Kodoku [] | Angst | L X Fem!Reader

Kodoku [こどく] | Angst | L x Fem!Reader

Told y’all I’d do it.

こどく (Ko-do-ku) — loneliness; isolation

~*~*~*

Content: So, this isn’t REALLY an L x reader…you’ll figure it out once you start reading :(

Warnings: Suicide, major character death, murder, mentions of murder, heavy depression themes, abandoned child

Notes: This probably wont be the only thing I’ll write to this song, so stay tuned. Kasumi belongs to a friend of mine, whereas Cade and Miriam belong to me.

~*~*~*

(Y/n) glared Light down as Matsuda had shot him. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest — it was finally over. Everything her husband and sons and herself had worked towards, was about to finally come to an end.

Aizawa and Ide moved to stop Matsuda from killing him, but (Y/n) just continued to glare Light down. For so long her husband had his suspicions, ones that (Y/n) shared. But before now, they never had any proof.

Behind them, Mikami panicked and thrust his pen into his stomach, blood spurting out. She didn’t bother to look at the ‘X-Kira.’

“Gevanni, Rester.” (Y/n) called out to the men, almost boredly.

“Right!”

“On it!”

The two men rushed to stop Mikami, as well as Aizawa and Ide, but everyone knew he was a goner.

“Mother?” Near looked up.

“Hand me the notebook.” (Y/n) held her hand out expectantly, not looking away from Light.

Near nodded and handed her the note and a pen. Light used the distraction to get up and stumble, almost drunkenly, out of the warehouse. Matsuda yelled out for him, but once he was out of sight, (Y/n) gave chase.

She didn’t know what Near would do to hold the others back, or if they’d even obey his orders. But all she knew was she was going to get her revenge for her husband and two sons.

Light heard the second pair of footsteps behind him and looked, then screamed out at the sight of (Y/n). He didn’t try to negotiate like usual, she figured it was because he wanted to save energy in case he somehow survived.

Light led her to an abandoned warehouse, he clearly had no idea where he was going.

“Light Yagami.” (Y/n) spoke with a definitive voice.

Light, panicked, looked behind him.

“I once believed we were friends. Or, partially.” She took a step towards him, making him take one back. “But then you took my husband, my sons, and so many other people.”

B flashed in her mind. Kasumi flashed in her mind. Takada, too. Soichiro, even if not directly. She narrowed her eyes even more.

“You’ve ripped everything to shreds. You’ve created chaos, not order. You are no God. You never will be.”

“S-So what’re you going to do?! Kill me?!” Light pants, screaming.

“Maybe. If this notebook is truly the real deal.” She opens it, then looks back at Light. “What do you think of that, Light? This is my perfect victory.”

She wrote his name down in the note, and Light’s eyes widened in realization. She had heard him, at L’s funeral. He could feel his left arm growing numb.

“Thats right,” (Y/n) moved to stand over him, her hair framing her face, the light streaming in from the sunset making her look even more terrifying to the young man.

And with a voice that, to Light, sounded like it had L’s in sync with hers, spoke to him.

“I win.”

Light then could no longer speak. His chest felt tight, like he couldn’t breathe, and it burned. It burned a lot. Tears welled up in his eyes as (Y/n) continued to glare at him. He could’ve sworn that L, Mello and Matt surrounded the (hair color) woman, looking down at him.

(Y/n) watched Light Yagami die slowly. As he was still dying, she sighed and sat next to him on the stairs, bringing her knees up to her chest. She could hear Light’s labored breathing. Her own tears welled up in her eyes.

(Y/n) and Light both went through memories of the task force together four years ago, but each for their respective reasons. Light, because he didn’t know what he did wrong, and maybe felt a twinge of guilt. But a little bit of guilt didn’t stop him in the past. For (Y/n), it was the nostalgia.

When she finally looked back at Light Yagami, he was still, his eyes glazed over and body stiff, just as her husband had been when he died in her arms. Clenching her eyes shut to keep from crying, she rested her chin on her knees.

