The Burning Fate

The burning Fate

Post Seabound/season 15

Warning - Attempted suicide, cursing, past overdosing/drowning (attempt), self harm, implied eating disorder, self gaslighting

Heads up -

 - i hc lloyd as Genderfluid, in this their pronouns will be they/them

- Lloyd and brad are dating (brad is two years older then lloyd- so it’s not illegal or smth and like also lloyd is 17)  also Brad is this kid who was in like season 1 and he went to darklys with Lloyd :)

- i hc Lloyd and autistic, i kinda hint to it in one part (also im not autistic- but i have autistic friends, and if i do smth wrong ever, pls tell me)

- also im not saying if you have any mental disorder or smth your stupid- just ppl think that, when your rlly not-

 - also i have no idea how to comfort- and idk how to write i either- so yea-

Lloyd has been up on top of this building for about an hour. An hour numbly looking down below into the busy street as the darkness surrounds them. Some lights flash into their faces from time to time. But it doesn’t matter to Lloyd, this will be their last few minutes.

Ever since Nya left Lloyd's life has gone back to hell. First of all, Kai and Jay will always be yelling at each other, no matter how loud Lloyd made the music, they could still hear their older brothers yelling at each other. Most of the time it'd just get to the point where it was too much for Lloyd and they just couldn’t hold it anymore and cry, they couldn’t help but get overwhelmed by it all. It’s all their fault though. It’s their fault. They're a horrible leader. Nobody wants a stupid, disabled kid to be their savior.

After nya left the ninja, Lloyd also started to relapse… just like after the sons of garmadon and harumi. They locked themself in their room all the time, never coming out. Not eating, and they would get the extra razor that they have to… hurt themself. They have the scars all over them, not just their wrists. Their thighs, shoulders. Just really anywhere that they can hide it. Where they can hide how hard everything really was for them. They had to  hide, they couldn’t be seen as weak. They’re the green ninja, they’re the one who has to protect everyone.

This isn’t the first time they tried to kill themself.. Lloyd thought as they looked over the edge of the tall building. A month after Nya left them to merge with the ocean, they tried to drown themselves, but Kai tried to find them and stopped them before it was too late. They were forced to stay in the mental hospital for a few weeks, it wasn’t because the ninja thought that they were psycho or anything. Just they tried to kill themselves. When they got to be sent back home, they snuck out one night. No word or anything. And just ran away. So they’ve been living with Brad, Gene, and Sally for about 7 months.

The other time Lloyd tried to end it all was after they moved in with brad. They got a lot of pills and just chugged them all down, it worked. But Sally found them passed out on the floor, and called the ambulance before Lloyd actually died. After they were sent home, Brad kept a close eye on his lover.

Lloyds honestly is kinda embarrassed and disappointed in themselves for failing twice to kill themselves. Well… is it them..? because really, they could’ve done it, but then people keep finding them. They should really try to do it when no one is around or anything. But hey… no one is around right now… just five more simple steps.. and all the pain will be over, they’ll no longer feel the stinging sensation in their arms or thighs after this. Because they’ll be gone. Just like everyone always wanted. For the blonde brat , that was Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, to be dead.

Funny thing is right now they're not even fully blonde. They dyed their pink with red tips. It makes them think of valentines though, not going to lie. But does it matter? no. Nothing matters. Everything is all useless. All that matters is that in a few seconds, they’ll be free. Free from being the green ninja, free from being the leader and the reason your team fell apart. Free from destiny. Maybe that’s why they’re still alive. Because destiny needs a puppet to pick sticks at, to try to entertain itself. Fuck destiny, man. Fuck it.

Lloyd lets their mind wander as they take one step closer to the edge, one step closer to death.

They think about when they went to The Wailing Alsps, with Clancee. This snake pirate, who was very familiar and lloyd feels like they’ve seen before. And it wasn’t just because of when the whole thing with chen was going on.. some other time… A time Lloyd can’t put their finger on. But anyways When Lloyd and Clancee went to the wailing alsps and almost died, they thought of kai. How Kai was always there for them, and was like the brother and father Lloyd never had. Lloyd is the one who’s leaving, just like last time. But… this is what Kai wanted… The night Lloyd ran away they and Kai got into a fight… Not Jay and kai. But Lloyd and Kai.  It was in the heat of the moment when Kai yelled that he wished he never saved Lloyd from that volcano. Which right after Kai realized what he said to lloyd. But it was too late. The damage was done.

