I Very Vividly Remember In 2020, Being Told By This One Person Who Began Controlling Our Fandom Rp Server,

I very vividly remember in 2020, being told by this one person who began controlling our fandom rp server, that we had to turn our rp blogs into places where we had to reblog every horrific thing happening during blm. and that he "better not catch us trying to rp". he also was against tagging it because then "white people would ignore it". i remember forcing myself to watch videos of police brutalizing black men and women, real people dying in the streets, and trying to convince myself that if I looked away, I was part of the problem. He'd also convinced me that I lucked out in getting my job, only because I was white, and that I was taking this job from a much more qualified black person. the only reason i got away from him is because I started feeling like i should kill myself, because one less whitey. and that was when i snapped to attention and did whatever i could to get out of there, even though it cost me my reputation being slandered by him.

it's been 4 years, and I'm doing my best to heal, but apparently he's still at it. pulling this same kind of controlling bs that I'm seeing echoed in some of those reblogs.

don't traumatize yourself for the sake of proving you're a good person.

Please feel free to name and shame. That kind of behavior is abusive, predatory and could very well drive someone to kill themselves as you almost did. Him continuing to have a platform and unchallenged reach is outright dangerous.

If you are ever in a situation like this, please, clock the early signs and leave. Your health and wellbeing are far more important than your forced activism. If someone is ever:

Making you feel guilty over something like not reblogging a post, being a certain ethnicity/gender/race/sexuality.

Accusing you of contributing to or being the core problem in a much, much broader issue.

Trying to manipulate you and others by "tattling" on you for not doing something or not doing enough.

Threatening you in order to pressure you into doing things.

Screenshot all of the conversations, block them, and leave.

Things like this are why I will always give call out posts which do not contain blatant and corroborating evidence the benefit of the doubt. Its all too easy for people to join in almost automatically on dogpiles against people being accused of something like being racist or being passive/dismissive about world events.

(E.g; in the 911 fandom literal Latino artists and authors were being harassed over being "racist" re; their depictions of Eddie Diaz only for the people dogpiling them to scramble to retract and apologise once they realized the person wasn't actually an Evil Terrible White Person.)

I'm so proud of you for having the courage to get yourself away from your abuser.

"Sexism in video games isn't a thing anymore!"

My brother in christ Kuro Games removed a male character's pant zipper because male players complained that their female players were having fun sexualising it and making jokes but refused to change the jiggle physics on a female character's tits which literally flop around and wobble when she's standing still breathing despite multiple complaints from female gamers.

I ran into a similar problem as anon with BLM. My father did it. He deliberately showed me videos of dead bodies and flood victims. He showed me burning cars. I asked him to stop. But he wouldn't listen. I was a minor. I didn't become kinder to people. I didn't get more empathetic. I got anxiety and nightmares. When I see my dad with a phone in his hand and hear a video I tense up. I'm afraid he might come up to me and show me dead bodies. I used to know about death and I used to know about the victims of the elements. I was a more sympathetic person. I used to read a lot of relevant literature. I used to know what to do during natural and man-made disasters. I used to be a more calm person. Now I am an adult. Now I only feel anxious. Watching videos of destruction and other people's deaths will not help you.

I'm sorry you went through that. Especially from your own parent.

If you haven't considered or tried it already, I do recommend therapy to help you process that anxiety and grief. Not so you're able to be more invested in activism again; but so you can hopefully live with less of those emotions weighing you down.

I wish you the best future.

Antis are so obsessed with children that it's frightening. They shouldn't be that obsessed. It gives some thought. Were the antis really paedophiles?

The thing I've always found most ironic is the fact that antis often use "proshipper spaces are used to groom children!" as a gotcha tagline, while steadfast refusing to understand that their spaces are also used to groom children, abuse children and vulnerable people, and that antis have collectively shared more real life child pornography than proshipping spaces ever have.

Excuses I've heard for people who think needing a respite from negativity, activism and world horrors is a "bad take":

Reeks of white privilege or privilege in general.

Not being an activist in every single space you exist within 24/7 is actively contributing to the continuance of the problem(s).

Some people never ever for a single second of any day get to have respite so neither should you.

All art is inherently political. All of it. Also art is therapy so you have to see it or you're a cunt.

You're a cunt anyway.

Did I miss anything out?

I want to ask about stoping the anti cycle.. I’m a people pleaser and had other proship accounts abandoned cause I let antis get into my head.. how do I know for sure this time I won’t fail again with this account and stay strong?

By simply recognising that you will never actually please those people. They do not care about you, and they never will, even if you "reform" and become "one of them."

You will also be the icky ex-proshipper in their eyes. You will always have to atone for the sins of your past. You will always be the wooden stakes upon which they light the sacrificial fire.

Nobody in the anti community can ever actually agree on what is and is not acceptable and where to draw the line. Its why the 'antiship AO3' crashed and burnt before it even took off. None of them could actually form a solid agreement on what was permissible and why.

Questions To Ask Yourself

If they're genuinely just trying to protect people, why are they using abusive tactics, harassment, confrontation and aggression?

What exactly are they hoping to accomplish by hounding you or harassing you or bullying you?

If the outcome of you deleting your blog because of them worth it? What is gained versus what is lost by allowing them to chase you away?

What are you teaching them by allowing them to bully you away?