It's Been A Week... Since I Started Johnnytober. Normally I Wouldn't Be Saying How Many Days Have Passed

It's been a week... Since I started Johnnytober. Normally I wouldn't be saying how many days have passed but with the fact I without YouTube it's worth it because I don't have much to do.

I mean, god I do have a lot I can do but I simply... Hate myself. There's no other words. When I stuck in place all I can think is ending it all.

Fucking hell, I going to have to block certain tags on my tumblr because I see "men don't interact" about how much men are vile creatures and I think "well there's a way to resolve at least one of this issues and it's with a bullet to my head." Jesus, is not even funny anymore.

I'm volatile it seems, probably because of the depression Im carrying. I hate this bloodsucker, draining me even if I literally just breathing.

I don't know what to do. I not actually having "problems" my life is good! I mean, as better as it can be. My parents are wonderful people to me (even if they are kinda homophobic, didn't tell them the spy I am lol) I spent my day "relaxed" but still feel like I want to disappear.

I want to scream, pull my hair out, beat my head in the wall until I go unconscious. I not brave or stupid to do it, and sincerely wish I was.

I telling you all this because, well I can't say it at real life. Only thing people can give me are sweet words that don't mean anything.

...

Well, I guess that's all. Trauma dumping on social media, let's go... Eh...

Johnnytober is certainly helping me, even if it's kinda word vomiting. I don't care if it doesn't get many hearts or reblogs. I know how to get them, it's a social game where you play what everyone wants to see.

I want to write what I want to see. It's egotistical? Extremely. But fuck it, I don't care. That's what I taking this, or what's to understand. I going to continue to scream, make art by cutting my heart and letting it all here.

Thank you for the people who see what I do and interact. Thank you to the mutuals I have. Thank you.

Tags

johnny is yapping trauma dump tw: sucidal thoughts johnnytober i never know how to use tags and i guess in the end it doesn't matter nothing really matters Anyone can see nothing really matters... to me god i love Bohemia Rhapsody-