“Did you see that, L…? Mello, Matt…?” She sobbed into her knees. “We won. We finally…fucking won…”

(Y/n), now feeling more alone than ever, sobbed harshly. Yes, the case was done. She’d gotten her revenge. But now she felt strangely…empty. She wont be able to share the fruits of her victory with those she lost.

She didn’t know how long she sobbed and cried out for, but it was night by the time Aizawa had put a hand on her shoulder and told her it was time to leave.

“Will you be alright, (Y/n)-chan?” Matsuda asked softly, watching the paramedics take Light’s body away.

“…maybe one day.” (Y/n) followed Matsuda’s line of sight.

Matsuda and (Y/n) shared a long hug and many crying sessions that night. Even with Matsuda, Near, Rester, Gevanni, Linder, Ide, Aizawa and Mogi, she felt alone.

When she crawled into bed that night, it was like she had lost L all over again. The pain jabbed and tore through her heart like a knife— no, a sword. It was so painful, and (Y/n) wondered for a moment if thats what Light had felt before dying.

~*~*~*

In the days following the solving of the Kira case; Misa Amane had killed herself, Mogi transferred to work in the United States, while Aizawa, Ide and Matsuda stayed as policemen in Japan. Near and (Y/n) went back to Wammy’s house in England, where they held Mello’s and Matt’s funerals. Rester, Gevanni and Linder stayed in the United States to help Mogi.

They had been buried next to L. It was a rough day for everyone.

(Y/n) now leaned against the doorframe of Matt and Mello’s old room. It was left exactly how it was before they ran away. Furniture gathering layers of dust, old consoles and games Matt was unable to take with him were left behind, the TV needed a good dusting, and the curtains hadn’t been opened in forever.

Above the nightstand, which was situated between their beds, (Y/n) saw an old photo of all of them together as a family. L in his weird sitting position with Near and his favorite Iron Man toy in his lap, (Y/n) standing next to him while Mello and Matt stand in front of her. They all seemed really happy.

She was supposed to go through their initial stuff and decide what to do with it. Roger would have done it himself, but he “wouldn’t want to intrude, ma’am.”

She started with their nightstand. That would be the least painful, right? Their dressers were still hastily open, some old clothing hanging over the edges. (Y/n) pulled one of the drawers out. A lot of it was papers filled with studies, mainly Mello’s more than Matt’s.

(Y/n) chuckled. “I forgot that Matt was only studying hard until becoming L’s successor was optional…”

She couldn’t remember how many times she’d come into the room to tell Matt to turn his games off, and that it was late. Oh, what she wouldn’t give to do that one last time.

Feeling the tears prick her eyes again, she continued. The first drawer held nothing but scraps of paper that will never be used again. The second drawer however, was filled with drawings Matt and Mello did when they were kids.

Picking up the first one carefully, (Y/n) smiled softly at the image. It was, from left to right; L, (Y/n), Mello, Matt and Near. Everyone was labelled.

That was it. Drawings upon drawings of the family, when Matt and Mello were kids. (Y/n) kept a hand to her mouth as she sobbed.

“Mom…?” Near spoke softly. “Roger said you’d be in here…”

“Oh, Near, honey…” She sniffled and rubbed the tears from her eyes.

Near wordlessly moved forward and hugged her. He had been hurting, too, he just didn’t know how to show it. He let his mom sob into his little frame, making him want to cry. But, he held himself back and didn’t.

“I came to get you because we have someone new today…” Near whispered. “He’s outside with his mom. She wants to speak with you directly.”

(Y/n) sniffled and nodded, pulling away. “Okay, um…”

Near stands with her, keeping a hand comfortingly on her back, looking at her with concern.

“Thank you, Near. C’mon, let’s go see what’s happening outside.” She threw on a smile, one that Near didn’t like, but he followed her anyway.

Outside, a woman was waiting with a small boy. The woman was crouched at her sons height, talking to him. (Y/n) remembered when that was her with her own sons.

“Hello, you said you wanted to speak with me directly, yes?”

The woman looked up, then stood. “Yes. I’m Miriam, pleased to meet you.”

“And what brings you by today?” (Y/n) threw Miriam and the boy a sweet smile, and was a bit taken aback at how much the boy looked like Mello.

“May we talk, mother to mother?”

