Unfulfilled Desires?

Unfulfilled Desires?

One of the biggest lessons I learned as an adult was the reality of unfulfilled desires. It was something that I'd never dreamt as a possibility. I thought that if you feel it deeply and work towards it, your desires will come true. Or just living in the future will make the desire happen. Or feeling it all over your body and your intuition and seeing coincidences is proof that your desires will come true. Unfulfilled desires are like empty buckets, they may be filled someday so the wait keeps perpetuating.

Despite knowing people in external world who lived with unfulfilled desires, unreached potential and unaccomplished goals, I, for some reasons, thought that I was exceptional and different. I do not mean to say that one must live in misery, frustration and depression all the time. Some door opens when others are closed..

What I mean is that this concrete reality of 'unfulfilled desires' is something we don't talk much about. Sometimes it feels like the unfulfilled desires are socially silenced to the extent that a person buries and curls themselves up into a symbolic ball. So that nobody can see their unfulfilled desires and aspirations, and consequently gaze at their vulnerability aka emotional nakedness.

But maybe if we talk about it... Or perhaps it's better if we don't?

Do do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.

Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body.

Gospel of Matthew

What does it mean to transform?

'Total destruction is the only possible condition for total rebirth' - Barbara Pijan's website

Transformation does not only mean to change the negative parts/habits/traits/qualities of your past. It does not mean to changing the negative things but keeping the positive things like the social connections you used to have, the interests and activities you used to have or the ideologies you lived about. You cannot keep some parts of your past while changing the other parts.

Transformation means to change everything, negative or positive. The positive things do not exist in a vacuum, they are tied to the negative things of your life. So it does not make sense to change the negative things but keep the positive as it is because ultimately you will regress to the negative parts again. In the following diagram, the old you had certain positive and negative qualities, that was your personality. Since it is the old you, you were probably unaware and unconscious of these qualities.

There is the new you (I) which has changed the negative qualities but keeps the positive qualities of the old life. While new you (II) changes both the negative and positive qualities of the old life. The difference in new you (I) and (II) is that the new you (II) is total transformation of your old self, there is little possibility that you will regress to the old negative patterns, behaviours or beliefs.

Changing the positive qualities of the past can be much more difficult than changing the negative ones. The positive qualities are shaped by society, culture, language and of course destiny. So changing the positive qualities which did not pose any harm in the past will be quite difficult, it's like rebuilding yourself from scratch, usually going against the socially dominant behaviours, especially since your families, friends, external identities are pretty much the same as they were before.

What does it mean to change?

I will clarify that by 'change' I do not mean something substantial. I mean to become aware, conscious and intentional about the intentions, motives, thought processes and emotions that drive your behaviour and speech. For example, if you were behaving like a pathological narcissist in your past, the changed version of you will be someone who is aware of their tendencies and patterns, has learned to live by ethics, and learns to use the combination of words that are least violative or behaves in a way that you are aware of your motivations and still try to do it in a decent way.

How to transform completely then?

I don't know. I am figuring out my own personality, but I will give a hint: "To get distant from the things that you used to be close to in the past".

Inheritance

By Carl Jung

People do not realize just how much they are putting at risk when they do not accept what life presents them with, the questions and tasks that life sets them.

When they resolve to spare themselves the pain and suffering they owe to their nature.

In so doing they refuse to pay life's dues and for this very reason life often leads them astray.

If I have to suffer then let it be from my reality. A neurosis is a much greater curse.

One cannot do more than what one really is.

Suffering was inevitable in any case. But I want to suffer for those things which really belong to me.

A decisive factor for me in choosing this path was the knowledge that if I did not respond fully to my life's purpose and challenges then they would be inherited by my children who would have to bear the burden of my unlived life in addition to their own difficulties.

I am aware of what a heavy burden was passed onto me by my parents.

Such a burden cannot simply be shaken off. You find yourself weighed down with an inheritance that you have to accept and carry around like a snail carrying its house on its back.

do u think some people are cursed to not having their plans and ambitions solely go their way if they didn't became a 24/7 devotee of god. i feel like im one of those people who can't get anything done even through hardwork unless im begging and praying to god for it (even so, it doesn't turn out to be worth it). i feel so jealous of people who could care less about god, they're always the ones more successful and confident. im going insaneeeeee

I'm not sure. But your thoughts remind me of my own past when I used to think that the most religious people were also most successful. As if they were rewarded for their practice and rituals.

If not God, person believes in some other idea or image. I couldn't bring myself to believe in God, but eventually I started believing in psyche and devote myself to studying the psyche.

Hopefully your confusion is a sign you will find your answer someday. Not all those who wander are lost.