Mystery Shack's Utilities Headcanons

Mystery Shack's Utilities Headcanons

Pretty niche topic but as someone who grew up rurally and dealt with most of these, I find them to be realistic. As if Stan's life needed to be harder

The shack's plumbing is on non-potable well water and Stan drives into town weekly to fill jugs of drinking water

The well water is very hard (has lots of minerals) and leaves hard water stains on everything

On top of that, it takes a long time for the water to heat up and the hot water runs out quickly

No dishwasher

Didn't have a dryer when Stan first arrived. For years he used a clothesline or went to the laundromat. He finally got one right before the kids moved in

Doesn't have any air conditioning. Most of the time it isn't needed except for a few hot days in the middle of summer (think the pool episode)

Didn't have heat for a long time, other than a woodburning stove, and Stan had to gather wood in the winter or buy it from the Corduroy's. After several bad winters, he put in a gas furnace with a pilot light. Stan kept unneeded rooms closed off so they wouldn't have to be heated

Ford didn't skimp on the electricity though, and there are backup generators in the basement in case of an outage

There were no telephones when Stan arrived, because Ford became paranoid and destroyed them all

Stan got wired internet in the 2000's, but only in a few rooms, like the office, and still didn't have wifi when the kids lived there

What Happened Last Summer (18+) Chapters 5 and 6

Dropping 2 chapters again today because they're short ones.

As always, the entire series is 18+ for mild sexual content. Chapter 5 mentions alcohol.

New? Start here at Chapter 1

Read Chapter 7 next

Enjoy :) click 'keep reading'

18+ [Minor do not interact]

Chapter 5

“Hey, Ford!” Stan’s voice was urgent but low, almost a whisper. “Stanford!” 

Ford peeked around the corner and raised his eyebrows at the scene in front of him. It wasn’t unusual to find Stan in front of the TV late at night on the way up from the lab, but he usually didn’t have a woman on his lap. She was sprawled out across him, legs over the arm of his large chair, with her head buried in his shoulder. A few open wine bottles reflected the dim light of the TV. 

“She had a few too many. Help me get her up, would ya?” With a little effort, Ford got Kathy to her feet and held her steady in an almost-hug; she blinked awake. Stan arose and stretched for the first time in hours.

“Better take care of these before the kids wake up.” With a few clinks of glass, Stan was out of the room and Kathy stirred. She clumsily felt for the twin’s shoulders and settled into his grasp. “I love you, Stanley,” is what came out as she attempted to plant a kiss. Ford turned his head and she managed to graze his cheek.

“Woah, woah, hey-” Stan appeared, much to Ford’s relief, and pushed him to the side as he scooped her up. “I love ya too, pumpkin.”

Ford was red from embarrassment. “Stanley, I promise it wasn’t– I mean, I just didn’t want her to fall.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Stan chuckled. “You should be flattered to look as good as me.”

Ford laughed, “Only in indirect lighting, it seems.”

“What’s so funny?” Kathy mumbled.

“Nothin’ sweetheart. Let’s get you to bed.”

[Author's note: it was my intention that nothing sexual happened anytime while she was drunk, but the time skips don't make that super clear. Consent is important, kids!]

Chapter 6

“Whatcha reading, Dipper?”

“Ah!” Dipper jumped at the sound of Kathy’s voice. “Nothing! Homework!” He quickly closed the red and gold journal in front of him and tucked it away in his vest. “I mean… summer reading.” He laughed awkwardly. “I love reading. Not about weird stuff, just normal… normal stuff. Not the supernatural.” He continued to laugh, and it went on just a few seconds too long. 

“Good for you, Dipper.” Kathy chalked it up to the normal odd behavior of teen boys. 

“Great Uncle Ford!” Dipper hopped up as Ford entered the room. “Do you need any help in the–” he glanced at Kathy, “basement today?” 

“Sure, Dipper, meet me down there in an hour.” Dipper took the opportunity to leave and Ford turned to Kathy, “I didn’t realize you were still here.”

“Yes, sorry, I just woke up and couldn’t find Stan anywhere.” Ford didn’t respond, he seemed lost in thought about something.

“I didn’t realize this place had a basement. What are you working on?”

Ford inhaled sharply and rubbed the bridge of his nose under his glasses with his thumb and forefinger. “Just, tying up some loose ends.” 

Kathy took the hint, “I’ve actually got to get going. Tell Stan I said ‘hi’ if you see him.”

Ford just nodded.