(Y/n) nodded and shuffled away from Near and the boy with Miriam. The woman finally broke and began to cry.

“I can’t…I thought I could be like you, but I don’t know how you do it…”

“Ma’am, calm down. It’s going to be okay. Your son will be safe here.” (Y/n) wanted nothing more than to cry with her.

“No, I know. My um…boyfriend of sorts grew up here. He was actually um…” she sniffled. “one of your sons.”

(Y/n) was thrown back a little. She glanced at the boy, who was busy looking at Near’s robot toy.

“Mello…?”

“Mhm.” Miriam nodded. “We were in the same mafia group…listen, I know you don’t know me but Mello talked about you in such a good light…I can’t keep Cade in an environment like that…”

She looked back at Miriam at the mention of the boy’s name. She clenched her jaw and then nodded. “Yeah, yeah no problem. We’ll take him.”

Miriam smiles sadly. “Oh, oh thank you, (Y/n).”

She nods and glances at the ground, then looks back at Cade. Miriam takes that as a sign to hug the older woman, which she hesitantly returns. Cade turned to look at the two of them, the dirty blonde boy and the (hair color) woman making eye contact.

Cade was like his father. With one look, he understood everything. Even with Cade here, as a new child to raise with the others, everything still felt so empty. Nothing could bring her family back. Near and Cade were all she had left.

Although, when Cade was waving goodbye to Miriam, and then turned to (Y/n) with tears in his eyes, a look Near recognized, she realized she wasn’t the only one feeling alone. All three of them did, no matter the circumstances.

(Y/n) pulled both Cade and Near into a hug. Maybe, if nothing else, they could all be alone together.

Vows | Self-insert | Angst

I’ve been having a block. So have this as an apology.

Based off the song: Bleed for Me — Crape

~*~*~*

Content: I’m using a self-insert (J) instead of (Y/n) for this one because I can’t imagine this being an x reader. But J is still reader-ish so whatever. I also just need to write this out and put this SOMEWHERE. Forgive me <3

Warnings: Heavy character death, aggressiveness, spoiler warning for Death Note

Notes: Y’all don’t gotta read this if you don’t wanna. It wont hurt my feelings at all. I just need to get something written or I’m gonna explode. I’m blanking on ALL of my requests. I’m also throwing you into this. Also also, if the format is weird, its cause im on my phone. It’s also 3:37 am where I am.

Some info on J: She grew up with L in the orphanage. Later got into a relationship with and married L. Adopted Matt, Mello and Near with him later on.

~*~*~*

J sat, in shock. Her eyes wide as she stared at the news screen. It felt like she wasn’t breathing, that her heart stopped. She honestly wished it had.

It was almost as if Kira had gotten her.

The news report showed a car. A red one. One she didn’t recognize, but she recognized the driver. The car was littered with bullet holes, the class broken and shattered. A body laid limp against it, a young man. He was in the same shape as his car, but with blood all over him.

His own blood.

She knew that young man. Tears began to gather at her eyes, her hands began to shake, and she finally felt herself breathe. But it hurt. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to live.

The young man was her son, Matt.

“Mom?” Her youngest son, Near, called from the floor behind her. “Are you alright?”

She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to turn to Near and have him see her in this state. He was old enough to, but that didn’t mean she wanted him to see it.

Near got up and carefully stepped over his toys at his mothers silence. He was able to see the news. He knew he just lost his brother. He wrapped his arms around his mother, pressing his face into her hunched over back.

J finally began to break down and cry into her hands. Matt was gone, and Mello was who knows where. They were always inseparable, but she couldn’t help but worry for her eldest son.

Losing one son was enough. It felt as if her whole world was crashing. Again.

She’d already lost her husband four years ago — how much more loss can she take?

She twisted her body to hold Near. J wanted to comfort her son as much as Near wanted to comfort his mother. Near never hated his brothers, even though they ganged up on him after L practically chose Near.

J sobbed into Near’s shoulder. Near kept calm, but so desperately wanted to call out for his brother. J wanted it to be a prank, a stupid, very elaborate one that Matt would always pull.

