It Feels Like Life Is Always Leaving Me Behind.

It feels like life is always leaving me behind.

All my friends are with their lifetime partners. Some are family planning with their spouses.

And here I am, still searching for my person.

“I have learned that when sadness comes to visit me, all I can do is say “I see you.” I spend some time with it, get up, and say goodbye. I don’t push it away. I own it. And because I own it, I let it go.”

— Carolina Zacaria

Seeing you used to make me feel warm.

But today, the thought of seeing you sent me into a dysregulated panic. I trembled uncontrollably and felt like I was going to pass out or throw up.

I don't feel safe around you anymore.

You said you liked me, and I liked you, too.

It was refreshing to move slowly--to not rush into things. To ease into the physical affection and the romance.

Slow was what I needed.

The last person I dated SA'd me on our second date and acted like it was nothing. It was oh so familiar. My body remembers how to freeze like it always does.

You didn't do any of that, and I was so glad.

I know it's selfish to say this, but I wish I had more time with you. I wish that your feelings didn't change so swiftly.

I won't chase after you, though. I respect your decision.

Thank you for being kind to me.

“The best kind of people are the ones who come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people who believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people who love you, simply for being you.”

— Unknown