SCP-053, Upon Learning How Old Cain Is: Woah, Did You Ever Meet The Founding Fathers Of America?!

SCP-053, upon learning how old Cain is: Woah, did you ever meet the founding fathers of America?!

Cain, a black gay man: *Internally* Take a wild fucking guess

Cain, still a black gay man: *Externally* Aw, I'm sorry dear, I never managed to.

Platonic Jeanluc and Thomaluc soloing still-a-spy-you-blind-fuckers(/LH) Kaeya. (A man doesn't try to kill kids in a dark alley without being a lil bit evil)

Diluc's love language is carrying people. Sometimes, when they were younger, you'd see Jean wrapped around his waist (a very huggable waist) picking fruit off of nearby trees as if she isn't already climbing a fruity tree (I'm also gay and tallish so I can say that lol)

More recently, you see him carrying Venti, because what's more adorable than a mass murderer carrying god through a field of grapes?

EDIT: I am a Kaeya main, I love that man to death, don't get me wrong.

Thenios: Before we go, make sure all small items are secured.

Nikolon: *Glances at Pelagos, holding back laughter*

Pelagos: What.

Nikolon: Do you feel safe?

Pelagos: I WILL END YOU.

Pantalone breaks the laws of reality for fun. He didn't get a vision so he just decided to be god instead. He looks weak, and physically he is, but that motherfucker is a spellcaster of immense power. This is the only strange thing about him.

Oh, and that he's a raging heretic

Imagine being just some guy at the Zapolyarny Palace and you work there as like, a gardener or someone who checks for the Tsaritsa whether everything is in order and you just have to deal with the harbinger being the weirdest fucking people to roam the earth every day.

You're trying to finish up your work in the evening and you want to close the windows in the big dance hall of the palace and there's Pierro sitting at the piano playing his sad little Khaenri'ah songs and he's like "Hey, come over here." and internally you're like Sir, I've finished my work and I was going to go home... but you don't dare to say anything because he's the first harbinger so you sit down next to him and he's like "Have you heard of Khaenri'ah?" and then he starts talking like a grandpa recalling his time in the army and starts trauma-dumping for like an hour straight and you're just awkwardly sitting there like "what the fuck am I supposed to reply to this???"

You go to work the next day and ignore the Dottore clone that's floating in the hallway because you're already used to seeing segments everywhere but unfortunately for you, the clone decides to follow you around and just watch whatever you're doing and he does this for the whole day and if you try to get rid of him he floats after you even faster and starts giggling. He tries to follow you out of the building to go home with you so you decide to stop by Dottore's creepy af lab and on the way you see Arlecchino dragging a little boy along and she gives you a nod and just explains "Little Dimitri didn't eat his mashed potatoes today so he's going straight to the mad scientist lab." And the kid is just like "Please, Miss Arlecchino, anything but the mad scientist lab!"

You enter the lab and 15 Dottore clones simultaneously turn their heads towards you and stare at you and one of the segments who tend to be in charge of projects walks over like "Ah, segment 12, we've already missed him. I see he made a friend" and Dottore is like hehe because he finds the fact that his clone follows you around very amusing, especially considering how on edge you look about it.

Palace staff always stays clear of anything Columbina is doing and they inform each other quickly when she's in the area. Sometimes she chases people into utility closets and sits down in front of the door and starts singing. You occasionally hear her chewing on the doorknob.

You try to water the garden and you see Capitano trying to take care of some plants but he's so strong that he accidentally breaks several of them and he's just holding them in his hands and whispering apologies to them.

It's just a typical Tuesday when you see Sandrone walking the halls with a terrifying destructive robot. You know, one of those alien robots from War of the Worlds except that it's small enough to still fit into the palace and you try to hurry past her and don't take your eyes off the machine for safety reasons. She stops you and tells you "it's rude to stare, you know?" and the robot shoots several windows and stomps on the floor and she's like "oh great, you made Mr. Squiggles cry. Look at what you've done."

Scaramouche and Childe just regularly duking it out in "fights to the death" in the courtyard and everyone who has business there has to be careful not to get hit by elemental bursts.

Pantalone is the only normal one and the only weird thing you see him doing is pitch ideas to the Dottore segments about weapons that could help the Fatui take over Celestia except that Pantalone has 0 scientific knowledge and is just making shit up and expects that the Dottoreverse is smart enough to figure out how to make it. He's like "here have this idea for a fucked up Trojan horse that's actually a killing machine we can send to our political enemies" with a happy smile on his face.

Alternatively, pre-transition transmasc Chiron.

i know everyone is complaining about lo chiron being a woman now but consider the following: mtf trans chiron.

Kalecgos and Khadgar listen to reddit creepypasta horror stories while writing their important archmage paperwork