Ashes

✨ashes✨

yoongi and jimin, were a couple like no other, pretty unusual, but so much love irradiated from them. sadly, their love couldn’t handle the rough patch that it has been going through for quite a while, so they decided to break things off. maybe just one of them did.

yoongi lately has had flashbacks on how it felt like being next to him.

it felt like every morning was, well, a sunday morning, lazily playing underneath the sheets and stealing kisses to say the least, yoongi enjoyed that just laying, doing nothing with his boyfriend.

yoongi had a very weird personality, really quiet, cold, and a gaze that could kill, but for the ones he loved, he was warm, calmed a pretty chill and cool dude, he just wasn’t ready to show his real self to the world. one of the things that he loved the most was his music, oh his music, hurtful and pretty melodies were filled in his songs, his words could cut you like a knife. 

yoongi was the one with a few words to say but action that would speak louder than words. he loved helping people that were close to his heart. yet still he was scared to give all of himself to others. he didn’t want to get hurt, he didn’t want to hurt others, he didn’t like the idea of depending on someone else or someone else depending on him. his lyrics, the words  he wrote, you could see the reflection of this part of him on them, and it can break your heart.

jimin on the other hand, he was well quite adventurous he had more of an outgoing but still shy personality, he loved to spread love and be positive. he too loved to socialize, he enjoyed hanging with his friends, and keep them very close so he doesn’t feel that lonely.&nbsp, always dragging yoongi out of bed just to go and have some fun with him and some of their friends, or were they really friends.

jimin was the one who supported everyone, he just gave himself to people expecting nothing in return. that somehow makes him hurt quite a lot but he just won’t accept it and keep doing it. he loved writing, quite like yoongi loved the world of literature to express his emotions and maybe not bother others with them. he has a journal a pretty dark one where he writes his worst fears, guilty desires and the feelings he keeps bottled up ones that he’s not quite ready to let go. all his wrong doings, darkest secrets lay there on a piece of paper and he really wants to hold them as longs he can and never let go.

when jimin and yoongi collided and become one, it started a fire.

yoongi always said that their love can be compared to a rose being burned to ashes, pretty but disastrous. it just bloomed very pretty and then it just went downhill for them. their love can’t be compared to others, their love is unique.

a letter to park jimin;

 my star forever and always

throughout my entire journey with you i felt fuller. every day i fall more and more in love with you. you’re one of the reasons i wake up every morning even when i don’t have the strength to. you shake my heart every time i think of you, in a way that no other human has ever let me feel. you are the love i always wanted to feel for someone. you are my sunshine, you are my darkest nights, and my happiest and saddest moments in life.

at first i haven’t noticed the way you made me feel, at first i didn’t realize the way you inspired me to become a much better and hardworking person. with you in my life i’ve learnt that it’s okay to have insecurities, even though sometimes we don’t know how to deal with them, you’re everything and more to me. i feel like even though i don’t know you, even though you don’t know me, i fell for you and the whole self you show to the world.

maybe i don’t know every part of you. i wish i could. but having you as you are is enough for me. watching you smile, laugh, cry, get frustrated is enough for me. you are enough for me. and by far you are one of the best person i’ve never got the chance to meet.

on my darkest days. i listen to you, i listen to your sweet caring voice, the melodies you breathe out and your laugh. on my sleepless nights, i close my eyes and listen to your voice, i fall onto a deep trance and feel intoxicated by you, and it lets me find some peace. i thank you for that. your existence is the reason im happy, you’re the reason that im not scared of love, because i love you. 

️let go 

letting go might be one of the hardest part in the break off of a relationship. spending so much time with that one person can make you feel comfortable and not lonely, once the relationship is done it hurts to know that the one that you love won’t keep on being next to you. 

it’s hard to accept that you’re probably going to live sleepless nights, feel empty bed sheets, and miss those morning kisses you loved so much. not feeling in companion even when you’re alone, it’s probably the worst of all.

-

from the outside yoongi’s way of letting go was kind of off. considering that whatever he was doing, was one of the reasons that him and jimin broke things off. 

he still drunk a lot, he was shit faced most of the time, oh well, that was when he was spending his time alone. around others he seemed pretty chill and collected without a worry on his mind, he looked as if he totally got over jimin, and once jimin saw his character being this way it broke him, more than he was before. 

-

nights with friends, new found lovers and multiple none meaningful  kisses and touches. he was the one now doing it. he was the one giving himself to the lust and pleasure but then again feeling pain and shame for himself. he couldn’t seem to find a route anymore. 

his mind would barely travel through the memories of his old lover, he barely wondered how he was doing, he only thought about his feelings. absorbed by the loud and painful knifes that would hold those memories, he was scared to forget but even more to regret the decision he made.

