How Do You Fall Asleep When Your Heart Is In A Million Fucking Pieces?

How Do You Fall Asleep When Your Heart Is In A Million Fucking Pieces?

“I’ve found that growing up means being honest. About what I want. What I need. What I feel. Who I am.”

— Epiphany

Thank you.

Thank you for reminding me how chaos feels.

Because otherwise, I may not have taken a leap with someone "boring"--someone who is consistent, reliable, and honest.

Thank you for showing me that "boring" is exactly what I need.

Nothing

I guess it's time to forget you,

To push down my all-consuming emotions

And embrace the feeling of nothingness

That always inevitably devours me whole.

My favorite way to punish myself for existing

Is holding onto people I should've already let go.

I miss you.

So, I am still sad.

But my sadness has morphed into a new kind.

Now it's a quiet, calm, baby blue

Sort of sadness.

One that is no longer violent.

One that no longer screams.

This sadness tumbles gently forward

Like waves onto a sandy shore--

Bringing with it sweet memories of you

Swaddled in sorrow.

I welcome this sadness--

These memories.

Sorrow and all---

Because they're fragments of you.

And

Despite everything,

I adore you.

I adore you,

And

I always will.