l1th1umm

찬휘 • they/them • 24

732 posts

Will You Let Me Love You Regardless?

will you let me love you regardless?

pairing: ot5!txt x gn!reader [individual scenarios]

genre: some more angsty, some more fluffy

synopsis: love prevails, no matter how complicated the relationship may be.

noteworthy: some cursing, i got carried away with tae & kai’s (especially kai?? idk why) respectively for no reason so theirs are actually longer— oopsie!

word count: 500-600 for choi line, closer to 700 for kaihyun

YEONJUN — your ex.

tick. tock. tick. tock.

the rhythmic ticking coming from the clock on the wall is the only sound disrupting the otherwise tense silence between you and yeonjun. frankly, you’re not sure why you let him inside your home. maybe it was the prospect of closure; of talking everything out without yelling and the endless pools of tears.

or maybe it’s just because you still can’t really deny him anything, even six months after having your heart ripped to shreds by the very man sitting right in front of you.

yeonjun clears his throat, his fingers wrapped impossibly tight around the glass of water you had kindly offered him. he can’t help but stare at you sitting across from him. the way you avoid looking at him, your eyes fixated on anything but him, makes his heart sting painfully, eyes beginning to get damp.

“it’s nice to see you again,” yeonjun said almost hesitantly, a tight-lipped smile on his face. you look up and your eyes finally meet properly for the first time in six months, the raging bitterness and agitation from last time now replaced with hurt, longing, and so, so much love buried under heaps of regret.

you nod silently because if you were to speak, you’re sure you’d burst into tears immediately.

“i’m sorry,” you note the way his voice breaks, your fingers twitching in your lap with the urge to hug and kiss him, to tell him it’s alright, “for everything. i’ve been so awful to you, and i’m just…i’m just so sorry.”

you swallow nervously, mustering up the courage to speak without bursting into tears, “it’s fine ju— yeonjun. i’m not mad at you anymore, and…i forgive you, so if that’s what you’re looking for—“

“no! no, no i’m not— i mean, i’m glad, i’m glad that you’re not mad anymore but…i’m not here for closure or anything like that,” he rambles, his voice a little scratchy from holding back tears. the look of confusion you give him makes him swallow, but it also gives him hope. you’re not immediately shutting him out.

“i miss you, so much,” yeonjun blinks rapidly to keep the tears in his eyes at bay, “i’m sorry for being so stubborn and not reaching out for six months and i’m so sorry for coming back like this out of nowhere but i just can’t take it anymore.”

yeonjun looks away, ashamed of himself for letting everything get to this point, for crashing back into your life so suddenly. his head immediately snaps back to you when he hears a sniffle, your face hidden in your hands as you sob.

“i—..i missed you so much,” you sob, your chest heaving with every sob, “it hurt so bad jun, i want to hate you so bad, but i just…can’t.”

yeonjun reacts completely on instinct, and within seconds you’re tightly wrapped in his arms, his hand running along your back while he presses soothing kisses on top of your head, “i’m sorry baby, i’m so sorry. i love you so much, i promise i’ll make it all better if you let me, okay?”

you look up at him, your teary stare making his heart clench painfully. “i..don’t know, jun. you’ve ignored me for so long, just tossed two years together aside like it was nothing and i’m just…hurt. so fucking hurt.”

yeonjun swallows, nodding along in understanding. “i know, and i’ll do anything. anything to get you to trust me again.”

SOOBIN — your best friend’s brother.

standing in front of your best friend’s house in the middle of the night usually means a late night snack trip with an occasional quick round of karaoke downtown. usually, you’d end up on an empty playground, gasping for air between laughs and giggles, gossiping to your heart’s content. usually, a best friend shouldn’t sneak around with their friend’s brother behind their back.

nothing usual is happening tonight, it seems.

a part of you is screaming at yourself while you wait for soobin, berating yourself and refusing to believe you would go behind your best friend’s back like that. another part of you is buzzing with excitement, heart beating in your ears and face flushed with delight at the prospect of spending a few hours with soobin. your soobin.

the nagging, guilty-feeling part of you gets pushed into the background the second your eyes fall on soobin, bundled up all cozy to shield himself from the cold. you can’t see his smile behind his fluffy scarf yet you know it’s there, judging by the little scrunch of his nose and crinkle of his eyes and it makes your heart soar.

you’re an awful best friend.

he wraps you into a tight hug once he’s close enough, sighing happily and rocking you both from side to side a little. soobin looks down at you, pulling his scarf down a little to free his lips before he leans down to kiss you, “ah!” you shriek, turning your face away in time to avoid his kiss.

soobin looks down at you with furrowed brows, sighing loudly, “i know, i know, ‘no kissing in a 200 meter radius of your house’ but, come onnn.” he whines the last part, making you smile at his cuteness, “‘m sorry bin, it just makes me feel guilty,” you pout up at him.

“we have to tell her at some point, you know?” his voice is almost as soft as his gentle touch, brushing a few stray hairs away from your face and cupping your cheek, “she’ll get over it, i promise. she’ll be mad, but she loves you. and she wants you to be happy.”

