@bimarrieddaddy. I Wrote About Bisexuality & The Gay Community; I Wonder If You Had A Chance To Read

@bimarrieddaddy.  I wrote about bisexuality & the gay community; I wonder if you had a chance to read it... anyway I'm so glad you wrote about this so candidly. I think the 1 to 6 scale range can be expanded to 1 to 10,  either way I think all humans fall some where in the gray 2 to 5 or 2 to 9; but we live in a world of opposites and extremes with no room for in betweens or sliding scales. where we put restrictions and conditions on who, how many, or how we can love, or can be loved by. How about expanding love, how about accepting that others have a way of loving different than our own. Love and let others LOVE

http://bimarrieddaddy.tumblr.com/post/107970467396/yeah-the-idea-that-bisexuals-choose-anything

Yeah… The idea that bisexuals “choose” anything would be laughable if it wasn’t so incredibly frustrating. The gay community bitch slaps anybody who wants their orientation to be a choice, but I get lots of email and comments from gay men suggesting that I should choose one and be monogamous.

I...

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Déshabillage

Monogamy, bisexuality, and Gay Men healing and understanding

If you are reader and you believe in Monogamy, and it works for you, then stop and don't read any further: THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU. If you want to continue reading then at least open your eyes and realize that Monogamy doesn't work for everyone —stop forcing it on others using shame. World leaders/religious leaders have been been doing that for 2000 years they do not need your help to perpetuate it, —just because you've been shamed into monogamist compliance—doesn't mean you have to shame others too. For all others who have been disappointed by the "ideal of monogamy" I ask that you do a little research on the history of Monogamy, how it has been used to change the definition of marriage and societal attitudes and gender roles since the 1st century. For everyone, lets start by trying to put ourselves in other's shoes without being judgmental. No one has ever learned anything from judging others, while empathy and putting yourself in others shoes creates learning and personal growth. I want to share my thoughts on Monogamy, bisexuality and gay men and I humbly ask and hope that BimarriedDaddy shares my post on his blog. This Hollywood myth that we can only really love one person ("our soulmate") and that once we meet that person we live happily ever after for the rest of your life with that one person. That Idea which gets overly glorified and romanticized —is the single greatest cause of pain, heartbreak, disappointment, and drama in the world. Instead of closing our hearts and minds and restricting it to one single person in the whole world, is it that terrible to believe that we can love more? When we get into a relationship we believe it is the one —then when it doesn't work out, we're heartbroken— for a while we believe we can never love again; and then we one day we fall in love again. So too it can be as easy to understand that the human heart can love two people at the same time. Once we begin to understand that; we can start to understand bisexuality in a better context. As a gay man I used to believe that bisexuality wasn't real. I want to explain why. 1st I now understand Sexuality as a continuum of many shades of gray (not as black and white like our hetero-monogamous-centric society tries to portray and as I also used to understand it) with that I hope that the Gay/Bi/Trans men in our community understand we have been our own worst enemies. I think I can explain why some gay men attack/condemn Bisexual men. I believe BimarriedDaddy is bisexual —but unfortunately what a lot of bisexual men don't know is that an sizable number gay men have falsely claimed to be bisexuals. I am talking about the straight acting gay men, who faked heterosexuality in order to conform; and have no attraction to women. These closeted gay men have sex with openly gay men and then run and hide behind their hetero-conformist facade, at some point these closeted gay men first come out as bisexual, until finally they come out as exclusively gay. Leading many gay men to believe Bisexual men are liars/confused/weak, etc and are not to be trusted. It is important to be aware that there are gay men who falsely claim to be bisexual because it means that they are " half normal or something like that" I know specifically about Gay men that do this, I suspect that there are women who do this as well; but I don't know of specific cases with women as I do with men. It is important for the Bisexual community to understand and be aware of gay men who falsely claim to be bisexual as it is important for the Gay community to understand and be aware that some actual Bisexual men claim to be Gay because of the pressure to be monogamous and the hatred/distrust they face within the Gay community. I think that needs to be talked in an open compassionate manner without shame or name calling. It is important that the Gay community not be so angry and judgmental towards our gay brothers who are struggling with coming out and falsely claim to be Bi —after all haven't we as gay men in the closet at some point falsely claimed to be straight??? (Unless you are a reader who came out as a child.) Something else that was raised in this blog is the fact that there are Closeted bisexual men (married with kids) who date openly gay men; and the painful dynamic that this causes. I believe a lot of the pain and distrust of gay men toward our bisexual brothers stems from those relationship dynamics of Married Bisexual men and their relationships with openly gay men. It is important for Gay men to understand that bisexual men are fathers as well as husbands and they have a duty and a responsibility to their children and wives, it is selfish to ask them to give all of that up all at once. To help heal this distrust Bisexual men who are married to women should avoid having relationships with gay men —particularly openly gay men— it puts gay men in a terrible emotional disadvantage. From the gay men's perspective —the bisexual man is having his cake and eating it too enjoying the best of both worlds—and since in most of these cases; the bisexual married men have no intention of ending their marriages; the gay men end up all alone. From the gay men's perspective, gay men feel terribly used and utterly hurt when things don't work out and they have to watch their bisexual lovers go back to their wives, behind the fence of their "hetero-centric protective bubble" —while the gay men are left out in the cold all alone—with no "other relationship/"wife'' to fill the void. I believe a lot of the lashing out and anger that BimarriedDaddy has received from gay men, stems from that hurt. I too once fell in love with someone who I thought was an openly gay men who in reality turned out to be a closeted bi married man; and it hurt like a bitch, but I learned from that pain; and I'm thankful for this blog in that it expresses what it is like for the Bi married men behind this euphemistic "hetero-centric fence of marriage". Rather than lashing out, it is healthier and healing to try understand our pain. In soul searching about my pain —I realized that the ideal of monogamy— was at the center of my pain/disappointment . If we as gay men —first and foremost accepted and understood the ability of the human heart to be polyamorous— we would understand that we ourselves; as well as others can love more than one person at the same time. We would save ourselves from so much heartache —the pain and heartache that broken promises and unrealistic expectations— come form our hanging onto —the almost impossible ideal— that is Monogamy. It is this unrealistic Ideal which has left us so many times utterly disappointed and broken hearted. The thing that made me the angriest is that he had a partner (his wife) to fall back upon while I had no one. If I had allowed myself to love more than one person —maybe I would not have been so angry at my married bisexual lover— and I would have had another lover to fill the void as well. I believe this is at the center of that "gay anger" towards bisexuals. We (gay men) are really saying —how dare you love 2 people at once— while we're out here trying to make monogamy work. We should be angry at the system that instituted and enforces Monogamy in the first place. That system does not work for most people, Why is it that infidelity happens in 90% of marriages?, why is the divorce rate over 50%? why is it that swingers clubs are so prevalent in the supposedly mostly monogamous/religious states in the country? why do so many gay men find themselves in several short term relationships —one after another— because they either "cheated" or were "cheated on"? is Monogamy really working??? as a person who was monogamous in relationships with men who weren't monogamous and didn't tell me until after they fell in love with others —I am well acquainted with pain and feeling betrayed— but It is not my job to judge BimarriedDaddy. My job as a human being is to love; our job as human beings is to love —that is, to unconditionally accept and be kind to others as well as ourselves— one cannot do that while judging. I am very thankful for his openness and candidness for what I'm sure it's a difficult/heart wrenching situation for him, his wife and his lover. I hope my thoughts provide some insight or understanding or at the very least continue the conversation.

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