She Did Not Want To Move Or To Speak. She Wanted To Rest, To Learn, To Dream. She Felt Very Tired.

“she did not want to move or to speak. She wanted to rest, to learn, to dream. she felt very tired.” 

- Virginia Woolf 

I'll call this piece,

"I'm simping real hard for Aurora"

There is a singer from Norway by the name of Aurora. She is 25 years old and often forgets her shoes. She doesn't like to hug and she sometime likes to eat baby porridge - but only if it rains.

The moon, the stars, and mother earth are her muses, and she likes to call herself a mere vessel, through which the music flows.

She says that each time she writes a song, she loses a part of herself, and so it has to be worth it.

She likes being barefoot, and I'm starting to think she "forgets" her shoes by design.

I Would like to meet her someday, not on stage and certainly not in the streets.

Heaven knows how it will seem, two mad women on the middle of the road, and one of them barefoot.

One day should the stars allow, I would like to meet her in the woods.

And should the trees and the winds feel kind, they will sing for us as we dance.

Alone and barefoot, and unapologetically ourselves.

I don't want for your name to bleed in my mouth.

when naomi shihab nye wrote, “if you tuck the name of a loved one / under your tongue too long / without speaking it / it becomes blood,” v. when sylvia plath wrote, “in this light the blood is black. tell me my name.” 

I think I'm holding my happiness prisoner.

I'm no longer trapped in my past no, but in some twisted manner, I'm trapped in my present. And I'm running, and running and running but getting nowhere.

Am I unable to feel happiness or am I not letting myself be happy?

I have planned my life to the very last second and for some reason I have decided that I will be happy only when my life is the way I've planned it out to be.

I tell myself I'll be happy tomorrow. Tomorrow when I'm living better, tomorrow when I'm loved, tomorrow when I love.

And deep down, I feel that maybe I'm not letting myself be happy in my now.

Is it okay to be happy now?

Do I have to wait for every last wrinkle in my life to be ironed out and dealt with, before I can allow myself to smile and live and walk towards my good future?

Am I running and running and not reaching the future I have in my mind because I'm not letting myself be happy along the way?

I don't know.

I'm not happy now, but I think I'd like to be.

Words, words, words 👑

What do you do when you feel yourself lose the confidence you once used to have?

How do you get yourself back?

I lay awake at nights these days, asking myself over and over again,

"where did she go?"