebegone girl who hangs around forever-decorating his apartment, buying the sheets he is too busy to buy, cooking elaborate (with many, many hard-to-find ingredients) four-course dinners for him every night, and not asking too many questions about what the future might bring. And waiting, waiting for him to pop the question. The Eternal GF might get mad, she might sulk, she might complain to her girlfriends or mother about how he “needs more time” and “isn’t ready” to make a real commitment just yet. But still, like Penelope at her loom in the tower, waiting for cunning Odysseus, she waits. And waits. And waits. If a man wants to be with you—wants to marry you, perhaps raise children together, hang out in the South of France, wake up next to you every day for the rest of his life, bring you coffee in bed-he is going to close the deal pronto (as Andrea Dotti would have put it). And no amount of love, will, desire, or “hanging in there” on your part is going to make it happen. Dating is not like a Law & Order episode, where possession is nine-tenths of the law, because frankly, you could cook dinner for him, clean his car, and pick up his dry cleaning for the rest of your life and still not get what you want. And whatever you do—don’t fall into the trap of moving in with the guy, believing that this will invariably lead to a walk down the aisle, which is why Audrey never did anything like this when she wanted to get married. Don’t be half-assed. And trust us: Men respect power (in themselves and others). Treat yourself with the respect you deserve, and the guy you are with will, too. Don’t demean yourself by hanging around forever. Asking “When are we going to get married?“ is as pointless as asking “Do you love me?” or worse, “Does this make me look fat?”

Be yourself. Dating is really the perfect time to get out in the world, learn what you like, negotiate what works for you, and, quite frankly, have fun. Having said this, the best way is to just be relaxed and be yourself. Easier said than done, perhaps, but just think of how much people will like you when they see your real personality. Enthusiasm-not coolness—is cool. Audrey had enthusiasm in spades.

If this gets notes, I’ll post other excerpts on different subjects from the book! 🌟🦢

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