“yeah, but not with you.” you grumble and soobin clutches his heart in fake hurt. “ouch. so mean.

you giggle and the sound makes soobin grin, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead, “maybe we can—“

“CHOI SOOBIN!” a shrill scream startled you both, though you both immediately realise who it is. oh no.

luckily, the combination of a pitch black winter night and soobin standing in front of you meant you wouldn’t be recognisable when viewed from the choi residence. soobin could sense your panic, your fight or flight starting to kick in.

you chose flight.

with a hasty kiss pressed to your lips and hurried goodbyes you’re off, hurrying back home by yourself, praying to every god, entity and higher being that your best friend didn’t recognise you.

then you got a message from her.

it’s over. she knows. she’ll get mad, she’ll hate you, she’ll hate soobin. au revoir to your years of friendship, all over a guy.

figuring it’s best to get it over with, you take a deep breath and check the messages, ready to cry, apologise, and beg.

just cockblocked soob lol

they ran off too

poor thing

i did them a favour tbh

. . .

oh.

BEOMYU — your friend’s crush.

you’re not entirely sure what hurts more, having to watch beomgyu be clung to by none other than your best friend, or the knowledge that said best friend has been in love with him for years while he has never spared her a second glance, always looking past her and focusing on you instead.

it feels mean to even think, but you pity her. she has been pining over him for so long, practically worshipping the ground he walks on, and yet he always kept her at arms length. sometimes entertaining her for a while just to go cold once again. it’s awful, and you hate to see her in such a deep one-sided love with someone who has no genuine interest in her.

because his interest lies with you.

and you would be lying if you’d say you weren’t also interest in him.

but friends come first, always. she has been in love with him since before you even met, and just imagining the hurt and betrayal on her face if she were to find out that you’re also in love with her beomgyu, that he also happens to have been secretly pining over you instead all this time?

she’d lose it, and in turn you’d lose her.

so you keep beomgyu at a distance, avoiding him and his advances as much as you can. but if there’s one thing you can safely say about choi beomgyu, it’s that he’s stubborn. really fucking stubborn.

which is why he immediately excuses himself to be able to follow you the second he sees you go outside to get some fresh air, the stuffy air of the party probably getting to you. or maybe you just got sick of watching someone else throw themselves at him, though that might admittedly be just wishful thinking on his part.

the cool breeze feels nice against your skin, a stark contrast to the hot and suffocating air inside the house. sitting down on the curb you let out a deep sigh, muddled thoughts bouncing around your mind.

it’s ridiculous to feel jealousy over this, right? it’s insane to be jealous of someone getting close to beomgyu, especially when he’s not in the least bit interested in them. you of all people should know that.

a shriek falls from your lips when a jacket is thrown over your shoulders out of nowhere, head whipping around to see who it was.

of course it was beomgyu.

sitting down next to you he immediately grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers together. you try to pull back but you know he won’t budge, so you decide to let yourself bask in a little bit of his attention in secret.

just for tonight.

“she bought that dress just for you, you know,” you mumble and he turns to look at you, pretty eyes meeting yours for the first time tonight, and just studies you face for a bit.

one of his hands comes up to cup your cheek, thumb lightly stroking your skin, goosebumps rising all over your body.

“i won’t fall in love with her just because you reject me,” he says, voice quiet and warm, “so you might as well be selfish with me.”

beomgyu’s face is closer now, and you know he’s letting you decide. it’s a silent invitation, but it will be your call. you swallow nervously, eyes darting all over his face. you’ve never seen him so close before, your eyes desperately drinking in every single detail.

and then your lips are on his.

TAEHYUN — your ‘love does not exist’-roommate.

the relationship between you and taehyun is…an odd one, to say the least. taehyun hasn’t been in a relationship in years, his last one leaving him drained and bitter for way too long after it broke apart. thus, he decided to put the idea of love and relationships on the back burner, focusing on his friends, interests and career.

you on the other hand had been dating continuously throughout the years, much to taehyun’s dismay — not because he’s in love with you or anything, but rather because he hated coming home to you and your darling boo making out all the time.

funnily enough, while you did actively date, it never really amounted to much. nothing ever seemed to work out and you started to believe that taehyun’s anti-romantic attitude had begun to rub off on you.

you’ve been on somewhat of a dating break for a while now, and taehyun and you began to fall into a certain routine.

grocery shopping together on saturdays, always stopping by the little food stall of that sweet old lady a few blocks away from your apartment. taehyun bringing home dinner on wednesdays, you preparing lunch for him on tuesdays. him always making sure your snacks are stocked up, and you helping him colour his roots every few weeks. taehyun playing with your hair to make you sleepy when you can’t seem to fall asleep, you sleeping in his bed cuddled up with him when he spent all day frustrated and finally broke down crying.

occasional forehead or cheek kisses too, but you’re just friends and roomies. with a routine.

a completely platonic, super-appropriate-for-roommates routine.

you’re cuddled up into taehyun’s side, like you are most nights, eyes focused on the drama playing in front of you. his hand was wrapped around your waist, fingers subconsciously tapping against you in an odd rhythm.

