I Still Don't Know And Understand I Never Will,why Did You To That To Me? Infact How Could You?

I still don't know and understand I never will,why did you to that to me? Infact how could you?

You know it's bad when you fear even writing about it,leave alone talking

I know love exists because I'm full of it,and I hold it

Sometimes I feel so miserable in my own company,maybe helpless too

Most of the times I love being with myself,alone,I like being alone,it brings me solitude and peace

I think I like being alone but not feeling lonely

And I've felt like that almost like a pattern repeating every few years for a period of time,and every time I think that this must be the worst but it gets worse

What do you call it when no one's waiting for you at meals, loneliness or freedom?

Sometimes I don't know who I am,I think I don't know myself at all,I don't even know how I love,is it fierce and deep or just superficial,what if I actually don't know myself at all,how should I discover myself,I mean it when I say I love myself and I'm selfish for myself,but why do I cry and feel so pathetic when someone decides to walk out of my life randomly

And why is it such that,you only care about people who don't care about you,and you only choose people who would never choose you

Why do I feel a certain sense of apathy towards people who would do anything to keep me,but all gaga over someone in who's life my presence added little to no value

These are random thoughts I'm writing out,none in chronological order or none of which will make sense

I hope nobody ever discovers that I own this Tumblr page,oh what a fawning moment

Some people are real

Some people are good

Some people are fake

And some people are really good at being fake