If There's One Thing That Absolutely Shattered Me Into Little Pieces And Made Me Feel So Seen And So

If there's one thing that absolutely shattered me into little pieces and made me feel so seen and so vulnerable at the same time it's this random quote from a site about suicidal tendencies:

"Sometimes it’s not so much that you want to die but that you no longer want to bear the pain of living"

and FUCK how true it is and how badly it hurts and how it constantly echoes in my mind sometimes fainter and sometimes stronger but it NEVER leaves because I feel this so deeply it's like they took the words right out of my soul

no but actually andrew telling neil he hates him before kissing him for the first time is sooooo. like andrew never expresses any emotion unless he’s feeling it intensely. he’s always like idc either way when it comes to anything BUT neil. he feels for him so strongly even then he can’t help but spit it out. what matters isn’t those words, it’s the meaning behind them. he’s so overwhelmed by his inability to stop worrying about neil, thinking about neil, that he has to voice it out somehow without compromising himself. i hate you is you’re always on my mind, i hate you is i hate that i can’t stop, i hate that you matter to me, that i cannot be impartial about this. i hate you is an invitation and a promise. i tried to fight this but i know i cant, so fight for both of us until im ready to meet you halfway. stay.

Aftg is such a trip because like. The timing is objectively off. It's better that way. It's badly written but actually no it's not. Here's a whole new sport. We lied, its just lacrosse in a silly hat. Trauma galore. By all known laws of book tropes, the main couple should be toxic as hell. They're too cagey and paranoid and possessive not to be. But the main couple, not caring about trope law, creates the healthiest relationship ever written anyways. It's problematic as fuck. It's the best series ever. It's completely unrecommendable. It's gay, but not how you think it'll be in the first book. You'll hate it the first time you read it. Six months later you'll have a whole blog for it.

Aftg isn't a book, it's a fucking experience.

the first day of having clean hair is like woag maybe all the mental illness was imaginary

“pekka rollins killed my brother.”

“then we destroy him.”