taehyun groans when the male lead confesses his love in the most cliché way, running after the main character in the rain, screaming her name and falling to his knees for her. the annoyance radiating off him makes you chuckle, lifting your head from his shoulder to look at him.

you had a witty joke at the tip of your tongue, but you’re caught off guard by how incredibly lovely he looks right now. the lights from the tv hitting his face in the best possible way, his eyes reflecting the light so prettily, his lips looking incredibly kissable.

what?

snapping out of your daze you blink at taehyun, who’s staring at you with furrowed brows and confusion painted all over his face. “you okay?” he asks and you’re suddenly hyperaware of his eyes on you, the way he’s observing you so closely suddenly making you nervous.

you, nervous? around taehyun?

you nod at him, halfhearted smile on your face and turn back to the tv, mind racing. you’re so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t realise taehyun had paused the drama, realisation hitting you a few minutes to late, ears turning red in embarrassment.

the weight of taehyun’s stare can be felt without looking at him, though you don’t seem to have much of a choice when he turns your head with his hand, making you face him.

he’s so pretty.

one minute the two of you are staring at each other, the tension around you rising and the next your back is pressed into the pillows, taehyun leaning over you and his lips on yours.

it makes your insides twist and tingle in a way you haven’t felt before, ears ringing and hands itching to pull him closer.

before you have the chance to, however, his lips left yours just as quickly as they had found them. taehyun’s eyes are blown wide, and he swallows nervously.

he scrambles off of you, creating as much distance as possible between you, “i didn’t mean to— we shouldn’t—“ and he just shakes his head and rushes into his room, locking his door behind him for the first time since living with you.

completely normal roommates.

HUENING KAI — your best friend.

it’s weird having all your friends insist you’re in love with your best friend, always commenting on how the two of you are attached at the hip, how people stopped hitting on both of you because even strangers can pick up on the chemistry between you.

it’s weird having all your friends insist you’re in love with your best friend, especially when they’re right.

most people probably wouldn’t understand, much less your friends, if you were to try to explain why you and kai aren’t dating. you’re both in love with each other, that much is clear even to you.

you’re just both scared. the two of you have an incredible friendship, one you’re sure only exists once in a lifetime. you know everything about each other, you’re at each other’s beck and call, you always have each other’s back no matter the circumstances.

you’d just be jeopardising everything if you were to date.

couples fight. couples argue and yell and say things in the heat of the moment they don’t mean, causing unnecessary heart ache and tears. what if you break up? there is no way you could go back to being friends.

worrying about losing a lifelong friendship over a potential break up in a hypothetical reality where you and kai are dating seems dramatic — which it is — but it’s a valid fear you two share nonetheless.

so you’re just friends. best friends. forever.

every year you give the other a ‘wishing ticket’ for their birthday. one wish, to do whatever the other wants without complaining. that’s how you got him to tag along to the 12 hour ghibli movie marathon at the theatre, and it’s what he used to get you to sign up for an amateur e-sports competition with him.

you ranked 7th out of 10. kai saw this as a win.

“and what did you get your dear boyfriend?” yeonjun jokes, mischief glimmering in his eyes as he plops down next to you on the sofa. you needed a moment to wind down, watching kai joke and play some game with his friends from afar.

rolling your eyes you scoff at yeonjun, “none of your business, jun.” yeonjun faux pouts at you, throwing his arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer to him, “come on, tell me! i won’t tell the birthdayboyfriend, pinky promise.”

you shrug him off you, “i’m giving it to him later when we’re alone so it doesn’t matter.” the man’s eyes widen in surprise, a grin soon taking over his features, “ooooh, that kind of present—“

just when you’re about to hit yeonjun’s shoulder for even insinuating something like that, your attention is ripped away by the birthday boy himself, “y/n! can you come with me for a second?”

you’re in his room while the party for him is still alive and bustling outside, the music and chatter providing a nice white noise. kai searches for something in his pocket, pulling out the wishing ticket and shoving it in your hands.

“already? what, have you been plan—“

“i want a kiss.”

you stare at him, shock and surprise evident on your face while your heart is beating in your throat — out of surprise or excitement you don’t know.

“w-what? you have to be joki—“ he suddenly grips your shoulders and you’ve never seen this amount of determination in his eyes.

“i’m serious. i want a kiss for my birthday. that’s all it is. just…a measly kiss. nothing more,” he sounded so confident, like he had been thinking about this for ages, and it makes you dizzy.

is this really happening?

you swallow, nodding silently. his hands leave your shoulders to cup your face instead, and when you’re close enough to feel his warm breath fan your skin he takes a moment to just drink in the visual of you standing like this in front of him, about to let him kiss you.

he has to engrave it into his brain, because he doesn’t think he will get this chance again.

you’re best friends.

when his lips finally meet yours it feels like being hit by lightening; it’s warm and comforting and feels so, so right.

he pulls away too early for your taste, his eyes dropping back down to your lips and you’re sure he’s going to give you another one.

but he doesn’t.

instead he clears his throat, wipes his sweaty hands on his pants, “uhm..see? just a kiss. nothing..more.”

you nod at him, and you’re sure the disappointment is clear all over your face, because you can see the same conflicted look on his face.

“happy birthday. hyuka.”