Letempsdetruittout-98 - Le Temps Détruit Tout.

June 5, 2024

Wednesday This all ended for good I guess, I can quite understand some parts and things about him, but I recognize that he has problems, even more than I thought he would have or has… I could come back to him every time over and over again, i don't care the cost of it, it is really hard, difficult to stop being attached to someone, I just can't let him go, but after all this deep sadness inside me, I stay positive and mostly at peace… maybe it was for the best yes, but I still have hope that things can be better between us, I am able to beg life again for another chance with me, beg…he is the problem I know, but I was always there for him, good or bad even when he hurt me and said hurtful things to me the other night…he says I shouldn't think about it anymore and I think that's what I should do.

June 14, 2024

Friday

I wish he had gotten to know me better and realized that I'm a good person to hang out with, talk to and joke around with… it's a shame it was all lost so quickly, like we never had enough chance to get to know each other better like good friends know each other, I really feel bad about that, like he missed a lot more things about me, my personality, my charisma, everything that i could have been more open and not forced like with the rest of the people I know or I came to know, and I think that's one of the reasons why it hurts so much, the time… the time we just rushed from the beginning and we both thought it was the right thing to do at the moment, but now we know it definitely wasn't… I'll try not to do that again… but maybe I tried to do all that because I really liked him from the beginning when I met him and I just wanted to be perfect for him, to be the only girl for him, the only one who it could have brought him joy, the fullest joy of his life… All those things in common, ways of thinking, shared feelings, a little bit of shared thoughts. Everything could have been perfect, but we lost each other so quickly that I really miss it… but what I'm sure of now is that if we met again we would do the exact same thing.

I don't regret that part at all, but isn't it strange? having mixed feelings about what it could have been like if we had done the right things at the time, just not rushing to be together, to belong to each other so quickly. And that is a confession that I have wanted to say for a long time, you can't rush things to turn out well because in the end there may be secrets and that part of the truth can screw you, and in a very big and raw way, and the sad thing is I can confirm that.

August 7, 2024

Wednesday

After a little over a month I lost my job last week due to alcohol problems, I was running late and also a little dizzy the next morning when I got to work…they basically gave me good money and they still owe me a little more. I have to say it's pretty hard to believe how someone can cause you so much pain and fuck you up mentally and emotionally, I'd say it's exhausted you. It was and it is the first time in my life that this has happened to me and it definitely shocks me, because I never thought I would be in a situation like this in my life but I guess this is what happens when you love too much and your partner or the person who was supposedly there for you they just treated you like you were nothing and how they can forget you so easily, after all you were nothing to them, that hurts me too much. To be honest, I don't regret anything I've done so far because that's exactly what I felt, thought and went through for the last month or even the last 2 months. I just have to learn from it. Recover and try to get my life back. And to be honest, I'm afraid of how long it will take.

June 4, 2024

Tuesday

I begged life for another chance with him, my prayers were heard… but I still feel that emptiness inside me and he has been somewhat distant and indifferent to me, I can't handle that, can't stand it. I love him very much, he is partly all I have ever wanted but he has not done what he promised me he would change, I feel sad and disappointed too, I don't want this to end but it is difficult to be able to control what someone thinks and does, who should be more open as a person with you, it hurts a lot.