(OOC: I'm Screeching, This Is The Funniest Shit I've Ever Read. God Bless You.)

(OOC: I'm screeching, this is the funniest shit I've ever read. God bless you.)

My inbox is filled with random bullshit I don't care about, so next time, just PM me bitch ;pGlad u like because I am bored as fuck and determined to make bad decisions

The crestfallen expression on Izumi's face was almost enough to break Nonou's heart in two. Unfortunately, she had a feeling Itachi and Shisui were involved with something sinister; the Uchiha Clan was riddled with dark secrets, who knows what these two boys could be plotting. She couldn't exactly convey this to Izumi, however; it would only worry the poor girl more.

Instead, Nonou gently grabbed her by the hand and led her to the nearest candy shop. It was stocked to the brim with jars full of glittering, tightly-wrapped, candies; cases containing soft, buttery pastries; and circular displays stocked with elegantly-wrapped fudge. Reaching into her pocket, Nonou pulled out a wad of money and handed it to Izumi; patting her affectionately on the head.

"Why don't you pick out some gifts for Itachi and Shisui? You can leave them in their rooms as a surprise!" Nonou exclaimed cheerfully.

@nonou-yakushi continued from here

“Shisui’s eyes used to always be so bright and happy but now they’ve been dull and tired. Itachi kun used to love sweets but he’s turned down dango every time i bring it to him after missions.” her head hangs low “Anytime I ask them whats wrong they say ‘nothing’ and put on a fake smile and pretend its all ok but i can tell it isn’t. i just don’t know what to do…”

Did you know when your baby boy grows up he decides to run an orphanage just like you?

Actually, my child grew up to be gay with his boyfriend. They're brushing each other's hair as we speak, and making each other flower-crowns.I couldn't be more proud.

First and foremost, I would like to apologize for not clearing my browser history when I leant you my computer last week.

Not many things in life made Nonou want to down a gallon of bleach, but finding out about Kabuto’s internet habits certainly did. Not that she could judge, because she had a few *secret* flashdrives hidden beneath her collection of crucifixes, but judging other people intensely came with the territory of being Catholic.

She adjusted her glasses with a weary sigh straight from the bowels of her tired soul. “You are my child…and I care about you. But some of the things you do aren’t socially-acceptable.” Case in point; Kabuto was standing in front of her in his boxes, awkwardly scratching his head, and wearing some plastic headband from a TV show he enjoyed watching. He blasted his weird techno music at odd hours of the night, and his grades were so mediocre he dropped out of school so he could lay around the house all day flirting with strange men online.

Yes, Nonou Yakushi simply didn’t understand her son.

@doctorchakra

Rolling her eyes until the whites flashed, Nonou then surveyed her living room with bitterness swirling around inside her ever-growing beer-gut. Due in part to Kabuto flipping out and throwing concentrated hydrochloric acid at one of his classmates, Nonou had been straddled with enough debt that she was forced to relocate to the nearest trailer park; a rusted reminder that all of her dreams were dead and floating at the bottom of the lake with the rest of the trash. And now her smug, intellectual son sat in his room jacking off to gay tentacle porn, and playing Battletoads until he screamed and flung his controller at the wall in rage. I suppose this is my punishment for choosing to adopt the kid who ate the wings off butterflies and dissected frogs, Nonou thought melancholically.

She retrieved Kabuto's dinner from the oven, and trudged upstairs to his room. Slowly, she opened his door and kicked aside the mountain of PLUR bracelets. Her son was seated in the middle of the room on a fuzzy beanbag, talking to some black-haired, middle-aged, dirtbag named Orochimaru, who he had recently been obsessed with. He was posing, shirtless with a frilly collar around his neck, fluffy cat ears, and dark purple armwarmers he had bought from hot topic; taking pictures of himself. Tapping him on the shoulder, Nonou muttered "Look, I made your favorite; dino-shaped chicken nuggets that I know you love so much!"

Kabuto, wearing a headset, didn't seem to hear her. He was chatting with Orochimaru on some trashy dating site Nonou had tried to ban him from. Orochimaru was wearing sunglasses and a Pokemon shirt in his profile picture. "Oh, is that Pikachu?" Nonou asked curiously, pointing to a creature that looked like a small, green, sentient cabbage. Really, it was so hard to bond with her son these days.

Finally, she lost her patience, and unplugged Kabuto's computer.

❛    you  look  like  you  smell  of  honey  and  no  pain.  ❜

Oh now, this was certainly a pleasant surprise. Tsunade Senju; medical ninja extraordinaire; flirting with plain, uptight Nonou Yakushi? Truthfully, Tsunade was drunk to point of having flushed cheeks and a lopsided grin, hair messily untied and resting on her pale, soft-looking shoulders. She was here with Shizune, who looked as if she wanted her molecular structure to phase into the wall behind her. And now she was loudly calling for another round of drinks, slamming her fist down on the table so hard it left a tiny crater.

Nonou found her to be…mesmerizing. She was entranced by her caramel eyes, but she would never admit that. “Oh? I think you must be mistaken!” Nonou said with a gentle smile, but she ordered herself another drink. Then she took off her glasses, and leaned over to gaze at Tsunade; noses almost touching.

“But you seem to be interested in making a few mistakes tonight… Can I be one of them?”