Coward (family fic)

No romance/ships, some light angst

Summary: Based on a common headcannon about Stan and Vietnam

Warnings: mentions war

"Grunkle Stan, why did you go to prison?"

Stan jumped at the question, despite knowing all summer that she'd ask about it sooner or later. Mabel temporarily set aside her drawing to listen. At the question, Ford's ears pricked up as well, and Stan found both of them staring at him from across the crayon-covered dining table.

"Which time, sweety?"

"I don't know... the first time, I guess?"

Stan cleared his throat, "I guess ya could say it was for bein' a coward."

Mabel wasn't satisfied with that answer. "C'mon Grunkle Stan, I'm not a little kid. What did you really do?"

Stan threw his arms in the air, "I mean it, that's what happened. Honest."

Mabel huffed and turned to Ford, "Grunkle Ford, you tell me!"

"Sorry, Mabel, I don't know myself," was his reply.

They both looked to Stan again and Ford continued, "She's right, Stanley, she isn't a child. I'm sure she can handle whatever it is."

"It ain't her I'm worried about, Sixer." Stanley glared at his twin before sighing in defeat.

He rubbed his nose under his glasses, "Sweety, you know anything about the Vietnam War?"

"A little," Mabel shrugged.

Ford cut in, "My god, Stan, you were drafted? I never knew..."

"Ya never bothered t'ask. Probably barely registered the protests outside your cushy college dorm window." Stan waved his hands in the air mockingly.

"Stanley, I'll have you know I was out there protesting too."

"Yeah? Well while you were wearin' your black armband, I was wearin' handcuffs," Stan spat back.

Mabel interrupted, "Wait, I don't understand, what happened?"

Stan lowered his voice a bit, "Kid, when the war started, they didn't have enough soldiers. So every sucker who wasn't as smart as Fordsy over here got sent to fight... and die, usually."

Mabel looked at her hands. "But, you didn't go?"

Stan shook his head, "I knew I wouldn't be any good at makin' money if I was dead. Figured a few years in the joint was better." He tousled Mabel's hair, "And I never woulda met you, kiddo."

Ford placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, "Yes, and Bill may not have been defeated."

Stan gave a small smile in response, and Mabel jumped on him with a big hug, "Well then I don't think you're a coward at all, Grunkle Stan."

stan is the only member of the pines twins^2 to never make a deal with bill and i think he needs more credit for that.

ford makes, just, so many deals with his demon boyfriend

dipper literally trades his body to bill in sock opera

and while i will die on the hill that it was never her fault, mabel is tricked into making a deal with him for weirdmagenon.

but stan never gets tricked. the only time he comes close was when he was pretending to be ford but that was with the sole purpose of getting bill erased. never does bill get to him or twist his thoughts. for being the "dumb one" he's surprisingly rational in this was.

nobody matches bill intellectually, ford's fatal flaw is that he thought he did, and the pines family wins because they have an emotional core that bill never had (the power of sibling bonding saves the day and i love it) but ill go out on a limb and say that out of everyone, stan is the only one to match bill's street smarts.

bill's a master manipulator but stan is a professional con-artist with no respect for the law, you tell me who's coming out on top.

stan successfully faked his own death, ran a business for 30 years, taught himself some sort of advanced engineering to repair the portal, evaded local, federal and international authorities from the age of 18, and did it all without any support.

and going back to when he pretends to be ford to get bill to enter his mind, that scene makes stan the only character to ever outwit bill.

anyways this has been a stan pines appreciation post, thank you and goodnight

Haven't seen many people mention this, but when Stan is dressed as Ford in the finale, his facial hair resembles Ford's a whole lot more than usual. I imagine that right after they switched clothes, Stan had to - very reluctantly - let Ford set his face on fire. It is faster than shaving, after all.

What Happened Last Summer (18+) Chapter 9

Pretty proud of this one, idk

Start at Chapter 1 here and read Chapter 10 next

As always, this series is 18+ for mind sexual content - this chapter has a bit of fluff :)

Enjoy! You know the drill by now

18+ [Minors do not interact]

“Well Stan, I’ll admit I was wrong. This old tent should fit us all comfortably.” Ford and the kids took a few steps back to admire their work. 

Stan glanced up to see the newly erected canvas structure, and the sun getting low in the sky behind it. “Told ya so,” he said, before returning to the pile of wood and kindling in front of him. Kathy added the last camping chair to the circle around it.

“Grunkle Stan, is it almost time?” Mabel was practically bouncing up and down.