But he would never get back up again. He would never pull another prank on them again. J’s lungs seized at that thought, making her crying worse. Matt was gone, and he was never going to come back home.

~*~*~*

A few hours later, J was getting off the phone with the police and making arrangements to have Matt’s body transported to England for his funeral. Her eyes puffy, mouth dry, and throat sore.

Anthony and Gevanni grimaced at the sight. In the time they’d known J, she was not one to cry. She was always a very quiet, stoic, yet verbally aggressive woman. If Near had brown hair, they’d think he was her biological son.

Gevanni handed her a glass of water. “If there is anything you need, just let me know, okay?”

She nodded to the raven haired man. “Thank you.”

Gevanni nodded and comfortingly rubbed the woman’s back for a moment before turning to Near on the floor. He’d been more quiet since Matt died. He had no idea that Near had brothers. All Gevanni knew of his family was his mother, and that his father died four years ago in Japan from Kira.

“Near, are you—“

J’s cellphone rang. She picked it up and saw it was Halle. Halle was tailing after Mello when he took Kiyomi Takada. She’d lost sight of him for a while before, J guessed she’d found him now.

“Halle, did you find—“

“Miss, I…I’m so sorry.”

J assumed she meant about Matt. But then she realized, Halle wasn’t here when J told Gevanni and Anthony about Matt. Her heart suddenly dropped to her stomach again.

“What…what do you mean?” Her voice grew shaky, earning the attention of Near.

“Mello, I…he…Takada, too…” Halle seemed to be traumatized. “They…they…”

“Spit it out, Linder!” J snapped, feeling tears gather up again. “What happened?!”

“Mello and Takada…are dead.”

For the second time that day, J felt everything shatter. For the second time today, she was rendered into a shock. Her grip on the phone was so tight she was sure she’d break it. Near thought her eyes were so wide that they’d pop out of her head.

“Mom? What happened.”

“M-Mello…” She slowly turned to look at her son. “Mello’s dead, too.”

~*~*~*

J had never gripped a counter so hard in her life. Her nails dug into the material. Her face wet from the sink water, brown hair draping over her face. The guilt swamped her head.

Four years ago, Mello and Matt had landed in Japan in secret to help the Kira case behind L’s back. J usually kept her cases as far away from her children as possible, but Mello is— was a very stubborn man. Never took no as an answer. And Matt never stood for being left behind, so he tagged along.

J had no choice but to let them do it.

After L died, just after his funeral, Mello and Matt wanted to officially join the task force. J refused, said she’d stay in the orphanage and help. Mello then wanted to join some antagonist group to counter Kira and fight him. J fought him on that decision, they had an argument, and Mello took off with Matt. That had been the last time she’d seen Matt, and the last time she’d seen Mello until he came to retrieve his picture.

‘I didn’t even get to say goodbye.’

J let out a whimper before sinking to her knees. She pushed her knees to her chest, feeling the guilt continue to swim around her.

‘L…L, I failed. I failed our children, I failed you.’

She let out a sob before putting her head down, crying for the third time that day. It had been about a week since she buried her two sons next to their father, L, and grandfather, Wammy. Roger had tried to offer support, but it honestly meant nothing to her.

She appreciated the older man, but she needed to go through this process alone.

‘But what about my only surviving son?’

Near’s face flashed in her mind. Her eyes shot open. Suddenly, J became terrified that she’d lose Near next. Her grief and guilt quickly turned to anger. She narrowed her eyes, still crying.

‘No. I may have failed L, Mello and Matt, but I will not fail Near. He needs me now more than ever.’

With newfound definitiveness, she stood and finally turned the sink off. She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like shit, as one would if they lost their husband and two eldest sons.

There, J made two vows. The first being she would catch Kira, even if it meant she’d lose her life next. It was better than Near dying. J would not allow her only family left to die. She needed to remember L’s take on the case.

Light Yagami. He was the suspect.

‘Light Yagami,’ J growled to herself. ‘I will rip you, and anyone you love, to goddamn shreds. That I vow.’

Light Yagami would feel the same pain J felt. She was sure of it.

He’s a ten, but he is condescending and lies quite often. He also sits weird, baths in a washing machine, pee squatting, and generally looks like a frog.

