The Way I've Learned To Live

The Way I've Learned To Live

The way I’ve learned to live

Isn’t what I ever expected

When I was little and the world

Still held all the beauty I had needed.

I’ve learned about myself

In ways I hadn’t ever guessed

Were even possible for me.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is preservation above all

Keep my sanity and my life

My heart and my soul.

But oh, I’m losing it

I’m losing this careful hold

Every time I bite back words

I know I need to say.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is to stay silent when others think

That I am like them, because safety is in numbers

My hands are bleeding from the painful grip I have

The only thing suspending me

From falling down and down.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is preservation above all

Keep my heart and my soul

My sanity and this life

But oh, someone help

I can feel myself slipping

And now I tumble

Down and down

The way I’ve learned to live

Is the way I’ve learned to die

Someone help, someone help

But oh, I’m losing it.

i think i've loved you

in every lifetime

on every planet

in every universe

that i have ever lived in.

it's like it's hardwired into me.

i think that's why

i can't move on,

why i can't stop loving you

no matter how hard i try.

it's impossible.

you're in my brain chemistry.

you're in my bones.

-mars

How Many Ways To Say

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To tell you how I feel

Again and again?

I’m running out of words

Someone wind me up again

I’m so tired, I’m so tired

Of looking at the pages

That are my sole escape

My mind is buzzing

With things I wish I had the courage to say.

And I’m still wondering now

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To say how I’m not normal?

How many times

Must I scream

I am not a daughter

Before I’m finally told

That nobody wants to hear it?

Stop lying to me

Stop telling me you understand

Because I’m so tired

Of this body

And the way it’s winding down

I’m running out of words

Someone please tell me 

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To tell you I’m not ok?

And now you’ve scared me

Now I’m silenced

And yet you think it’s fine

I’m not ok, I’m not alright!

Someone tell me that’s ok

Someone tell me I’m not a freak

Even if I don’t believe

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To say I’m so damn tired?

I am nothing, I am nothing

I am not your daughter

I’ve never been but now I wonder

How many ways

Can there possibly be

For you to say

You don’t care?

Cause I’m running out of air

And I’m running out of words

Someone wind me up again

How many ways

Are there to say

That I am not your daughter?

Lil short story about my OCs!! I don't know what I'm doing <3

Uhhhh Hi! I don't think anyone will actually see this but I think I'll put my stories about my OCs in here. Maybe it'll give me motivation to work on their actual story-

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DEATH

He couldn’t catch his breath. Again. Sitting upright on his bed in the dark, running shaking hands through his hair, Death vainly tried to steady his breathing. He closed his eyes- not that there was a difference. The inky black was there either way, letting his mind replay memories like a high-definition video, complete with sound. Such vivid colours, preserved like a fly in amber in his memories.

He opened his eyes and slid off the bed. Death’s not really sure why he tried to sleep. It never works. Or it does, and this happens. Honestly, he’s not sure which is worse.

It was worse tonight, though. He can’t steady himself. Breath. Focus on your breathing. He takes another deep breath, then another, his hand resting on the bedpost. It didn’t work. He didn’t really expect it to work.

Once he gets some light into the room, Death sits at his desk, looking at the book on it. The thought of sitting alone and trying to distract himself sounds… pretty terrible, right then. And he knew there was no way he could just go back to his work.

Death stands back up, suddenly needing to go somewhere. Do something. Just to take his mind off it. And for once in his life, he’d be the one getting Life up.

About halfway there, he gets the urge to just forget he was going to do this, to turn back around, but he shakes it off. Even if he got all the way there and turned around without actually talking to Life, it was better than just sitting there in his chambers.

At all hours, Life’s realm was so bright. Joyous. There was so much energy that it seemed to hum in the very air. Death was tempted to just stop, take it in like it was his first time there, but he didn’t. That wasn’t his nature, after all.

After Death reached the entrance to Life’s castle, he hesitated at the door. He practically never came by unannounced, and when he did he always had a clear purpose. Not like today. Honestly, even Death didn’t quite know what possessed him. Just… the desire to not be alone.

He realises his hand is hovering above the door like some nervous mortal, and so he brings it down three times. It’s fainter than he would have liked, but Life must have been close to the door, because it opens only a few heartbeats later. “Hey, Death! Is the sky falling in?” Life jokes, hand resting on the doorframe.

Death rolls his eyes. “Shut up,” He told Life. “I don’t never stop by.” Although he couldn’t tell if he was regretting it or not. Life made a lot of things a hell of a lot better, but Death wasn’t sure if he could help with this. It was just some nightmares. He shouldn’t have come.

“Will you walk with me?” Death asks before he can talk himself out of it. Damn it, he feels like a child. Uncertain and hesitant. Life doesn’t comment on it- if he even notices– and instead just steps outside next to Death. “Yeah, of course!” 

Even though Death asked for Life, Life takes the lead. He doesn’t mind- just having someone else there is helpful. Well, part of it is just that it’s Life. Life is always much more tethered than Death, even if he’s better at pretending it.

Life leads Death to a little forest clearing- they’ve come here a lot. It’s quiet for Life’s realm but noisy for Death’s. It’s soothing and vibrant, little flowers blooming around the boulders that litter the ground and leave indents in the grass when they move. Death rests his hand on one of the tree trunks, watching Life walk ahead of him and sit down on one of the boulders. He twists around and gives Death a smile, and damn it Death wants to see that every day for the rest of his existence.

He walks over to Life and sits next to him on the ground. Leaning back, Death can just barely see Life’s amused face watching him. Life doesn’t question it as Death tilts his head forwards again and just lets Death sit there.

He knows he has things to do, that he can’t sit there forever. But right then, in the sunlight, listening to the animals and Life, his back to the warm boulder, he’s as content as he gets. Death’s dreams and memories are pushed back out of his mind as he leans back again and gives Life a smile.