-

most of the times he wouldn’t dare spend his time alone. he was scared of what loneliness could bring. he spent time with friends, friends that jimin thought were his friends too since he has developed a relationship with them for much longer than yoongi, but then realizing he was wrong, the friends jimin thought were his, only left him to abandon him for yoongi taking yoongi’s side and forgetting all about jimin.

yoongi somehow, never cared for that, he really was an egoist, he really only cared for himself at that point, he somehow just forgot that his old lover was a person, and acted like he was not allowed to feel any pain. yoongi acted like he was the victim, and whatever he did and hurted his old partner had it coming considering he made him feel worst in retrospect. since yoongi learned from the miss information of his friends that for them probably jimin had all the fault. and it consumed him, it consumes jimin. til the point that jimin was so hurt, that he wouldn’t dare speak to yoongi ever again.

you like your little baby like you like your drinks, cool 💦

do you remember summer ‘09?

✨fire✨

being in love, is way harder than what people make it seem is.

loving, is developing yourself with someone by your side, depending not merely but gradually in someone else. sharing your deepest and darkest secrets, giving your truthful happiness and your saddest moments to someone or something. getting to know someone deeply is hard, and showing your obscure self is indeed harder.

still we keep on dreaming that the perfect love is yet to come.

true perfect love, ah. that’s something we all should know doesn’t exist, not in its purest form not in its demonic way. we love, we act in love, and yet still we don’t belong.

-

yoongi, he knew love wasn’t something he could just snap out of his heart, he knew he couldn’t just throw himself to love someone without fear, without knowing. well, that’s exactly what he did, when he met him.

jimin, he didn’t know to which extent he could love, he was naive, fresh out of a relationship hoping he could feel loved once again. believing that loving someone was a pure form of affection. and when he found him, he might have lost a little hope.

-

fuck ton of shit happened in the while they’ve been together, arguments, fights, smiles, laughs. but all that couldn’t get them ready for what had been coming.

cheating, drinking, “friends”, parties and parties. maybe it was just toxic that they kept going but they thought their bond was stronger than infidelity, harsh and disrespectful words, people meddling in and the constant substance abuse. love was blinding them so bad, that they couldn’t realize that love wasn’t the way they were feeling anymore.

pure hatred, pity, pettiness, lust, pleasure.

the best way to describe what those two lovers were feeling.

-

while everything kept being as toxic as it was, they just thought of one way to amend things and make everything better. hiding themselves in the bedroom, constantly, kissing, touching, lack of meaningful words were spilled throughout this time. thinking that maybe just maybe every single action could actually fix whatever the situation was.

neither of them could talk about the urging fire that was going under their roof, they wanted out, but didn’t know how to get out without getting hurt or hurting the other.

-

if you ever wondered who was the one at fault, well, both of them were.

· jimin cheated multiple times, brought friends to their house, in more than one occasion them turning out to be more than just a buddy.

· yoongi was drunk out of his mind and zone most of the time, meanwhile spewing venom to jimin. but he was just too in love to let go.

yoongi didnt care about the hurt and the pain that jimin brought to him, he loved him deeply and truly, he tried to look pass the cheating, the lust he felt for others. he couldn’t just let go of someone who knew his whole deep self. he confided in jimin, he told him things that no one ever knew about him, he felt so broken that the person he loved the most could make him feel so worthless and useless.

jimin, a whole new story and a broken one, the confused one out of the two. he felt empty inside out, never in his entire life he felt comfort in others, and now that the situation got even worst he felt better, he felt fuller when he was with another one that wasn’t his lover. yoongi maybe never realized that the words he threw at him hurt so much, it hurt to the point that he couldn’t believe that the one talking was claiming that he loved him. and he could just never forget.

-

leaving your old empty house is never easy, and for the two it wasn’t much easier either.

it all ended, with a simple goodbye, the house was burnt to ashes and the fire was still in both of their homes.

they were tired, that to say the least, none of them could keep going at the rhythm they were going. they were yelling, crying, hurting, they were hurting so bad.

one simple sentence can set their world on fire once again.

the fight was intense, flying objects were all over the place, on the air on the ground, setting everything on the table was just one hell of an idea, but a much needed one. they cried so much. they loved harder than ever before. but they knew there was a time to let go.

yoongi spoke this word to jimin before the exile of their love “i love you, i do. as much as i don’t want to love you, as much as everything in my heart tells me not to love you, i do” he said not being able to look at him in the eyes, holding onto his tears, turning to face the wall, grabbing the concrete just so he doesn’t fall.

jimin then went ahead and answered “every cell in my body tells me not to love. but it seems like my brain can’t find a reason for me not to but at the same times my heart tells me that is time to let go, but i don’t think so, not yet please listen to the beating of my soul and not the stupid words i’m saying. please don’t let us dry. i love you, and i love you so much more than i did before, and it hurts, im hurting and i know you hurt to.” jimin said with a tear rolling down his cheek. feeling unpowered by love itself, so broken.

to which yoongi answered with his heart on his hands “i do think is time to let go. i can’t deal with the pain anymore we just destroy each other”. letting go of his tears.

jimin succumbing to the pain and the hurt said “goodbye then, i guess” opening the door, and leaving to never come back, with his heart on the hand and tears streaming down his face.