This song fucks me UP.

I’m gonna write something to it on my 8 hour car drive home tomorrow.

Could I request L x reader who bakes? One part of my love language is gift giving but specifically giving people things I bake. This can range from cookies baked using pre-made dough to completely homemade by scratch baklava!

Anon I am foaming at the mouth. Was literally about to write something like this <3

(also I bake too so LOL—)

~*~*~*

Content: GN reader

Warnings: none

Notes: PURE FLUFF AS AN APOLOGY FOR MY LAST POST IM SORRY also I’m on my phone which is why my format probably looks a little weird

~*~*~*

Hehehe

Okay. So. First things first

This is how you’d get closer to L. Y’know the saying, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?” That is entirely true with L.

If you’re baking during the Kira case, I can definitely see Matsuda coming to find you and trying to steal a cookie or two and you gotta smack his hand away

Definitely helps Watari out, too. Watari doesn’t need to spend as much money on sweets or time baking anymore with you around

L gets all happy when he sees you bringing him a plate of cake, and gets even happier when he can feel the plate is a little warm, spotting the steam rising from the slice of the cake.

L loves when YOU take care of his sweet tooth. He’s always wanting you to make something

If he’s not working and you’re baking, he’s gonna come up behind you and hug you until the stuff is ready to eat

If you learn to make chocolate bars and lollipops or whatever, stuff Watari usually just buys at a store, he’s gonna propose to you right there

L hates when you give your baking to anyone else, especially if that “anyone” is Light, Misa or Matsuda. He’s actually kind of okay with sharing the desserts with Watari, Soichiro and Mogi though, but he’d prefer to keep it for himself

If you’re with him before the Kira case, and before Matt and Mello ran off, the kids’ll want you to make stuff for them too

L doesn’t like sharing desserts with them too, but they’re just kids so he’s forced to be quiet about it

His sons end up liking you more than him (Mello especially) and L is all like :/ what the fuck that’s my S/O

Watari will be your taste tester. Usually loves helping you as well. Will also try to help you in forcing L and the kids to eat actual meals (Matt and Near have less of a problem with separating from sweets, whereas Mello and L practically fight you both on it)

L will also love if you get like, cupcake flavored chapstick or any kind of sweet perfume. Cuddling and kissing are about to become a constant if you do that

L will start to call you “my little baker” and “cupcake” and “muffin.” Also, instead of calling you the light of his life, he calls you “the slice of my cake” ???

He thinks it makes sense but it doesn’t

When you gift him sweets, he may cry later about it. Obviously in the moment he wont, but later when he’s thinking about it he will

L is used to people not wanting to be around him, much less give things to him. Yeah he’s got “sons” and Watari acts like a father, but his sons don’t exactly interact with him and two of them grow to detest him. L, in reality, is a very lonely man

So for you to give him something, sweets especially, made his heart swell so much

It doesn’t matter how long you two are together. Every time you give him something, it makes him want to cry later.

He really savors the gifted sweets, eating them slower than usual. He really wants to cherish the moment

It also, strangely, makes him a lot sleepier. So once he’s done eating your gifted sweets, he’ll lean against you and fall asleep

If you gift them while he’s working on the Kira case, the Task Force are all going to be horrified at the little smile L has on his face

Its to the point that Aizawa will fucking hunt you down to make L sweets and gift them to him if L’s been in a bad mood

“I’ll even go buy the wrapping paper right now, just— please, Ryuzaki is verbally beating the shit out of Mastuda and it’s even making me wince.”

L will get upset if you comfort Matsuda while he eats the sweets you gifted him. Matsuda is fucking crying in the corner and you’re hugging him, and L is thinking fucking Matsuda…>:(while eating a cookie you gifted him

Overall this little froggy man LOVES your baking, even if its a flavor he doesn’t particularly like or if its a little burnt. It just makes him really happy knowing that you care so much for him <3

y/n: Looking left 'cause you don’t treat me right

Matsuda: Looking right because you left

L: Looking up 'cause you let me down

Misa : Looking down 'cause you fucked up

Light: What is wrong with you guys