Basically

Basically😂

Prompt #1200

“I want a puppy.”

“And I want a stable job with good income and maybe enough money to not eat the same damn thing everyday or-“

“Jesus, are you good?”

“…Yeah, sorry.”

It’s that time of year when we all remember the greatest ship of all time

The Artemis Fowl series from Butler's pov

How did I get stuck with this.

Did he just trip over a rocket engine? Again?

Fairies?!)!)!!??!??!! In the BASEMENT?!?!?!

That’s it I’m sending Juliet to live in a bomb shelter BECAUSE IF SHE STAYs UNDER THE FOWL ROOF FOR ONE MORE SECOND SHE WILL LOSE A LIMB OF SOME SORT.

*devastated groaning*

So, Artemis, my genius billionaire teenage son - I mean principal - is traveling back in time with a fairy to rescue a lemur from himself. I quit. I’m done. I’m buying a condo in Hawaii.

Holly is literally 3 feet tall, a different species, and is in her mid eighties, she does not need to be looking at a 15-year-old boy like that.

*in Mexico, getting attacked by a demented wrestling audience* Only God can save that boy now.

As I look out over the sunset, I recall that Artemis has most likely made out with an 86-year-old woman. I take an aspirin and decide that I deserve a nap. And maybe a vacation forever.

Artemis failed. It was hilarious.

Today I called Artemis “Beautiful Cinnamon Bun” and he pelted a hardcover copy of Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” at my face.

Artemis doesn’t know, but I stuck a paper reading “Old Lady Lover” on his back this morning and he still hasn’t noticed. It’s midnight.

I am in a spaceship, in the middle of the ocean, heading toward Atlantis with a fairy and a centaur, currently watching as Artemis is attacked by a giant squid. I was not trained for a situation like this.

So the end of the world happened in a blur. I remember demon crickets, babies with machine guns, and my son - I mean - oh never mind, turning into a depressing bush. I have decided to retire.

Can we talk about how in zombie shows/movies/books they always find a veterinarian and not a surgeon? Are veterinarians deemed more likely to survive the apocalypse?