Four more steps…

Three more steps…

Fuck it all. Lloyd thought.  Fuck. Destiny can go find some other blonde bitch to do its bidding.  In Lloyd's last few seconds they just felt rage. The closer they got to the edge the more they got angry.

The last few years their anger has gotten worse. But it gives Lloyd something to think about. It lets Lloyd actually feel something. Sometimes it’s like they're not angry at all, but the next they’re fuming. Like right now.

Like how right now just the thought of Garmadon makes them want to go smash their “fathers” face into a fucking wall. Or Harumi. Definitely Harumi. She messes everything up and then just goes and dies just like that. At least she’s out of their life. even if they can never stop thinking about her… Or the version of Harumi in The Prime Empire game Lloyd and the other ninjas were trapped in.

Lloyd took a deep breath in through the noise and out the mouth.

Taking another step closer.

Two more steps…

One more step…

Lloyd looks all the way down. Heh… So this is it.. The end of the line. Maybe i’ll get to see my real father.

Just as Lloyd took the last step they swore they heard the door slam open to the top of the building… and some yelling..? But all Lloyd could feel now was the air in their face, the wind messing with their hair. And… It stopped…? did they fall that fast to the ground..?

No…no… No! why.. NononoNO!

They feel a hand gripping tightly on the wrist. A familiar voice yelling for them to stay. A sound that is almost like someone sobbing..?

Lloyd hazily looks up to the person who’s stopping them. Only to see Brad, His eyes red and bloodshot, Tears running down his face as he finally manages to pull Lloyd up. Brad falls to the ground and wraps his arms around his partner. Sobbing and hugging them tightly. Lloyd gets some anger inside of them because Brad stopped them. But they can’t help but just stare blankly as Brad sobs that he almost lost lloyd.

“I-I…”

Lloyd tries to get anything out to brad. But they can’t. They just feel numb again, as Brad holds them.

After a few moments Brad gets it under control and wipes at his eyes. He then stands up and tightly holds Lloyd's hand, it doesn’t hurt. But it doesn’t matter. Brad waits for lloyd to stand up before they say

“I… I love you… I’m sorry.. I’m sorry Lloyd.”

Brad doesn’t seem to know what to say at this moment. I mean… What can you say after you find your partner almost killing themselves…? ‘Why?’ ‘What about me?’ ‘Don’t leave?’ ‘People are going to miss you’ ‘I will miss you’ No… None of it seems right… Brad just stays quiet and looks down at Lloyd, love in his eyes.

He hugs Lloyd again tightly and then lets go. Tightly holding Lloyd's hand.

The door to the top was still open from when Brad came running up here to get to Lloyd before it was too late.

Brad closed the door and walked down the stairs with lloyd.

Lloyd just blocked everything out and thought… They were almost free.. Free from it all. But they couldn’t have it. They can’t die apparently. Damn. Destiny really doesn't want Lloyd to die.

Fuck.

Are you and Asher dating? You act so close to eachother, She even used petnames for you

hi! uhm so no me and asher are not dating at all. we are just very close with each other <3

also though please know that his pronouns are anything but she or her! please remember that next time, but uh yeah asher is a dude :>

BABE A NEW TRAILER OF RAISING DRAGON JUST DROP OUT HOW WE FEELIN ABOUT IT??

Nya's voice at the start sounded like twilight sparkleajndncn such magic of friendship of it

-Ar(yes I'm still using Ar idc >:( )

uhhhhhh honestly like I have a bit to rant abtttt

!! SPOILERS UNDER CUT !!

YAY COLE IS BACKKKK...but where's jay-???

I honestly was hoping to see like garm or harumi bc idk like I wanna know what happened to themmmmm

also tho why is there another elemental master? also tho his thing kinda seems dumb- like idk what it is even but it ust doesnt make sense, I feel like they're adding more things to just add more things. Bc elemental powers are passed on(I don't understand was the new elemental master of wind energy got the power-) like idk also tho idk where I got this from but I thought ppl from ninjago could only geet lemental powers? Why are Just so many other randos getting powers? Maybe the merge messed it up so know people all over call get powers and don't need it from like a parent/passed down??? Idk- it justtttsvdhdhdh idk

also I feel like there wasn't enough lloyd >:(

Why are y’all so upset with lloyd in crystallized and how he treats garmadon and harumi? it makes sense-

!! ninjago season 8/sons of garmadon, season 16/crystallized spoilers !!

also btw this is not a ship with lloyd and harumi- it’s toxic and i don’t ship it.

ok so, i’ve seen a lot of hate towards lloyd in the season crystallized- and it doesn’t entirely make sense. I think that he actions and the way he dealt with everything made perfect sense for lloyd’s character and who he is and all. 