“Just one more thing.” Stan headed for the trunk of the car and grabbed two items. “Dip, you wanna do the honors?” He held one of them out to Dipper - a propane torch with a long neck, the one Soos often used to burn weeds outside the shack.

“No fair! I want to help!” Mabel complained. In response, Stan gave her the other item, a bottle of lighter fluid. “Cool!” She poured it onto the wood with a grin.

Dipper took the torch excitedly and approached the fire pit. “Stand back!” With a soft woosh, the flames ascended into the pink sky. Kathy was surprised at how much Stan and Ford trusted these children with such tools, but they did seem resourceful for thirteen-year-olds. 

“Sit down everyone,” Stan patted the canvas chair next to him, “Kathy, we have a story to tell you.”

Mabel dragged a duffel bag across the ground until it sat between her and Dipper’s chairs. Once unzipped, it revealed several books, some sock puppets, and strangely enough, a grappling hook. Expecting a cute story from Mabel’s imagination, Kathy smiled in anticipation and looked at Stan. His expression was gravely serious.

Dipper stood and took a deep breath, holding a thick stack of index cards. “Kathy, this is the story of what happened last summer. It’s a story about all of us, but mostly about Grunkle Stan - the man that saved the entire world.” He paused and looked at Kathy, waiting for her reaction.

Kathy laughed, “Is this a true story?” She looked around, expecting anything other than the solemn faces that peered back. 

Stan grabbed her hand and squeezed it, “I swear on my life, sweetheart.”

Ford cleared his throat, “Kathy, do you believe in the supernatural?”

She nodded hesitantly, and looked back to Dipper.

“See when we first came to Gravity Falls, it was just Grunkle Stan - we didn’t even know Great Uncle Ford existed…” The story continued and the sky became darker. Dipper did most of the talking, with several pauses for visual demonstrations from Mabel and occasional clarifications and flashback sequences from Stan and Ford. A few times the fire had to be rekindled, and blankets and snacks fetched from the tent. It seemed that everyone learned something new that night…

… “Ya filled my house with clones, kid? Some observant grunkle I am.” 

… “So Grunkle Stan, you did have money to get a hotel when Gideon took the shack, you just had to find an excuse to send us home so you could sneak back to the portal? I knew it!”

… “Wait, Dipper, you were cognizant while Bill was in your body? I always seemed to black out and forget what happened. Incredible.”

By the time midnight rolled around, Kathy had been handed several journals and had learned more about Stan’s life than she had after over a dozen dates with him. 

“Need a break, sweety?”

“No Stan, it’s okay. What happened, were you able to secure the rift?”

Mabel chimed in, “Not exactly…”

The hours continued to creep by, and as the sun rose over the campsite, the fire was still burning, and Kathy’s eyes were filled with tears. It seemed that everyone else was crying, too. The final speech was given by Stanford, who, through crooked glasses and a choked up voice, thanked his brother once again for everything and recounted a few highlights from their sailing adventures. He pulled Stanley into a hug, along with the kids. After a moment, Ford dismissed the exhausted Dipper and Mabel to the tent, and approached Kathy. “I know you have questions, but we can deal with that later. You two should take a walk.” And he headed for the tent himself. 

Kathy and Stan found themselves in the car. Neither of them were too sure what to say. She placed a hand on his cheek and his hand followed to rest over hers. 

“Stanley, you’re shaking.”

“I’m just tired, doll.” He let his face relax into her touch. “You alright, after all that?”

“It was a lot to take in, but I’m so glad you told me. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.” She gently kissed him on the forehead and he gave a weak smile in response. She asked, “Could I see it?”

“See what?”

“The burn.”

“Oh,” Stan started working on the buttons of his shirt, “yeah, of course.” She helped him pull one arm out and get it around his back in the tight quarters of the car. Next came the white undershirt, which he pulled off as he turned to face the driver’s side window so she could see his back.

She gently traced the bluish-purple patterns of scar tissue with her fingertips. “Does it hurt?”

“Nah, not for a long time. First few weeks hurt like hell, though.”

“I bet.” 

Stan chuckled, “It gets to itchin’ pretty bad sometimes.”

“Yeah? I can help with that.”

Stan let out a soft groan as Kathy started to scratch his back. His torso relaxed and he let the side of his head rest against the seat of the car. He lifted his head again a few minutes later when she yawned.

“C’mon, we’re both tired.” Stan pulled his undershirt back on. “Let’s go to the tent.”