Because in crystallized you see lloyd like wanting to be with harumi, wanting to like make it good and just all of that. But yet with garmadon, he keeps yelling and him, and just overall acting very mad and upset with his father.

But it is understandable for lloyd to act this way. 

So with Harumi, it’s called that is literally the example of a toxic relationship. Because lloyd wants to see the best in harumi, he’s trying to make them both believe that she can be good. Because what he wants is that harumi who was fake, the harumi who pretended to love him, who cared for others, who was nice. He just simply thinks that harumi doesn’t want this, which she doesn’t entirely want, so he is correct- but still, there’s that part of harumi that does want this. But lloyd doesn’t want to believe it, he just wants the “old” harumi back. 

Then with garmadon… i’m sorry but i don’t understand why you all think he should trust garmadon again. While yes, i said it makes sense for harumi. But that’s a toxic relationship. This is his father. Lloyd loved his father, when he was a kid he strived to be like him. After though, learning that lloyd was to be the green ninja. Garmadon left. From lloyd’s perspective he keeps seeing garmadon leave him, time and time again. In that episode in season 8/sons of garmadon, when lloyd went to fight him. He thought he could get his father back. But this garmadon hurt lloyd, remember how garmadon literally said to lloyd ““I have no son” then threw him though a wall then almost killed lloyd’s friends? Yea. That affects someone. I would hate my father too if he did that to me too. The later, time and time again, garmadon shows no care for lloyd. Unlike harumi, who manipulates lloyd into him thinking she loves him. With garmadon, he doesn’t show that love and care to lloyd. He shows hated and disappointment to lloyd.

So basically, in short. Lloyd tries to give harumi a second chance because he wants her to love him again, and she has literally manipulated lloyd into feeling things and just used him. Causing lloyd to act like this. Showing that they have a toxic relationship.

With Garmadon. Lloyd has tried to give garmadon a chance but is always hurt in the end. In crystallized, lloyd is simply done with doing that. His father hurt him, and lloyd can’t forgive him anymore. 

also im dyslexic so if i mess anything up pls don’t be mean abt it :’)

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: LEGO Ninjago (Cartoon 2011-2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Lloyd Garmadon/Brad Tudabone, Lloyd Garmadon & Kai, Lloyd Garmadon & Lord Garmadon, Lloyd Garmadon & Harumi, Lloyd Garmadon & Nya Characters: Lloyd Garmadon, Brad Tudabone, Kai (Ninjago), Zane (Ninjago), Jay Walker (Ninjago), Cole (Ninjago), Gene (Ninjago), Sally the Singer (Ninjago), Lord Garmadon (Ninjago), Harumi (Ninjago) Additional Tags: Lloyd and Brad are the only ones actually in this, everyone else is mentioned - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Eating Disorders, Overdosing, Autistic Lloyd Garmadon, Genderfluid Lloyd Garmadon, Depressed Lloyd Garmadon, Lloyd Garmadon Needs a Hug, Lloyd Garmadon Angst, Lloyd Garmadon Needs Therapy, Brad Tudabone Tries, Rated T for swearing, This fanfic is rlly bad… i don’t know how to write Summary:

Lloyd was tired, tired of being the green ninja. Tried of failing everyone. He couldn’t stop himself from walking up to the roof, he had to do this. It was for the best. Ninjago would be better off without the disappointment of a green ninja that Lloyd was.

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I DID IT- I FINALLY GOT A AO3 ACC! :)

please go check the fanfic out if you haven’t already i tried with it, but it’s not the best- but thank you to anyone who enjoys it. 

HEEY ABOUT THE REQUEST-

GREENFLOWER HURT/COMFORT WITH LLOYD SICK AND LIKE, BRAD TAKING CARE OF HIM? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA Aa idk it's look cute in my mind

OMG YESSSS THANKS OMG THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEAAAA :D

do you have anything like specific you want me to put in it? like idk- the season it takes place after or like idk- just anything you want me to put in? Or like what lloyd’s sick from.

thank you so much again anon! :)